Need advice criticism

GMAN35

Cadet
Love science fiction since watching the original Star Trek. It only took me 30 years to write my first book. The scenario takes place in the future where America has been turned into a dictatorship after being nuked by Iran. If this is not bad enough a military retiree finds a crashed space ship and that the Earth is going to be invaded. Rather than trust the dictatorship with the advanced technology, he assembles an army of retirees.
Here is the link on AMAZON please feel free to read the samples and let me know what you think please. http://www.amazon.com/Gray-Panthers-Battle-David-Guenther-ebook/dp/B00RF4ZHHA
Thanks,
gman
 
I didn't see you mention anything about America being "nuked" by Iran in your Amazon blurb. I think that's kind of important. Because of the current political tension that alone may draw some readers. Blurb could use a few more details about the story line. I like your second and third sentences here more than your online blurb. Not bad to start with mention main character first but ......... Online you mention the hero was an NCO. Good to put personal details about main character.......... but don't forget to make the over all picture clear. SOMETIMES YOU FOCUS ON THE FOREST AND DON'T SEE THE TREES
SOMETIMES YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE TREE AND DON'T MAKE CLEAR IT'S IN THE FOREST, NOT IN SOMEONE'S BACK YARD.

I'm sixty-eight years old and wrote MY first novel ever, so I can relate. I would appreciate any feedback on mine.

P.S. Your book cover image doesn't fit in a rectangle. I kind of like it, but I'm sure others will advise filling in the background somehow.

SPECIES SURVIVAL by

KEN HOLLAR


They sustain a tide of kindness in an unkind world without making waves that would attract the men and “dogs” hunting them. Novel (no pun intended) characters called peripheroids may hold the key to mankind’s survival.


Now 2.99 USD on KDP SELECT.


Amazon.com: SPECIES SURVIVAL eBook: Hollar, Ken, Applegate, Amy: Kindle Store


FREE for download 04/06/2015-04/10/2015


Look for it!


Amazon.com: SPECIES SURVIVAL eBook: Hollar, Ken, Applegate, Amy: Kindle Store
 
I am in the process of both a re-edit and getting a professional artist to do the cover for the book. I got a case of buck fever and really jumped the gun. Thanks for your advice.
Dave
 
I may have jumped the gun too. I did it all myself and think maybe the formatting isn't perfect. Better to take your time. I didn't take my own advice . I guess that's why doctors never self medicate. It's not really a good idea.
 
Or lawyers represent themseves. Here is the description that will appear for the book on the re-edit:

The year is 2126 it has been 30 years since Iran nuked Washington DC. America has traded security for liberty following the attack with the suspension of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. The Constitution is not even taught in school any more, in this environment Dan “D2” Daniels a retired Army NCO of the old breed sworn to protect the constitution finds a crashed space ship and learns at the same time Earth will soon be invaded. Using the technology from the space ship, Dan forms an army of fellow senior veterans with two missions. First to revive their republic they had sworn their allegiance to and their second mission to save that Republic, and the world with it. Their first foray includes converting the CVN 80, USS Enterprise, a rusting air craft carrier, from a rusted heap waiting to be scrapped, into the first ship of the new space fleet of the Gray Panthers.
 
Period after date. Capitalize I . Period after "more." Capitalize next I. Probably don't need comma after "ship." Sentence starting with "First" needs revision. In general flow is better. Read sentences with commas aloud to yourself with or with the commas to see which " sound" better to you. You should hear that putting a comma after scrap for a pause just doesn't sound right. Taking out commas before and after " U.S. S. E_____" might make it sound better. What do you think?
 
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