Disclaimer:
I don’t own ALIAS. I’m not trying to make money, or breaching Copyright or anything else that I could be accused of, so please don’t sue me.
A/N: I have no idea where I came up with this but I think it’s because I think I’ve read a fic sort of like this a year ago but I don’t remember if it was here at allies or up at fanfiction.net. Anyway, if you’re reading this and you’re going, “Hey wait, is this pladgerism??” It’s not so please don’t think I’m stealing your idea… hell I don’t even know if the fic I read was just a figment of my imagination or if it does exist. Please review this! xoxo Bubbles
Oh, and tissue warning (at least it was for me when I read it but I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to Syd and Vaughn so it might not be for you but I hope you feel moved by this fic!)
Never Forget You
Sydney sat in her car and stared once more at the crumpled picture that she hadn’t let go off since the morning. It was of Vaughn and she knew she wasn’t supposed to have it but when he died, she had to have something of him so she had gone into his file and stolen one of the many pictures in it. She kept looking at it and tears filled her eyes and one fell down her cheek. He had been the most amazing man she had ever met. Why did he have to die? Why? It was on a mission to Paraguay exactly a year ago that he had been caught by surprise by a guard and been shot… the medics hadn’t been able to do anything about it and ever since then Sydney’s heart had been broken and only Vaughn could fill that whole in her.
She had called in sick to SD-6 that morning because she just wasn’t ready to face the world today. It was perhaps the first day off she’d taken since he had died and there had barely been any time to mourn his death and she couldn’t talk to anyone; not Will or Francie without telling her how and where she met him, and it wasn’t like her father was going to start understanding her soon. So she had basically thrown herself into her work and forced herself to not think about him at all, except at night when she couldn’t help it and she would lie there in bed, crying.
But today; exactly one year ago he had died and Sydney couldn’t ignore that. So here she was, in her car outside the cemetery and staring at a faded picture of her greatest love. She looked out the window and saw that it was lightly raining. It fitted the day. It was as if the world should stop for the whole day to remember this man who had to be one of the most, if not the most wonderful and caring man ever to set foot on land, and rain was a good start.
She looked at her watch and knew that she should get out of the car but she didn’t want to. Still, she forced herself to get out, the picture still in her hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. Once outside, she was immediately overcome by a sense of intrusion, almost as if she shouldn’t be here, and why not? This was where people had been buried and they were all resting here and it was pretty much intruding. A soft wind swept over the grass and reached her, causing her to wrap her jacket around herself more tightly but she still didn’t move. She didn’t know what she was so scared of, but she still didn’t want to go. She took a deep breath and stepped forward, and through the entrance to the cemetery. She was treading softly and carefully, almost as if she didn’t want to disturb the sleeping spirits that surrounded her. She walked forward and reached Vaughn’s grave and sat down next to it after looking around to make sure she wasn’t sitting on a grave.
She was looking down at her hands, but she forced herself to raise her head to look at the grave and tears started running down her cheeks as she looked at Vaughn’s grave. This was the man she loved so deeply, resting here and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his grave, but she finally did and picked up her flowers and laid them gently down, next to the gravestone and she ran her shaking fingers along the lettering engraved on the stone: Michael Christopher Vaughn. Everyone CIA agent who died was given a formal funeral but Sydney along with the help of Weiss, had made sure that it would be a funeral that was like any other funeral. Of course it was said that Vaughn had died for his country and died a hero, but it didn’t have the formal touch to it because Sydney had not allowed it. It had been literally the worst day of her life and she was sure that she had not stopped crying from beginning to end of it. She remembered going home that night, completely damaged and broken and Will and Francie being the great friends they were, had to notice not matter how hard she tried to hide it and she couldn’t tell them that her life had torn into two and she would never be able to get the other half back. Looking at the ground, Sydney was dismayed to see that there were weeds growing around the stone. Didn’t anyone come here? She knew that his mother must, but apart from that, who else in the world did he have? Weiss could barely tie his own shoelaces, let alone take care of his best friend’s grave. Was Vaughn going to stay like this forever, lonely? With no one to look after him? These thoughts were too much for her and she started to cry. It wasn’t fair. He had been so young, why did he have to die? She started to whisper out aloud.
“Hey… it’s me,” she took a shaky breath. “Sydney. I… you… Oh God, I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave me? I haven’t forgotten you… I never could and I never will. Y-you were the most amazing man anyone could ever meet, the most caring, sensitive man… and I miss you so much it hurts. You were always there for me whenever I needed it but how come you had to die? I wasn’t there for you to help you. I know I could have prevented that bullet, I know I could and how fair is that? I wasn’t there for you and I’m so sorry… I really am.”
“But it’s too late now, nothing can be done and… it’s hard… with you not here. It’s hard. And the worst thing is everyone just seems like they’ve forgotten you. And I don’t understand it. How could anyone forget you? I know I never can but… it’s going to be hard.”
“Oh God, I never told you how much you meant to me. Did you ever know? Did you ever know that everyday I only woke up because I knew that I was going to meet you, even if I wasn’t allowed to look at you properly? Did you know that you got me out every struggle I went through? Did you know the depth of my love for you? I would die for you Vaughn, anything, I would do anything for you. How can I ever tell you that? It’s too late now and only if you were alive then I could tell you everything, but you’re not…” she bit her lip and tried unsuccessfully to stop crying. “And that’s the worst thing. I can never got the chance to tell you how much you mean to me, how big a part of my life you, hell you were my life and… I love you Vaughn, I really do. And I can never tell you that and I really want to be able to see you again, just once more, I want you arms around me again, telling me everything will be okay, I want you so much and I need you Vaughn, I do. I need you here with me, living each day next to me. I know we never actually got together but if you were here would things be different? Would SD-6 be gone? Would we be able to go out? Would I ever get to kiss you?” She covered her hand with her mouth. “Vaughn, god I would give anything for you to here, anything. you have no idea how much I need you. What can I do to get you back? If only you were back, I’d finally tell you how much I love you and I’d never let you out of my sight again. I miss you and I love you. I love you so much Michael and please come back to me… please?” She started crying even harder. It had finally hit her, and it had taken her a full year to realise that she was never going to see him again. Never be able to talk to him, joke with him. Never be able to ask for his comfort again, never be able to admire his eyes, never to feel his arms around her again and his voice in her ear, telling her that everything would be all right, never do anything with him, to him or for him. He was never coming back and the whole in Sydney just grew bigger and bigger until she was left with a big emptiness inside of her that had more hurt than anyone could ever imagine.
“I’m begging you. I don’t care what it takes, I need you and it’s impossible to live without you. Why did you leave? Nothing was wrong in your life, you know that. So why did you go? Why? Come back to me, please. If you ever need protection again from a bullet or anything, I’ll be there.” Her voice was barely a whisper now. “Just come back. Come back Michael, come back.”
She was crying so hard now that it was pretty much impossible to breathe or even talk so she just sat there crying her heart out and let it all out. All the pain, all the hurt she had felt in the past year, she let it all out. Before she knew it, she was screaming out aloud.
“Vaughn, come back!! Please! Don’t leave me here by myself!! Just come back to me.” Her head was hanging down and she heard someone running behind up to her behind her.
“Syd? Whoa, Syd, are you okay?” She turned around and saw that it was Weiss and she threw her arms around him and started sobbing again.
“I miss him, Weiss. I miss him so much. Why did he have to go?” She stayed there crying in his arms before he pulled gently away from her.
“Syd?”
“I miss him. Why did he die? And I love him so much and he’ll never know that. I can’t live without him.” It was true. He was her life, at least half of her life; she lived for Vaughn and now that he had gone, was there any point in living? Weiss’s eyes widened.
“No, no, no, Syd. You can. You can. Hey, we all miss him but would he want us to die just because we don’t want to live anymore? If he’s up there and he’s listening, he’s telling you to stop being an idiot. Wouldn’t he want you to just live a happy life? To marry and die happy? That’s what he would have wanted for you and if you love him as much as you do, don’t you want to fulfil his wishes for you?”
“It’ll at least let me be up there with him. Maybe I could see him again.” She would do anything just to see him again. If only she did, she would savour that moment so much and tell him everything she had ever wanted to tell him.
“Syd.” He looked deep in her eyes. “Promise me you’ll never do anything like that.” She nodded. It was stupid, but she couldn’t think properly anymore and she was desperate.
“I promise. I know it’s stupid but I miss him so much and…” She let her sentence hang and broke down in sobs again in his arms.
“It’s going to be okay. I know it hurts, everyone is hurting, but one day it won’t hurt so much, I promise.”
She felt better after he made that promise but she knew that it was never going to happen. Michael Christopher Vaughn was just too important for her to make her ever stop hurting.
Some wounds can heal but some can’t. And Sydney knew that this was a deep, angry wound that would never heal, no matter how much she wanted it to.
Fin
A/N: Well, I hope that moved you in some way or the other and please let me know what you thought of it!
I don’t own ALIAS. I’m not trying to make money, or breaching Copyright or anything else that I could be accused of, so please don’t sue me.
A/N: I have no idea where I came up with this but I think it’s because I think I’ve read a fic sort of like this a year ago but I don’t remember if it was here at allies or up at fanfiction.net. Anyway, if you’re reading this and you’re going, “Hey wait, is this pladgerism??” It’s not so please don’t think I’m stealing your idea… hell I don’t even know if the fic I read was just a figment of my imagination or if it does exist. Please review this! xoxo Bubbles
Oh, and tissue warning (at least it was for me when I read it but I’m a hopeless romantic when it comes to Syd and Vaughn so it might not be for you but I hope you feel moved by this fic!)
Never Forget You
Sydney sat in her car and stared once more at the crumpled picture that she hadn’t let go off since the morning. It was of Vaughn and she knew she wasn’t supposed to have it but when he died, she had to have something of him so she had gone into his file and stolen one of the many pictures in it. She kept looking at it and tears filled her eyes and one fell down her cheek. He had been the most amazing man she had ever met. Why did he have to die? Why? It was on a mission to Paraguay exactly a year ago that he had been caught by surprise by a guard and been shot… the medics hadn’t been able to do anything about it and ever since then Sydney’s heart had been broken and only Vaughn could fill that whole in her.
She had called in sick to SD-6 that morning because she just wasn’t ready to face the world today. It was perhaps the first day off she’d taken since he had died and there had barely been any time to mourn his death and she couldn’t talk to anyone; not Will or Francie without telling her how and where she met him, and it wasn’t like her father was going to start understanding her soon. So she had basically thrown herself into her work and forced herself to not think about him at all, except at night when she couldn’t help it and she would lie there in bed, crying.
But today; exactly one year ago he had died and Sydney couldn’t ignore that. So here she was, in her car outside the cemetery and staring at a faded picture of her greatest love. She looked out the window and saw that it was lightly raining. It fitted the day. It was as if the world should stop for the whole day to remember this man who had to be one of the most, if not the most wonderful and caring man ever to set foot on land, and rain was a good start.
She looked at her watch and knew that she should get out of the car but she didn’t want to. Still, she forced herself to get out, the picture still in her hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. Once outside, she was immediately overcome by a sense of intrusion, almost as if she shouldn’t be here, and why not? This was where people had been buried and they were all resting here and it was pretty much intruding. A soft wind swept over the grass and reached her, causing her to wrap her jacket around herself more tightly but she still didn’t move. She didn’t know what she was so scared of, but she still didn’t want to go. She took a deep breath and stepped forward, and through the entrance to the cemetery. She was treading softly and carefully, almost as if she didn’t want to disturb the sleeping spirits that surrounded her. She walked forward and reached Vaughn’s grave and sat down next to it after looking around to make sure she wasn’t sitting on a grave.
She was looking down at her hands, but she forced herself to raise her head to look at the grave and tears started running down her cheeks as she looked at Vaughn’s grave. This was the man she loved so deeply, resting here and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his grave, but she finally did and picked up her flowers and laid them gently down, next to the gravestone and she ran her shaking fingers along the lettering engraved on the stone: Michael Christopher Vaughn. Everyone CIA agent who died was given a formal funeral but Sydney along with the help of Weiss, had made sure that it would be a funeral that was like any other funeral. Of course it was said that Vaughn had died for his country and died a hero, but it didn’t have the formal touch to it because Sydney had not allowed it. It had been literally the worst day of her life and she was sure that she had not stopped crying from beginning to end of it. She remembered going home that night, completely damaged and broken and Will and Francie being the great friends they were, had to notice not matter how hard she tried to hide it and she couldn’t tell them that her life had torn into two and she would never be able to get the other half back. Looking at the ground, Sydney was dismayed to see that there were weeds growing around the stone. Didn’t anyone come here? She knew that his mother must, but apart from that, who else in the world did he have? Weiss could barely tie his own shoelaces, let alone take care of his best friend’s grave. Was Vaughn going to stay like this forever, lonely? With no one to look after him? These thoughts were too much for her and she started to cry. It wasn’t fair. He had been so young, why did he have to die? She started to whisper out aloud.
“Hey… it’s me,” she took a shaky breath. “Sydney. I… you… Oh God, I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave me? I haven’t forgotten you… I never could and I never will. Y-you were the most amazing man anyone could ever meet, the most caring, sensitive man… and I miss you so much it hurts. You were always there for me whenever I needed it but how come you had to die? I wasn’t there for you to help you. I know I could have prevented that bullet, I know I could and how fair is that? I wasn’t there for you and I’m so sorry… I really am.”
“But it’s too late now, nothing can be done and… it’s hard… with you not here. It’s hard. And the worst thing is everyone just seems like they’ve forgotten you. And I don’t understand it. How could anyone forget you? I know I never can but… it’s going to be hard.”
“Oh God, I never told you how much you meant to me. Did you ever know? Did you ever know that everyday I only woke up because I knew that I was going to meet you, even if I wasn’t allowed to look at you properly? Did you know that you got me out every struggle I went through? Did you know the depth of my love for you? I would die for you Vaughn, anything, I would do anything for you. How can I ever tell you that? It’s too late now and only if you were alive then I could tell you everything, but you’re not…” she bit her lip and tried unsuccessfully to stop crying. “And that’s the worst thing. I can never got the chance to tell you how much you mean to me, how big a part of my life you, hell you were my life and… I love you Vaughn, I really do. And I can never tell you that and I really want to be able to see you again, just once more, I want you arms around me again, telling me everything will be okay, I want you so much and I need you Vaughn, I do. I need you here with me, living each day next to me. I know we never actually got together but if you were here would things be different? Would SD-6 be gone? Would we be able to go out? Would I ever get to kiss you?” She covered her hand with her mouth. “Vaughn, god I would give anything for you to here, anything. you have no idea how much I need you. What can I do to get you back? If only you were back, I’d finally tell you how much I love you and I’d never let you out of my sight again. I miss you and I love you. I love you so much Michael and please come back to me… please?” She started crying even harder. It had finally hit her, and it had taken her a full year to realise that she was never going to see him again. Never be able to talk to him, joke with him. Never be able to ask for his comfort again, never be able to admire his eyes, never to feel his arms around her again and his voice in her ear, telling her that everything would be all right, never do anything with him, to him or for him. He was never coming back and the whole in Sydney just grew bigger and bigger until she was left with a big emptiness inside of her that had more hurt than anyone could ever imagine.
“I’m begging you. I don’t care what it takes, I need you and it’s impossible to live without you. Why did you leave? Nothing was wrong in your life, you know that. So why did you go? Why? Come back to me, please. If you ever need protection again from a bullet or anything, I’ll be there.” Her voice was barely a whisper now. “Just come back. Come back Michael, come back.”
She was crying so hard now that it was pretty much impossible to breathe or even talk so she just sat there crying her heart out and let it all out. All the pain, all the hurt she had felt in the past year, she let it all out. Before she knew it, she was screaming out aloud.
“Vaughn, come back!! Please! Don’t leave me here by myself!! Just come back to me.” Her head was hanging down and she heard someone running behind up to her behind her.
“Syd? Whoa, Syd, are you okay?” She turned around and saw that it was Weiss and she threw her arms around him and started sobbing again.
“I miss him, Weiss. I miss him so much. Why did he have to go?” She stayed there crying in his arms before he pulled gently away from her.
“Syd?”
“I miss him. Why did he die? And I love him so much and he’ll never know that. I can’t live without him.” It was true. He was her life, at least half of her life; she lived for Vaughn and now that he had gone, was there any point in living? Weiss’s eyes widened.
“No, no, no, Syd. You can. You can. Hey, we all miss him but would he want us to die just because we don’t want to live anymore? If he’s up there and he’s listening, he’s telling you to stop being an idiot. Wouldn’t he want you to just live a happy life? To marry and die happy? That’s what he would have wanted for you and if you love him as much as you do, don’t you want to fulfil his wishes for you?”
“It’ll at least let me be up there with him. Maybe I could see him again.” She would do anything just to see him again. If only she did, she would savour that moment so much and tell him everything she had ever wanted to tell him.
“Syd.” He looked deep in her eyes. “Promise me you’ll never do anything like that.” She nodded. It was stupid, but she couldn’t think properly anymore and she was desperate.
“I promise. I know it’s stupid but I miss him so much and…” She let her sentence hang and broke down in sobs again in his arms.
“It’s going to be okay. I know it hurts, everyone is hurting, but one day it won’t hurt so much, I promise.”
She felt better after he made that promise but she knew that it was never going to happen. Michael Christopher Vaughn was just too important for her to make her ever stop hurting.
Some wounds can heal but some can’t. And Sydney knew that this was a deep, angry wound that would never heal, no matter how much she wanted it to.
Fin
A/N: Well, I hope that moved you in some way or the other and please let me know what you thought of it!
