Nocturne's Shadows

Thanks :smiley:

Chapter 32

Sydney stood at the barred window of her new room, gazing down at the life outside the Naval Hospital. She was several floors up and had a view of front entrance. At the moment, there was an ambulance pulling up with several nurses and doctors rushing to attend to the victim inside. Sydney could see the blood spilling out of his wounds. It looked like gunshots to his chest and abdomen. She wondered if he would survive. She didn't really have a reason to care, except some part of her humanity inside ached for each life she saw arriving injured at the hospital. Too, it was something to take her mind off her current situation. A view into the lives of someone else, the mortal wounds of someone else. A view into the real world from her little prison above.

"Agent Bristow?" a voice spoke from the door of her room. Sydney turned around to see her doctor. She hadn't seen her for a day. At least, she thought it was a day. Not since she had first met her while she was in that horrible room.

"Hi," Sydney said plainly as she walked over to her bed and sat down. She kept her gaze on the window, her only solace.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Bowen asked with a professional but slightly caring tone.

"Fine."

"You're feeling better then?" The doctor probed.

"I guess."

"When is the last time you heard voices?" She asked intently.

"Last night." Sydney realized at that moment, that she hadn't in fact seen Sark since night time when she was in seclusion. Perhaps he'd come back when it got dark.

"Who did you hear?"

"Sark."

"Who's Sark?"

"The devil." Sydney paused for a moment. "No, I thought he was a demon. Maybe he isn't. I don't know. I killed him though. It was his ghost."

"You seem confused."

"I am."

"What exactly are you confused about?" The psychiatrist asked.

"I saw Nadia's ghost. But Vaughn said she wasn't dead. That makes no sense." Sydney stared out at the window, her eyes perplexed.

"She isn't dead. I saw her for myself yesterday. I'm told a worker rescued her from drowning in the reservoir," Dr. Bowen explained.

"Then why did I see her ghost? It makes no sense." Sydney continued to stare out the window as if it held the answers somewhere in it.

"It was a hallucination, Agent Bristow. It was caused by an imbalance of pineal gland hormones."

"That makes no sense!" Sydney snapped.

"Remember the drug Nocturne, Agent Bristow. It caused an enlargement of your pineal gland that didn't show up until further testing. Dr. Jain found it when he did an MRI."

"No. I was cured of Nocturne," Sydney remarked stubbornly.

"Apparently you weren't," Dr. Bowen stated. "Agent Bristow, I know this is hard and confusing, but you are on medication now to control the psychosis. I think you will find things more clear as the days progress."

"Okay," Sydney said, turning away with disappointment. Nothing made sense and now there was another person who wouldn't believe her.

"Agent Bristow-"

"You don't have to call me that."

"You'd prefer Sydney?"

"It doesn't matter. I am not an agent anymore. I am someone locked in a mental patient's ward being talked to as if she were crazy." Sydney's disgruntled attitude grew.

"I don't think you are crazy, Sydney. And I just want to help you. It would help me if you were more cooperative," Dr. Bowen explained, trying to remain unthreatening.

"I answered all your questions honestly. I am cooperating."

"Alright," She replied. "I appreciate your honesty."

Sydney stared out the window hoping she would just go away.

"Sydney, you're family has been hoping to see you. Now if you don't want to see them, just say so."

"They don't want to see me," Sydney replied with bitterness. Why would they want to see her? They'd locked her up here after accusing her of being insane.

"They do. You're father and Agent Vaughn are very eager to see you."

"I don't want to see them. Its all... very complicated." Sydney paused. "What about Nadia?"

Dr. Bowen was stopped in her tracks. Nadia didn't seem to want to see Sydney. She didn't want to tell her that. But honesty was important.

"Sydney, I don't know whether or not she wants to see you. It may take some time before she wants to. A lot has happened to her-"

"Because of me."

"Because of your psychosis."

"I killed him for a reason."

"Why did you kill Arvin Sloane?"

"Because he was the head of a terrorist organization. He was going to kill everyone I love, the world even, for the sake of his endgame."

"The CIA seems to disagree with that notion."

"They wouldn't believe me! That's why I had to take matters into my own hands!" Sydney said with exacerbation.

"And Nadia? Why did you try and kill her?"

"She was getting in the way. I didn't want to. But I had to save the world and she wouldn't let me."

"You thought the world needed saving? From Arvin Sloane?"

"Yes," Sydney replied with frustration.

"But he was already dead."

"He's never dead! Don't you see. It never ends. None of this ever ends. There is always an Arvin Sloane out there. Some touch of him, someone like him, someone bent on destroying everything I ever loved, everything I've ever worked towards!"

"Sydney, are you getting worked up again?"

"Go away! I don't another injection to dope me up!"

"The medication is intended to help you."

"Please, I just want to go to sleep. Can we be done now?" Sydney pleaded.

"Alright. Get some rest." Dr. Bowen said. Despite Sydney's attitude, she felt they had made good progress. Sydney had given her lots of insight. She was satisfied for now.

As the door shut, Sydney immediately went back to the window. There was another ambulance pulling up. More blood. Doctors and Nurses running to aid her. A women. Her head was bleeding. She was unconscious.

"I don't think she is going to make it." Sydney said plainly to herself.

She stood there for a moment thinking about the women. Suddenly, she grew cold and shivery. She could feel the death. She woman was dying. She knew it.

A single tear formed in her eye as she whispered to herself, "Death..."

Chapter 33

Sydney lay on top of the mess of sheets in her bed when a woman came barging in. It was the nurse from the night before, Olivia. Sydney had grown to dislike her even in the short time she had known her. She wasn't a sweet and friendly nurse. She seemed robotic and forceful. She didn't care. All she wanted to do was get through her shift. Sydney could tell, and she despised it.

"It's time for your medication," Olivia stated.

"I don't want it," Sydney said stubbornly.

"None of that. Here." Olivia handed her a little paper cup with single round pill in it.

"At least tell me what it is,” Sydney asked with skepticism. For all she knew, they could be giving her rat poison to kill her off and be done with her. Perhaps it was all part of a conspiracy. She needed to learn more.

"Olanzapine, 5mg," the nurse said matter of factly.

"What's that?" Sydney asked.

"An antipsychotic."

"I'm not crazy."

"Sydney, if you don't take your medication, you'll go to seclusion."

"I don't get any choice in the matter?"

"This is for your own well-being."

"Fine," Sydney grabbed the cup and tossed the pill into her mouth, then grabbed the other cup with water. Her face was filled with stubborn disappointment for giving in. But she couldn't go back to seclusion. It was too hard in that horrible prison cell. And maybe being a “good” patient would help her learn more about what’s going on. If there is a conspiracy against her or not. And then she couldn’t figure out how to get out of this place.

“Alright, you can go to bed now.”

“What time is it?” Sydney asked curiously.

“10pm.”

“But I’m not tired,” she said in defiance. She felt like a child being told what to do. It was ridiculous, she thought.

“Lights out at 10pm. If you want to sit here and stare at the wall in the dark, fine by me. But lights out,” Olivia stated without sympathy. The nurse then left and turned off the lights as she shut the door behind her. Sydney’s eyes narrowed at her as she left.

Sydney curled up in her warm bed, getting cozy amongst the sheets. She felt fear for this place. For the darkness. For the loneliness. She was alone. When nights came, she much preferred to huddle underneath her sheets, as if she were afraid of the dark, when really, she was just afraid of what came with it.

Sark.

She knew he was coming. She breathed quietly as she listened for him, readying herself for his fierce ghost to appear. As she waited, her eyelids grew heavier and started to sag down over her eyes. She pried them open over and over again, not wanting to be asleep and unprepared for the ghost to appear. Her breathing became deeper and rhythmic and she struggled to stay awake. Soon, her world fell into complete darkness as she slept There was no Sark tonight, only a dreamless heavy sleep.

***

The brightness flooded the room as someone suddenly opened the old yellow curtains. A prison shadow was cast over the room as the sun shone past the bars of the window. Sydney lay huddled underneath her covered as she continued to sleep. The sleepiness the drugs brought hadn’t fully worn off yet.

“Sydney?” A soft voice spoke. Sydney groaned as she turned over under her covers, cuddling up inside them. “Its 8am. Breakfast is here.” Sydney didn’t move. “Sydney, don’t you want breakfast?”

Sydney pushed the covers off her head and squinted into the light as it rushed over her eyes. She sat up slowly and opened her eyes, looking around to see the same room she had been in yesterday. Beside her stood the same nurse who had taken her to her new room yesterday. Sydney looked up at her with groggy eyes.

“Come on,” the nurse spoke encouragingly.

Sydney moaned. “Sleep.”

“Come and get your breakfast,” the nurse said again, keeping her voice sweet and encouraging.

Sydney got out of bed and immediately shuddered as her feet touched the cold floor. She stood there clothed only in her hospital gown, feeling almost naked and vulnerable against the cool and stale hospital air.

“Why don’t you go get some hospital pyjamas and slippers from the linen room. Might make you more comfortable. Come, I’ll show you where it is.”

The nice nurse proceeded to guide Sydney down the hallway towards the room where all the fresh clean linens were stored.

“You can come in here and take what you need when you want. There’s extra blankets. Here’s the pyjamas and over in that drawer are the slippers,” the nurse said handing her a pair of the funny looking blue slippers that looked like they were made of thin papery cloth and elastic. “Just help yourself. There’s a bathroom down the hall with a shower in it. You can get all your toiletries from the nurses station. Don’t hesitate to ask for some help. But first go get some breakfast while its warm.”

Sydney put the slippers on her cold feet and made her way down the hall towards the dining room. Out front, there were two carts full of food trays, each with a piece of paper that listed a name and the contents. Sydney dug through them and soon found one with her name on it. She took it and went to sit down by herself. There were several other people in the dining room, much like yesterday at lunch and dinner. A few of them socialized, but most of them sat alone with their food.

Sydney took the lid off her tray to find some plain toast with some containers of strawberry jam and margarine next to them. There was also some porridge and a packet to brown sugar. Then there was some orange juice, milk and a mug full of coffee next to a container of cream and some packets of sugar. Nothing there looked appetizing but Sydney nonetheless took a few bites of the bland hospital food. Her hunger forced her to eat it all as bad as it tasted.

After breakfast, Sydney grabbed some linens and toiletries where the nurse said they would be and went to the shower. It was the second shower she’d had while she was there. She barely remembered the first time, feeling quite out of it from the medication. There was a nurse watching her the first time. She felt solace now that she was alone in the shower. She drew back the curtain and took off her clothes. As she got under the warm water, she let it pour over herself. It was utterly refreshing.

Suddenly Sydney felt a chill. Her eyes went red and watered with fear. She turned around to see no one. She peeked out the curtain into the rest of the bathroom. She could see no one there either. But still, she felt a frightening sense of cold over her. She could feel him. He was breathing over her. But he wasn’t there. Not visible anyway. But he was there.

“You look so good naked,” his voice whispered. Sydney shuddered as his cold breath took over her.

“Go away,” she cried meekly.

“I can’t. Not when there is such a sight to see. Not when you’re here in front of me giving me exactly what I want, what I deserve.” His voice was an eerie whisper over her ear. But still, she couldn’t see him. She knew, nonetheless, that he was staring at her even from his invisible stance.

“You deserve nothing!” she whispered harshly as she grabbed the towel and covered up away from the stream of water that she never turned off.

“You killed me. You owe me.”

“I don’t!” she quietly shouted, not wanting anyone else to hear from the hallway.

“You’re mine.”

“No,” she shuddered.

Suddenly, she heard the door open to the bathroom. She scattered into the corner of the shower with fear. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest and her breathing turned rapid.

“Who is there?” Sydney asked in a quiet whimper.

“Its me.”
 
Yay thanks for the double update! :smiley:

Oh dear, jsut as she was beginning to make a recovery Sark showed up again :thinking:

I hope she will see Jack, Vaughn and Nadia soon.
 
Thanks :smiley:

Chapter 34

“Who’s you?” Sydney quivered as a girl’s voice answered from the other side of the curtain.

“Meaghan,” the girl answered quietly.

“Where did you come from?” Sydney questioned, her heart still racing.

“I’m a patient here. Just like you.”

“Oh.” Sydney said as she went over and peered through the slit between the curtain and wall. Standing on the other side was a thin scraggly girl with long unwashed brown hair, wearing only a blue hospital gown that covered down to her knees. She looked like she had just entered into adulthood, maybe 18 years. She had the same fear in her eyes that Sydney had.

“I saw you before in the hall,” Sydney said as she recognized the girl from yesterday.

“What’s your name?” Meaghan asked as she watched the eyes peer out at her from behind the curtain.

“Sydney.”

“Hi,” Meaghan said softly. Sydney opened up the shower curtain, a towel covering her up and smiled lightly.

“Hi,” Sydney said in return.

They both stared at each other with sympathy and fear for a moment just before a loud knock came at the door, sending Meaghan scattering over to the corner.

“Meaghan, its time for your medication,” a male voice said from behind the door. Sydney quickly hid behind the curtain. She drew it open just enough to watch what was going on.

Meaghan didn’t answer. Instead, she went and hid inside one of the bathroom stalls. Sydney saw her feet disappear under the door as she obviously went to stand on the toilet.

“Meaghan, I saw you go in there. Now come out and take your medication or you’ll go in seclusion,” the male nurse called out.

Sydney could hear Meaghan sigh as she opened the door to the stall and walked out of the bathroom, a tear falling from her eye. Sydney’s heart dropped for her. She instantly saw her life in front of her. Being forced to take medication that made her feel dopey. Being threatened with seclusion, with that horrid prison cell.

A tear fell from Sydney’s own eye as she turned around and looked at the hospital pyjamas laying folded on the bench of the shower stall. Her eyes welled up with water. Tears crawled down her face one by one. Whimpers soon came out of her mouth and she quickly muffled them with her hand, her face scrunching up in pain. Sydney needed to get out of there. But she didn’t know how. She could only think that being good and showing them how sane she was would get her out soon. Hopefully.

Suddenly the bathroom door flew open. Sydney wiped her tears quickly and peered out from behind the curtain once again.

“Sydney?” a female voice called. Sydney recognized it. It was her nurse. The nice one.

“I’m here,” Sydney said quietly, trying to hide her fear and crying.

“Are you almost done? You’ve been in here awhile.”

“Um, yeah. I just... I like long showers.”

“Can I see you?” The nurse asked with suspicion.

“I’m not dressed,” Sydney answered nervously.

“Cover yourself up with a towel. I’d like to see that you’re okay.” The nurse’s voice got more commanding, but she never lost her sense of caring.

“I’m fine really-”

“Come on, Sydney,” she prodded.

Sydney opened up the shower curtain, covered up in a wet towel. The water was still running. The nurse quickly turned it off and looked around the shower stall and up and down Sydney. She immediately noticed the redness of her eyes.

“Have you been crying?”

“No,” Sydney said defensively.

“Its alright it you have been. You can talk to me, Sydney. I’m here to help you.” The nurse’s voice was sweet and caring. Sydney felt instantly warmer to hear it.

“I’m fine, really,” Sydney said, forcing a light smile on her face.

“Alright. But remember, if you need to talk, I’m around today until 7pm. Then Olivia will be your nurse.”

Sydney almost cringed at that. She hated Olivia. She swallowed her disappointment and asked the nurse a much deserved question.

“What’s your name?”

“Faith,” she answered with a warm smile.

“Oh.” Sydney smiled back. “Can I finish my shower now?”

“Alright, but be quick. Other patients need to use it.” Sydney nodded and the nurse promptly left.

Sydney let out a sigh as she turned around to see the hospital clothes awaiting her. She quickly dried herself and slipped into the thin beige hospital pyjamas. At least she felt less naked, she thought, as she finished up and walked back to her room.

***

Jack sat across the table from Dr. Bowen in the conference room of the hospital. Next to him sat Vaughn, whose eyes eagerly awaited what the doctor had to say.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Bristow, but I can’t let you see Sydney until she agrees to it,” the doctor told him.

“She’s my daughter,” Jack replied insistently.

“I realize that. But its only the 3rd day. You need to give her time. She’s been through a lot.”

“She needs her father,” he said even more insistently.

“And me,” Vaughn added.

“I know you both are eager to see her, but she hasn’t agreed to it and Sydney is my primary concern. I’m sorry.”

“How is she doing?” Vaughn asked after he and Jack both sighed with frustration.

“Better than she was. I think the medication is helping.”

“I feel she would do even better if we were there to support her,” Jack emphasized.

“Agent Bristow, I’ve already told you-”

“I don’t care. I can go over your head with this,” Jack replied forcefully.

“Jack-” Vaughn started.

“Quiet,” he replied to Vaughn.

“Look. You can try and go over my head with this, but I don’t think it will work. There are policies here that protect patient’s rights. Its Sydney’s right not to see you.”

“I’m sure she wants to see me,” Jack replied harshly.

“I will ask her again today when I see her, but until she agrees, you cannot see her,” Dr Bowen replied with frustration.

“We’ll see.”

Chapter 35

Sydney sat in the dinning room breaking crackers into her vegetable soup. There were only two packets of crackers. Hardly enough. She thought about sneaking over to the other trays and taking some. It was so unlike her though. She didn't have the heart to steal like that. Sydney took her spoon and stirred up her soup as she noticed a shadow passing by her.

"Can I sit here?" a meek voice asked. Sydney noticed there were some empty tables, but when she looked up, she noticed it was Meaghan.

"Sure," Sydney answered. She smiled lightly at her before going back and taking in her soup.

As Sydney ate, she noticed another patient out of the corner of her eye. It was a young woman with died black hair. She was staring at Meaghan with bitter eyes. Meaghan looked nervous, as she tried to pretend she didn't see the woman.

"What's your problem?" Sydney said to the woman with a dirty look.

"Mind your own business," the woman said with a piercing look in her eyes.

"Do you want me to come over there?" Sydney said in a harsh voice as she stared into the woman's eyes.

"She's the one you should stay away from. She's a freak. Now leave me alone." The woman had pointed to Meaghan. Sydney looked at Meaghan's tearful blushing expression. She felt sorry for her. Everyone else in the room were staring at them.

"Leave us alone," Sydney told the woman with her fierce look. The woman stared back a moment and then looked away. She took her tray to a distant table and resumed eating.

"You okay?" Sydney asked Meaghan.

"I'm okay," she replied. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Sydney went back to eating her soup. After a moment, Sydney noticed the solemn girl picking at her food, hardly taking in a bite of any of it.

"Hospital food is terrible, isn't it," Sydney commented as Meaghan's face stared grimly at her tray.

"I'm just not hungry much," Meaghan replied in a low tone.

"Oh."

"You can have my crackers if you want," Meaghan said quietly as she watched Sydney eat the soup.

Sydney smiled at her as she took the crackers and broke them into her soup. She realized how sad it was that such a little thing made her day brighter. There wasn't really anything else in this sterile place to brighten up anyone's day. Except people. Visitors. Sydney saw how other people's faces brightened up as their loved one's visited them.

Sydney swallowed the lump forming in her throat and blinked away her tears. She didn't know if she could see them, her father, Vaughn, after everything. They were the reason she was here. They locked her up on a psychiatric ward. She had been there for 3 and a half days. As lonely as she was, she didn't know if she could see them. She only wanted to see Nadia, make sure she was okay. She couldn't imagine Nadia wanting to see her though. Why anyone would want to see her is something she couldn't understand. Not after everything that happened.

"Sydney?" she heard the voice of her nurse calling for her. She looked behind her to see the blond haired young nurse dressed in normal clothes gazing at her. She immediately got up and followed the nurse out of the room, smiling lightly in goodbye to Meaghan. "Your doctor wants to talk with you. You can finish your lunch first."

"I'm done," Sydney replied plainly in subservience as she knew the importance of complying and what could happen if she didn’t.

The nurse guided Sydney to what looked like a conference room. She sat across the table to her doctor as the nurse took a seat next to Dr. Bowen.

"Thank you for meeting with me Sydney," Dr. Bowen said with a professional smile. Sydney nodded. "How have you been feeling?"

"Fine."

"Better? Worse? The same?"

"Better." It was only a partial truth. She felt terrible being in a hospital like this. She felt frightened by her experience in the shower. But really, things weren't as bad as when she was on the run. It was the first time she really thought about that fact. It was better. Things were actually slightly better.

"That's good. Have you heard any voices or seen anyone no one else could see?"

"No." It was a lie, but she feared the consequences of the truth. She feared the needles and the locked room and being stuck in the hospital forever. She needed to do what she could to get out of there. And for now, complying was all she could do.

"Okay. Have you been adjusting to the ward?"

"Its fine." Her voice was plain and uncomplaining.

"Your father and Agent Vaughn have been eager to see you. Would you object to seeing them?" Sydney didn't answer. Instead she stared forward past the doctor who eyed her hungrily for an answer.

"Sydney?"

"I don't know," Sydney finally answered in a quiet conflicted voice.

"If you don't want to see them, its alright. Maybe you just need some more time," Dr. Bowen suggested.

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid of your family?"

"Of seeing them. I can't imagine what they will want to do to me after everything that's happened."

"Sydney, I have only gotten the sense that Agent Vaughn and your father love you and want to support you," the doctor explained sympathetically.

Sydney stared passed the doctor towards the door. She felt trapped inside the room, berated with questions, pressure, obligation. She wanted to run free out that door, out the locked doors of the ward, free, fresh air and freedom. But it was a far off dream and she knew it.

Maybe they did still love her.

Maybe they would get her out of here if she let them know she was okay, if she convinced them she was normal, sane.

Maybe.

"Okay," Sydney spoke finally after a moment of the doctor staring at her in silence. Her nurse just sat there listening to them.

"Okay what?" The doctor asked unsure.

"If they want to see me, its fine," she replied in defeat. She felt like she was giving up, even though it might be her ticket to freedom if she was careful about it.

"Are you sure?" Sydney nodded. "Alright. I'm sure they will be happy to hear that-"

"Nadia," Sydney spoke quietly in a low tone as she eyed the floor with sorrow-filled eyes.

"What about her?"

"I want to see her. I know she won't want to, but can you ask her. I really need to see her and tell her..." Sydney paused as she tried to suck in the tears, "how sorry I am."

"I'll see what I can do. Thank you for talking to me Sydney. You can go back now," Dr. Bowen said with a smile.

Sydney quickly left, shutting the door behind her. The nurse and the doctor stayed behind, presumably discussing her case. Sydney sighed hard at the idea. She hated being talked about, but she imagined everyone must be talking about her. It was an embarrassing thought.

As Sydney walked toward her room, she noticed someone staring out at her from inside a doorway. Approaching the doorway, she noticed it was Meaghan, still dressed only in a hospital gown. She smiled at Sydney lightly, her eyes hollow.

"Hi," Sydney said to her with a light smile.

"Hi. Um..." the girl paused as she got up the guts to speak, "do you want to hang out in here. Its quiet." she seemed utterly nervous as she spoke. Sydney got the sense that she had no other friends on the ward, and maybe even in her regular life. She was so quiet and awkward. A part of Sydney couldn't help but reach out to her, she was so young and vulnerable and scared.

"Sure," Sydney replied as she followed the skinny girl into her room.

Meaghan immediately sat on her bed and grabbed a stuffed bear that had been on her bed. She hugged it tightly as she stared forward, not really looking at anything. Sydney grabbed a chair and sat down across from the bed as she looked around the room. It was plain and unadorned much like her own room. Some of the other patients had their rooms decorated with personal artefacts, pictures and drawings. There was nothing in either of their rooms. Except a picture. There was a single picture sitting on top of her dresser. Sydney got up to look at it. There was a black fuzzy kitten in the picture. Sydney smiled immediately and looked over at Meaghan.

"Is this your cat?"

Meaghan nodded. "Whispers."

"Cute. You must miss it."

"Yeah. She's all I have now."

"You don't have any family?"

"Not anymore." Meaghan's face filled with a confused sorrow. Sydney noticed it and immediately felt sympathy for this girl. She wanted to know more about her.

"Oh." Sydney replied, not really knowing what to say.

"What about you?" Meaghan asked with curious eyes.

"Oh. I don't know. Its complicated," Sydney replied with sadness as her eyes filled with confusion over the whole situation.

Meaghan gave her an empathetic look. "Its always complicated."
 
Well I do believe I'm First! That like never happens. Great two chapters. I feel so badly for Sydney, all locked up and crazy. I think it's good for her though because she needs to get better soon. I love how pissed Jack was. Classic. Thanks for the PM and update soon!
 
Great update! (y)

It's good to see Syd standing out for sb and also seeing her "inner-spy" work again, analysing everything.

I think that the Meaghan has a dark story behind her scared eyes...
 
Thanks :smiley:

Chapter 36

Sydney sat at the edge of her bed as the sunlight flooded into the room. It was just after lunch, however she had barely eaten any of it. Her stomach was fluttering, her mind buzzing, everything spinning around in an anxious hell. She knew what was coming and she didn't know what to think or how to deal with it. She was terrified.

Today was the day her father was coming. It was the first time she had seen him in days. She couldn't remember how long it had been, but any minute, he would be here. Sydney didn't have any idea what to expect. Would he be angry? Would he think she was insane? Would he still love her?

Sydney sat there deep in thought, not even noticing as the nurse, Faith, stuck her head in the door.

"Sydney?" Faith asked.

Sydney looked up at her with grave eyes, already knowing what she was about to say.

"Your father is here. Can I send him in?" She asked warmly, understanding the anxiety fluttering its way through Sydney's mind.

Sydney nodded, not saying anything. She was speechless. There was just too much inside her head to say anything. So she just sat there, staring out the window as the sunlight flooded her eyes.

Suddenly there was a quiet knock at the door. Sydney froze.

"How are you?" Jack asked a bit uncomfortably, not really knowing what to say, as he appeared through the door.

She didn't say anything. She could feel him staring at her though. Everything was silent. Finally, she looked over at him. It was a quick glance, and soon her eyes made their way back to the window.

Jack had been thinking deeply of what to say next. When Sydney glanced at him, confused and scared, words immediately came to mind.

"Sydney... None of this changes my feelings for you. I love you. I... I just want to be here for you, whatever you need." Emotion was brimming inside Jack, his eyes intensely staring at her. He swallowed hard waiting for a response.

There wasn't one.

Instead, Sydney was staring out at the light as if it was her solace, her escape to take her away from this hell. She was frozen in the moment, tensely scared, her body frozen and her breathing shallow.

"Sydney?" Jack prodded quietly. She stiffened further.

Jack wasn't sure how to approach the situation. He watched her for a moment, his eyes grim and hurting for her. Finally, he took in a deep breath and walked over to Sydney, lightly putting his hand on her shoulder.

Sydney swallowed hard and she tried to make the tears go away, but they quickly rushed down, a sea of sorrow over her face. His touch was like a jab into her, a knife piercing through her heart. He said he loved her. She heard it. But... her mind was at a loss for thoughts.

"Sydney?"

"I..." She finally responded quietly, solemnly. She tried to find words, but there were none.

"Its okay," Jack replied as he stoked her back.

Tears streamed down her face even harder.

"I..." She choked out, trying to speak. She wanted to say something, anything, but her mind was bogged.

"You're going to be okay," Jack said comfortingly.

"No." Her voice was plain as she said it. Her head started to shake back and forth slowly. "No."

"Sydney, it will be okay again," Jack insisted.

"No. No it won't be." Her eyes never left the light, and her voice stayed plain as if she were in her own shock, lost in the situation, in that moment of intensity.

Jack sat down next to her, pulling her close to him. She was frozen as he touched her. Her breath stopped. Everything stopped. Even her tears. The moment was stilled.

All of a sudden, Sydney took in a deep gasp and pulled out of his arms as if electricity had just aroused her to the whole situation, to the rambling thoughts that were trying to speak to her. She quickly walked over to the window and stared out it intensely, hugging herself tightly as she stared at the blue sky.

"Sydney? What is it?" Jack asked baffled.

"I don't understand," she replied harshly, still staring out the window.

"What don't you understand?"

"You!" she screamed.

"Sydney, I'm here because I love you. I only want you to get better," Jack insisted.

"Then why am I here?!" her voice was rising.

"Because you are sick. But you will get better and in time, you will get out of here."

"No," her head shook, "No!" she screamed loudly.

"Sydney!" Jack said, standing up.

"You put me here! You can't possibly love me!"

"I do! I just want you to get better. Sydney, I love you," he tried to assure her.

"No! Just... Just go to hell! I can't stand the sight of you! Maybe this is all part of your conspiracy against me. Make me think you love me, when really you just want to..." She paused. She didn't know what he wanted. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Sydney, what do you think I want?"

"I don't know!" She screamed.

"I just want to help you. Please," he pleaded.

"Leave!" her shrill voice screamed.

Just then, Nurse Faith rushed into the room.

"What is going on here?"

"He's trying to hurt me, Faith!" Sydney cried.

Faith looked at Jack with confusion.

"She's not well," Jack replied, looking at the nurse with grim eyes.

"Faith, stop him!" Sydney screamed.

"Sydney, you need to calm down," Faith replied.

"Don't you see what's going on?! I thought... I thought you cared about me, you wanted me safe. Don't you see, its all a conspiracy. That's why he is here. You have to stop him. Get him away from me!" Sydney ranted on, tears streaming down her face.

Soon another nurse entered, followed by two security guards.

"Faith?" The other nurse asked, looking at her questioningly.

"Wait here with her," Faith replied.

"Where are you going?!" Sydney screamed as she ran after Faith, pushing Jack aside. "What the hell is going on here?!"

"Sydney, calm down," Faith said calmly as she walked quickly to the nurses station. The guards and the other nurse followed closely behind Sydney. Jack stood at her door, dumbfounded.

"Faith!" Sydney screamed, but the nurse soon disappeared into another room in the nurse's station.

As Sydney stood there with anger brimming her face, she felt the closeness of the security guards behind her. She quickly turned around and looked at them intensely in the eye.

"Go away!"

"Sydney," Faith said as she emerged from the nurse's station, a filled syringe in her hand.

"No!" Sydney yelled as she saw it. She tried to run away but the guards grabbed her arms and held her there as the nurse injected Sydney.

Sydney stared at her with dark eyes, tears staining her face.

"Take her to the seclusion room," she instructed the guards. "Sydney, I gave you a sedative to calm you down. You can spend an hour in seclusion until your calm, okay." The nurse maintained a nice tone of voice, but Sydney saw through it.

"Go to hell," Sydney replied as they dragged her.

Within a few minutes, Sydney found herself back in the dark prison, alone, the door shutting away her freedom. She had messed up her whole plan, her anger taking over. Everything was so confusing and hard.


Chapter 37

Light flooded into the darkness, white and harsh, drowning into her eyes as she squinted them. Her head felt wobbly as she lifted it up off the mattress and sat up. There was a dark figure standing in the light. It frightened Sydney. Her heart raced as she tried to make the person out. She could only think that they had come to torture her, to bring her to the room with all the painful instruments and force whatever information they wanted from her trembling mouth.

"No," Sydney groaned as the person's shadow drew closer over her.

"Sydney, are you ready to come out now?" a soft voice spoke.

"Wha-? Who are you?" Sydney asked, her face wrought with confusion.

"Sydney, its your nurse, Faith," the nurse said in a pleasant tone as she smiled at Sydney. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, I don't know. Sleepy," Sydney replied groggily.

"Why don't you go to bed for a few hours then."

The nurse helped Sydney off the mattress and guided her down the hall towards her bedroom. As soon as she got to her room, she immediately flopped down on the bed and went back to sleep.

It was a deep and dreamless sleep. She woke up to the sound of someone's voice in the distance. She tried to get out of bed, but her grogginess caused her to stumble a bit.

"Ouch!" She said as she stubbed her toe on something.

She felt annoyed as she walked forward, muttering how much that hurt and how people should be quiet.

As she got to the door and opened it slightly, she froze. She could hear the voice crisp and clear. Her breathing nearly stopped as she stood there. She couldn't move.

***

An hour earlier, Vaughn had been lounging on his couch brooding over Sydney. He loved her so much that it pained him to see her like that. Images ran through his mind of her in the forest. She shot at him. He shot her. She fell to the ground. Vivid images. They made his heart feel like it was stopping, being told it couldn't beat anymore. He swallowed hard as he took another drink.

Vodka.

It burned as the last little bit of each shot trickled down his throat. It was a good burn, a soothing burn, as if it would burn away all his problems. But it didn't. So he took another drink. And more.

Soon his head was swimming in a mix of vodka and bitter emotions.

"Damn it!" Vaughn said pounding his fist into the coffee table.

Across from him was a picture of him and Sydney together. He stared at it, his eyes longing and pathetic, tears stinging his eyes.

"I miss you," he said to himself. "Damn it, Sydney, I just wish..." He shook his head. "Damn it!" Vaughn sighed as he poured another shot.

The phone rang.

"Yeah?" Vaughn said as he answered it.

"Hey, its me. How'd your visit with Syd go?" Eric asked.

“What? What time is it?” Vaughn asked in confusion.

“2pm. Didn’t you see her?”

“No. I lost track of time. Look, I gotta go.” Vaughn slammed down the phone.

He couldn’t believe he had forgotten. The minute he heard he was allowed to see her, he couldn’t think of anything else. But as he sat down and thought about it, about seeing the person he loved locked up in a psychiatric ward, his emotions went hard. It hurt him to think of her like that. He tried to take the edge off with a drink, but it turned into several and now he sat there thinking how stupid he was. He needed to see her.

Vaughn immediately got in his car and drove to the hospital, completely negligent of his unsober state. Still, he managed to make it there, though with sloppier driving than normal.

As soon as he found a parking spot, he quickly rushed up to the ward she was in. He rang the buzzer to get in and waited there for a nurse. His nerves were buzzing in his stomach as he stood there.

“May I help you?” a female nurse asked as she answered the door to the ward.

“Yeah, I’m here to see Sydney. I’m a little late.”

“Oh, I’ll go check with her nurse. Just wait here,” she replied politely.

“Yeah, sure,” Vaughn answered with irritation.

After a moment Faith emerged from the nursing station. Her face held a regretful look on it as she approached him.

“I’m sorry, Sydney isn’t to have any visitors,” she told Vaughn.

“What?! Her doctor told me I could see her today,” he replied.

“I realize that, but things didn’t go well with her last visit. We’ve decided it would be better if she had no visitors right now.”

“I want to see Sydney.”

“I already told you, its not a good idea.”

“She would want to see me. We’re together.”

“I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving until I see Sydney.”

“Sir, we will call security if you don’t leave now-”

“Wait,” a voice called from a few rooms down the hall. They both turned around to see Sydney standing at the door to her bedroom, a hesitant look on her face.

“Sydney?” Vaughn said, slightly in awe as he saw her for the first time since it happened.

“Its okay. He can come in,” Sydney told the nurse.

“Sydney, I think you should go back to your room.”

“Please,” she said to Faith, her eyes portraying a longing sadness for the man who stood before her. As much as she was afraid to see him, as much as she was angry at him, she felt she needed to be with him at that moment.

“Fine, but I want you to keep your door opened so I can hear if there are any problems, alright?” Faith said.

“Okay,” Sydney replied.

Vaughn immediately followed her back to her room. She sat on the bed and stared at the floor, too scared to know what to say. Everything fell silent.
 
First! I was so excited to get the PM for this update. These were two awesome chapters. I can't wait to find out what Sydney and Vaughn have to say to each other. Just wondering...how long before Syd's not all mental? It makes me so sad to see her that way. Thanks for the PM, and update soon!
 
It's nice to see that Syd knows that at least Vaughn has true feelings. What will be said....? It went more interesting. But still i can't understand why she didn't want to see her father. Does she truely think that his father would want any harm done to Syd. And also is she mentally fine or not?

Great update! (y)
 
hi, i was on vacation and couldn`t check the board. good thing about that is returning now i could read 6 chapters at once :smiley: . the story is amazing. it seems kind of real the way you write it. amazing. i didn`t expect sydney going crazy seeing her farther, but i loved it :cool: . i love her inviting vaughn.
thank you!
suzy
 
Thanks

I apologize for the lack of PM. I can't find my PM list.

Chapter 38

"Sydney?" Vaughn said hesitantly as she sat on her bed. She didn't look up.

Sydney wasn't sure what she should be doing. The moment they stepped into her room, she realized how scared she was to be with him. But things had to go well. She couldn't go back to seclusion. She couldn't stay in this hospital forever. Things had to go well.

"Sydney, how are you?" Vaughn asked as he neared her, his shadow hovering over her body.

"I'm okay," she said quietly as she continued to stare at the floor.

She could feel him coming closer to her, standing over her. She tried to stop her hands from trembling, but they wouldn't. She just kept reminding herself that this had to go well. But really, it was incredibly awkward and nerve-wracking.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm just... tired. That's all." she replied. She couldn't tell him the truth, how scared and lonely she was, how drugged she felt, how angry she was at him.

"I miss you. Sydney, you gotta know that."

"I know."

"Sydney, I just want to be here for you. I need you to let me be here for you," Vaughn told her as she sat down next to her. Her body froze as his neared hers. She felt sick to her stomach with anxiety.

"Okay." She didn't really know what to say. A part of her just wanted to scream at him to go away for what he did to her. But she had to restrain herself.

"Sydney, talk to me."

"I am."

"You're not though. You're so closed off. Sydney, I'm on your side," he replied as he pleaded with her.

"Vaughn, I just need some space right now. I'm not ready to open up about all of this. Its just... painful right now."

"I understand," he replied sympathetically.

Vaughn stared at Sydney as her eyes remained fixated on the floor. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him. Sydney forced her body to relax next to his, but all she wanted to do was push him away. Suddenly, he put his arms on her shoulders and turned her to face him as his lips dove into hers. Sydney immediately pulled out of it and got up off the bed.

"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked in confusion.

"Vaughn, I'm not ready to be close to you yet."

"What are you saying, Sydney?"

"That I'm not ready. A lot has happened and I just need space," she tried to explain.

"Sydney, that's ridiculous. What you need is me. I'll make it all better." Vaughn immediately went over and hugged her tightly.

"Vaughn, no," she said struggling against his arms. "What's wrong with you?"

"Sydney, I love you. I just don't understand why you're trying to deny what we have."

"Vaughn, I'm not. Will you just get off of me!" She said as she pushed him away.

"Syd!" He exclaimed with offence.

"Are you drunk?"

"I had a few drinks, but Sydney, I'm perfectly fine. Obviously you're not," Vaughn replied harshly.

"You are drunk. Maybe you should just go."

"Syd, I'm not going to leave. I love you too much to just leave you here like this."

"Love? I don't understand how you can love me after what you have done to me in the last few weeks. I don't feel your love, Vaughn," she replied with anger.

"Sydney, how can you question me like that? I searched for you day and night. And I've stuck by you despite your mental state."

"My mental state?"

"You're sick, Sydney. A lot of people might have abandoned you for that, but I haven't. I'm still here. I don't understand why you wont let me be here with you."

"Just go! You don't get it at all. Just go!" She pleaded with him.

"What is your problem?!"

"You! now get out!" Sydney yelled as she pushed him towards the door.

Suddenly Faith appeared in the doorway. "Sir, you need to leave now. I will call security."

"Fine," Vaughn said angrily as he walked away. Faith followed him out as Sydney stood there trying to fight her tears. She couldn't believe he showed up drunk. She was afraid to see him at all, but he made it even worse. She was infuriated at him.

After a few minutes, Faith returned to Sydney's room.

"Are you alright?" Faith asked with concern.

"I'm fine," Sydney said in a low tone.

"Sydney, its okay to not be fine," Faith replied with feeling.

"I just don't want to see anyone anymore. Its too hard," Sydney said.

"I understand. I don't think you should have any visitors right now. You're not ready." Sydney nodded.

"But wait," Sydney said as feeling suddenly came to her. "Nadia."

"What about Nadia?"

"I want to see her. I need to see her. I know she doesn't want to see me. But I really need to see her," Sydney explained.

"Sydney, I don't think its a good idea for you to see anyone right now," Faith warned.

"But you don't understand. After everything I did to her, I need to see her, to explain... to apologize."

"Its up to Dr. Bowen. I'll talk to her when I see her."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Let me know if you need anything," Faith said as she walked out of the room.

Sydney sighed and walked over to the window. She let the light of the day flood into her body, her mind, and just take over her. It felt so good, so soothing. As she stood there, she realized things were never going to be the same again. Her stomach pierced with pain as she thought of it. She looked up into the sun and let it wash over her. She needed some light in her life again. She needed light
 
Thanks :smiley:

Chapter 39

Sydney sat on her bed fighting the tears that were forming. She didn't want to cry, but everything about today was wrong. First her father, then seclusion and now Vaughn. She felt deeply betrayed by everyone. It wasn't fair that her father and Vaughn put her in this place, she thought. And it wasn't fair that they would lock her up for getting upset. She wasn't even allowed to feel anything for they might think she was getting too worked up and lock her up again.

Then Sydney though of Vaughn. Inside, she felt so angry that he came to her like that. He thought everything should be the same after all that had happened. How could things be the same? she thought. He put her there. He tranquilized her. He betrayed her. Things could not be the same. She sat there shaking her head as she swallowed her tears.

"Are you okay?" a quiet voice asked.

Sydney, startled, looked over at the door. It was Meaghan. She stood there meek and longing. When Sydney saw her in the dining room the other day, she got the sense that Meaghan wanted to reach out to her, that she was lonely and had no ally here. Neither of them did.

"Bad day," Sydney answered.

"Oh." Meaghan looked at her with solemn eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Its okay. I'll be fine," Sydney assured her.

"You're so strong. I wish I could be like that," Meaghan told her.

"I'm not strong." Sydney looked down at the floor regretfully. Nothing she did was strong. Not in her eyes at least.

"I think you are."

"Seriously, I'm not. I've done a lot of things that are just... not something a strong person would do. I mean, I'm here aren't I. They don't put strong people here," Sydney told her.

"I don't know. I guess. I just thought you seemed like a strong person. I look up to you."

"Oh." Sydney blushed. She didn't know what to think. It didn't seem right that anyone look up to her, not after everything. If she were strong, The Guildiya wouldn't be a threat anymore. She would have taken care of it. She couldn't have let everything get out of control. Most of all, she wouldn’t be here, captured like a lame animal.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Meaghan said regretfully.

“I’m not uncomfortable. I just don’t think I’m anything special. I had a mission and I failed. That’s the sort of person I am. I let a lot of people down.”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“Thanks,” Sydney replied.

It was odd to her. Someone actually looked at her as she was and thought highly of her, cared about her. Meaghan didn’t seem to want to change her, make her someone else, make her into the person that everyone seemed to think she should be. And moreover, she didn’t see her as some insane person. Maybe it wasn’t so bad having someone look up to her. She could be an ally. An asset.

“If you want to sit down you can,” Sydney told Meaghan as she realized that she was still standing in the doorway.

“Okay.” Meaghan walked over and sat down on the chair across from the bed.

“So how long have you been here?” Sydney asked, wanting to know more about her.

“Six weeks, I think. Its hard to keep track.”

“What happened? Why are you here?” She needed to know everything she could about her if she were to be an asset to her.

“My parents put me here. They said I was sad. I guess I was. I know I was. But I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t need to. I think... I think they just wanted to get rid of me. I haven’t seen them since it happened.” Meaghan stared at the floor with grim eyes as she talked about it.

“They abandoned you?” Sydney felt appalled. Meaghan nodded. “I was put here too.” Sydney’s tone went bitter.

“Why?”

“They keep saying I’m sick. That I’m paranoid and I’m seeing things. They don’t get it. All I tried to do was save everyone. Because of them I didn’t. I tried and I failed. They made me fail. But its not over yet. I need to get out of here. Everything depends on that.” Sydney’s eyes filled with a need to complete her mission. She felt driven. But at the same time, she was getting no where. It was so frustrating.

“Are you going to try and escape?”

“I don’t know. No, not yet anyway. I figure if I can convince them I’m sane, they will let me go. They haven’t been making it easy though. My family, I mean. When I saw them, they looked at me as if I was sick. I’m not sick.”

“You seem okay to me. You deserve to get out of here. I know you can do it.”

“Thanks.”

“I know you don’t know me that well, but if you try and escape, will you take me with you?” Meaghan looked at her with longing eyes. Sydney felt her heart fall for the girl. But she couldn’t risk taking her with her.

“I don’t know. I’ll do what I can.”

“Thanks.”

As the girls sat there, Sydney suddenly felt a cool breeze brush over her and envelop around her body. She shuddered.

"What is it?" Meaghan asked as she noticed Sydney's look of discomfort.

"They're listening," a voice whispered from a distance.

Sydney recognized it. Her eyes widened in terror as she looked around the room. She couldn't see him. But he was there. She could feel him all over her, his breath gazing her skin.

"Sydney?" Meaghan asked.

"Shh," Sydney replied softly as she got up and looked behind the door. Not there. She then looked outside the door into the hallway. There was no one there.

“Sydney, what’s wrong?” Meaghan asked again.

“Shh!” Sydney said louder as she eyed every corner of the room for him. She knew he was hiding somewhere. He was a ghost. He could be anywhere. He could be any shape, any size. She knew he was there.

Suddenly, Sydney felt the room go dark. She looked at the window and saw his cold blue face appear staring at her with crisp eyes.

“Go away!” Sydney yelled towards the window.

“Sydney, who are you talking to?” Meaghan said with concern.

“Go away! Please, just go away!”
 
Thanks

Chapter 40

Sark’s visage stared through the window at Sydney. His eyes were cold and glaring, and his skin a blue shade of death. Sydney shuddered as she looked at him, while Meaghan looked at her in confusion.

“Sark, go away!” Sydney whispered loudly to the ghostly image.

Suddenly he appeared behind her as his hands made their way over her skin. She jumped away from him immediately as she looked for something sharp to grab. She needed anything that could be used as a weapon.

As she searched the room, he spoke in a chilling tone. “Sydney, I’ve missed you. The doctors are trying to drown me out. But I’m always here even when you can’t hear me, see me.”

“Sark, leave me alone! I won’t let you have me. I’m stronger than you!” Sydney yelled in a whisper, trying not to draw attention from the nurses.

“You’re weak, Sydney. Vulnerable. If I don’t get you, they will. They already have you in fact. You’re a prisoner here. But I won’t let the doctors keep me from you.”

“Go!” Sydney yelled.

“Sydney, please, what’s wrong?” Meaghan asked frightfully.

“Meaghan, its alright. I won’t let him hurt you,” Sydney replied.

“Who?” she asked.

“Sark,” Sydney replied.

“Who?” Meaghan asked again.

“Him!” Sydney said loudly as she pointed towards him. He stood there smiling eerily at her, his eyes glaring.

“There’s no one there, Sydney,” Meaghan said.

“You can’t see him?” Sydney asked.

“Who, Sydney?” she replied.

“Of course! He’s a ghost. That’s why you can’t see him,” Sydney explained. Her eyes flashed with a terrorized furor.

“What? A ghost. What are you talking about?” Meaghan asked, her eyes fraught with worry.

“I killed him and now he is haunting me. But I am not going to let him take me to hell with him. I am stronger than you!” She yelled out in a whisper.

“Sydney, I think you’re seeing things. I mean, ghosts? I just think that’s... not real,” Meaghan said.

“You don’t believe me?” Sydney said as her eyes flashed with fury.

“I want to. But ghosts?” Meaghan replied. She was nervous as she saw the look in Sydney’s eyes.

“You said I wasn’t crazy!” she said.

“I didn’t think you were. But...” Meaghan replied.

“But what?!” Sydney screamed loudly.

“I’m sorry,” Meaghan said meekly.

“Go! Get out of here!” Sydney yelled as she pushed Meaghan out of the room.

Sark stood there laughing as this was happening. As soon as Meaghan was out of the room, Sydney shut the door and turned to him. She eyed him furiously.

“Sydney, that was quite a sight. She was your only friend and you just shoved her out of your room. I’m proud,” Sark replied.

“Don’t be. Now leave,” Sydney growled.

Sark laughed at her. The rage inside her was growing. She sucked in a breath and threw herself forward at him, trying to push him down. But she fell through his apparition and hit the ground. He laughed some more, his face growing with a smile and his eyes piercing at her.

“I hate you!” she cried. He just smiled. “Go to hell!”

“Not until I can take you with me,” he said as he neared her.

Suddenly, he dove in for a kiss. Sydney tried to swat him away just as the door to her room opened.

“Sydney, is everything alright?” Faith asked.

“I’m fine,” Sydney replied, trying to appear normal. But in reality, her heart was pounding and she was flushed with panic and rage.

“Are you hearing voices again?” the nurse asked.

“No, of course not!” Sydney replied loudly.

“Sydney, don’t get yourself worked up.”

“I’m fine, I swear. Please.”

“Stay here,” Faith said.

“No!” Sydney yelled as she left. She feared what was coming. Sydney got up off the floor and ran after the nurse. “Please, I’m fine. I don’t want to go to seclusion.”

“I’m not going to put you in seclusion. I’m just going to give you some medication. Then you can calm down.”

“I am calm!”

“You’re not calm Sydney. Now if you’re going to get violent, I will have to call security to put you in seclusion.”

“Okay.”

Sydney stood there, trying to fight the tears, as the nurse disappeared into the medication room. She soon emerged with a little paper cup with a round white pill in it and another small cup with some water. Sydney took down the medication reluctantly. She knew she had to. She reminded herself of her plan to get out of here.

“Okay, why don’t you go back to your room and relax, or go to the lounge and watch some TV,” Faith said.

Sydney walked back to her room defeated and sat down on her bed. She sighed. She felt so lost being here. It was growing evident that her plan to get out of here wouldn’t go as smoothly as planned. And now she had lost her only friend. No one believed her. She had no one. A tear rolled down her cheek as she stared forward. She was alone.

Chapter 41

It was a cold day out. The wind blew strands of her black hair over her eyes. She didn't bother struggling to keep her hair tame. It didn't matter at that point. All that mattered was the casket in front of her. She watched as it descended into the ground taking her father to his lonely grave. A tear fell down her cheek as she silently said her goodbye.

Nadia walked up to the 6 foot deep hole in the ground that had just been laid with a casket and looked down it as her head filled with a bitter sorrow. She held the red rose in her hand a moment, praying on it, praying for forgiveness for him, for peace, for heaven. Then she let go of it as it fell and ended up resting on top the dark wood casket. He was gone.

She took a deep breath and walked back to the other people that stood at his grave. Jack. Eric. They were the only ones that had come. She knew Eric had only come to support her. As she walked over to him, he gathered her up into a tight hug. They stayed there for a moment as tears fell from Nadia's eyes. Eric's own eyes were filled with a worried sorrow for his girlfriend, and for Sydney.

Beside them stood Jack. His black suite matched the dark look of grief in his eyes. He was conflicted between memories of the friend he used to know, the good Arvin, and the one he had known now. It was the one he had thought about killing many times. The one he thought he would be happy to see dead. But the memories of the past wouldn't fade, wouldn't let him be happy for this moment. It was all bittersweet.

Moreover, the situation was that Sydney had killed him in a ill state. It wasn't the right way for him to die, it wasn't the right way for her to have killed him. As much as he knew Sydney wanted him dead, Jack also knew that one day she would regret what she had done, knowing it wasn't the right thing to do, it wasn't something the regular Sydney would have done. It would be a remorse she would feel for the rest of her life. She had killed someone. She had hurt her own sister. She would never forget it.

"Nadia," Jack spoke, turning to her. She pulled out of Eric's arms. Jack paused a moment and then looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry for your loss."

It was all he could say. There were no comforting words at that moment, and both of their minds were filled with the thought of Sydney, of her illness, of her actions. It was a deep sorrow for both of them, and neither of them wanted to speak of her.

Jack quickly turned around and headed towards the car. There was no reception to be held in Sloane's honour. They would simply go home and be alone in their dark thoughts. Even though Nadia had Eric, inside she truly felt alone. She had lost her father. And at that moment, she felt like she didn’t have a sister.

***

It had been hours since the funeral, but Nadia had been in the same place since she got home. She simply sat at the chair by the window in Eric’s house and watched the world slowly go by. Everything was quiet. She was numb.

"Nadia, you should eat something," Eric told her in a solemn understanding tone.

"I'm not hungry."

"But you haven't eaten anything at all today. There's lots of nice food. Some people from work brought some over."

"No, really, I don't want anything."

Eric pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. He gently rubbed her shoulders, giving her a light massage. Nadia started to relax under his touch. She closed her eyes.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door that rattled her back to reality. Eric went to the door and answered it. He smiled as he greeted the person at the door. He motioned for the person to come in. It was Vaughn. He looked over at Nadia and she smiled lightly to him, trying to cover up the darkness inside.

“So what brings you to our neighbourhood?” Eric asked.

“I was hoping to talk to Nadia,” Vaughn replied as he looked at her. She nodded towards Eric and he left the two of them alone.

Vaughn sat down in the chair next to Nadia. He was a mess. He hadn't been sleeping hardly at all. He had been haunted by images of Sydney that day in the woods when they finally found her. And now, he had new images of her in the hospital to haunt him. The only thing that gave him any peace was having a drink. It was something he was doing a lot of whenever he wasn't at work. But even with the alcohol flowing through his body, he was still consumed with thoughts over Sydney. He wanted to make her better. Its all he thought of now.

“What’s going on,” Nadia asked.

“I wanted to talk to you about Sydney.”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” Nadia replied as her eyes went dark.

“I know you don’t. I know its hard and she’s done a lot of things to you recently, but you have to understand that wasn’t Sydney.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nadia said insistently.

“It does. Don’t you want her to get better?”

“Vaughn, she killed my father. She tried to kill me.”

“I know that. But she needs you. She’s been asking to see you.”

“I can’t see her.”

“I know its hard, but you can do this. Sydney needs you to do this.”

“And what about me?!”

“I know you’re grieving, but you have to think about Sydney. She’s sick. She needs our help, our support,” Vaughn explained.

“No. I’m not seeing her. I can’t. Can you just go. I don’t feel like talking anymore,” she said stubbornly.

“Nadia, please,” he pleaded.

“Vaughn, she wants to be left alone,” Eric said as he walked back into the room.

“Eric, Sydney needs her. She’s your friend too. Why doesn’t anyone care about her?” Vaughn replied.

“Look, I care about Sydney too, but today is not a good day to talk about this. Didn't you remember it was Sloane's funeral today. I'm sorry, but you picked a really bad time to come here, Vaughn. Why don’t you just go. I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” Eric explained.

“Fine. Forget about Sydney then. I know that’s what you want. She’s your sister, but just forget her!” Vaughn yelled just before storming out. Eric quickly went after him.

"Vaughn, I know you are worried about Sydney, but you're being really insensitive. I don't appreciate you yelling at Nadia," Eric said with anger.

"What if it was Nadia in the hospital right now, Weiss? What would you do to save the person you loved."

"Nadia's hurting right now, just as much as Sydney, and I'm trying to help her, to keep her together," Eric replied bitterly.

"Its not the same. Sydney is sick."

"Yeah and she killed Nadia's father, she tried to kill Nadia."

"I know that!" Vaughn yelled.

"Just go!"

Vaughn shook his head angrily and walked towards his car. Eric sighed and went back into his house. As he got in, he noticed the tears rush down Nadia’s cheek. Eric quickly went to her and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m sorry, Nadia. I’m so sorry for everything,” Eric whispered into her ear. She didn’t say anything. She just hugged back tightly as the tear streamed down.
 
Thanks

Chapter 42

A week had passed and nothing really changed for Sydney. She had gotten into a routine at the hospital. Everyday was filled with breakfasts too early in the morning and then lunches and dinners, always at the same time each day. In between was always filled with a shower in the not private enough girl’s bathroom, and hours filled with television in the lounge and talking to Meaghan. And then there was staring out the window of her bedroom hoping for freedom. Sometimes there were arts and crafts, but Sydney hated going to those. There was morning medication and bedtime medication and occasional injections when she got worked up. And finally there was going to bed at 10pm. Much too early. Days always were always filled with the same dullness.

Sydney had made up with Meaghan near the beginning of the week. After two days of feeling guilty for how she treated Meaghan before, Sydney went into her room and apologized. Meaghan had no hard feelings. She was glad just to have her friend back.

Sydney had been getting slightly better. She only spent an hour in seclusion on 2 occasions. Both times she had seen Sark and the nurses discovered it and she resisted them giving her an injection, so they put her in seclusion. Other than that, hadn’t had any hallucinations or any trouble. Although there was some trouble with another patient bothering Meaghan. Sydney got into a fight with the woman on a few occasions, but the nurse always stopped them before it escalated.

At the moment, Sydney was sitting in the lounge watching some show on TV she had never heard of before. She was completely bored when suddenly she could hear screaming coming from the hallway. She ran to look and saw that it was Meaghan being dragged into seclusion. Sydney rushed over to her.

“What are you doing?” Sydney asked the nurse.

“Sydney, this isn’t any of your business,” the nurse, who Sydney hadn’t seen before, answered.

“She’s my friend. It's my business,” Sydney replied.

“Go back to your room right now,” the nurse insisted.

“No!” Sydney yelled. “Now leave Meaghan alone!”

“Sydney, there are two seclusion rooms on this ward, would you like to spend time in the other.”

“No.” Sydney sighed. They always had something to threaten her with. “At least tell me why she’s going into seclusion.”

“You can talk to Meaghan about that when she gets out. For now, I’d like you to go back to your room and settle down.”

“Fine.” Sydney walked back to her room in anger. She had to get out of there. She was tired of all of this, of seclusion and needles and threats. There was no way out though, except being good. Maybe soon they would increase her privileges and then maybe she could escape. But for now she would have to wait. She wished things didn’t feel like forever in there. Time passed slowly. Everyday was the same, dull and dead.

***

Sydney had been sitting in her room for the past hour. She was worried for Meaghan. As she sat there, she listened intently to the noise in the hallway so that she would know the second Meaghan was freed. It was a few minutes later when she heard a nurse talking as she walked up the hallway.

"I want you to go in your room and rest for awhile. I'm going to be checking on you a lot. And your room has already been searched, so don't get any ideas," Sydney heard the nurse explain. As Sydney poked her head out the door, she saw that it was Meaghan the nurse was talking to. As soon as the nurse left, Sydney walked over to Meaghan's door and knocked lightly.

"Who is it?" Meaghan asked.

"Sydney."

"Come in." Sydney went inside the room and shut the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" Sydney asked.

"I guess." Meaghan's eyes were sad.

"Why did they put you in seclusion?" Sydney asked. Meaghan looked down in shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I was just worried."

Meaghan looked up at Sydney's warm eyes and realized she could trust her with this. "Its okay, I'll tell you." Meaghan paused for a moment and then spoke, her eyes looking at the floor. "I was caught hurting myself."

"Hurting yourself? What did you do?" Sydney's voice was filled with genuine concern.

"I took the tab off the pop can I was drinking and scratched up my legs with it." Meaghan pulled up her hospital gown to expose the scratches across her upper legs.

Sydney's heart ached at that moment. She'd never hurt herself like that before. She couldn't imagine doing such a thing to herself. All she could think was poor Meaghan. She must hurt so much inside to do that.

"What made you do that?" Sydney asked hesitantly, knowing it was sensitive territory.

"Sometimes..." Meaghan took a deep breath. "Sometimes I just have to. Its like all the darkness inside my head goes spinning out of control and I just have to bleed it out. Bleed out the darkness. Its hard to get blades in here. Sometimes there are tacks on the bulletin boards, but I couldn't get one so I got inventive. It was pretty inventive wasn't it?"

Meaghan stared up at Sydney with a look of almost pride in her methods. Sydney didn't know what to say. It made her feel sick inside to think of someone cutting and scratching up themselves like that. But at the same time, she couldn't judge Meaghan. She was hurting. She needed a friend.

"Are you legs sore now?" It was the only thing she could think to ask.

"They sting, but its a good sting," Meaghan replied. Her voice had gone from shameful and lonely to sounding as if she had pride and fascination in what she had done. Its almost as if she loved it. It felt disturbing to Sydney. She felt even more a loss for words.

"I heard the nurse say they searched your room."

"Yeah, they were looking for anything I could hurt myself with. There really wasn't anything. Now that I've been caught, I doubt they will take me on anymore trips to the vending machine to get pop."

"Wait, you were allowed to leave the ward?" Sydney asked with surprise.

"Yes. I was on level two privileges. Basically, you are allowed to go out to smoke. But I don't, so sometimes the nurses take me to the vending machine instead. I'm back on level one now though," she explained.

"I didn't know about the levels of privileges. How do you get on a higher level?"

"Good behaviour. Your doctor sets your level. If she thinks you're not a danger and not gonna run away, then she lets you have more privileges. That's why some people get to wear their own clothes. That's a level three privilege."

"Oh, so there's hope in my future, I guess," Sydney said, all the while thinking about the possibilities of escape that greater privileges would give her. "Thanks for the explanation. This is good to know. Definitely good to know." Sydney's eyes narrowed as her mind filled with ideas for escape. For the first time since she had gotten there, she felt hope. Her mind was alive with ideas. She was going to get out of this place. It would take time, but at least there was hope.


Chapter 43

Nadia sat at her desk in APO staring at her laptop screen. She was supposed to be researching background information on the current case they were working on, but her mind was wondering more than reading. Every so often, her eyes would shift to the main office, formerly occupied by her father. It was now Jack's office.

Nadia was thinking about how Jack deserved to be head of APO. He had respect. That was something Sloane never had. She thought about how everyone there was probably glad Sloane was dead. She may have questioned his intentions on many occasions, but she couldn't be glad for her father's death. She felt betrayed over it.

Nadia's eyes moved to the desk in front of her. It was Sydney's desk and obviously had been empty for weeks. Nadia come remember times when they would sit at their desks and chat while doing their work. It had been so convenient having their desks next to each other. It meant Sydney was always there when she needed something. Sydney was always there. And now there was just an empty reminder that she was gone. A bitter reminder of everything Sydney had done to her, taken away from her.

Nadia looked behind her, hoping Eric was at his desk quietly working away, but he wasn't there. She could use him right now. She imagined he was in the coffee room and would be right back. She hoped he'd hurry.

“Nadia, I need the file on Leonid Petrov,” Jack said as he approached her desk, startling her from her thoughts.

“Oh, I haven’t looked at it in awhile. Isn’t it... No, wait. I think I left it in my room at Sydney’s house. With all the recent chaos, I must have forgotten about it,” Nadia explained”

“I know its been hard, but you can’t be leaving files laying around.”

“I know, Jack. I’m sorry. I’ve been-”

“Preoccupied,” Jack interrupted. “I know, I can’t say I haven’t been either. But I need the file. Some new intel has come forward and I need to cross reference it with some information in that file.”

“I’ll go get it now.”

Jack nodded and left briskly. Nadia watched him leave as she sighed. She didn't want to go back there. Just then, she noticed Eric coming around the corner.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Eric asked.

"I need to go back to Sydney's apartment to get a file."

"I'll go."

"No, I'll go. You don't know where it is."

"Then I'll come with you," Eric said as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Weiss," Dixon called as he came around the corner.

"Yeah?" Eric asked.

"Jack needs us in the briefing room ASAP," Dixon stated.

"I gotta go get the file. I'll see you later," Nadia said in a solemn tone.

"Call me if you need anything okay," Eric said, as he rubbed her back gently. Then they both went their separate ways.

***

Sydney stood at the window in her room watching the people coming into the building. She had been on the psychiatric ward of Stafford Naval hospital for 2 weeks, though it felt like forever. She didn't even know what was happening at APO. The only view into what was happening with the world was the news on TV. She wanted to know what was happening with Nadia. Sydney could feel the guilt churning in her stomach as she thought about how sad Nadia must be. She needed to apologize so badly. Sydney sighed as she peered out the window. When would this end? she thought.

As she stood there, she could hear echoes from down the ward. A person was yelling and banging on the door in the seclusion room. She hated listening to it. It was a bitter reminder of all those times she'd spent in there. Almost everyday, there always seemed to be someone in there screaming and yelling. Sydney tried to drown out the noise by letting her mind just drift to the people coming into the hospital. She tried to imagine what their stories might be.

It seemed like an especially busy day. The emergency entrance was flooded with people. Two ambulances had pulled up in the last five minutes. She could see a woman crying as she rushed into the building. Sydney wondered what her story was. She imagined that maybe her husband was an agent hurt in the field and had been taken to the ER there. The woman must be filled with worry.

Suddenly, she noticed a black haired woman walking towards the hospital entrance. She blinked hard and strained her eyes to focus on the woman. She reminded her so much of Nadia. Her heart fluttered with hope that her sister might finally have come to see her.

A moment later, Sydney’s heart was crushed. It wasn’t Nadia. Sydney felt stupid for her blind hope. Of course it wasn’t Nadia. Nadia hated her. Every night Sydney went to bed with the image of Nadia falling into the reservoir, drowning before her eyes. Of course Nadia didn’t want to see her. Sydney couldn’t even forgive herself for almost killing Nadia. How could her sister ever forgive her?

***

Nadia turned the key to Sydney’s house and pushed the door open. She didn’t look around. She refused to. The sight of anything Sydney pained her. She had to look away, get the file and go. Nadia quickly made her way to her old room. Everything was just as she left it, except for the few things Eric had gathered for her when she moved in with him.

Nadia couldn’t really remember where she had put the file. She decided to check her night stand drawers first. She flipped through the papers in the top drawer. As she reached the bottom, she realized it wasn’t there. Frustrated, she moved onto the bottom drawer, meanwhile thinking about how much she wanted out of there.

The place felt haunted. Not with ghosts, but with memories. There was an air of Sydney there. Nadia could remember when she first stayed there. She could remember how warm Sydney was, how kind. She could remember the nights when they stayed up late talking. Sydney would talked about Vaughn and she would talk about Eric. Sydney was so happy she was with Eric. Nadia could feel how happy Sydney was for them.

“Stop it!” Nadia said under her breath. She didn’t want to think about Sydney.

As Nadia opened the drawer, she noticed a pile of pictures on top. She had meant to frame some of them. There were pictures of her mother that Jack let her keep. As she flipped through them, she came to one of her and Sydney. She immediately felt a sorrow pierce through her. Tears wanted to fall. Nadia took in a deep breath as her mind flooded with memories of that moment. They were at a party Sydney was having. Everyone was so happy. They were happy. The memory slipped away as she remembered seeing Sydney standing at the top of the reservoir as she was falling backwards into it. She could remember Sydney's image disappearing as she went under the water, as she struggled for breath and everything became about surviving at that moment. A tear fell down Nadia's cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

Suddenly she noticed that the next picture in the pile was of her and her father. She had been having dinner at his house and one of the servants took their picture. It was one of the happier times in her life, when things with her father were going well. When she actually felt like they were really a family and he really loved her. She knew he really did love her, care about her. She was his daughter and Nadia knew how much he treasured that. Despite everything, she was his daughter. Images of his funeral flashed through her mind. It made her feel so angry, so hurt. She had lost all the family she had. Her parents were dead. And Sydney was dead to her. Nadia felt an intense rage brewing inside as she thought of it. Nadia swallowed hard and ripped the picture in half and tossed it into the waste bin. Tears tried to stream down her face but she quickly wiped them away.

Look for the damn file, she reminded herself. She saw it laying in the drawer and quickly grabbed it. But as she turned to go, she dropped it. Frustration raged inside her as the air of the house haunted her. She was on the verge of more tears. Nadia bent down and picked up the file and put its contents back together.

Just as she went to get up, her eyes fell upon the torn up picture in the waste bin. Her heart ached. She picked up the pieces of the picture and held them together. A tear trickled down her cheek.

“No,” she said quietly to herself.

She shook her head. She needed to get away from that place. She shoved the picture pieces in the file and left. She was never coming back, she promised herself. Never.
 
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