Official HH Joke Thread

HJ-Navarre

Cadet
Joined
Jun 13, 2006
Heard a good joke lately? A lame, corny, groaner even?

Please try avoid jokes which might be offensive, vulgar, racist, etc. Thanks.

Put the jokes in BOLD to stand out from any replies/comments.

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I'll start with a couple of corny jokes that have made their way, previously, into HH posts of mine.


How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U-nique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.. u-nique up on it.

A guy walks into the Psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.
The doctor says, "I can clearly see you(r/'re) nuts."
 

HJ-Pinnelipe

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2006
Location
US
"How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"I don't know. How many?"
"......So, I was playing this game, right-"
 

Azdel

Cadet
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Location
The Nothingness
CABLE HOST 1: "If you were stranded on a deserted island, and you could only bring ONE thing, what would it be?"
CABLE HOST 2: "A boat."
 

Luciro

Cadet
Joined
Jul 6, 2006
Location
D. C.
How come you can't hear rabbits mating? Cuz they've got cotton balls.
How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, let'em cry in the dark.
My wife and kids love me so much, they're always considerate when I'm resting. This one time the house was on fire and I could hear the wife whispering to the kids, shhh don't wake Daddy. Geesh no respect.
The other day Bush was in his office getting a report from Iraq. His aide said.. "It wasn't too bad a day sir, we just lost a Brazillian." Instantly W. started fretting a bit and tearing up. The aide was a bit puzzled and said.. "What's the matter sir? I know you care for all life but.."
Bush inturrupted and said.. "Hold up son, just how many is a brazillian again?"
 

HJ-Navarre

Cadet
Joined
Jun 13, 2006
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
 

Kuzzle

Cadet
Joined
Jul 6, 2006
I don't really tell jokes, so I don't really remember them. I'm more the type of person where this happens:

Them: "When I have kids, I-"

Me: "Hahahahahahaha! Oh man, that's hilarious!"

Them: "What are you talking about?"

Me, through tears of laughter: "As if someone would have sex with you, let alone bear your child!"

I've said that to my brother before. Things like that are the main reason people think I'm an -------. 'Cause, like, I kind of am... sometimes, anyway.
 

Daax

Cadet
Joined
May 10, 2006
How come you can't hear rabbits mating? Cuz they've got cotton balls.
How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, let'em cry in the dark.
My wife and kids love me so much, they're always considerate when I'm resting. This one time the house was on fire and I could hear the wife whispering to the kids, shhh don't wake Daddy. Geesh no respect.
The other day Bush was in his office getting a report from Iraq. His aide said.. "It wasn't too bad a day sir, we just lost a Brazillian." Instantly W. started fretting a bit and tearing up. The aide was a bit puzzled and said.. "What's the matter sir? I know you care for all life but.."
Bush inturrupted and said.. "Hold up son, just how many is a brazillian again?"
All hail his greatness Rodney Dangerfield!!!!! :O
 

HJ-Navarre

Cadet
Joined
Jun 13, 2006
Rodney was one of my favourite comedians.

More lame, corny jokes and one liners for you. :rolleyes2:

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man that walked into a bra?

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
said Dolly. "It's true -- no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet,
"let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him
down." "What? because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
dad...or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are
too high.'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What's brown and sticky. A stick.

A guy went to the dentist with only a dollar... so the dentist gave him buck teeth.


Two eggs are in a frying pan and one says “Man it’s hot in here.” The other one says “Holy felgercarb a talking egg!”

A bear walks into a bar and says “I want a bourbon and....a coke”, the bartender asks “what’s with the huge pause?” The bear says, “I’ve had them all my life.”


Two guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."


So Gandhi always walked around with no shoes on so he had really rough feet.
He is also renowned for his hunger strikes that made him very skinny.
He was also a very spiritual man.
But due to his poor diet he had very bad breath.
So what does that make Gandhi?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!


A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."
So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''Because,'' he said, ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ''Amal.'' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him ''Juan.'' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!''
 

Kuzzle

Cadet
Joined
Jul 6, 2006
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
dad...or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
That one's my favorite.
 
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