Sweet-yet-sour
Cadet
Chapter 1
Syd’s POV
I stare at the face of a man I never knew. The day I was born he vowed to protect me, he vowed to love me. He has done neither. He’s never been my shelter from the storm, never the light to help me find my way. He’s been a shadow, a mere presence in my life. There is only one man who has ever showed me love; this man has been my protector, my guardian angel. This man has been the shelter to the storm, the light to find my way. He’s my love, my home. He is Michael Vaughn.
I now take my blurry vision away from the shadow, and gaze upon the files I know hold in a vice grip. He, my father, has documented my whole life. He knew I was alive for two years, he knew what the Covenant was doing to me, and he never came to help me. I know wonder if he even cared. He threw my life away. He let Vaughn drink himself into oblivion thinking I had left him. He watched as Vaughn married a woman who never loved or cared about him. Lauren thought of him as a mere project to get Intel from the CIA. The thought brings up the contents of my stomach so it burns my throat with hatred. These two people have ruined Vaughn’s life and mine. Lauren has already paid, but my father will know what it’s like to live your life in fear and wonderment. He’ll know what it’s like to no feel loved because until Vaughn came into my life, I never felt loved.
He runs. Jack Bristow runs from the bank. He flees Whittenburg. He escapes me, but I could care less. The only man I am worried about getting home to is now sleeping on my couch probably with a remote in his hand “watching” a repeated King’s game. He already knows the score. So I fiddle with my key and finally head… HOME to HIM.
I walk into the building that I’ve occupied since I returned from the “dead.” I now think of it as my home, no, our home! The scene played out in front of me is truly a Kodak moment. Vaughn’s lying on the couch with the remote across his chest and very content Donovan at his feet. I smile thinking that I’ve never been this happy to come home. I drop the forgotten file on the end table and run to take a shower. Donovan lifts his I dam well think he smiles at me, and I can’t help but his nose.
The steam from my shower cascades into my bathroom settling as fog in a swamp. I’m wrapped up in my thoughts; they’ve never been this calm. I never heard the bathroom door open or the faint swooshing of clothes being thrown to the ground. I feel his strong arms around my waist and taste the sweet tongue of his kisses. He’s mine.
“When did you get home?”
“A half an hour ago, you looked so cute sleeping, I didn’t have the heart to wake you or our dog.”
“Well I’m glad you think I’m uh, “cute.”
“Well what would you prefer?”
Dead seriously he says,”Ruggedly handsome maybe?”
“Maybe.” My last word comes out as a whisper due to the fact that his lips are now tracing the line of my spine. I can only guess what's next. He gently turns my body to face him. His grin only furthers my agreement of what is to come. My eyelashes flutter against his bare chest. His nips at my earlobe just might draw blood, as if I care. His gentle, yet rough hand glide down and up my soaking wet body, they latch on to my hair and he brings his mouth to mine, or is mine to his? Either way his kiss whispers his need, his need for me. My tongue locks with his as my need for him becomes know,
"Tell me what you want Sydney."
Ooh, he uses my full name. "You, I want you Michael." His next kiss was meant to leave me breathless, well I think it worked as I feel my lungs sweet ache for air, but my lips not willing to break free.
Vaughn’s POV
Ooh, she wants me, like I didn’t already know that. Dam there goes my ego. The grin that spreads across my face must give away my thinking.
“You know Vaughn you could hurt yourself if you keep thinking.” Now she thinks she’s funny, well I plan to have a little fun my self.
“Now you wanna crack jokes, well my teasing side wants to come out to play with... you!”
“Mmm, well know stop talking and start teasing.” I will, I will. I travel my lips down the sweet skin of her throat and nip at her collarbone; I can taste the sweet skin of apple and cinnamon. She responds by kneading the muscles of my shoulders, twisting her tiny body against mine.
NO POV
The mere act of her twisting and kneading turns his stomach to liquid and causes an unrelenting ache in his lower body. Vaughn fans his fingers against the silk of her stomach feeling the effects of his tortured kisses. His mouth then hungrily finding hers, the sound of a small gasp finds it way to the surface of her lips when his hand moves higher, his knuckles brushing the soft underside of her breast. Sydney catches his head in her hands and rakes her gentle fingers lovingly through his golden hair. He drops a path of fire down the hollow of her throat, and then explores every sweet inch of her collarbone with his tongue.
Sydney tries to suck in her breath has his hand closed possessively over her breast. He can feel her nipple rub against his palm sending electric currents to his oversensitive groin. He tackles her breast with his hand and gently squeezes the soft flesh. Lifting his head from the crook of her neck, satisfaction spills through veins as he sees the flush of desire across her face and the love in her eyes that matches his intensity. He can feel his penis swell with release, but he refuses to give in, not yet, she deserves to be loved and loved by only him!
He captured her lower pout with his mouth tugging gently as his hands worked her breasts teasing the nipples into painful peeks of pleasure. Sydney lets out a low growl of satisfaction and pushes her lower body against his, making his breath squeeze through his lips.
Her hands tear at his muscles. Her erratic breathing and desire-glazed eyes are enough to send him over the edge, but he grips reality and pushes her against the warm tile wall of the shower. He uses his arms to cage her between him. She has no place to go and no place to run she likes it this way. Vaughn dips his head and places a fiery kiss against her open mouth his tongue slides gently with hers and then goes lower. She moans in anticipation pushing against his body urging him to never stop. His closes his mouth over her breast and kiss the valley between. He then alternates between her breasts tugging at her nipple with his teeth. He places his hands on the curves of her hips and his mouth spreads fire through her stomach.
“Vaughn,” she says on a rushed breath, and digs her nails into the soft muscle of his shoulders. ”Vaughn please.” He lifts his head and she arches her body toward his, rubbing her stomach against his arousal. “My turn.” She purrs against his ear, and nips at the lower edge.
Her heated lips against his skin quickens his breathing and slams his eyes shut. Her gaze follows his movement and she moves so her lips are inches from his. She licks the outline of his upper lip and then sucks on his bottom lip. Then she plunges her tongue into his hot mouth and sucks the breath from his lungs. In a quick attempt to stop her torture, Vaughn reaches for the shower’s nozzle and shuts the water off. He throws Syd over his shoulder and glides effortlessly into their bedroom. Her giggles off affirmation quickly turn into purrs of pleasure and she holds his hips against hers as the mouth dance their soft dance. Now it’s his turn to moan his penis is trapped between their heated bodies. He returns his mouth to her neck and uses his knee to spread her legs. He settles himself against her and the grin reappears on his lips as she reacts to his unmistakable sign of desire, but the fun is not over yet. He wants this moment to last forever. He feels her need and it rivals his own. Everything else in their life evaporates into a swirl of over heated passion. Her hands mold to his hips urging him to passion. He unhurriedly slides his hands down her curves testing the soft weight of each breast.
“Vaughn,” a sluggish plea against his mouth. He brushes a feather-light kiss against her forehead while snaking his arm around her lower back arching her aroused body towards his. “Yes?”
Her hands begin a frantic search for his erection. Vaughn slides to one side giving her accesses to the one place she seeks. When her small hand grabs a hold of him he slightly tenses begging for control, she willing hands it over knowing she have a hell of a time. He captures her venturing wrist with his callused hand and places a light kiss to the opened palm. Their eyes meet in a silent dialogue of desire. He places her hand against his heart, she reveries in the whispering thump of his heart, the heart he gave to her years ago. His mouth travels just below her stomach, teasing the sensitive flesh that makes her so different from him. He nips at her clit making her shiver with unrenowned pleasure. He nips at her again but sucks the pain from his teeth with his mouth. Vaughn’s tongue decides to play, and slowly pushes it’s way past his lips and takes a hold of her now sensitive clit bringing it back to his mouth. Her purrs of pleasure and pain mingle with his filling the air with soft music. Her sweet taste burns into his tongue and his arousal throbs from the pain. Sydney’s becomes lost in the overbearing sensations of his biting teeth and soothing tongue that she barley hears the faint humming of his voice, ”Let yourself fall,” and she does knowing he’ll always catch. Vaughn rips her orgasm from the pit of her stomach. She pushes from the bed, her shoulders merely touching the cradle of comforters and lets out suffocated scream of desire. It’s all that Vaughn can take. He releases her clit and draws her tongue into his mouth bathing her with all his love. Lifting her chin so that he looks at her flushed face, he balances on his forearms and gently grinds himself into her. Not wanting her to beg, he bends her legs at her knees so they cradle his body. Vaughn whispers in her ear “Look at me; I want to see all of you.” He pushes his penis into her with slow, tender movements, feeling her nails dig into the sensitive flesh of his shoulders as his body fills hers. Her warm body tightens, hugging his arousal. He slides back out only to push further inside. He captures her lips, crushing them to his. The movements of his lower body tenses the muscles of his back and Sydney uses her fingers to release the unwanted tension. She needs the slow movements of their lovemaking to build her own tension. She wraps her legs around the curve of each hip and brings Vaughn’s penis closer her body. The tip of his aroused body whips against her cervix until both are to dizzy to catch themselves. Their tongues still sliding with each other, they both crash against their orgasm and let loose the tension. His body’s fluids mingle with hers and slide down the heated flesh of her thigh. Vaughn’s forearms can no longer hold out against the released tension, but they allow Vaughn too gently roll off Sydney bring her body flush against his. She throws her leg over his hip and brushes the slick golden hair from his face. She places a kiss to his lips, and another over the whispering thump of his chest. Vaughn then places her hand over his chest, guarding his heart. She lays her head in the crook of his neck and whispers, “Through the storm you are shelter, to my torn heart you are the needle and thread.” A storm brews outside in reality, lightning striking the sky, and thunder shifting the roads, but the two lovers are beckoned by darkness in each other’s arms.
Vaughn’s POV
In the distance I can hear the low hum of the thunder rolling off the crescendo of trees and jaded light. The curtains are drawn shielding the wet sky from my eyes. The dimness of the room is an antonym for what I am really feeling. The lightweight on my chest is welcomed because I know if I look down I won’t see Lauren or my nightmares. I’ll see Sydney; I’ll see my dreams and a glimpse of a future that I thought was long lost. She’s curled into my side trying to claw her way into my skin, her leg is thrown over my hip and her head is placed over my heart. I think back to a past that held our futures, the past that held our secrets and our identities. After the infamous take down, after the kiss that sparked a new life of longing, I had Sydney. We were finally happy we finally had a life to weld together. We were running from the CIA just for a few days. Santa Barbara was a place that would shelter our minds from reality. We never made it past goodbye. Instead of being greeted by her sweet skin, I was greeted to the ash that was once her house. The black trash was left behind, the only remains of a life I lived for such a short time. I cried that day, the first time in over twenty years. The last time I cried was when I figured out what my father meant my setting my heart by his watch. I never could cry about my father’s death because I was only eight and I never understood the meaning of death that was changed when they found the “remains” of Sydney’s body. They had told me bluntly that she was never coming back that I was allowed to grieve; I was allowed to move on. But how? How do you move on when the one person who gave you meaning that gave you life was now at peace whispering against the wind? Sydney was dead. “They” “allowed” me to grieve but then expected me to move on with a life I didn’t want. I never found the answers at the bottom of the beer bottles; I never found the guidance in Lauren. I found an ache of emptiness, a dull roar of pain. I never really let Sydney die, at least not in my heart. Wherever I wandered she was always there, never really gone. I loved her, the day I threw her ashes to the wind I said goodnight not goodbye, because one day I would see her again in a place where her eyes always glowed with life and her heart would always beat under my hand and her voice would carry through my ears. She followed me through my highs and took the plunge through the low times and in a way, Lauren brought Sydney back, the Covenant kept her alive. I knew I could never love Lauren, but hell she never loved me. She was right when she told me; the day Sydney came back I didn’t need her anymore she did see the spark in my eyes when she came alive, but I owed a part of myself to Lauren because I numbly married her and never truly believed in her.
I would look in the mirror for those two years and I would see a tired beaten man, but now the jaded color of green that my eyes once were are now the forest green that Sydney always loved. I hear her breathing pushing it’s way from her lungs, letting me know she’s still here, with me! The tired, beaten man died the day the bullets pierced Lauren’s skin, she was the reason I looked so bruised. Hmm, I laugh to myself as I glimpse at the walls, they’re not as bear since I moved in, my junk and her junk became our junk. We wasted no time after Palmero. I told her I loved after three years of choking on those simple, yet powerful words.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Sydney’s coy smile peeks out from behind her dimples. I stretch the best I can with her position as it was before. “And what am I thinking all mighty one?”
“Ahaha, it’s to early to joke. Anyway mister all mighty smug one, you were thinking about me, Lauren and the past three years of hell and torture we’ve been through.”
“Well you’ve hit the nail pretty hard on the head. I was thinking about the same thing, the only difference is that Lauren wasn’t the only one that held secrets.” She must have noticed the slight confusion creasing my forehead.
“Did you happen to see the blue folder on the night stand?”
“Yeah, I did but I figured they were for you so I let them be. Why?”
“They were written by my father. My father knew I was alive the whole time. He had me on active duty. He let you bury me, he let you mourn me, and he let you live without me. Dam it Vaughn he knew what the Covenant, what Oleg was inflicting on me and he never cared to “save” me. He let me die.” The tears that have pooled in my eyes, I’ve let flow freely. How?
“He knew about Lauren and her “project.” She referred to you as her god dam project. I’m sorry for throwing this at you.” Her voice is cracked with emotion. It’s my turn to tell her how I really feel.
“We can’t change the past Syd. We can only live now. We take the memories we have of the life we lived before you went missing and we cherish them. We take the nightmare we lived from then on and burn it. We burn the lies and the secrets. We start to live the life we dam well deserve. No more waiting. No more wanting.”
“We burn the nightmare of Lauren and Jack. I like that.” The dimples pierce her cheeks and I know mine do too. “I love you...M-Michael.”
“No, it’s Vaughn; I will always be Vaughn to you.”
“But, but what happens when we get married? We’ll have the same last name.”
“It doesn’t matter. To you, Vaughn’s held a special meaning I will never understand because I don’t want you to. You never fell in love with Michael; a certain women, whom I wish to forget, used Michael.”
“You will always be Vaughn. MY Vaughn!”
“Yeah. Wait, wait a minute you said when we get married we’ll have the same name, so it’s safe to assume you will be taking my name, I won’t make an ass out of you an me?”
“No you won’t make an ass out of you and definitely not me. I can do that all by myself. But I never wanted to take Danny’s name. But I want to share your name. I want to share your life.”
“Then, you will be the only women to share my life, and the last name.”
“You mean,”
“No,” I cut her off. “Lauren kept her name as Reed and she never shared my life. You know, through the darkness you’re my light, and to my frozen heart, you are my heat." She thinks I didn't hear her whispered vow, but I cherished the soft hum of her voice that carried the shadows away. Because we are out of the dark and into our thoughts.
Syd’s POV
I stare at the face of a man I never knew. The day I was born he vowed to protect me, he vowed to love me. He has done neither. He’s never been my shelter from the storm, never the light to help me find my way. He’s been a shadow, a mere presence in my life. There is only one man who has ever showed me love; this man has been my protector, my guardian angel. This man has been the shelter to the storm, the light to find my way. He’s my love, my home. He is Michael Vaughn.
I now take my blurry vision away from the shadow, and gaze upon the files I know hold in a vice grip. He, my father, has documented my whole life. He knew I was alive for two years, he knew what the Covenant was doing to me, and he never came to help me. I know wonder if he even cared. He threw my life away. He let Vaughn drink himself into oblivion thinking I had left him. He watched as Vaughn married a woman who never loved or cared about him. Lauren thought of him as a mere project to get Intel from the CIA. The thought brings up the contents of my stomach so it burns my throat with hatred. These two people have ruined Vaughn’s life and mine. Lauren has already paid, but my father will know what it’s like to live your life in fear and wonderment. He’ll know what it’s like to no feel loved because until Vaughn came into my life, I never felt loved.
He runs. Jack Bristow runs from the bank. He flees Whittenburg. He escapes me, but I could care less. The only man I am worried about getting home to is now sleeping on my couch probably with a remote in his hand “watching” a repeated King’s game. He already knows the score. So I fiddle with my key and finally head… HOME to HIM.
I walk into the building that I’ve occupied since I returned from the “dead.” I now think of it as my home, no, our home! The scene played out in front of me is truly a Kodak moment. Vaughn’s lying on the couch with the remote across his chest and very content Donovan at his feet. I smile thinking that I’ve never been this happy to come home. I drop the forgotten file on the end table and run to take a shower. Donovan lifts his I dam well think he smiles at me, and I can’t help but his nose.
The steam from my shower cascades into my bathroom settling as fog in a swamp. I’m wrapped up in my thoughts; they’ve never been this calm. I never heard the bathroom door open or the faint swooshing of clothes being thrown to the ground. I feel his strong arms around my waist and taste the sweet tongue of his kisses. He’s mine.
“When did you get home?”
“A half an hour ago, you looked so cute sleeping, I didn’t have the heart to wake you or our dog.”
“Well I’m glad you think I’m uh, “cute.”
“Well what would you prefer?”
Dead seriously he says,”Ruggedly handsome maybe?”
“Maybe.” My last word comes out as a whisper due to the fact that his lips are now tracing the line of my spine. I can only guess what's next. He gently turns my body to face him. His grin only furthers my agreement of what is to come. My eyelashes flutter against his bare chest. His nips at my earlobe just might draw blood, as if I care. His gentle, yet rough hand glide down and up my soaking wet body, they latch on to my hair and he brings his mouth to mine, or is mine to his? Either way his kiss whispers his need, his need for me. My tongue locks with his as my need for him becomes know,
"Tell me what you want Sydney."
Ooh, he uses my full name. "You, I want you Michael." His next kiss was meant to leave me breathless, well I think it worked as I feel my lungs sweet ache for air, but my lips not willing to break free.
Vaughn’s POV
Ooh, she wants me, like I didn’t already know that. Dam there goes my ego. The grin that spreads across my face must give away my thinking.
“You know Vaughn you could hurt yourself if you keep thinking.” Now she thinks she’s funny, well I plan to have a little fun my self.
“Now you wanna crack jokes, well my teasing side wants to come out to play with... you!”
“Mmm, well know stop talking and start teasing.” I will, I will. I travel my lips down the sweet skin of her throat and nip at her collarbone; I can taste the sweet skin of apple and cinnamon. She responds by kneading the muscles of my shoulders, twisting her tiny body against mine.
NO POV
The mere act of her twisting and kneading turns his stomach to liquid and causes an unrelenting ache in his lower body. Vaughn fans his fingers against the silk of her stomach feeling the effects of his tortured kisses. His mouth then hungrily finding hers, the sound of a small gasp finds it way to the surface of her lips when his hand moves higher, his knuckles brushing the soft underside of her breast. Sydney catches his head in her hands and rakes her gentle fingers lovingly through his golden hair. He drops a path of fire down the hollow of her throat, and then explores every sweet inch of her collarbone with his tongue.
Sydney tries to suck in her breath has his hand closed possessively over her breast. He can feel her nipple rub against his palm sending electric currents to his oversensitive groin. He tackles her breast with his hand and gently squeezes the soft flesh. Lifting his head from the crook of her neck, satisfaction spills through veins as he sees the flush of desire across her face and the love in her eyes that matches his intensity. He can feel his penis swell with release, but he refuses to give in, not yet, she deserves to be loved and loved by only him!
He captured her lower pout with his mouth tugging gently as his hands worked her breasts teasing the nipples into painful peeks of pleasure. Sydney lets out a low growl of satisfaction and pushes her lower body against his, making his breath squeeze through his lips.
Her hands tear at his muscles. Her erratic breathing and desire-glazed eyes are enough to send him over the edge, but he grips reality and pushes her against the warm tile wall of the shower. He uses his arms to cage her between him. She has no place to go and no place to run she likes it this way. Vaughn dips his head and places a fiery kiss against her open mouth his tongue slides gently with hers and then goes lower. She moans in anticipation pushing against his body urging him to never stop. His closes his mouth over her breast and kiss the valley between. He then alternates between her breasts tugging at her nipple with his teeth. He places his hands on the curves of her hips and his mouth spreads fire through her stomach.
“Vaughn,” she says on a rushed breath, and digs her nails into the soft muscle of his shoulders. ”Vaughn please.” He lifts his head and she arches her body toward his, rubbing her stomach against his arousal. “My turn.” She purrs against his ear, and nips at the lower edge.
Her heated lips against his skin quickens his breathing and slams his eyes shut. Her gaze follows his movement and she moves so her lips are inches from his. She licks the outline of his upper lip and then sucks on his bottom lip. Then she plunges her tongue into his hot mouth and sucks the breath from his lungs. In a quick attempt to stop her torture, Vaughn reaches for the shower’s nozzle and shuts the water off. He throws Syd over his shoulder and glides effortlessly into their bedroom. Her giggles off affirmation quickly turn into purrs of pleasure and she holds his hips against hers as the mouth dance their soft dance. Now it’s his turn to moan his penis is trapped between their heated bodies. He returns his mouth to her neck and uses his knee to spread her legs. He settles himself against her and the grin reappears on his lips as she reacts to his unmistakable sign of desire, but the fun is not over yet. He wants this moment to last forever. He feels her need and it rivals his own. Everything else in their life evaporates into a swirl of over heated passion. Her hands mold to his hips urging him to passion. He unhurriedly slides his hands down her curves testing the soft weight of each breast.
“Vaughn,” a sluggish plea against his mouth. He brushes a feather-light kiss against her forehead while snaking his arm around her lower back arching her aroused body towards his. “Yes?”
Her hands begin a frantic search for his erection. Vaughn slides to one side giving her accesses to the one place she seeks. When her small hand grabs a hold of him he slightly tenses begging for control, she willing hands it over knowing she have a hell of a time. He captures her venturing wrist with his callused hand and places a light kiss to the opened palm. Their eyes meet in a silent dialogue of desire. He places her hand against his heart, she reveries in the whispering thump of his heart, the heart he gave to her years ago. His mouth travels just below her stomach, teasing the sensitive flesh that makes her so different from him. He nips at her clit making her shiver with unrenowned pleasure. He nips at her again but sucks the pain from his teeth with his mouth. Vaughn’s tongue decides to play, and slowly pushes it’s way past his lips and takes a hold of her now sensitive clit bringing it back to his mouth. Her purrs of pleasure and pain mingle with his filling the air with soft music. Her sweet taste burns into his tongue and his arousal throbs from the pain. Sydney’s becomes lost in the overbearing sensations of his biting teeth and soothing tongue that she barley hears the faint humming of his voice, ”Let yourself fall,” and she does knowing he’ll always catch. Vaughn rips her orgasm from the pit of her stomach. She pushes from the bed, her shoulders merely touching the cradle of comforters and lets out suffocated scream of desire. It’s all that Vaughn can take. He releases her clit and draws her tongue into his mouth bathing her with all his love. Lifting her chin so that he looks at her flushed face, he balances on his forearms and gently grinds himself into her. Not wanting her to beg, he bends her legs at her knees so they cradle his body. Vaughn whispers in her ear “Look at me; I want to see all of you.” He pushes his penis into her with slow, tender movements, feeling her nails dig into the sensitive flesh of his shoulders as his body fills hers. Her warm body tightens, hugging his arousal. He slides back out only to push further inside. He captures her lips, crushing them to his. The movements of his lower body tenses the muscles of his back and Sydney uses her fingers to release the unwanted tension. She needs the slow movements of their lovemaking to build her own tension. She wraps her legs around the curve of each hip and brings Vaughn’s penis closer her body. The tip of his aroused body whips against her cervix until both are to dizzy to catch themselves. Their tongues still sliding with each other, they both crash against their orgasm and let loose the tension. His body’s fluids mingle with hers and slide down the heated flesh of her thigh. Vaughn’s forearms can no longer hold out against the released tension, but they allow Vaughn too gently roll off Sydney bring her body flush against his. She throws her leg over his hip and brushes the slick golden hair from his face. She places a kiss to his lips, and another over the whispering thump of his chest. Vaughn then places her hand over his chest, guarding his heart. She lays her head in the crook of his neck and whispers, “Through the storm you are shelter, to my torn heart you are the needle and thread.” A storm brews outside in reality, lightning striking the sky, and thunder shifting the roads, but the two lovers are beckoned by darkness in each other’s arms.
Vaughn’s POV
In the distance I can hear the low hum of the thunder rolling off the crescendo of trees and jaded light. The curtains are drawn shielding the wet sky from my eyes. The dimness of the room is an antonym for what I am really feeling. The lightweight on my chest is welcomed because I know if I look down I won’t see Lauren or my nightmares. I’ll see Sydney; I’ll see my dreams and a glimpse of a future that I thought was long lost. She’s curled into my side trying to claw her way into my skin, her leg is thrown over my hip and her head is placed over my heart. I think back to a past that held our futures, the past that held our secrets and our identities. After the infamous take down, after the kiss that sparked a new life of longing, I had Sydney. We were finally happy we finally had a life to weld together. We were running from the CIA just for a few days. Santa Barbara was a place that would shelter our minds from reality. We never made it past goodbye. Instead of being greeted by her sweet skin, I was greeted to the ash that was once her house. The black trash was left behind, the only remains of a life I lived for such a short time. I cried that day, the first time in over twenty years. The last time I cried was when I figured out what my father meant my setting my heart by his watch. I never could cry about my father’s death because I was only eight and I never understood the meaning of death that was changed when they found the “remains” of Sydney’s body. They had told me bluntly that she was never coming back that I was allowed to grieve; I was allowed to move on. But how? How do you move on when the one person who gave you meaning that gave you life was now at peace whispering against the wind? Sydney was dead. “They” “allowed” me to grieve but then expected me to move on with a life I didn’t want. I never found the answers at the bottom of the beer bottles; I never found the guidance in Lauren. I found an ache of emptiness, a dull roar of pain. I never really let Sydney die, at least not in my heart. Wherever I wandered she was always there, never really gone. I loved her, the day I threw her ashes to the wind I said goodnight not goodbye, because one day I would see her again in a place where her eyes always glowed with life and her heart would always beat under my hand and her voice would carry through my ears. She followed me through my highs and took the plunge through the low times and in a way, Lauren brought Sydney back, the Covenant kept her alive. I knew I could never love Lauren, but hell she never loved me. She was right when she told me; the day Sydney came back I didn’t need her anymore she did see the spark in my eyes when she came alive, but I owed a part of myself to Lauren because I numbly married her and never truly believed in her.
I would look in the mirror for those two years and I would see a tired beaten man, but now the jaded color of green that my eyes once were are now the forest green that Sydney always loved. I hear her breathing pushing it’s way from her lungs, letting me know she’s still here, with me! The tired, beaten man died the day the bullets pierced Lauren’s skin, she was the reason I looked so bruised. Hmm, I laugh to myself as I glimpse at the walls, they’re not as bear since I moved in, my junk and her junk became our junk. We wasted no time after Palmero. I told her I loved after three years of choking on those simple, yet powerful words.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Sydney’s coy smile peeks out from behind her dimples. I stretch the best I can with her position as it was before. “And what am I thinking all mighty one?”
“Ahaha, it’s to early to joke. Anyway mister all mighty smug one, you were thinking about me, Lauren and the past three years of hell and torture we’ve been through.”
“Well you’ve hit the nail pretty hard on the head. I was thinking about the same thing, the only difference is that Lauren wasn’t the only one that held secrets.” She must have noticed the slight confusion creasing my forehead.
“Did you happen to see the blue folder on the night stand?”
“Yeah, I did but I figured they were for you so I let them be. Why?”
“They were written by my father. My father knew I was alive the whole time. He had me on active duty. He let you bury me, he let you mourn me, and he let you live without me. Dam it Vaughn he knew what the Covenant, what Oleg was inflicting on me and he never cared to “save” me. He let me die.” The tears that have pooled in my eyes, I’ve let flow freely. How?
“He knew about Lauren and her “project.” She referred to you as her god dam project. I’m sorry for throwing this at you.” Her voice is cracked with emotion. It’s my turn to tell her how I really feel.
“We can’t change the past Syd. We can only live now. We take the memories we have of the life we lived before you went missing and we cherish them. We take the nightmare we lived from then on and burn it. We burn the lies and the secrets. We start to live the life we dam well deserve. No more waiting. No more wanting.”
“We burn the nightmare of Lauren and Jack. I like that.” The dimples pierce her cheeks and I know mine do too. “I love you...M-Michael.”
“No, it’s Vaughn; I will always be Vaughn to you.”
“But, but what happens when we get married? We’ll have the same last name.”
“It doesn’t matter. To you, Vaughn’s held a special meaning I will never understand because I don’t want you to. You never fell in love with Michael; a certain women, whom I wish to forget, used Michael.”
“You will always be Vaughn. MY Vaughn!”
“Yeah. Wait, wait a minute you said when we get married we’ll have the same name, so it’s safe to assume you will be taking my name, I won’t make an ass out of you an me?”
“No you won’t make an ass out of you and definitely not me. I can do that all by myself. But I never wanted to take Danny’s name. But I want to share your name. I want to share your life.”
“Then, you will be the only women to share my life, and the last name.”
“You mean,”
“No,” I cut her off. “Lauren kept her name as Reed and she never shared my life. You know, through the darkness you’re my light, and to my frozen heart, you are my heat." She thinks I didn't hear her whispered vow, but I cherished the soft hum of her voice that carried the shadows away. Because we are out of the dark and into our thoughts.