Pivotal Moments

KSweety

Cadet
Hi! It has been quite a while since I have come up with something to post. Thanks to all who wrote something about my previous fics and I hope I like this one. I'll do just a little bit at a time, so let me know what u think after each installment. Thanks

The characters aren't mine I'm just borrowing 'em.


***
Have you ever gone through the day to day routine of life and ever wondered wher it was all leading. You get yourself into a routine and you sense that it is all leading up to somehting big but not sure of what exactly. Our lives are filled with pivotal moments, defining moment that shape the path of our lives and change us forever.

And so here she was again. She thought she had moved on from this. That the time of uncertainty and insanity had passed her. That she, for once, was in control. But that was not to be, not for long anyway. For now she has found herself right back to where it all began, a blank piece of paper.

A blank piece of paper, and two pens this time, sit in front of her on the wooden desk. Outside the office were Agents Kendall Weiss and and Vaughn pacing back and forth waiting for her to finish. Sydney looked at the paper again. What was she supposed to write? She WAS supposed to write all she knew, all she remembered, but that piece of paper currently represented all she knew, remembered and understood of the past two years, nothing. Blankness.

A sense of de ja vu had washed over her. She had been in this position before. Many years ago, although to Sydney it seemed mere months. Sitting at this very table, in the very same room, the very same agents pacing frantically outside the office door waiting for her to reveal all. Sydney remembered the waves emotion that had flooded over her then, the anger, betrayal, confusion and utter devestation and she was feeling all of those again but for very deifferent reasons this time. Her 'bozo' hair had been matted and clung to her forehead as she brushed away the strays hairs away frantically writing, page after page, revealin all, her life right up to the death of Danny. Back then she had written and written until her mind no longer controlled the pen, it took on a life of its own as she filled page after page detailing every facet of her life right up until sitting at the desk. But now, she faced the same task and again and she couldn't even bring herself to hold the pen in her hand.

That afternoon in the office had changed her life forever. She no longer continued to live a lie and it was here in this office oh so long ago that she learned the truth about the CIA and SD-6. It was a pivotal moment in her life. It was one of those moments that once it has happened you know your life would never be the same again, from then on things would be different. It was in this office that Sydney gained some sort of clarity amongst the confusion. The task before her had been set and she knew what she had to do, bring down SD-6. The secrecy, madness and deception over the past few years all culminated to this one point. And it was then she met Agent Vaughn. When he walked into the room on that fateful day, Sydney knew that he would be part of her life and that he would change it forever.

She thought she would never be in that position again. She thought that she had moved on, that it was over. She was wrong. The fact remained that Sydney could not tell them what they wanted to hear because she didn't know herself. Sydney wanted them to tell her what had happened, where she had been for the last two years, what had happened to her. But they couldn't they, were as clueless as she was. And she had reached another fork in the road. After the breakdown of SD-6 Sydney was convinced that she had it all figured it out. That her and Michael would be together, and that would never change. Fate once again had stepped in and now Sydney had no idea what would become of her and for the first time in a long time she was afraid, and alone.
 
Thanks for your comments.

***
He was always there. In her darkest hour, he was there. The shoulder she could cry on, the guardian angel that would never leave her side, but he has. It was hard to imagine because she let herself get to a place that would never think of having a life without him. And that was exactly what Sydney faced now.

She wanted to cry.

She wanted to fall on her kness and scream at the Gods and the heavens above. She had a lump in her throat that wouldn't go away. She couldn't breathe, her breathe would come out in shrot gasping bursts. Her hands gripped the rests of the chair she was sitting in with such verocity that her knuckles turned white and and her palms ached. The image of the paper and pens in fornt of her were blurred by the tears that were welling in her eyes.

Damn the Gods! Damn fate and damn everything that allowed her to believe that everything was going to be okay. Sydney took a deep breathe and exhaled shakily. Why did this have to happen? Why her? Why now? And why did she have to have him only to be taken away from him? What was that syaing, "It is better to love and lost than to have never loved at all." There was a time in her life where she truly believed that was so. But not now. She could never imagine being with another and it killed her inside that he had given himself for life to another. How could she sit and watch him, not being able to go home with him, hold his hand and hear himtell her that everyhting is going to be alright, and believe it.

I should have known better, she told herself. If she had learnt anything at all it was that everything good in this life, her life anyway, was too good to be true because underneath there was always some seedy underbelly. She opened herself up to someone and got hurt again. Why did she expect things to be any different with Michael?

With a shaking hand, Sydney reached for the pen and wrote just a few lines. She then stood up leaving the pen and paper on the table, opened the glass door and walked out, not bothering to find out where Agents Vaughn, Weiss or Kendall had gone to, since they were no longer outside the door.

Michael had only left the corridor for just a few moments. He couldn't bear to look at Sydney any longer, seeing her in so much pain. He just wanted to hide, hide in shame. Why didn't he wait for her? Why did he run off with 'the next best thing'? Why did he hurt her so much. He would rather die that live knowing she was in this world and he was not by her side.

Returning to the office he was surprised to see Sydney had left. He looked either side of the corridor but Sydney was not there. Michael opened the door to the office noticing the piece of paper waiting for him on the desk.

This was what Sydney wrote:

Live as if you will live forever, love as if you will die tomorrow.

Michael ran out the door.
 
I love it. that was really great. is this your first Fan Fiction? cause it doesn't sound like it. but really nice start.
--Mandy :angelic:
 
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>KSweety, you write very well, and you deserve to know it. The way you write your characters makes me want to cry; I don't want to refer to your work as depressing, but angsty just didn't fit correctly. So I guess I'll refer to it as angstessing.

"Live as if you will live forever, love as if you will die tomorrow."

Awww, that's so bittersweet and...ah-hah, I have a word now...dramatic. Your work is very dramatic and bittersweet. So you can throw out the angstessing. One question, though, is this a Post-Telling fic or sort of AU-ish? Maybe neither?


much luv-
JoJo
</span>
 
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts, I hop u will continue to enjoy it. :D

***
She had left the room quickly and quietly without anyone even knowing she had left. Nobody knew where she had gone, but Michael knew. She didn't have to tell him, he knew.

Michael's mind was frantic as he made the drive to the pier. Nothing else mattered but getting to that pier, to talk to Sydney. They had not really spoken to each other since her 'return'. And he was desperate. He was desperate to know what she was feeling, but most of all he was desperate to explain all. For somewhere inside of him there was this nagging feeling that he had let her down, that he had disappointed her and worst of all that he had betrayed her. That was the worst feeling of all. His head kept reminding him that he thought she was dead, gone forever and that at the time he owed it to himself to move own, to have a life. But his heart as crying out, why hadn't he waited. There MUST have been something else he could have done. Anything. If only he knew........

Michael parked the car with a halt and just sat there. For there in front of him in the distance was a tiny figure on the pier. He knew who it was, even if he couldn't see her face. Her hair was flowing in the gentle breeze as she stood against a backdrop of the brilliant pinks, oranges and yellows of the setting sun. Michael got out of the car and tentatively went to her.

Sydney knew he was there but didn't turn to face him, or even acknowledge his presence. Michael stood a metre or two away, too afraid that if he got too close she would run.

After what seemed like an eternity, Sydney broke the silence. "This used to be my favourite time of day, you know. The world is winding down. The light of the sun is being replaced by the lights of the city. The lights of the pier are so beautiful reflecting off the moving water. People rushing home from work, kids from school. Husbands going home to their wives...." Sydney left this last thought lingering in the air as she gave him a quick sideways glance as these last few words pierced Michael right through the heart. Michael began,'Sydney I.......' But Sydney interrupted him, "I can't do this anymore". He words were now wavering as her bottom lip began to tremble and tears welled in her eyes. But still she did not look at him. ' Do, do what?' Michael stammered.
"This. Everything. I've had enough." she took a deep breathe and let it out shakily and said in an even quiter voice. "I'm just so tired. There is nothing left inside of me. Everything has been taken away and I don't think I have the strength to fight to bring it all back." Sydney looked down at her hands and whispered."And even if I did, I think what I did have once is lost forever."

Michael was speechless. A thousand times before he had given her some speech about how she was the bravest of them all, that nothing was too big for her to overcome. He remembered how he had told her how much he admired her strength and determination and that above all, no matter what, he would be there fo her. And each time he had said those words to her, it seemed to make her feel better. It gave her more resolve to continue on the good fight, that they were more than just words, they actually meant something...coming from him. But Michael realised that those words no longer meant as muchto her, as they had before. That she probably would not believe him because, quite simply he was no longer hers. How could he give himself to her when he belonged to another.

"The pain is too much."
'What hurts so bad?' Michael pleaded. Sydney turned to face him and for the first time in a long time he looked deep into her big brown eyes. There was no longer that glow that once radiated from the, but instead there was darkness and sadness. Sydney, in a barely audible voice answered, "The way that you are looking at me now." Michael was moved and totally taken back by what she said. "I've seen that look a thousand times before. The look of concern and worry and you know what? I cherished that look because I thought at least somebody in this world cares about me. Oh how I've missed that look." Sydney raised one hand and placed the palm of her hand against the side of Michael's face. He leant into it and held it to him with his own hand. They stood there for what seemed like the longest time. The sun was well and truly gone and the pier lights were the only source of illumination but Sydney still looked so beautiful.

'I'm so sorry Sydney.' By this time Michael's voice was barely audible and was shaking as he was close to breaking down. 'I feel so lost because I don't know what to say. There are a thousand things I want to tell you but none can change what has happened....or what I've done. I wish I knew how to make it go away, but I don't, I can't. I have dreamt of you every night and now that you are here, I......"
"Shhhhh."
Michael began to sob. Nothing would ever be the same. "Its time."
Michael looked up at her confused. 'Time for what?'
"Time to go home to your wife Michael." And with that Sydney walked away.
 
awwwwwwww. okay now i'm sad. :( that was really great. more soon plz
--mandy :angelic:
 
Wow, that's all i can say, WOW!!! Syd and Vaughn have to stay together. It makes me so sad when they are apart. Can I get a pm when the next part is up?
 
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