Remembère…

Title: Remembère…
Author: JoJo (MyGuardianAngel)
Rating: PG-13 (at most)
Ship: S/V
Disclaimer: I am cloning and mass-producing Michael Vaughn. If you believe that then sure, I own the Alias characters...
Summary: Fast forward five years, SD-6 is gone, but so is Syd...Vaughn needs her and is trying to find her, but has many doubts.
Review: A girl just can't get enough
A/N:I originally posted this at sd-1, but why not try it here. R/R please... A girl can't get enough


Remembère…
Chapter One
“Rain and Sea Analogies”



It was funny how fate worked. Funny how destiny had a strange way of choosing its path. Funny how Vaughn still stayed up at nights thinking of the same person he had been thinking about every second of every day of every year for the past seven years. Funny how no one knew. Funny how no one cared.

Pitter patter pitter patter

The rain beat furiously against a large window, almost as if knocking on his heart. For him, it had rained every day and every night since she left. For him, the rain and the heartache were as constant as the intake of air. But then again, he had nearly stopped breathing for her too.

Pitter patter pitter patter

He tried to remember why, but couldn’t come up with a single reason why he had let her leave. Perhaps it was because he had no reasons. Or perhaps it was because there were no reasons with her. No reasons. No explanations. No anything, to be quite frank.

Pitter patter pitter patter

Blinking back tears pooled in glassy wet emerald eyes, Vaughn took a slow sip of wine and lay down on the soft couch. It was almost four o’clock in the afternoon, and Sheryl had yet another business trip in New York. If he had been any other boyfriend, he would have been just the slightest bit suspicious. But he wasn’t, because any time alone was time spent thinking about someone different. That someone…being Sydney Bristow.

Pitter patter pitter patter

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Sheryl Caprice. He did. She was funny and radiant with a bright smile and a pretty head of reddish hair. But she wasn’t Sydney, and no one would ever compare to Sydney except for…Sydney. So he fooled himself into thinking that he loved Sheryl, and it had worked…for the first few days or so. After that, the pain of the truth slowly took its toll. It had taken no more than a week with Sheryl to become fed up with his life. All he wanted was one woman. Oddly enough, one woman only.

Pitter patter pitter patter

Five years ago, Vaughn made the biggest mistake of his life. He let his everything slip away like grains of sand. He let his everything wash away like the gentle tide rolling in and out. And just like a message in a bottle, he could not track her. He could not find her; he wanted to, but he couldn’t. Vaughn failed her; when she needed him, he pushed her away, and she drifted out to sea. Never to be found.

Knock knock knock

A hard and loud knock interrupted his thoughts. Vaughn quickly set down the wine and rushed to the front door. Not bothering to peer through the peephole, he opened the door only to be confronted by a massive spray of small cold droplets…and Eric Weiss.

“Eric! What the f-ck?” Vaughn ushered a dripping Weiss into his foyer and quickly shut the door.

“Three years, and do I even get a ‘hello?’ No, I get a ‘what the f-ck,’” Weiss teased, half-serious, half-not, taking his right shoe off his wet foot.

“Man, I’m sorry. So, what’s up? Why are you here?” Vaughn asked.

“Can’t even stop by to say hi to my ol’ pal?”

“Weiss…don’t bullsh-t me, the CIA doesn’t have headquarters in Seattle and the closest one is in Los Angeles. You wouldn’t just happen to stop by, even for an ol’ pal,” Vaughn said quickly. But besides that, he thought there might be hope. Maybe they had found Syd.

“Look, if you’re thinking we found Syd, you can forget it,” Weiss said shaking his head and taking his other shoe off.

“What? Who said that?”

“You always get that glassy look in your eyes whenever you think about her…and dude, have you been crying?” Weiss asked squinting closely at Vaughn’s reddish eyes.

“No! Eric, I’m going to ask you one more time. Why are you here?”

“I’m here to visit an old friend of mine, I told you!”

“In the middle of a treacherous Seattle downpour?”

Pause.

“Weiss!”

Pause.

“Okay…fine. You were right. We have new clues to where she is. I mean, she’s always unattainable, but Jack thinks that we’ll be able to track her, because he thinks that she thinks that we’ve given up. Anyways, there’s a big chance of finding her again. And we need your help. Because you’re everything to her. You…you give her every reason to come back.”

“She’s not going to return to the CIA, Eric, you know that. More importantly, she’s not going to return for me, ” Vaughn said, his eyes fixed on the floor.

“I’m not saying that, Mike! I mean, ok, yeah, maybe I am, but that’s not what I mean…Dude, don’t you want her to come back? Don’t you miss her?”

“No sh-t, Sherlock. But she…she would never ever forgive me..for---what I’ve…done,” Vaughn attempted to explain as Weiss cocked an eyebrow, “Look, Eric, man, it’s hard to explain. I don’t know…I don’t know if I’m ready-to tell anyone. It’s…complicated.”

There was a pause where Vaughn’s eyes quickly flicked from the high windows down to his folded hands. It was then that Eric saw the tears in Vaughn’s eyes that he had so desperately tried to hide. It was then that Eric saw how much Vaughn missed her. It was then that Eric decided he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Man, you’re coming back. And we’re finding her. You’re going to apologize for whatever sh-t you did. And you guys are gonna kiss, get married, and f-ck each other until you’re both 106,” Weiss said decisively.

Then his whole mood changed, he eased up, and he began walking through the house.

“Pretty house you got here, Vaughn; very nice. Wait, dude, what is this? Like a pent house at the top of Beverly Wilshire or something?” Weiss stopped in front of an oil painting. It was of a woman; her body was distinctly in shape and very well toned, but her face was fuzzy and blurred…however, you could faintly make out two brown eyes and a thin face surrounded by locks of straight brown hair.

Weiss turned around to question, but the words didn’t come out. Understanding, Vaughn nodded to signify that yes, he had indeed bought the painting because it had reminded him so much of Sydney. A mysterious, but beautiful face. He remembered the time he had truly seen her face, not just the mask or shield she constantly had to put on.

Flashback

“After you’ve retrieved the set of codes, make sure you pass by the bar on your way across the ballroom. There will be a man sitting there, dressed in a dark blue hat, black shirt, and gray pants. This is a picture of him, James Pollox. He will appear drunk, stand up and bump into you. During your fumble, you will trade codes, and the bogus ones are the ones you’ll be giving to…” Vaughn quickly looked up to see Sydney softly humming and clearly not totally focusing on her counter mission.

“Syd…”

“Uh-huh?” she said, turning to face him. Her eyes sparkled as she locked eyes with him and Vaughn silently cursed himself, trying to remember what he said in the first place.

“Uh…”

“Something about…oh, I dunno, apple cider?” Syd said playfully.

“Oh, right!” Vaughn exclaimed. “So about the apple cider, make sure you don’t spill it or you’ll trigger…”

Hearing himself, he faltered, “W-w-wait. We…we weren’t talking about apple cider.”

“And you thought I was the one who was distracted?” Sydney asked.

And in the shadows of the warehouse, Sydney smiled and truly opened up her soul, her feelings, her emotions up. To him. Of all people, she showed him how she felt. He felt he must be the luckiest man alive, and the corners of his lips curved into a grin. And they stayed for a moment like that in silence. Not awkward silence, but a happy and content silence. It was a moment of many where they locked eyes and just stayed silent, happy to have each other.

“You never joke around like this.”

“Partially cause Kendall would have my head if I did.”

“But you’re so…you’re so beautiful when you smile,” Vaughn semi-blurted out, and then looked away, once again cursing himself.

“So I’m ugly at work?” she challenged.

“What? No, I never said that! You’re always---you’re always…yeah, you know. But it’s just that when…I mean, I’ve always wanted…No, wait…I…” Vaughn fumbled, and then quit. You just blew it big time, buddy.

Pause.

“Have I told you about Marshall? He stutters just like you…But don’t worry, it’s cute…funny.”

“Oh, I’m funny?” Vaughn asked, raising an eyebrow. When her cheeks flushed at his facial expression, he made a mental note to himself that he ought to do that more often.

“Funny lookin’,” she shot back, barely missing a beat.

“Well, takes one to know one,” Vaughn teased.

“I know you are, but what am I?” Sydney teased back.

Pause.

“Uh…sh-t, I dunno any more comebacks.”

“Oh, geez, we sound like we’re in second grade.”

”Hey! Second grade was fun, okay?” Vaughn joked, defending himself, “And besides the teacher was hott!

“You had a crush on your second grade teacher?” Sydney laughed.

“Don’t laugh, I’m sure you’ve had you’re share of crushes on high school drama teachers!”

”Yeah, especially when all of them were 60+,” she joked, “And besides wouldn’t Miss Lucky Second Grade Teacher be like sixty now? Would you be willing to go out with a sixty year old lady?”

“I’m not saying I’d go out with her now! I’m just saying that…Ok, fine, in second grade, when I walked up to give her an apple, I accidentally dropped it and just happened to get a peek under her skirt.”

“Vaughn!” Sydney exclaimed incredulously, swatting his arm. He couldn’t remember how she had gotten so close to him. He fumbled with his words again. Apparently, he couldn’t remember much at all. She laughed again and looked at her watch.

“Vaughn, I should probably go... But you know what? Today was the first time in a long time that I’ve laughed like that. And I know that handlers and their agents aren’t supposed to have a friendship, but you’re my friend. If that’s breaking the rules, then I’m sorry, Kendall will just have to live with that. Because there is no way that I would ever work with anybody else. You know, you’re more than just my friend; you’re also the only one on this entire Earth that I can trust. You’re the only one who’ll listen. You’re the only one, period. Thank you so much for being my friend. I don’t know how I could’ve made it through all this sh-t without you there. Thank you.”

She was so close now; all he wanted to do was kiss her, but to avoid the temptation, he turned his head away reluctantly and started gathering together papers. Obviously making a spur of the moment decision, Sydney stood on her tip toes and was about to give him a kiss on the cheek when Vaughn suddenly turned his head back around.

Their lips met softly, but only for less then a split second as Sydney jerked her head back.

“I, I’m sorry,” she said softly, still so close that he could feel her hot breath on his face. And when he saw the expression on her face, he made a decision of his own.

“Don’t be,” Vaughn whispered.

And they kissed softly again. Blood rushed to their lips when they met, and Vaughn swore he had never felt so d-mn good in his life. This was meant to be There had never, in the Amazing Kisses Hall of Fame, been a more amazing and shocking and wonderful kiss. The kiss was soft, wet, and not very long. It wasn’t the kind of passionate kiss that you read about in romance novels... It was the single most powerful statement ever made.

End Flashback

Unaware of three big drops of salty tears rolling down his face, he shoved his hands into his pockets. That pain had started again, the bitter pain with a soft sweet touch that began in his middle, his exact middle, and worked its way up to his throat. And he felt like someone must have shoved a bag of anvils down his throat.

“You know, the flight really was horrible. Have you ever understood why the only thing they have on those d-mn airplanes is peanuts? Yeah, sure, they’ve got variety, but how the h-ll are you supposed to tell the difference between salted peanuts, whole peanuts, and what, honey roasted?” Eric said, once again changing the mood and walking away from the painting.

“Yeah, sorry. You must be hungry,” Vaughn said half-choked, half-smiled.

“Always am.”

“What do you want? I got, um…actually, I have nothing, you wanna get pizza or something?”

“Pizza and Heineken?” Weiss asked, ears visibly perking up at the mention of the old Vaughn and Weiss ritual.

“Pizza and Heineken,” Vaughn agreed.

*****

“So you wanna tell me about it?” Weiss asked before taking a huge bite out of a huge slice of pepperoni.

“About it? About what?” Vaughn asked, raising his eyebrows.

“You-know-who.”

“No,” he answered too quickly and averted his eyes to the windowpane beside their booth. He brought his bottle of Heineken to his lips and drank half the bottle. Weiss stared at him, mouth slightly hanging open, for a few seconds before snapping his attention back to his pizza.

“Well, dude, if you’re looking to get drunk, you’re gonna need some serious liquor,” Weiss said, shaking his head and devouring the other half of his pizza.

“I’m not trying to get drunk.”

“Then you’re gonna have to talk to someone about it soon. You can’t keep it all inside,” Weiss said. Pause. “Hey, look man, it’s December. It’s almost Christmas. And I’m not gonna watch you get her another present and then watch you put it under your Christmas Tree and then watch you wait for her.”

Vaughn didn’t say anything. He had no clue that anybody knew about what he did at Christmas. And if Weiss knew, Jack Bristow knew too. Then everybody knew. He averted his gaze to the world outside. Somewhere out there, he’d find her. Sydney Bristow was out there. Perhaps, she was waiting for him.

“When do you leave?” Vaughn asked sharply.

“Two days,” Weiss said with a sigh, disappointed his friend had changed the subject.

“Good. I hope there’s an empty seat on that plane.”


To Be Continued…



much luv-
JoJo
 
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>As a note, I have six chapters written, so I will post them soon, but gradually...


much luv-
JoJo
</span>
 
ohhh I love it! post them fast! or i can go to sd-1..... :devil:
--Mandy :angelic:
 
This is a really great start. I have two questions. did Sydney leave or was she MIA? and the other is What the heck did Vaughn do? This is really good. You are racking my brain to find answers. Awesome start. Can I get a pm when you update please? Thanks!

Love ya,

Lauren :angelic:
 
i love it i love it i love it i love it! i hope he finds her before i goes insane! poor vaughn. he buys her christmas presents and puts em under the tree and waits for her 2 show up somewhere and be found! he seems pretty depressed! post more soon and give me a pm when more's up! thanks!
 
AN: This is a short transition chapter, but the next chapter will hopefully be much more intriguing and answer some questions...SOME questions, beause the rest will come out in chapter four, which is already done, but...You have to figure, chapter three comes first... Read on. There's another AN at the bottom that'll tell you a little more about chapter three...

Remembère…
Chapter Two
“The Frame”

For the first time in years, Vaughn walked into the familiar CIA building. Gasps came from all different directions as he stood there rather awkwardly. Weiss came up from behind, flipping through a file and quickly handing it to his secretary. He stopped short next to Vaughn, where people were, well…staring.

“What?” Weiss asked them, staring back at them, ”It’s not a freak show, get back to work.”

They continued staring, stuck in awe.

“Who do you people work for? Haven’t you ever seen a CIA agent before?”

Weiss gave up, motioned for Vaughn to follow, and headed to Kendall’s office. Weiss raised his hand to knock, but the door opened before he had a chance to knock.

“Mr. Vaughn, nice to see you decided to come back. You could be of a great use to us.”

“Mr. Kendall, I am here for one purpose only. And that is to find Sydney Bristow. My efforts here will be used only toward finding Agent Sydney Bristow. And it is my every intention that I will.”

Kendall paused, then continued, “But of course.”

Walking past him, Kendall muttered a, “Welcome back, Agent Vaughn.”

“Yeah,” Vaughn muttered back.

*****

Vaughn stood in the middle of the slightly cluttered antique store. It had been nearly seven years since he had last been in this store, yet it still looked the same with mirrors and chests lining the walls. He awkwardly walked to the section where the antique frames were kept.

The same table.

He ran his fingers along the rim of a rather dusty table, recalling he had done the same seven years ago.

The same chime

Blowing off the dust on his fingers, he heard a soft bell ringing 10 o’clock in the background.

The same mirror

Looking up momentarily, he caught sight of himself in the big round mirror. Hidden Treasures hadn’t changed much, and neither had the reflection staring back in the silver frame. His eyes welled up at his own face…he didn’t look different, but he had certainly changed.

The same place

He stopped short, remembering the exact place the first frame had been. In it’s place, his eye caught a glimmer of silver. It was, by definition, the most beautiful frame, and it took him by surprise to see a new frame in place of the old one. Start over, but forget me not! it practically screamed. He took it and pressed it to his chest, remembering the first time he had been in the antique store.

Flashback

Something beautiful just like her. Something old, something…gold? He thought to himself as he drove down the boulevard. Laughing at himself and his strange thoughts, he sipped his coffee and again debated what he should get her for Christmas.

It had to be something that meant something powerful. Yet it couldn’t be too obvious. Obvious that he loved her with all his gut, heart, soul, body, mind…and then some. No, it had to be something that meant a future, not just a past and present; it had to mean everything combined. It had to mean hope, hope for something better to come.

Then it came to him. A frame. A frame made a picture complete, and also symbolized protection for that memory. Thus, the picture meant past, present, and future and also captured emotions. Whoever knew that a thin sheet of glossy paper could hold so much?

His head turned as he saw the words “Hidden Treasures: An Antique Store.” Accidentally letting the car swerve, he put his attention back to the road and made the first u-turn he could find, though it was quite illegal.

Parking his car in the fifteen-minute parking space, he quickly entered the store. But the minute he walked in, he halted. Hidden Treasures was indeed hidden; he had been lucky to catch the name driving by, but he was even luckier to have entered it. The small store reminded him of an attic, the ones you read in stories where you find mementos and remember huge parts of your life. He wouldn’t know the implication of those thoughts until seven years later.

He navigated his way to the frames, which he could tell from where he was standing were placed on an antique dresser in front pressed to the wall.

He ran his finger along the edge of the table, inspecting a few simple and rather plain frames that didn’t look quite right for the occasion.

Dust was felt beneath his fingertips and he blew it away…A soft bell rang in the background signifying the tenth hour of the morning.

Something glinted in front of him, and he lifted his head to see himself staring back in a round silver framed mirror. Smiling to himself, he turned his attention again to the frames.

The very instant he flicked his eyes across the frame, he knew it was the one. It reminded him so much of her; it was, by definition, the most beautiful one. It represented past, present…and a future.

End Flashback

“Forget Me Not.”

Quickly putting the frame in its position, Vaughn turned around startled to see the store owner, a very elderly kind looking man lookin at him with a slightly mysterious smile. Instantly, Vaughn remembered him.

“Wh-what?” he fumbled and stuttered.

“Forget Me Not,” the man repeated matter-of-factly as if it were like saying ‘the sky is blue.’

“Excuse me, I don’t understand,” he said, brows furrowed in deep confusion.

The man picked up the frame Vaughn had put down. He had a small damp cloth in his hand and wiped the dust away, muttering to himself very softly. He couldn’t hear him and was about to question him again when the man mumbled a little louder. Victor, the owner, stared intently at the frame and spoke as if to himself.

“I remember you. You came in, was it seven? No, six. Wait, yes, seven years ago. You…,” Victor said, wiping at the frame corner,”…you…you came in looking for a frame. I’ll never forget you. The expression you wore…the expression…” At this, Victor stopped wiping and furrowed his brows trying to find the words. “It was quite simply priceless. And you stood exactly in that same spot. In fact, you did exactly what you just did right now, I believe. Yes… I will never forget. Never forget…”

At this, Victor mumbled while walking away quickly with the frame. Vaughn thought to himself that the man was a little eccentric, the way he constantly mumbled to himself. However, he followed Victor who took his regular position behind the cash register.

“Now, young man, I assume you want to buy this frame?”

“Umm…yes,” he got out, still confused.

“Well, then I insist you have it.”

Vaughn pulled out his wallet, but the man stopped him.

“On me,” Victor said with a smile.

“No, that wouldn’t be…No, I couldn’t do such a…Please.”

“I am not the argumentive type, I assure you, Mr. Vaughn,” he said with the same smile. He didn’t question him how he knew his name, and instead, smiled back.

“Thank you, sir. I really thank you kindly.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that.”

Victor placed it in a small brown paper bag and handed it to him.

“Thank you, Victor. Really, I appreciate it.”

He was still puzzled, but he took the bag and started to walk away when he heard Victor’s voice again. He didn’t turn around; instead, he halted.

“Forget Me Not… They’re the flowers in the corners of the frame. Used first to symbolize eternal love in the 1800’s by a young soldier fighting in the war who dearly loved a girl on the opposing side. Thus, over time, it received its name… Forget Me Not.”


*****

“Hmmm…your old office, huh?” Weiss asked from the doorway to Vaughn’s office.

He looked up from his papers and half-smiled.

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice.”

“Yeah.”

Long pause.

“Look, Eric, man, I’d love for you to stay, but---“

“Lunch. Now. It’s 1 o’clock in the afternoon and you’ve been here non-stop since last night with nothing but coffee.”

“Eric, I want to, but---“

“No! Stop it, Mike. Stop it, ok? Just, stop it. I understand that she’s your whole life, but you can’t shut everybody else out, too. She’s out there, you’re going to find her, but this…this is just ridiculous. This can’t be what she wants for you.”

“Dammit, Eric! You don’t get it! You just don’t get it. Don’t tell what she wants for me. You’re not her, you couldn’t know. You wouldn’t know…”

Weiss simply looked at his friend in sympathy while Vaughn propped his elbows up on the table. He ran his hand through his hair and blinked back tears and sad memories. Changing his demeanor, he spoke up.

“Lunch sounds great. Where to?”

*****

“No, don’t tell me you still have that old thing!” he cried out in mock agony.

“Well, no,” Weiss responded, referring to his old yo-yo.

“Oh, thank the sweet, sweet Heavens.”

“I got the modified version,” Weiss said simply, took a sip of Coke, and continued, “Version X470 Ti80, made for extreme wear-and-tear, and its also the choice of the Yo-Yo Championships in Salt Lake every two years.”

Vaughn stared at Weiss incredulously, pretending to be disgusted.

“You’re kidding me,” he stated.

“Nope, really, every two years, it’s held at the Salt Lake Amphitheatre. About 3000 people attend, very popular event.” Weiss explained.

He laughed, and then immediately felt guilty about it. Weiss could sense it when he tensed up. He sighed and shook his head at Vaughn in disappointment.

“One hour. One hour, ok? C’mon, you owe it to me. At least an hour. Just one hour where we can just joke around…be pals.”

“Weiss…Weiss, I…I don’t know what to do without her. Every day, it’s like I live my life in darkness…It’s like she put light…light into my life. Then, when she disappeared…I got sucked up into this black hole and…I don’t know. It’s not that I love her any less, G-d, I love her more and more with every second I picture her in my mind. It’s not that. It’s not that I feel any different about anything or anybody. It’s just that I feel different about myself, like I don’t know who I am anymore. And I just never imagined that I would have to live without her. Maybe the thought never crossed my mind or I just didn’t want to think about it. But now that I don’t have her with me, I think I could just die. I just felt that…you know that saying, ‘All good things come to those who wait.’ Well, I felt that if I waited long enough, she was going to come back. I don’t know how, but it’s all I held on to. When I finally accepted the fact, that she wasn’t coming, I felt that I needed to find her. I just didn’t know how. F-ck, Eric, I’m just so confused. I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything without her. Without her, I’m just…lost.”

Weiss simply nodded in understanding, somewhat touched by Vaughn’s confession and speech. He took a deep breath and let out his next sentence biting back tears.

“And…I think that…I think that I’m ready to tell you…what happened…five years ago.”


To Be Continued…

A/N: Next chapter will be of Sydney. So keep your eyes open, and reply, reply, reply! if you want more...


much luv-
JoJo
 
:eek: now that's an evil place to stop. he's finally ready to spill then you stop! can't wait to see what syd's thinking. more very soon!
---Mandy :angelic:
 
mystery_chick said:
:eek: now that's an evil place to stop. he's finally ready to spill then you stop! can't wait to see what syd's thinking. more very soon!
---Mandy :angelic:
That was evil. Of all places why did you have to stop there. Great chapter. Your fic is awesome, and I can't wait for more. Thanks for the pm, and for the love of God more soon :woot:

Love ya,

Lauren :angelic:
 
great chapt! ....and he buys her another present! poor vaughn he's so damn depressed! i hope whatever weiss has 2 say is good, not bad news.
 
Remembère…
Chapter Three
“’And She Gave Up’”

AN: Ick, I don't like this chapter, too repetitive. And ugh, I'm so sorry, the next chapter's even worse, so just...bear with me...

Confessions never came too easy for Sydney Bristow. In fact, confessions almost scared her. But it was never really the confessing that scared her; it was the truth behind it. Truth scared her. She used to despise lies, now all she wanted to get away from was truth. Nearly all her life, her life had been built upon lies. For a long time, it was the only way she knew how to live.

Then, right when she was about to accept the lies, along came Michael Vaughn. Her truth. Everything she wanted, she found it in him. He was simply everything and more.

And she lost him. I lost him she thought to herself, while sipping a latte. No, her mind argued, that’s not true. You know exactly what happened. And indeed, she did. She remembered every last vivid detail. She just wasn’t ready to face the truth. There were so many truths with him. It made it so glorious when she had him, but so heart wrenching and painful now that she didn’t. And it’s all my fault

“Syd!”

Sydney pressed her fingers to her temples as she tried to push away too many memories at once. Looking up, she saw her boyfriend, Mark, weave his way through the crowd.

“Hey Mark,” she said through nearly gritted teeth.

“Hey, what’s up? Sorry I’m late.”

“No, it’s fine,” she smiled.

“Thank goodness, I truly am sorry. It’s just that I---“

“---Got caught up at the office,” she said, smiling at him as he breathed a breath of relief.

Mark was, no doubt, a very nice looking guy; his dark chestnut hair and brown eyes verified that. But while he was nice to look at, he was no Michael Vaughn. Michael Vaughn was, quite simply, a God. An Angel. A Heavenly superhuman of some sort. He was Sydney’s…long ago. Perhaps he still was, but she didn’t know and she wouldn’t know.

“So what are you thinking about?” Mark asked, somewhat teasing.

“You,” she replied.

It was true…to some extent. She had been thinking about him, and thinking about anything always led to thinking about Vaughn. So in truth, she could be thinking about anything, everything, or nothing and still be thinking about Michael Vaughn.

“Funny, I was just thinking about my wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant, sweet, kind, breathtaking, spectacular, exciting girlfriend,” Mark said, interrupting her thoughts again.

“What? Who?” Sydney asked, snapping herself back to reality.

“If there is anyone else who fits that description, I’d like you to tell me who that is,” he responded.

Replaying the conversation in her head, Sydney smiled. Mark was everything she could possibly ask for, and knew how to make her smile. It was true that she did like him. In fact, she might have loved him and possibly married him if she had not crossed paths with Vaughn. You’re over that she thought to herself in exasperation.

“Where do you want to go tonight?” Mark tried.

Sighing, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wondered how she should tell him.

“Mark, I know I scheduled this and all, but today’s not a good day. Can we, uh, do dinner some other time? I’m not…I’m not with the program today and everything’s sort of…messed up. I just need to clear my head. Please, Mark. You understand don’t you?”

It was his turn to sigh as he played with his coffee cup. He leaned forward.

“Sydney. I’ve known you for a little more than four years. We’ve been dating, well, for a little more than four years. And since our third date or so, you’ve been like this---“

“Mark, not this again.”

“No, Sydney. If there’s something bothering you, tell me. Maybe you’re going through depression or something---“

“What? Where do you---“

“Please let me help you. Whatever you’re going through, you can tell me. Trust me. Don’t you trust me?”

Do I trust you? Of course I do. Just not with my life, not with my heart, not with my love, not with my soul, not nearly as much as a girlfriend should.

“Please, you can tell me.”

No. Mark, no. No I can’t. There’s nobody on the face of this Earth… she thought, and then corrected herself, Actually, there is. But that’s exactly what I can’t tell you.

“Mark, I’m just a little confused right now. Maybe you’re right, maybe it is depression. Right now…Right now, I just need to clear my mind. Everything just seems a little hazy, ok?” Syd looked hopefully up at him, silently pleading for him to give it up.

“Ok,” he finally sighed. “But if you want to tell me, I’m always here. You know that.”

Sydney stood up abruptly, remembering the similarity of his words to ones she had heard too long ago. As hard as she tried to push it away, it came back, pestering her.

”When you’re at your absolute lowest…”

Pressing fingers to her temple, she strained to focus on remembering where she had parked her car. In front of Romano’s. In front of Romano’s. In front of Romano’s.

”…Your most depressed…”

Crossing the street, she smiled at a familiar neighbor. When it didn’t work, she put her focus back to finding her car. Next to the meter. Next to the meter. Next to the meter.

”You know…”

Beside magazine stand. Beside magazine stand. Beside magazine stand.

”You’ve got my number…”

Sydney kept her eyes wide open so that she didn’t blink any tears down. Get the key. Get the key. Get the key.

”You’ve got my number…”

Turn the key. Turn the key. Turn the key. Two tears rolled down as she sighed in frustration.

”You’ve got my number…”

And she gave up.

*****

Finally away from the buzz of Main Street, Sydney walked down towards the shore of Beaufort, North Carolina. It was a windy December day, and the rocky shoreline was deserted. Kicking the pebbles at her feet, Sydney looked out across the soft ripples.

“Why me?” she whispered to no one.

Receiving no sign or answer, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Why me? she repeatedly thought to herself.

“Vaughn had such a bright future. I mean, goodness, have you looked at him? Girls were throwing themselves at his feet, and he knew that. He knew he could have any girl in Los Angeles. He knew that. And yet, of all the people, he had to meet me. Me. Yeah, and I’m lucky, I guess, but…”

She paused to wipe tears from her cheek that kept spilling over.

“But I’m the bearer of all trouble. Of all disaster. Everyone I meet might as well forget the thought of having a normal life. Everyone I care about gets killed. All I was trying to do was to protect him. That’s all.”

And I love him she added silently. It wasn’t as if she never knew it; she always did. F-ck, she loved him so much she often couldn’t sleep or eat. She was just too afraid to say it, afraid that it would make her run back to him because she desperately needed someone, an ally.

”You may feel…”

Sydney sighed, this time not bothering to push the memories away. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she swallowed hard.

”Like you’re all alone in this…

She was alone…

”…Like you don’t have an ally…”

She didn’t have an ally…

”…I’m your ally.”

No.

”…I’m your ally.”

No.

”…I’m you ally.”

No

”Never question that.”

And she gave up.

*****

“Sydney Larsson! Have you been crying?” her roommate Melissa cried out as she set down her soda on the counter.

“Oh, I just bumped my head on the car door really hard. It’s nothing big. There’s no bump,” Sydney replied.

“Aw! Let me see! Maybe there’s a cut.”

“No, there’s no cut, it’s okay.”

“Sydney, let me see. I’m a certified doctor,” Melissa said with a laugh.

Melissa tossed her short strawberry-blond bob back and inspected Sydney’s forehead.

“Wait, hold on. You didn’t hurt your forehead.”

Sydney looked desperately at Melissa.

“It’s him, isn’t it,” Melissa asked, more like a comment or statement than a question

Sydney simply looked at her.

“Again. It’s him. Sh-t, I should have known. It’s always him. Always Michael.”

“No,” Sydney managed a weak whisper.

“Syd, if you’re staying because you think I’m emotionally unstable or something, don’t. Go back to LA. I don’t know the full story, but honestly Syd, go back, please. Whoever this Michael guy is, he means a lot to you, please go back.”

“Lissa, I wish it were that easy. I can’t. There are so many complications. You wouldn’t understand,” Syd tried, hoping Melissa would drop the subject.

“Syd, I’ve dropped this so many times. Daily, almost. I can’t bear to see you like this. Over the past five years, you’ve been my best friend. And the first time I found out about Michael, my heart broke for you. In fact, it’s still breaking for you. If you don’t go find him, he’ll find you. I know he will.”

“He doesn’t know where I am. It’s impossible. I won’t let him.”

Melissa sighed as Sydney propped her elbows up on the counter, cradling her head in her arms. Coming face to face with the black countertop, Sydney’s throat tightened and closed up. A tear fell from Melissa’s eye; her heart truly was breaking for her best friend.

“Sydney, please. I’ve never seen a love so strong or powerful before. Please, go. In fact, I’ll come with you. We’ll both go. Please, at least we can go to the beach or something, please.”

“In the middle of December?”

“That’s not my point. Don’t change the subject, Syd.”

Making a promise to herself not to give in, Sydney squeezed her eyes shut.

“I’m not going.”

“Sydney, yes you are.”

“Melissa, please don’t do this. You don’t understand. I’m the one who left. I can’t just go back.”

“Then he’ll come after you!”

“No, he won’t. You don’t know that.”

“I know that you love him!”

“I know that, too! Don’t you think I feel guilty every time I see Mark!? It’s just that…I don’t want to go back to see that he’s happily married with three children. I wouldn’t be able to handle that, knowing that it was my fault. I don’t want to go back to find that his wife is some sort of supermodel. I don’t want to go back to find that he’s completely forgotten about me. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. And most of all, if he’s happy, I don’t want to be the one to ruin that happiness.”

“He’s not,” Melissa said, suddenly turning serious, her face deadpanned.

“Right. I know you want to cheer me up, but you don’t know that. How would you know that?”

“Because…”

When Melissa didn’t finish, Sydney looked up to see Melissa’s face completely serious. Sydney stiffened, asking herself if she really wanted to hear what was coming…

“…He called.”

And she gave up.


To Be Continued…


AN: The next chapter will be even worse, I promise...


much luv-
JoJo
 
NOooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bawls* *Cries hystericall* *heart cracks* *shatters into a million pieces* okay i'm running to sd-1 and i'm reading.... *cries*
--Mandy :angelic:
 
What, noooooo Why did you stop there. This is too good. I have to know what happens. You are so evil for stopping there. Awesome writer. Thanks for teh update. You rock. Please oh please wrtie more soon!

love ya,

Lauren :angelic:
 
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