Okay.. so this is.. well... well.. just read and tell me if enjoy it....
I am pretty sure how you think “oh I have a hard life” but really do you? I mean theres all the people hungury in Africa, all those poorly with diseases, have lost limbs or love ones to idiotic political splits, and there’s me who are much worse off then you I bet. Yes that’s right, ME, the two letter word which causes more sins then any other word… well that I know of any way…
You may think “ Oh hows with the sadness, I bet you really have a great life, always smiling!” but really I am just a born actor… a very good actor. Modern Actors (in fact all paid actors) just act when they need to, on set or when there are cameras about… well I have to act all the time, or most the time, in fact the only time I can be me is when I am alone, and yet still I always feel there’s a massive chunk of me missing. Well, there seems to be only a few who I can almost be me, and they are my closest friends, Kadi, Laura, Katie and Donna who seem to be my only sanity, and even then I don’t get to see them much. However as much as I try I can never really show them who I really am… not completely, but there’s a guy, yes a guys (itsn’t there always!) and well of course hes special though I have many doubts of anything ever happening between me and him. Believe it or not I do cry….. which unless I have had a chair thrown in my face I don’t do in public much…. Not even when acting at swish (ok ok! So I do cry at tv but that’s different!) and I cry more about my family then about him or anything to do with my friends. Well… back to the point, this guy, well at my birthday, I was resulted to tears, well Laura did sort of head butt me and this guy and my b-day was already down the drain, but I could I hide in the house so well (well the airing cuboard where no one would have looked) but I didn’t, which for the first time was not well the person who I thought I was, I didn’t mind being in tears in front of him, I really didn’t, I just couldn’t in front of my friends. As you can tell I was very shocked about this, coz I went in a room I could have locked but I didn’t… is this who I really am.
When ever family is considered all I want to do since then is be in his arms and just cry in his arms and have him calming me down just by holding me in his arms and talking to me.
Well I guess, all I wanted to say was… well… he’s a really special friend to me, but he doesn’t want anything else. When before I was never a “love” person, I seem to be now. Even having him as a friend makes me smile… cept he hasn’t contacted me since the last time we meet (and don’t say it was yesterday or last week or last month try beginning of august to October! Any way I know he has been sending stuff to the wrong address! Silly him!) but I don’t care, coz I have meet him and relised that there is something to keep my head above the water that seems to have been created by the tidal wave of my family.
So you want to know about my life… ok heres it….. now this will be a tad confusing…… my dad is marrying my Uncles ex wife….. if that makes sense…. So my mums ex sister in law… still here… thought not! Any way…. Well I live with my Mum (which I hate! I ccan’t wait till uni! Only 2 more years!!! Will I survive?!?) and my sister lives with my Dad, don’t ask me how it happened… coz first of all my sis hated my dad, now she (well she did before but now more then ever) hates my mum…… got it….. so she also lives with my Cousins Helen and Ian, well they both aren’t what you would call normal, Ian is drunk, and Helen slurps when eating dry food… oh! And worst of all.. Ian scares me when he’s nice! So got it….. well my Nan (mums side) thinks she a witch so made a Voodoo doll of my EX aunt an burnt it after her first attempt of the head ahce worked a few years before!
My Grandad is normal…. Well isn’t always the Scotsman
My other Nan and Grandad always feel there children are correct so their morals can well….. waver….
My Sister is the best, yes she’s the best, not coz some funny backround but coz she’s my Idol. (Cept through the goth stage)
She can really sing well, cept she’s not brave enough. I do Sing on stage, but afterwards I have to hide in the loos, that’s right… I hate it when people come up to you and say “Oh you sing really well oh well done” in that grannyish tone that makes you want to hide or throw something at them and yell “No it’s not you fool!” or just run and never come back. I mean my class (or my year) didn’t know I could sing till the last day which really surprised them and made my class burts into tears and stand up (which I must add didn’t happen at any of the other acts but that’s coz I was the only one all by my self and no one knew I could actually sing really well (well loud anyway!!!))
Well, as you can tell my life well is “screwed up” and singing is the only way I can really get it out! But trust me it get so complex that you have only touched the surface!!! I mean I haven’t even mentioned I have a horse and all the animals and complications they create!
Well lets start at today, My aunt or what I call my Aunt, no not he one marrying my dad but really my mums Cousin that me and my sister where forced to call Aunty when young as she hacked away at our lovely hair leaving it horribly and about half a meter shorter then we wanted! Well my mum held a birthday meal for my Grdad, and the whole time her and my cousin have been well….. very mean… the whole time through, and no one seemed to notice, no one ever does, I don’t cry, smile, laugh or try to say much, not if I want my everything picked at! I mean she really does, I try to make everything perfect and she picks at me when I say her daughter has done tsomething out of place! Just coz its her daughter all the rules change! No really they do! When I was young, She HAD to win, or she would cry so we had to change the rules so she would win. She also blackmails me or trys to though when she found out I had a crush she tried to use it against me, but me being good at acting brushed it off, I hope anyway…..
So they were being mean to me, and so they leave I come up stairs and burst into tears as soon as I know mum will be occupied for an hour, any way…..
My dad says I shouldn’t allow mum to stop me from studying, and yet she has… I mean I was trying to connect to the internet toi do some work…. But instead I am writing this until I can get the internet to work.
So here until next time, is where I depart… to tell you later stories of my pitiful woa!
There is one or two things that do make me live however, my faith in the lord God and his Son Jesus Christ, and my friends and there a tiny hope that something could occure between me and the guy my heart is set on.
I am pretty sure how you think “oh I have a hard life” but really do you? I mean theres all the people hungury in Africa, all those poorly with diseases, have lost limbs or love ones to idiotic political splits, and there’s me who are much worse off then you I bet. Yes that’s right, ME, the two letter word which causes more sins then any other word… well that I know of any way…
You may think “ Oh hows with the sadness, I bet you really have a great life, always smiling!” but really I am just a born actor… a very good actor. Modern Actors (in fact all paid actors) just act when they need to, on set or when there are cameras about… well I have to act all the time, or most the time, in fact the only time I can be me is when I am alone, and yet still I always feel there’s a massive chunk of me missing. Well, there seems to be only a few who I can almost be me, and they are my closest friends, Kadi, Laura, Katie and Donna who seem to be my only sanity, and even then I don’t get to see them much. However as much as I try I can never really show them who I really am… not completely, but there’s a guy, yes a guys (itsn’t there always!) and well of course hes special though I have many doubts of anything ever happening between me and him. Believe it or not I do cry….. which unless I have had a chair thrown in my face I don’t do in public much…. Not even when acting at swish (ok ok! So I do cry at tv but that’s different!) and I cry more about my family then about him or anything to do with my friends. Well… back to the point, this guy, well at my birthday, I was resulted to tears, well Laura did sort of head butt me and this guy and my b-day was already down the drain, but I could I hide in the house so well (well the airing cuboard where no one would have looked) but I didn’t, which for the first time was not well the person who I thought I was, I didn’t mind being in tears in front of him, I really didn’t, I just couldn’t in front of my friends. As you can tell I was very shocked about this, coz I went in a room I could have locked but I didn’t… is this who I really am.
When ever family is considered all I want to do since then is be in his arms and just cry in his arms and have him calming me down just by holding me in his arms and talking to me.
Well I guess, all I wanted to say was… well… he’s a really special friend to me, but he doesn’t want anything else. When before I was never a “love” person, I seem to be now. Even having him as a friend makes me smile… cept he hasn’t contacted me since the last time we meet (and don’t say it was yesterday or last week or last month try beginning of august to October! Any way I know he has been sending stuff to the wrong address! Silly him!) but I don’t care, coz I have meet him and relised that there is something to keep my head above the water that seems to have been created by the tidal wave of my family.
So you want to know about my life… ok heres it….. now this will be a tad confusing…… my dad is marrying my Uncles ex wife….. if that makes sense…. So my mums ex sister in law… still here… thought not! Any way…. Well I live with my Mum (which I hate! I ccan’t wait till uni! Only 2 more years!!! Will I survive?!?) and my sister lives with my Dad, don’t ask me how it happened… coz first of all my sis hated my dad, now she (well she did before but now more then ever) hates my mum…… got it….. so she also lives with my Cousins Helen and Ian, well they both aren’t what you would call normal, Ian is drunk, and Helen slurps when eating dry food… oh! And worst of all.. Ian scares me when he’s nice! So got it….. well my Nan (mums side) thinks she a witch so made a Voodoo doll of my EX aunt an burnt it after her first attempt of the head ahce worked a few years before!
My Grandad is normal…. Well isn’t always the Scotsman
My other Nan and Grandad always feel there children are correct so their morals can well….. waver….
My Sister is the best, yes she’s the best, not coz some funny backround but coz she’s my Idol. (Cept through the goth stage)
She can really sing well, cept she’s not brave enough. I do Sing on stage, but afterwards I have to hide in the loos, that’s right… I hate it when people come up to you and say “Oh you sing really well oh well done” in that grannyish tone that makes you want to hide or throw something at them and yell “No it’s not you fool!” or just run and never come back. I mean my class (or my year) didn’t know I could sing till the last day which really surprised them and made my class burts into tears and stand up (which I must add didn’t happen at any of the other acts but that’s coz I was the only one all by my self and no one knew I could actually sing really well (well loud anyway!!!))
Well, as you can tell my life well is “screwed up” and singing is the only way I can really get it out! But trust me it get so complex that you have only touched the surface!!! I mean I haven’t even mentioned I have a horse and all the animals and complications they create!
Well lets start at today, My aunt or what I call my Aunt, no not he one marrying my dad but really my mums Cousin that me and my sister where forced to call Aunty when young as she hacked away at our lovely hair leaving it horribly and about half a meter shorter then we wanted! Well my mum held a birthday meal for my Grdad, and the whole time her and my cousin have been well….. very mean… the whole time through, and no one seemed to notice, no one ever does, I don’t cry, smile, laugh or try to say much, not if I want my everything picked at! I mean she really does, I try to make everything perfect and she picks at me when I say her daughter has done tsomething out of place! Just coz its her daughter all the rules change! No really they do! When I was young, She HAD to win, or she would cry so we had to change the rules so she would win. She also blackmails me or trys to though when she found out I had a crush she tried to use it against me, but me being good at acting brushed it off, I hope anyway…..
So they were being mean to me, and so they leave I come up stairs and burst into tears as soon as I know mum will be occupied for an hour, any way…..
My dad says I shouldn’t allow mum to stop me from studying, and yet she has… I mean I was trying to connect to the internet toi do some work…. But instead I am writing this until I can get the internet to work.
So here until next time, is where I depart… to tell you later stories of my pitiful woa!
There is one or two things that do make me live however, my faith in the lord God and his Son Jesus Christ, and my friends and there a tiny hope that something could occure between me and the guy my heart is set on.