Tales from the Helpdesk


Creative Writer
yet another wonderful quirky collection of newbies on the loose


Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my desk... sorry .
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill
Gates damn it !
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?
Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around


giggle, giggle but there are people around us like that ... a friend wanted to type a letter on my pc but i later found her fiddling with the mac ... she couldn't find a slot on the keyboard for the paper on either keyboard!


Creative Writer
back in 1988 on eof the managers at our government office sent his secretary back to the typing pool to flunk her out, she couldn't do anything.

it was the first time she got to use a computer. green screens, Wang wordprocessing program, we actually told her to use tipex the same way as she used it on her typewriter back where she came from and she did!

one day she didn't get any work done as i was being mean to her because i wanted her moved away from me, her voice ground in my head worse than nails on a blackboard, so i kept popping the fuse out of the back of machine, directly behind my chair, then when she went for help half an hour later, i'd pop it in. she didn't even have enough IQ to get excasperated at what was happening, just carried on all day like that as if she was a robot!


An Old Friend
Good one! A coworker asked me why I like computers so much. I told him because I learn alot from them. He said "My computer don't work nomore" I asked why and he said it hasn't worked since his brother told him to clean out some of the files. He deleted his OS. I tried to explain to put his disc back in and he said it was stuck so he hit it with a hammer, now when he turns it on it just hums. I refuse to talk computers with him any more.


Code Monkey
Staff member
King Kovifor said:
Thanks Ken. I've visited where you live I think... :-D
It's "Kevin" :(

So are you really in PA and if so what part? I'm outside of Pottstown, about 20 miles North of Philly but grew up in Norristown which is just a quick hop up the road from Philly.