The Absense of Colour

They are so great together. Even is she's not honest with him. I still think that they are perfect.
Can't wait tom see what you planned for them.
 
Interesting story. Vaughn is his caring protective self and Sydney is having a hard time holding up the lie she is living in. I love the way you portray their emotions.
Can I have a pm when you update?
 
Okay, I'm not sure if this is going to get completely done yet. Actually I know it won't unless the deadline is extended, or I ruin the whole story and shorten it up. Sunday is April 1st which is the intended dealine for this challange and there's at least a minimum of 4 chapters I still need to get out of this so I can explain everything, and it's basically impossible for me to write 4 chapters with all the stuff I have to do, since this weekend isn't really free for me. I'm hoping to write one chapter out today, and after that I'd say that I may be done :(
 
This is a short chapter, but it's got a big twist at the end :D . I'm really hoping that the dealine is extended by at least a week or so because then I'm sure I would be able to get done this. Ugh, I really hope it is because it would be ten times better if it was ;) . Please read and respond to this chapter. I love all your responses :D .

Chapter 5


I looked up at the tall building standing before me, dreading walking into it. I knew what it held within. I knew that once I entered through those doors I would be caught back within the lie. The lie that ate away at me at the seams until I was left as nothing: a blank painting with no life present. I wanted my life back, or at least more of a life than this. I wanted Sydney Bristow’s life because in my opinion she was living the fairytale complete with Prince Charming. Despite the argument I was having with myself, I grasped the handle of the door and opened it to the foyer of The White Leaf Hotel. The cool, metallic feeling of the handle sent a shiver up my spine and formed tiny goose-bumps on my arm, but I ignored them and made a beeline towards the elevators before I had time to convince myself to turn away from all this.

The foyer was relatively empty. There were only two employees and a couple sitting off to the side. I hesitated before pressing the floor number. I held my finger steadily on floor number seven, contemplating what to do.

“Miss, are you alright?”

The voice startled me, but I recovered quickly. “Oh, yes, fine. I’m sorry. Does that ever happen to you: when you just daze off?”

The older man nodded in understanding while I made the decision to press the button. What other option did I have? I listened to the sound of the elevator rising up the floors. I considered calling Vaughn just so I could hear the sound of his voice. Sometimes that’s all I would need to rejuvenate myself and send everything back into perspective. The chime of the elevator brought me to my senses. I replaced my cell phone back in my purse, realizing that I didn’t’ have time to make personal phone calls. I stepped out onto the floor and made my way to room 147 where I knew my handler would be waiting for me. I lowered my head, feeling the familiar shame creeping up onto me, pushing me down- weighing me down. It felt like my heart was too heavy for my body, like there were cement blocks enclosing my feet. I managed to reach the room, took one deep breathe, swiped the keycard through, and pushed open the door.

The room was silent. You’d be able to hear the dropping of a pin. I imagined this is what having an affair felt like, only this was ten times worse. I walked further into the room. The long, white silk curtains were flowing gently from the light breeze. As I rounded the corner of the small room I was surprised to see a long mane of brown hair attached to the body of a woman, instead of the usual bald head of a man.

“Who are you?” I questioned, beginning to fear slightly for my safety. I was not aware in a change in handler.

“Alexei is dead,” the woman stated, clasping her hands behind her back, staring out the window.

“Who the hell are you?” I questioned. Had this woman ended my handler’s life?

“I’m your last hope.” She turned around slowly with a slight smile playing on her lips.

“What are you talking about?” I took a step back. Something about this woman unsettled me, but at the same time I felt as if a connection was pulling us together.

Her eyes moved across my face quickly, taking me in. I assumed I was doing the same with her. She began to walk towards me. I backed up into the wall.

“First you tell me who you are, what you’re doing here, and where Alexei is. After that we talk.”

She stopped walking and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Sydney?”

“That’s not my name.” I didn’t want this woman who was not connected to Sydney Bristow in anyway to be speaking of her. It would make this double life seem more real. I didn’t want Sydney Bristow and Anzhela Eltsina ever meeting. I kept the two separate from eachother. It was the only way I knew how to deal with my two characters. Again I felt the familiar feeling of nausea. Apparently my sickness had yet to pass, but this time it was worse than before. I wished Vaughn was here to comfort me. He always knew what to say.

I felt my heart speeding up in my chest. My body felt like it was floating, like I was feather light and I would simply drift away.

The woman seemed to notice the look in my eyes. I assumed my face was white like the first snow fall of the year. I tried fighting the nausea, but it was useless. Quickly I searched for the bathroom and bolted in that direction. I threw open the door, gagging, knowing what was coming, but at the same time still attempting to fight the feeling. It wasn’t until I was bent over the toilet that I knew I was sick. As I emptied the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl I heard the sound of the woman’s heels on the floor behind me. She gathered my hair in her two hands, holding it back for me. I wanted to push her away, but at that moment it would be impossible. After I was done, I leaned my body against the toilet, not having the energy to hold up my own weight anymore. It was then that I realized that the woman was still bending down beside me. I scrambled away from her.

There was something in her eyes: recognition, maybe.

“Are you alright?” She stood up. I remained seated on the floor, mostly because I still felt weak.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled. “Thank-you.” The woman had held my hair back for me. How bad could she be?

I looked down at the floor and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. As I looked up the woman was doing the same. She smiled at me.

“Who are you?” I asked, slowly, almost fearing the answer.

She approached me, and this time I didn’t back away. There was something that was rooting me to this spot, this moment. She crouched down so she was at eye level with me, and grasped my cold and clammy hands within her strong and soft ones.

“I’m your mother.”

I felt tears prickling at the back of my eyes.

“Mom?”
 
Interesting twist. I wonder if her mom is there to save Sydney from the mess her life has become. Can't wait to see how it turns out.
And thnx for the pm.
 
That was certainly a twist. I wonder what Irina is up to :Ponder: I'm hoping that he will help Sydney to try to fix all this situation. But i have a feeling it will be much more complicated.
And i would really like to see what you're planning to do :smiley:
Thanks for PM
 
Alright, I got one more chapter out YAH :woot: . I'm not sure if there will be anymore time after this considering the dealine for the challange is today (hopefully it's extended). I really hope so since I leave this chapter at another cliffy :devil:.

Chapter 6



I placed my hands behind me for support or I would have most likely fallen over from pure shock. I was constantly falling, whatever the situation. Why couldn’t I ever stay above ground? The lack of oxygen always left me spinning in a web of lies. My hands were shaking so badly.

“You’re dead. You died,” I said, not knowing how to respond.

“I’m never truly dead.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?”

“This is no joke. It’s unfortunately very real, and we don’t have much time so I suggest you pull yourself together or this will never work.”

“Work? What’s going on here? Where’s my handler? Where’s Alexei?”

“I told you he’s dead.”

I paused. I didn’t know how to ask a question that I didn’t want an answer to, but I needed to know.

“Did you kill him?” I slowly stood up, wanting to be on the same level as her. I felt too vulnerable sitting below her. I didn’t like to be below anyone, always above.

“Yes.”

Her answer was so blunt, with such little remorse for the man’s life that I felt myself flinch from the brutal honesty of her voice.

“I suggest you begin talking from the start,” I told her. There were so many questions that I had to ask this women, my mother, but I wanted to hear it from her mouth.

“Come with me.” She gestured for me to follow her into the other room.

She sat down gracefully into a chair by the window. I followed suit, not particularly wanting to become overly friendly, but my legs were feeling shaky and I doubted I would be able to stand anyway.

“Because of time I’m only going to be able to give you the condensed version of your life.”

I interrupted. “Why do you keep talking about time? What could you possibly tell me about my life that I don’t already know?”

“I’m also going to ask that you don’t interrupt me because you unfortunately don’t know the half of it.” Her voice held the tone of a stern mother, which made me upset. In my mind this woman wasn’t my mother. My mother was dead!

I crossed my arms over my chest and sat back, silently agreeing with her and allowing her to begin.

“It was on your eighth birthday that I last saw you. It was the day I gave you the diamond earrings that I can see you’re still wearing.” She smiled slightly, but continued on with her story when she saw that she would be getting no response from me. “It was on that day that I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life. I had to leave you. I made you believe that I had died in a car accident, but that wasn’t the case. How much of your younger years do you remember?”

“Oh, so I’m aloud to talk now, am I?” I responded. She gave me an unappreciative look in response. “I don’t remember a lot. Actually, I don’t remember much of anything before my eighth birthday.”

“As expected. Before your sixth birthday you were living here in the United States.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We’re more alike than you like to think. Almost thirty years ago I was trapped in the same life as you are.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You were born here as an American citizen. Your father’s name was Jack and I killed him.”

“What?” I stood up. This was all too much to take in. “You killed my father?”

“It was my job.”

I stopped pacing and turned towards her slowly, my face translating into shock, surprise and fear.

“What exactly was your job?” I asked, slowly.

“What’s your job, Sydney?”

I ignored the fact that she had used my alias instead of my real name, and sat down once again.

“Our situations are very similar. I was sent to America to marry a CIA agent and in doing so my objective was to obtain information from him.”
I placed my face in my hands, rubbing my temples, not believing this. “How come I don’t remember any of this?” I sighed, looking up at my mother for an explanation.

“I’m getting to that. After six years of marriage to Jack it was decided that he was no longer of use to Russia. I was told to kill him and I carried out my orders. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was ordered to kill you as well.”

I took in a sharp intake of breath.

“I couldn’t do it, though. You were my little girl, so I took you with me. I knew it was dangerous. I didn’t tell KGB that you were in my possession. I was convinced that I would be able to hide you from them, but I also knew it would be impossible. I was able to keep you hidden fairly well for two years, but you soon started to become restless. I didn’t know what to do. You barely saw the outside world. It wasn’t right. A young girl shouldn’t have to live such a secluded life, and I didn’t want to be the one responsible for that, so I came up with a plan. I decided the only way that you could live a relatively normal life was if I was to fake my death and make you believe that you lost your mother.”

At this point I didn’t realize that I had silent tears flowing down my cheeks, much like my mother.

“However, I also couldn’t have you remembering life before, so I found a man. He helped me successfully take away your memories of your life in America with your father. I then needed to find someone I could trust with you when I went into hiding. I entrusted you with my sister, Katya. I’ve been in hiding since then, but I’ve always been watching from a distance, Sydney, making sure you’re alright.”

“My name’s not Sydney,” I whispered.

“Yes, it is.”

I looked up quickly. “Sydney’s simply an alias. She’s not real.”

My mother was shaking her head. “Sydney Bristow is your given name. Once the government found out that you were still alive they approached you. I would have liked to stop it, but I couldn’t risk exposure. Sending you here to America was no quincidence. They knew my story, and they believed you would be able to continue on my legacy, not a very good one, mind you. They gave you the name Sydney Bristow believing it would somehow subconsciously make your portrayal of her seem more real to you.”

“So I am Sydney Bristow?” I whispered, not believing it.

“Through and through.” My mom was now smiling widely.

I couldn’t believe this. The girl who I believed I simply fabricated actually did exist. She wasn’t simply a mirage that I was piecing together. She was a puzzle within me that I was slowly putting together until I was able to successfully form the picture perfect image that I had always imagined. My dream was slowly turning into a reality.

“I’d love to explain more of the story to you, Sydney, but right now that’s impossible. I’m here to help you.”

“Help me how?” I asked, this time in a gentler tone, feeling myself warming up to my mother.

“You’re intended extraction day was tomorrow.”

I fell. It was so sudden that I barely felt my feet slip out from underneath me. I don’t believe even my mother was expecting such a dramatic response, but I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to leave my heart behind.

“Sydney, I’m here to help you. You’ve got to stay calm about this or it will never work,” she told me. I started to cry uncontrollable tears straight from my heart. I nodded my head, telling her that I was listening.

“Alexei was here to tell you to kill your husband.”

I choked on my tears. My mother lifted my head so I was looking directly into her eyes. “Sydney, that’s not going to happen. That’s why I’m here. I won’t allow you to live the same life I did. I don’t want you growing up with a cloud of darkness above you, not like me. It won’t be long before they figure out something went wrong and that Alexei is dead. You have to get your husband and tell him the truth. The whole truth. He’s not going to want to listen, he’s going to be enraged, but you have to stay composed and you’ve to act quickly.”

I nodded, trying to process all the information she was throwing at me in such a short time.

“You’ve got to get out of the country. Take whatever you need, but leave no traces of where you went behind.”

“What if he doesn’t come with me? What if he turns me in?” I cried. I couldn’t believe that my worst nightmare was finally seeping into the real world. It was more horrible than I ever imagined.

“If he loves you he’ll listen and he’ll come. He may be mad, but he will come. You’ve got to go now.”

She placed her hand on my back and started leading me towards the door.

“Will I ever see you again, mom?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll always be somewhere with you. Now go, and hurry.” She started pushing me out the door. I began walking quickly down the hallway, attempting to maintain a composed demeanor. I didn’t know how Vaughn would respond to all this. It was all so much, but I prayed my mother was right. I prayed that he wouldn’t shatter my glass heart full of anguish.

“And Sydney…”

I turned around at the sound of my mother’s voice ringing out from behind me.

“Congratulations.” In response I gave her a confused look. “You’ll make a fantastic mother.”

“What?”

“It’s a maternal instinct. I can just tell. Take care of my grandchild.”

And with that she was gone…

Sewn together tight at the seams,
Frozen with fear, frosted in a white blanket of lost dreams

Can a sunflower cry scarlet rapids of tears?
Can something so pleasantly bright possibly sense fear?

Trapped within the mind of a glorious castle,
Fingering the fringe of worn out tassel

Blooming into a sea of overwhelming passion,
Unacceptable in this fashion

Caressed with the brush of tear stricken kiss,
An apparition, it’s just mist

A shattered promise lingering in a cloud,
Turning back the clock to a broken vow

Wind washes over my scorn soul, I prayed I flew
I plummeted into your dark soul, the ocean blue

Sworn together for better or for worse,
I was unaware of the black magic of this sinister curse

Bind by a scarf of mist,
How could I ever feel such bliss?

You were the spider spinning a web of lies,
Our marriage was simply full of inevitable good-byes

I was the fly you went to capture,
Thrown away and left for dead, your weapon of choice: rapture

I stare deep into the sea of your blank eyes,
Now all I see looking back is the winding maze of your vindictive lies


The poem was originally intended for the next chapter, but I don't know if I'll have time to put it in so I included it in this one.
 
Beautiful poem and a nice twist. Hopefully Vaughn is as understanding as Irina said. Update soon!
And thnx for the pm.
 
That poem was utterly beautiful. . .
Fantastic update! I loved the Irina/Syd talk.
Very emotional. . .
Thanks for the great update i cant WAIT for the Vaughn/Syd talk. . Thats really gonna be quite something. . . :jump:
 
Yah, extended dealine :happydance:!! I've got until April 16th now to wrap this up, and I actually think I'm going to be able to do it. I can't update over this long weekend though (the perfect writing time :angry: )beacuse I'm going to be away :(. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. Please read and reply :D!

Chapter 8


My blood was pumping so hard that I could hear it pounding painfully in my ears. It seemed impossible that the people surrounding me couldn’t hear it as well. I felt as if my heart was beating for the world, beating out my deepest and darkest secrets. My mother’s words were ringing in my ears. There was no possible way that she could know that I was carrying a child just by looking at me, even if she was my mother. Despite the argument I was having with myself, there was also a voice in the back of my mind that kept reminding me that I had been showing some of the signs of pregnancy, the most obvious being that I had been feeling nauseous and sick recently. I placed my hand on my stomach, trying to fathom the idea that I could possibly be carrying another human life within me. How could that happen? Well of course I understood how it happened, but how could I be a mother? I couldn’t be a mother! All my horrible qualities would seep into the innocent child inside me. That was something that I would never wish upon anyone, let alone my own child!

Very slowly my lips curled up into a smile. I couldn’t pretend to be upset with the fact that the father of my child was Vaughn. Tucked deep inside my mind there had always been a secret hope that he and I would have a baby together one day. The idea seemed so impossible, though, so that when it was presented to me in a crystal clear form the edges were hazy and blurred. I didn’t realize small droplets of unwanted tears were forming in my eyes.

I came to the conclusion that I had to stop thinking about my possible pregnancy, and instead focus on the small fact that I would soon be telling my husband that I had married him because I was under orders to, and that during that time I was stealing secrets from The U.S government. No big deal…

I turned down onto my street, walking a little quicker, knowing that I had to get this over with as quickly as possible. I wanted to make it less painless for both of us. It was like ripping off a bandage. Exposing the wound quickly was less painful than tearing off the skin in a slow and agonizing way. It was the only way I knew I would be able to do it, and the only chance I had to ask for his forgiveness. I wished I had more time to give him in deciding what he wanted to do, but unfortunately he needed to choose quickly if he wanted to come with me or not. All I knew for sure was that by this time tomorrow I would no longer be in the States. It was up to Vaughn if he would still be in the picture by my side, his rightful place and the place I wanted him to be desperately.

Now that I was directly in front of our home, I felt myself shaking slightly, feeling the full ramification of what I was going to have to do. I wanted to be able to simply fold within myself and hide in blackness until this nightmare played out, and light was let back into my dark world. I looked to my left to see that Vaughn’s car was not home. At least I still I had some time till I was ultimately forced to break his heart.

I jogged into the house, threw my purse on the floor, and ran to the phone. I knew Vaughn would be here quickly once I called him. He would naturally assume something was wrong. He would be right in that assumption, that’s for sure. Something was wrong.

I pressed in the numbers to his cell phone at a rapid pace and listened as the phone rang. Nobody picked up.

“Vaughn, come on,” I whispered, pressing the numbers for a third time. Why wasn’t he picking up his phone? He always had it on him. Was it possible that someone had already gotten to him? The thought made me weak in the knees. I steadied myself with my hand resting on the counter. I took deep breathes and prayed that his voice would soon interrupt the repeating sound of ringing in my ear. By the seventh time, I gave up. Something had gone wrong. I had so much hope that I would be able to get away with this plan my mom had conjured. It seemed so prefect, but of course some obstacle was always thrown on my path, sending me flying over the edge with no time to catch my breath before I hit rock bottom.

I brought my head down onto the counter, resting it there and let out a sob. What was the point anymore?

“Syd?”

My head snapped up so quickly that I hit it against the light fixture above me, but I barely felt it. I turned around and came face-to-face with Vaughn. I had never been so relieved to see him in my life.

“Oh thank God.” I rushed towards him and enveloped him in a tight hug. He wrapped his arm around me and patted my back.

“Syd, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” I pulled back slowly, remembering why I had wanted to reach him in the first place.

“Sydney, you’re crying. What happened? Are you feeling okay?” He started leading me towards the couch. This was too much. How could he be concerned about me when I was about to tell him the harsh truth that would leave both of us in the same room but on opposite ends, ultimately detached?

I wiped away the tears with the back of my sleeve. He should feel no pity for me. I had to tell him this without breaking down and making the entire situation about me and why I did it. It wasn’t about me. It was about him and how he felt about…everything.

“We need to talk.”

“Honey, I’m sorry but I’ve got to go back into work. I just came to get my cell phone. I left it upstairs. Can we talk about this later?”

“No.” I responded, quickly.

He sat back down slowly with a confused expression evident on his face. “Sydney, what’s going on?” He could obviously hear the seriousness of my voice by now, but he unfortunately couldn’t even imagine the news I would share with him.

I took a deep breath and placed my hand on my stomach. It was nice to know that somebody was always with me, even if the tiny person might not even exist. Comfort was something I needed right now, in any form. I found it slightly sad that the only way that I could get this was through way of my possible baby.

I made a gesture to reach for his hand, but changed my mind and tucked a piece of invisible hair behind my ear. Attaching myself to Vaughn at this point wasn’t the smartest idea, considering there was a large chance that he would break the connection that I feed upon once I opened my mouth and let out the demons that had been living in me since our marriage.

“I’ve been keeping something from you.” I watched as his face dropped and he leaned forward slightly. Most people wouldn’t be able to detect the difference in him. He was an expert at hiding his emotions, but he had never been able to fool me. I didn’t know if that was because I too was an agent or because of our feeling for eachother.

“What?”

In his mind he was probably thinking affair. At this point that would be a welcomed situation. How do you tell the man you love that you’ve been stealing secrets from him and that you work for the Russian government? Most people would say that you don’t, but I had to. I had to know if he would come with me, otherwise I would always be left wondering what could have been. The life we might have. We promised we’d always be together for better or for worse. Well, this was the worst…the worst of the worst.

“I work for Russia. I was sent here to marry you.”


I originally intended to write the Sydney and Vaughn "talk" during this chpater, but I don't have enough time and I want the talk to be good. Next update for sure, though :D!
 
I have to say that cliffhanger was really evil. I hope that he'll stay with her but considering all situation. Well i can hope that baby Vaughn will have a daddy.
I can't wait for more. Too bad i'm leaving for hoidays. But i will try to get the acess to internet ^_^
Thanks for PM
 
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