The Change

[Tom]

The first thing I will submit is my work from SciFiMinds that I already have written. There is no title so I leave the title as depicted in SciFiMinds. Since I don't know how to edit Firefox to allow me to copy and paste in this editor I will post my stories in the quick reply edit boxes.

The change deals with backstory. I would think if I decided to pursue this storyline this information would be in the prelude or one of the first chapters as a memory or historical notation one of the charachters were reading or listening to. As backstory it would set the stage, as primary storyline it would be too short.

Hesitantly I post...

*****************************************************************

Voyager 2 strikes an iceball and it chain reacts more ice and sends the fragments towards the sun. 300 years later the fragments have melted and merged into a very large comet that is heading for a collision with the sun. What is differnt about this one comet is it picked up a rare element in its journey. This element reacts with the chemical makeup of the sun and causes a cascading elemental diversity to begin. The spectrum changes and the solar wind chemical composition changes causing the entire solar system to undergo a change. Life starts developing where there wasn't any. Life on Earth changes. Some species die and others mutate. The human population diverges. Some humans develope special abilities others fall frail and all are affected.
Still based on carbon but now the carbon has different fundamental makeup. Humans begin to learn to control the changes in their bodies with their minds.



When the initial radiation of our star flared its new properties the bombardment activated a hibernating planet-killer only 14.3 light-years out. Some humans discovered they could 'combine' their new abilities and had been using this "Combining" as a weapon against the rest of humanity to obtain whatever they desired. When the science taskers located the planet-killer from a percieved change in the universal mass balance appx 14.3 light years out they plot its trajectory straight at the Sun. Humanity has about 120 years before the planet-killers path takes it through Jupiter and Venus. Tho it misses Earth it upsets the gravity balance of our star system and changes Earth's orbit charachteristics.
The plan calls for using the 'Combiners', a special amplifier and some rare isotopes to destroy the planet-killer or change its heading within 30 years. Little did we know the planet-killer's custodians were responding to the activation alert "In Force". Can the 'Combiners' hone their new abilities in time to avert the disperion of the galaxy's OrionArm? Will the new Gravity drive get them to the intercept point in time to negotiate? Why did 'THEY' send that thing to destroy us anyway?
{To prevent a race from potentially developing the 'Combining' ability and taking control of the entire supercluster, The 'ClusterGuard's' 'Creators' forecasted a theory based on the changes in a stars characheristics and the affect of those changes on a sentient carbon based lifeform(The ability to control PLANK by sheer thought!). The 'Keepers'(Planet-Killers) were positioned by the 'Creators' Eons ago in vicinity of yellow star systems and certain pockets of elements/planetary nebulea that contained the chemicals prone to morph into a 'Combining Star'. They formed the 'ClusterGuard' and returned to Columba SuperCluster at the :TRUE: center of the Known Universe.
The 'Creators' programmed the development of certain races in the vicinity of each of the 'Keeper's' positions. They set special gateways and locks to prevent the 'ClusterGuard' races from interference in the development of other civilisations. Those special races were blinded to life in the universe. When a planet-killer awoke so did the 'ClusterGuard' race. Great ships hidden in comets would auto-pilot to the guard's homeworld and each ships AI would obtain a crew from the guard world and unlock their perceptions, setting the programming into active status. Sometimes they didn't survive, most of the time they did. The 'Keepers' ALWAYS worked! The 'Combining Star' was ALWAYS converted to Dark Matter and all the races ALWAYS died out.}



Bob "FatChance" Kenter slid his left hand into the amplifier and he could feel the interface bonding with his cold moist skin. *Space sucks! This amp better work if I get stuck out here floatin free I'll send a comet up those brain's asses!* He felt the pulse of the nano enhancers pierce his capillaries and WHAM he was the ship! "Woa! I know I got the better post!" he thought he said. *But wait! I don't 'hear' the others!* FatChance started to get edgy. *Wadr they waitin for?* *They know we gotta combine to run this a...ah...sh...ME!* And as he realised he was almost intergrated the visor disappeared. Some brief darkness and suddenly he was in space...alone ...no ship/no...*I am THE SHIP!* He knew the launch station was behind him but now he looked back at it in full detail. Composition, mass, trajectory, speed, gravity deviation...every detail of the station burned into his mind as knowledge. What was really interesting was he recieved the same type of sensor download from every object he selected. *I wonder...* FatChance oriented to the target. There was a slight delay, like the recovery of a sneeze and the data poured into his mind. Among the telemetry and travel variances he could just make out a ghostly image...triangle...rod...triangle, big circle(VERY BIG CIRCLE). He noticed that the last circle was causing such a huge gravitational disturbance it was warping the matter outward like ripples in a pond. He could 'see' the temperature increases as space matter was forced together under compression at the atomic level. "Proton Collision Art by FatChance the Ship" he thought he said.
"What" a voice entered his senses. Then an instant later he felt ... *Weapons Online* ... FatChance felt Jim "Burner" Bernstable combine. *They gave us the full weaps pak, even the prototypes!* Burner thought. *I feel it Burner, I feel every single system that you've become*I've become, we...the...*GraviNavPulsion Systems intergration Complete* **Hey Stick!** ^Weird^ Jimmi "the STICK" Camero thought. Stick felt the ship and it 'felt' like FatChance and Burner but better; *thanx Stick/**Yeah, Thanks** **We are the full WeaponsPak* We are the Ship!* Feel the Power?* I AM The POWER*** Stick thought.
"Hey Guys! Ready to kick some ***!" Her voice was Sweet and Steady. Linda Camero felt the rush of the nanos. "Then Lets Go!" ... *CONTROL ENGAGED* *Welcome to my new body "Brains"/You feel GOOD on my trigger baby/Hey Sis-----Combining Complete-----* Linda "Brains" Camero allowed the magnetic clamps to reverse and build. They could feel Fatchance stressing against the dock as Stick slowly opened the apature for more power to the magnet's coils while building the polarity charge...*85%..91%...97%...Full Build/Hold it,..Hold..It/Cummon Brains, yer gunna rip ma *** off if ya don't let go soon/Hold it....................NOW!

 

[Tom]

StoryLine Diversion

Here's a possible storyline diversion from the same backstory.
I have to reset my preferences to show the first post first so the stories begin at the top.


Well....I was thinking along the lines of multiple scientific breakthrus due to the altered perceptions and abilities. Perhaps dimensional exploration. Spooky Travel and quantum dimensional communication systems. We won't put an "alien threat" in but maybe "Entity" incompatability issues in dimensional division boundries.
ah....I guess there should be a crisis....Like...the 'Entity's' dimension is being changed by the changes in the sun and we form a scientific task force of our best scientist to work with the 'Entity' to try to stabilize the conversion and save its existence.

Humans form a collective conciousness and discover an entity that exists in humanity. NoOne knew because our individuality always hid it from our perception...BUT NOW....There's US and 'IT'. We were being violated in our dreams and unconcious thoughts. Now that we no longer dream{We phase down from consiousness during sleep now} 'IT' is desperate.
For millenia 'IT' has stolen our energies, ideas and dreams. 'IT' developed technology and crafts based on our unconsious fragments. Hungry for more, people start to wink out of existence- dimensionally bound by 'IT' in harvester pods between quantum states. WE{US} have to use our new abilities to percieve and locate our loved ones and develop a way to withdrawl them safely to our plane of existence. BUT....'IT' has other plans.

 

[Tom]

Anyone remember seeing a 'TwilightZone' kinda show where there was a Cancer creature only one guy could see and it would feed on people in the hospital?

 

[Tom]

More in this backstory, this is a post of mine in scifidreamers

The Star we call the Sun, Sol, Started burning an exotic material
millions of years ago. Thats how long its emmissions took to reach the
surface and cascade down on our planet.
Thats when we saw the beings for the first time. When that strange hue
came across the spectrum. They, the scientists, say insects could
always see them. The co-inhabitants of Earth. The huge phantom
creatures that walked our paths, invaded our homes and fed on our
lifeforces.
When the madness began many of us died. That's when we saw the
creatures feeding on those who lay dying. That's when the scientists
found out our true lifespan. That's when the caught one. Live.
When the world's smartest people devised a method of slicing away
pieces of these creatures our humanity was changed forever. They used
those slices to not only reanimate the dead, They brought back the
'person' as well. Human lifespans are measured in millenium now.

 

[Tim]

how would i change the story? to make it more literate and exciting to the reader? (bear in mind it's easier to read other peoples works than your own!) these are just some ideas, (i would be here all night changing the whole story!) i apologise if i have accidently changed the format or feeling of the story, just showing possibilities.

***************************************************************


Voyager 2 strikes an iceball and it chain reacts more ice and sends the fragments towards the sun.

Voyager 2 crosses paths with a fragile ice comet, interrupting the comets path through the cosmos and sneding fragments off striking other comets in it's path, deflecting these fragments into a new path, eventually bringing it into line with it's journeys end, our sun.


***************************************************************

300 years later the fragments have melted and merged into a very large comet that is heading for a collision with the sun.

Over 300 years of travelling towards it's fiery end, the tumbling fragments join and rejoin until they form a larger comet, a more formideable one, heading down into our sun.

************************************************************

What is differnt about this one comet is it picked up a rare element in its journey.

The comet has changed has changed it's structure. Having interacted with other debris on it's own galactic travels a new and rare element has been integrated into it's composition.


*************************************************************


This element reacts with the chemical makeup of the sun and causes a cascading elemental diversity to begin. The spectrum changes and the solar wind chemical composition changes causing the entire solar system to undergo a change.


On being pulled down in the suns gravitational pull and dissolving in fiery doom, this rare element starts interacting with the suns natural processes. The light spectrum emitted from the sun, the light that gives all living things life, has changed forever and it's effects on it's target worlds are vast and worrying.

***************************************************************


Life starts developing where there wasn't any. Life on Earth changes. Some species die and others mutate. The human population diverges. Some humans develope special abilities others fall frail and all are affected.
Still based on carbon but now the carbon has different fundamental makeup. Humans begin to learn to control the changes in their bodies with their minds.

The order of 'survival of the fittest' changes now as living creatures utterly reliant on the suns rays for their growth and development wilt away, lost forever. Their place in the chain taken by other completing life. The lack of some frequences and gain in other radiation frequencies, encompassed in the suns rays, begins to affect the human physiology. Whilst small numbers of humans develop latent and unheard of powers, others become ill to the point of death. All humankind is affected by this catastrophe. Some humans learn to control the abilities that the change in their bodies has brought forth.

***************************************************************



When the initial radiation of our star flared its new properties the bombardment activated a hibernating planet-killer only 14.3 light-years out. Some humans discovered they could 'combine' their new abilities and had been using this "Combining" as a weapon against the rest of humanity to obtain whatever they desired. When the science taskers located the planet-killer from a percieved change in the universal mass balance appx 14.3 light years out they plot its trajectory straight at the Sun. Humanity has about 120 years before the planet-killers path takes it through Jupiter and Venus. Tho it misses Earth it upsets the gravity balance of our star system and changes Earth's orbit charachteristics.
The plan calls for using the 'Combiners', a special amplifier and some rare isotopes to destroy the planet-killer or change its heading within 30 years. Little did we know the planet-killer's custodians were responding to the activation alert "In Force". Can the 'Combiners' hone their new abilities in time to avert the disperion of the galaxy's OrionArm? Will the new Gravity drive get them to the intercept point in time to negotiate? Why did 'THEY' send that thing to destroy us anyway?
{To prevent a race from potentially developing the 'Combining' ability and taking control of the entire supercluster, The 'ClusterGuard's' 'Creators' forecasted a theory based on the changes in a stars characheristics and the affect of those changes on a sentient carbon based lifeform(The ability to control PLANK by sheer thought!). The 'Keepers'(Planet-Killers) were positioned by the 'Creators' Eons ago in vicinity of yellow star systems and certain pockets of elements/planetary nebulea that contained the chemicals prone to morph into a 'Combining Star'. They formed the 'ClusterGuard' and returned to Columba SuperCluster at the :TRUE: center of the Known Universe.
The 'Creators' programmed the development of certain races in the vicinity of each of the 'Keeper's' positions. They set special gateways and locks to prevent the 'ClusterGuard' races from interference in the development of other civilisations. Those special races were blinded to life in the universe. When a planet-killer awoke so did the 'ClusterGuard' race. Great ships hidden in comets would auto-pilot to the guard's homeworld and each ships AI would obtain a crew from the guard world and unlock their perceptions, setting the programming into active status. Sometimes they didn't survive, most of the time they did. The 'Keepers' ALWAYS worked! The 'Combining Star' was ALWAYS converted to Dark Matter and all the races ALWAYS died out.}



Bob "FatChance" Kenter slid his left hand into the amplifier and he could feel the interface bonding with his cold moist skin. *Space sucks! This amp better work if I get stuck out here floatin free I'll send a comet up those brain's asses!* He felt the pulse of the nano enhancers pierce his capillaries and WHAM he was the ship! "Woa! I know I got the better post!" he thought he said. *But wait! I don't 'hear' the others!* FatChance started to get edgy. *Wadr they waitin for?* *They know we gotta combine to run this a...ah...sh...ME!* And as he realised he was almost intergrated the visor disappeared. Some brief darkness and suddenly he was in space...alone ...no ship/no...*I am THE SHIP!* He knew the launch station was behind him but now he looked back at it in full detail. Composition, mass, trajectory, speed, gravity deviation...every detail of the station burned into his mind as knowledge. What was really interesting was he recieved the same type of sensor download from every object he selected. *I wonder...* FatChance oriented to the target. There was a slight delay, like the recovery of a sneeze and the data poured into his mind. Among the telemetry and travel variances he could just make out a ghostly image...triangle...rod...triangle, big circle(VERY BIG CIRCLE). He noticed that the last circle was causing such a huge gravitational disturbance it was warping the matter outward like ripples in a pond. He could 'see' the temperature increases as space matter was forced together under compression at the atomic level. "Proton Collision Art by FatChance the Ship" he thought he said.
"What" a voice entered his senses. Then an instant later he felt ... *Weapons Online* ... FatChance felt Jim "Burner" Bernstable combine. *They gave us the full weaps pak, even the prototypes!* Burner thought. *I feel it Burner, I feel every single system that you've become*I've become, we...the...*GraviNavPulsion Systems intergration Complete* **Hey Stick!** ^Weird^ Jimmi "the STICK" Camero thought. Stick felt the ship and it 'felt' like FatChance and Burner but better; *thanx Stick/**Yeah, Thanks** **We are the full WeaponsPak* We are the Ship!* Feel the Power?* I AM The POWER*** Stick thought.
"Hey Guys! Ready to kick some ***!" Her voice was Sweet and Steady. Linda Camero felt the rush of the nanos. "Then Lets Go!" ... *CONTROL ENGAGED* *Welcome to my new body "Brains"/You feel GOOD on my trigger baby/Hey Sis-----Combining Complete-----* Linda "Brains" Camero allowed the magnetic clamps to reverse and build. They could feel Fatchance stressing against the dock as Stick slowly opened the apature for more power to the magnet's coils while building the polarity charge...*85%..91%...97%...Full Build/Hold it,..Hold..It/Cummon Brains, yer gunna rip ma *** off if ya don't let go soon/Hold it....................NOW!

 

[Tom]

Your backstory is very much more descriptive. I worry about being too descriptive but I find your interpetation hits the nail on the head! I would not have thought to go that direction, I will br reading and rereading your insight repeatedly. Makes me think you came into my head and said what I was trying to say. Now I'm talking thought transfer...are you sure you're not a 'Combiner'?

 

[Tim]

not sure what a "combiner" is, but i am brain damaged, so maybe my learning to reuse my brain again has touched something it shouldn't have, lol!

i really don't need to be doing wierd stuff and get sent to the shrink (again!)



the ability to get work down efficiently is easy on paper yet difficult in practise.

when using a pc, i imagine i am using a manual typewriter. although my work still needs printing out to fully check it. i miss so much on the screen

experience of format and writing style. hopefully you will pick your own particular style that makes you who you are, but you will integrate other writers style into your work. this comes from reading hundreds, even thousands of books and building their styles up in your head, integrating them with what is correct grammatically and sales worthy and then shaping it to your particular style.

on my college courses in english language and literature i come across people who have only read one novel in their lives! i might have had the odd run in with my teacher when i express the view that those hoping to pass exams in using and understanding the english language should probably leave the course, take a year off in which they do nothing but read, read, read!

you've got the life experience side of things, with the forces. now you need to think about the format of existing publications and "copy" (i hesitate to say) in your own style, so that your work is original and satisfying, if not for you, but also everyone who reads it (providing they are literate of course!)

 

[Tom]

my life reading amouts to just around 50 novels

none recently tho unless you count the stuff I read online then the number goes up around 20

 

[Tim]

okay, my prescription here is to start reading more.

i assume you have the equivalent of charity shops that sell donated goods, clothes, ornament, toys, BOOKS ?

in the UK our minimum wage is about £4.50 an hour and most softback novels cost £6.99 so it's an expensive game, most of my reading matter comes from charity shops, books costing £0.50 to £3.00 (depending on the franchise) and some cheap book clearance shops sell novels from £1.00 to £2.00

but then theres the time factor for actual reading. family life, work obligations, your net time

i read in the bathroom, read to fall asleep (can tell i am single nowadays!) read when burning a dvd on my pc (when it's locked up) read rather than watch a tv program that i don't really have the urge to watch, but would normally watch just because i feel the need to watch something.

i read about 100 books a year, thats pretty much the level i have been reading over the last 10 years, although i have been reading scifi for 22 years and reading novels for 27 years (was reading novels at age 5, in hindsight i should have spent the time then on social development before i distanced myself from the majoirty!). and i prefer to read scifi. even if we halved that to cover periods when i didn't read much, thats still a lot of books.

i started writing at 18 but didn't have the life experience or book format experience to make good work, so maybe your life experience can make up for that, with some choice reading and knowledge of what to look for.

what the world doesn't need right now is too many creators making instant hit computer games, tv programs and films that stunt literacy development, we have to reverse this trend.