The Edge of Everything I Wanted


Aug 21, 2005
YA SPOILERS!!! :tongue:
-Once again I'm lost and not gonna even bother trying to figure them out!!
But Thanks for posting made my day!! :D
Mar 9, 2007
Adelaide, Australia
Chapter 18 Spoilers
1.) She knew her silence was causing his heart to beat a mile a minute from nerves, causing it to race indefinitely for every nanosecond that she didn’t respond.

2.) Realistically, love is a chance that one needs to brace themselves for, for the repercussions can be painful.

3.) But it was not invincible.

4.) He made sure the doors were locked, lights were off, alarm was on, and went up to retire to his own room, because it was late, and he needed to get up early.
i'm guessing by those spoilers that the break is'nt over :(
Pheonix :tongue:


Mar 23, 2004
I'm not sure what the spoilers mean but I'm thinking it does refer to the break and Michael going back to school.
Jun 23, 2005
new jersey
Chapter Eighteen

She looked up at him, the green eyes she had loved all along, his face, his skin color paler during these winter months because of the lack of sun, the trademark bed head hair, messier than usual, on the brim of frazzled, but covered with gel. All along, she never once doubted his love for her. Everyone knew that he loved her, even strangers. That was not part of the predicament. The point was he was capable of sneaking in something like their “break,” something totally unexpected and absolutely heartbreaking. Granted, he was under the impression that he was doing it for the good of them both, allotting space for them.

However, wasn’t three thousand miles more than enough space between them?

It was plenty. But apparently to him it worked in a reverse psychology kind of way. The seemingly roomy three thousand miles counteracted and strangled him breathless; it was too much, possibly. So much that it was terrifying to the core.

And they both were feeling the blows.

She knew her silence was causing his heart to beat a mile a minute from nerves, causing it to race indefinitely for every nanosecond that she didn’t respond. Ironic, she thought, how he thought he had to run away when he was overwhelmed, and now his heart was sprinting back to her when he was anticipating, she assumed, an answer. His brain had felt the need to escape, so he shushed his heart while he did so. Now, his heart was returning from the time away, longing for its other half.

There is always risk in love, risk in dismantling walls that keep the delicate heart safe. Walls can shield a heart, but they can also shun it from the world, keeping it hidden forever. Realistically, love is a chance that one needs to brace themselves for, for the repercussions can be painful. That is the gamble with love; it is a paradox. Expansion of the pericardium, the protector of the heart, can occur with love; it may cause discomfort, but broken hearts can altogether shatter a person.

Love is not harmless, it leaves a person open. Open to be loved in return, and open to be hurt. The stakes are always high with love, because broken hearts are so difficult to mend. Broken hearts have no definite cure, and in some cases are entirely incurable. Only time can tell with love and broken hearts. Time is the rescuing guardian angel, or the devil. One can never truly know with love, because it is also fickle, and tricky, and cruel, and utterly wonderful.

Love is unpredictable no matter how long you know it. Years of companionship do no suddenly make love a more knowledgeable topic. It never was understood completely, even by those who loved with all their hearts and were loved in return with all of a heart, and it never will be.

Love is a phenomenon that happens between two people in a concurrent moment. No one can say when it will occur, or if it even will. True love is rarer than a shooting star, but just as, if not more, spectacular.

The particular style of Sydney and Vaughn’s love was even more infrequent than Haley’s Comet; it was so erratic that it had no pattern as a precedent. It hit when it felt like it, if it chose to. This love was not diminishable no matter what any of the parties involved, or outside parties, attempted.

Sydney looked up at Vaughn and she almost, just almost, fully comprehended love in all its forms. “Then why didn’t you?” she asked in a whisper, referring to Vaughn’s statement about wanting to kiss her all night.

He nearly hadn’t heard her over the loud beating of his heart echoing in his ears. When he had, all of his nervousness hadn’t erased instantly, but a great deal had left noticeably. “I…,” he opened, unsure of how to proceed. “I was scared,” he admitted. “I was scared that you hated me,” he said, really just trying it on for size. Turns out, it fit perfectly, like a glove.

“I never hated you,” she said, knowingly, justly defending his vulnerable heart, taking a step back on her duties of protecting her own.

They embraced then, on the blue couch, rekindling the flame that had never extinguished. While it was flickering for a while, it never went out. Flames are like love, too, in the sense that they are binary symbols of light and dark, of good and bad. A flame can represent warmth, and comfort, or it can embody destruction, similar to how love can be the best feeling in the world, and how broken hearts are the ashes from the fire that is love.

It was a strong embrace on Vaughn’s part. Not overpoweringly, but comfortingly. Vaughn had let go of her hand from the last week of January up until now, late March. This only left his hand cold and useless. He needed her to function normally, because without her he was faulty. The hug was also soothing and a sanctuary of sorts. Anything could be done or said in this time, and there would be no consequences.

Sydney’s love for Vaughn was much more stable than a flame. But it was not invincible. Their time apart was not easy for Sydney, and it was not painless. She stayed up on many nights, and cried, feeling guilty all the while.

They broke the hug, and now just sat back on the couch, their backs leaning into the cushions. They were touching in as many places as possible when two people sit next to one another. They were quiet, not in a discomfited way, but in a “Whew, that’s over,” kind of way.

Her head was resting on his shoulder, at the perfect comfort height. She realized this meant that they were back together, for good, and that was relieving and consoling. However, she couldn’t pretend like it had never happened. And it wouldn’t make sense to keep this information to herself now and spring it on Vaughn later. Sydney had to tell him now, or not tell him at all, and she needed him to know. “You hurt me,” she said in a very low voice, but he heard her.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, moving over a bit so that there was space between them.

“No,” she said calmly, “not now. I mean,” she paused, then continued, “before.”

He stared down at his feet for a second or two, trying to buy time, the enemy or the saint when it comes to love, before turning to look at Sydney, eye to eye. Her head was no longer on his shoulder. There was a solemn, sad, understanding look on his face. “I know,” he said quietly. “I know,” he said again, this time in a remorseful sigh. Shifting his body to her, he went on. “You have to know that I’m sorry. I am so sorry, Sydney,” he was shaking his head, probably not believing he could have done something like that to her. His mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. Finally, he said, “I really thought I was doing the right thing, taking time.” Shaking his head again, he added, “but it wasn’t the right thing, and I’m sorry. That’s all I can say, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she nodded, in all seriousness. “I know,” she repeated in a small voice. “But you have to know that things aren’t going to be like they were, not now, not yet. We can’t ignore this, can’t avoid it.” He acknowledged her statement by nodding perceptively. However unpleasant, he knew this was inevitable. She laid down the law: “We have to start over, in a sense.”

He chuckled non-humorously, almost bitterly, but not quite. “In the sense that we love each other but have to pretend not to?” he asked, rhetorically, but still partially wishing for an answer.

Breaking eye contact for a second, Sydney looked away and thought of an appropriate way to respond. “Not pretend not to love each other,” she started unhurriedly, “just… taking things slow.” She surprised him by continuing her declaration. “For starters, no sex.” The way the words came out of her mouth, with an air of false confidence and certainty, took him aback briefly. He wasn’t expecting anything tonight, or in the very near future, nor was he expecting her to say something about that, but he had to respect her bold move.

“Okay,” he agreed, “no sex.” Now he surprised her just a bit by not being done speaking. “But if you find me irresistibly charming, and can’t keep your hands off me, you must know that I will be forced to remove said hands off, because of your new rule: no sex.” He smiled an exaggeratedly complacent smile.

She laughed at the absurdity of his promise. “First of all,” she said assertively, “I have self-control and it really hits me right here,” she said, patting her heart, “that you would even think that I don’t. Secondly, since when are you so cocky?” Truthfully, she enjoyed that they were reverting back to their signature playful banter. It was a medicine that mended broken hearts, healing them until they were healthy enough to love fully again.

They played a few games of Scene It for old time’s sake, and the wins-losses ratio for them both was pretty even. Afterward, maybe an hour and a half later, they simply lied side by side on the couch, and talked softly. Both were becoming tiresome, and eyelids were less ajar than they were closed. Still conversing, Sydney wriggled a little, and accidentally sent Vaughn to the floor with a loud plop. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stop laughing, even as she apologized, sincerely. He declined her request to come back up, instead opting to stay on the floor and asking her to hand him a throw pillow. Wordlessly, she gave him one, and he lied on the area rug and gazed up at her.

She smiled down on him. “Hi there,” she grinned. He smiled back, but didn’t say anything. “Whatcha thinkin’?”

He shrugged. “We really are starting over,” he said, and she gave him a confused look. “I mean, I’m back to sleeping on your floor,” he grinned.

A while later they were both soundly asleep for the first time in what seemed like a long time. Not much longer after that, Jack walked in through the garage door. From the kitchen, where he was getting a drink of water, he saw a figure on the couch. He walked over to the family room, and was going to wake his daughter and tell her to go up to her room, but he noticed Michael Vaughn, asleep on the floor with a single square-shaped pillow under his head and a light blanket covering him. Hesitation consumed him for only a moment, before he decided to leave them both where they were.

He made sure the doors were locked, lights were off, alarm was on, and went up to retire to his own room, because it was late, and he needed to get up early.


Aug 21, 2005
YA the break is over!!! All is good again...except the 'no sex' part!!
-This means no more breaks EVER...right!!??


Mar 23, 2004
The break is over and they'll be talking to each other again. But I can't help but wonder how things are going to change for them? They're still going to be separated by 3,000 miles. Vaughn is still going to be stressed about his grades and paying for school. How is he going to control the stress factors that caused the break in the first place?


Aug 21, 2005
Hi! I'm just dropping in to tell you that it has been FOREVER since you last updated...a month and 5 days to be exact!! So I was just wondering if you could maybe you know give us some spoilers OR maybe an UPDATE!! Please!! :rolleyes:
Jun 23, 2005
new jersey
i know, i know.
so, you know, i haven't written anything for months.

can i just say, the SATC movie was absolutely incredibly AMAZING!!!!
Jun 23, 2005
new jersey
Chapter 19 Spoilers

Over the phone, during many of their calls, Vaughn would pick up on her sexual tension and tease her about how he told her this would happen, and how he had to politely ask her to resist.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, still standing. “It’s not Grandma or Aunt Trish, is it?” he asked, concerned.

Fingers and arms and legs were crossed.

She inhaled. “But, look, let’s just get this over with, for both our sake’s, okay?”


Aug 21, 2005
YA Spoilers, BOO not knowing what they mean!! :D
Since we have spoilers...does that mean an update soon!?? :rolleyes:


Aug 21, 2005
OK now its been exactly a month since we have gotten spoilers....
which means its been over 2 months since an update!!!
Don't you think its about time we FINALLY get an update...PLEASE!!
I mean it is summer after all....and whats the best summer gift...
an update from you!! :rolleyes:
Jun 23, 2005
new jersey
guys, this chapter is intense

Chapter Nineteen

Sydney was back at UCLA, Vaughn was back at Columbia. It was almost the end of the spring semester, which meant that they were just weeks away from completing their freshman year and spending their summer together by the ocean. Granted, this year would be a little different because they both had jobs, but they hoped they could work the earlier shift and have nights to hang out.

Vaughn knew Sydney almost more than she knew herself, and it was driving her crazy. Yes, it had been her that made the rule about no sex. But she hadn’t been thinking clearly that night. The last time they were together was in January. They’d both been going dry for about four months, and Sydney didn’t know if she could handle it anymore. Over the phone, during many of their calls, Vaughn would pick up on her sexual tension and tease her about how he told her this would happen, and how he had to politely ask her to resist. Truthfully, even though he chuckled at Sydney through the phone line, inside he was feeling just as restless as she was.

It wasn’t funny at all.

The frustration was too much for them both. As luck would have it, and they were very unlucky, Jack had no upcoming business trips during the remainder of the month of May when they were out of school. Both families wouldn’t even be in Ocean City until the middle of June. Vaughn’s actual home was always a little too risky, because usually his mother was there, and when she wasn’t, she wasn’t out for very long. Going somewhere else was just tacky, so they had to take deep breaths and tell themselves, frequently, that they were mature adults, and could wait another month, bringing the grand total up to about five months, exactly.

At least, at about five months when they would both be in Ocean City, they would be next-door neighbors again, and, God willing, Jack Bristow would have a business trip to go on. Fingers and arms and legs were crossed.

Two weeks had gone by since the two families had moved into their summer homes, and the young couple had not had one single, clean break. It was making them both so insane that Weiss learned to simply avoid them most of the time. He didn’t want to know, he told them with shielded eyes on countless occasions. What made matters worse was the fact that their bosses weren’t really helping the situation any. From about nine in the morning to five, they were working. At five p.m., Amelie was home, usually cooking that night’s dinner, in the Vaughns’ kitchen, which had a window that overlooked the Bristow house. It was too dicey. Accordingly, Jack had chosen this year to begin training as Father of the Year. Every single night, for the fourteen nights they’d been there so far, he was never home later than a few minutes after six-thirty.

They were trapped.

Midweek of week two was when some progress was made. Jack announced that he had a weekend trip he had to go on. Sydney delved into her inner actress, pretending to be bummed out over this lack of freedom, when, really, inside, she was jumping for joy and squealing with glee. Her father would be gone from Friday day until Monday night. She would have independence, at last. That meant that she would have an empty house and the only thing better than an empty house was having a boyfriend to keep company with in it.

Immediately once Jack was surely out of earshot, also known as when he was asleep with his ear plugs in, Sydney went into her bathroom and sat down on the cool blue mosaic tiles. She called Vaughn, and told him not to make any plans for Friday night.

Also, she may’ve let it slip that her house would be fatherless.

It was settled, then, that Vaughn would come over Friday night. As pathetic as it was that they had to plan this situation, in the end it was just safer to have it on their dockets than not to.

Vaughn was about to leave his room and head over next door when his mother came in. “Hey, mom, I’m gonna go to Syd’s,” he said as he was about to brush past her.

Amelie didn’t know exactly how to approach the subject she wanted to talk about on this fateful night. “Michael,” she opened, and then paused, thinking of how to phrase her next words. Finally, she just flipped both hands out and said, “Sit down,” with an exhale.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, still standing. “It’s not Grandma or Aunt Trish, is it?” he asked, concerned.

“Oh, no,” she waved him off. “Everything and everyone is fine. Now sit down, I have to talk to you.” Obediently, he sat, and waited. Amelie was having trouble with her words, not knowing where to start, or how to, really. After pacing a little, she finally just rolled his computer chair over so that it was parallel to the bed and she sat down. Finally, she said, “Look, Michael, I don’t want to talk to you about this subject any more than you want me to.”

They, obviously, had the birds and bees talk a long while ago. But after she said that, Vaughn almost immediately realized she wanted to revisit the topic.

“Oh! Mom, please.”

“Michael just listen to me for a few minutes and then I’ll let you out of here, okay? I don’t want to prolong this.” She collected her thoughts as he sat down, looking utterly embarrassed. “I know that… this is awkward because I’m your mother and we both know you’d rather talk to your father about a subject like this… but…. Well, these are the circumstances we’ve been dealt, and we will deal with them adequately.”

“Mom,” he cut in, softly. “You’re a great mom, and dad,” he said, honestly.

She nodded, touched. “I try my hardest everyday to be the best parent possible to you.” She inhaled. “But, look, let’s just get this over with, for both our sake’s, okay?”

Amelie opened with saying that she neither knew nor wanted to know the status of Vaughn and Sydney’s relationship in those terms. Briefly, she went over safe sex practices. All the while, Vaughn’s face squirmed and turned various shades of red, but Amelie just chose to ignore these signs of uncomfortableness, just to keep the conversation moving. The talk was finally ended with the awkwardness of Amelie handing her son a package of condoms. “And let’s just forget about this, okay?” Amelie concluded before exiting the room, leaving Vaughn practically mortified.

Eventually, about a half hour later than when he was originally supposed to come over, Vaughn arrived at Sydney’s house. He had his own key, so he let himself in. His ears told him Sydney was upstairs, watching TV, so he made his way up there. To give her a head’s up, he knocked lightly before walking in.

“Oh, look who decided to show up!” she announced sarcastically, not moving from where she was lying on the bed.

“Trust me,” he said as he walked over to the bed to sit down and see what she was watching, “you don’t even want to know what I just did.”

Her face scrunched up in a way similar to as if she just smelt something very, very bad. “Did it require showering afterward, and that’s why you’re so late?”

He gave a petty laugh. “Now that you mention it, I really, really, really wish I showered before I came over.”

“Alright, what are we talking about? I’m lost.”

“Sydney, I can only say…,” he began, but then started laughing. The thought of Jack Bristow talking about sex with his only daughter, with whom he had a topsy-turvy relationship, was just hilarious to him. After a little while, he composed himself enough to be audible. “Just, if you never have to go through what I just went through, you will live a happy, scar-free life.”

“Okay, Vaughn, babe, what the hell are you talking about?” she ask sweetly, kind of looking at him as if he were crazy and belonged in an asylum.

He lost it again, and was cracking up. There was no way he would be able to tell her that his mom just gave him a pretty thorough sex talk. So, he did the next best thing. He grabbed the condoms out of his pocket. Why he put them in there in the first place, he didn’t know exactly. But, now, they came in handy as a visual to recount this already-dreadful memory.

“…Um… you’re…very… safely… prepared?” she asked, perplexed even more.

“No… no,” he managed through chuckles. “Guess who gave me these.”

A totally disgusted face replaced her baffled one. “Ew, someone gave you those?”

“My mom!” he answered, really seeing no other way around this than to laugh some more.

A bucket of ice water was poured over Sydney to wake her up. “Oh my god,” she shot up. “Oh my god!” she shouted, horrified, now standing. “Your mom knows?! Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD! She probably thinks I’m a total slut.” A more horrifying thought occurred to her. “Oh my god! She probably thinks we’re having sex right now!” She was shielding her face to no end with her hands, so embarrassed.

All the while, Vaughn attempted to interrupt her, but she was too hell-bent on her little rant. “Sydney!” he shouted to get her attention.

“What?” she asked, looking at him strangely.

“She doesn’t actually know for sure,” he explained.

Now he lost her again. “But you just said that she gave you a bunch of …,” she trailed.

He started chuckling again. “Well… she said she doesn’t know for sure, and I didn’t clarify anything for her.”

“How are you laughing at this?!” she asked, staring at him with complete mystification. “It’s not funny, it’s humiliating!” she said quickly.

“Well, maybe the thing itself isn’t funny, but the situation kinda is, considering why I was coming over here in the first place.”

“Oh my god,” she said again as she sank down onto her bed, still covering her face.

“C’mere,” he said, stretching to pull her to him.

“Vaughn I am not having sex with you now! I have an image to uphold in your mother’s eyes.”

He stared at her, as if he were studying an ancient artifact. “Syd,” he said calmly, “did I say we were gonna?”

“Well,” she said with a certain attitude. She stretched the word out for a little, and then saw how ridiculous she was acting. “No,” she said quietly.

“Now, come here,” he repeated. She slid over, but made it seem like it was a ton of work. He shook his head and guffawed. “I love you,” he said, lifting her arm slightly so that he could lightly kiss the inside of her wrist. “Now, what’s on TV?”

Oh My God

oh my god


I think I would die if I was a guy and my mom did that
Hell I'd die now if my mom ever did that
Thats so rough on them

They finally get a chance to let of some steam and that happens! Hell its practically been half a year how are they doing this?

Great update please dont wait 2 months again!
Jun 23, 2005
new jersey
i know what you mean, i had the hardest time even writing that bc of all the awkwardness.

i won't wait 2 months, promise. BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING LAST NIGHT!
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