The Edge of Everything I Wanted

Kate_14

Cadet
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Yes I want, want, want...but thats just because this is soo DAMN GOOD and I can't help it that I'm addicted!!! :D
Soo can we please please PLEASE have an update....with a cherry on top!! :rolleyes:
 
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Location
new jersey
i'm allergic to cherries. but this chapter actually has new years in it, so why not?



Chapter Fourteen

School in December was hell, because no one liked studying for midterms, and everyone detested taking them even more. But everybody loved the three-and-a-half weeks of winter vacation that would follow.

Sydney and Vaughn spent the days after Christmas together, usually outside in the frigid weather, mostly taking walks through parks that were abandoned. Mittens and gloves kept their delicate fingers warm in the below-zero temperatures, as did coats, scarves, and hats for corresponding parts of their bodies.

Vaughn couldn’t help but feel choked by all the heavy outerwear, but he knew in his heart that all of his attire was on fairly loosely. He had never really been an anxious person, he was more the laid-back type, but lately, he had more anxiety than he knew what to do with. When he was at school, he thought that maybe when Sydney came home for the break the strangling feeling would go away. But she’d been home for six days now, and, if anything, he was feeling worse. All day, his thoughts always drifted to the end of January, when both of them would be back in school, back across the country from each other. And he would have to work hard, and study hard to keep his scholarships. In addition, he would still be working his off-campus job, and would still have to somehow make time to talk to Sydney, a time when both of them were free, and they’d have to take into account the time difference.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, so he loosened his scarf some more. But he was still feeling short of breath and too warm. As he tried to catch his breath, clouds of white steam exited his mouth and entered the atmosphere rapidly. Sydney had been noticing that he was acting weird for most of the week, and now she saw him almost fighting for air. She stopped. “Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

Vaughn heard her voice and jerked his head to look at her. “What?” he asked too quickly. “Oh,” he replied just as hurriedly. “No, no,” he said, more slowly. “I’m fine, I swear.” He forced a smile, and he realized it was probably the first time he had ever lied to her, and the pangs of guilt were already starting to eat at him with their acidic poison. They continued their stroll, as if nothing happened.


Will and Francie were also home until a week before February. It was almost ironic: Will’s decision to apply to Columbia, where Vaughn was now attending, had brought him and Francie together as a couple. But by the end of the summer, their romance had fizzled and he had decided to go to Colorado State, while Francie ended up traveling to Brigham Young University in Hawaii for her schooling. Francie was going to double major in hotel/motel management and travel/tourism management, while Will enrolled in the honor program and was fulfilling his dream of majoring in journalism.

They were still best friends, and for the time being, neither was dating anyone else.

Sydney spoke with them a few times a week, but never every single day, the way she did with Vaughn. Most of their conversations were via instant message. And that was okay between the three of them. Regardless, it was still very strange for them to be in three different states, none of them adjacent to one another, especially since Francie’s school was on an island. During their time back, they talked about all of their freshman experiences so far, from the humorous to the disgusting, and everything in between.


Vaughn pushed back all of his negative thoughts by the time it was New Year’s Eve. He, Will, Francie, Weiss, and his date, Clara, a girl he met at Rutgers, where he went, would all be going over to Sydney’s to celebrate, because her father was out of town. Surprisingly, she was very okay with that, though it might have had to do with the fact that she wanted Vaughn to spend the night.

Vaughn was the first to arrive, even though Will and Francie lived much closer. Sydney knew that something was going on with him because of the reclusive way he had been behaving. But when he came over that night, he was very, very chipper. “Hey,” she smiled as she opened the door. “You’re earl–,” she was saying, but he cut her off with a mind-numbing kiss that made her shaky all over. Her front door was still open, and cold air was gushing in, but, in actuality, it was refreshing. She was trying to regain her breath without breaking their kiss, but after a few minutes, she couldn’t keep it up anymore and pulled away.

She really did love him, and she showed him so by brightening into a smile, and giving him a look that only he ever saw: a tranquil, doting, fragile look. After that, she tugged him in by his crew neck sweater and pulled him into a fiery kiss of her own, at the same time shutting the door by pushing his back against the heavy wood and reinforced glass. Neither of them was sure how, but they ended up making out on the family room couch. Sydney’s make-up was smudge-proof, so there was no problem there. Her hair it was another story. Honestly, she did brush it before her guests were due to arrive, albeit now it was impossible to ever tell, because it looked more like she’d been lying around all day.

Truthfully, she’d only been lying around for the last half hour, though she could see why others would assume it was all day, but that was Vaughn’s fault. Well, perhaps not all of his fault.

Honestly, she didn’t care what she looked like.

The two of them had been laying on the couch for a while, side by side, lengths of bodies touching. No other invitees had yet shown up. Sydney stretched her neck up so that she could see over Vaughn, and the clock above the TV told her that it was well after seven. She told everyone to come at six-thirty. Meanwhile, Vaughn was trying to smooth of the crow’s nest mess he’d made in her hair.

“Sorry,” he chuckled, for the first time really seeing the damage. She joined his laughter.

“Don’t worry about it.” She paused, lost in her own thoughts, really, and Vaughn continued to remedy her hair. “I’m just wondering where everyone else could be,” she said.

He smiled, like he was up to something.

“What are you up to?” she asked with a single raised eyebrow.

He shook his head where he lay on the edge of the couch, and shrugged. “Oh, you know… nothing.” Cocking her head to the side added a more inquisitive nature to her lying stance, and he chuckled again. “Okay, so maybe I told Weiss you changed your mind and said for everyone to come over at seven-thirty instead. And maybe I passed on this information to Francie and Will.” She rolled her eyes, but her grin countered it. “Maybe I thought you would appreciate the spontaneous gesture,” he added.

Two seconds later she said, “Maybe I do, very much,” and kissed him languidly. Afterward, she shoved him, hard enough so that he fell off the couch, slow enough so that he could catch his balance before he hit the floor. He gave her an irritated, unpleased and unimpressed, look.

“I’m sorry,” she said with pouted lips and puppy dog eyes, while she sat up. He shook his head, smirking. “But I need to comb my hair now, before my late, actually on time, guests get here, and all.”

Turns out everyone else showed up more or less promptly. In the beginning, the situation was a little awkward with Clara, an outsider, there. However, with time, everyone warmed up nicely to her. At first, no one knew what they should do, so they floated between the networks, making fun of celebrities’ and hosts’ outfits. That only lasted about twenty minutes before they got terribly bored.

Snacking foods were laid out on the coffee table, and Sydney made sure to buy and give the “good stuff” so she wouldn’t get called out by Francie, who would claim she kept it all for herself, as she had done on more than one previous occasion. Along with the food were cups for everyone and a couple different kids of drinks.

In the end, they unanimously decided on having a Scene It marathon until a few minutes before midnight, before the New Year. Sydney happened to be the owner of just about every version Scene It that was made. Naturally, they started with the original, and played it everyone for themselves. As the night progressed, they changed games to the Sequel pack, the WB pack, the Disney Version, the TV Version, and the Friends Version. They also paired and teamed up as the night went on, having it couples against couples, boys against girls, and they even played Rock Paper Scissors for teams. If two people had the same sign, then they were teammates: they would play Rock Paper Scissors until they made either two or three even teams, which involved some troubleshooting, but in the end worked out just fine.

The tricky thing was whether or not to serve champagne. Sure, all of them had had drinks before, but technically they were all still underage. And two of the six people there would be driving later on. So, it was collectively concluded that they would each have one glass of champagne to ring in the New Year, but then after that it was sparkling cider for everyone.

As always, the real countdown began at ten seconds to twelve a.m. and descended from there, with all of the half dozen people in Sydney’s house shouting out the numbers in unison. The glittery ball was shining above Times Square in New York, a place Vaughn now knew quite well, and thousands were huddled together in the city, chiming in. Finally, they reached the number one, and clocks all over the eastern coast of the United States clicked to one-two-zero-zero. A friendly kiss was exchanged between Will and Francie, while more romantic ones were given and received between Sydney and Vaughn, and Clara and Weiss, respectfully.

Will realized that all this time they’d been missing the annual Twilight Zone marathon, and suggested that they keep it on in the background. Everyone, except for Vaughn, stayed until about two-thirty.

Vaughn and Sydney kept each other company until they were too exhausted to even pucker up for a kiss, and they fell asleep easily and snugly, under her soft down comforter.


The three primary weeks of January were only slightly hectic. Sydney made sure that she spent as many waking minutes as possible with Vaughn, and vice versa, because the next time they would be seeing each other wouldn’t be until March, when they both, thankfully, had Spring Break simultaneously.

But as February crept up on them, Vaughn’s anxiety returned, complete with the shortness of breath, and the headaches, and the general nervous feelings.

He knew what he had to do, although it would kill him to do it. And he knew that he had to do it, although it killed him that it came down to this.

What he absolutely detested was the fact that he would be breaking more than promises.

Four days before Sydney was flying back they were hanging out in her family room, on the couch that had been there for them through so much. He hoped it would be consoling this time.

And then he realized he was thinking about a stupid couch, an inanimate object.

But it was a stupid inanimate object that held memories for them both.

When he got home that night, it wasn’t even eleven yet, an unusually early time for him to be home, and his mother noticed. He was praying he made the right decision, praying he didn’t damage what he held most dear, but with further thought he knew he had – it was impossible to not have.

He broke more than just promises that night: He broke hearts – two of them, Sydney’s and his.

When Amelie came to the foyer her son looked dreadfully awful. “What on earth happened to you?” she asked, worried. He didn’t say anything then, so Amelie examined him more, and saw that his frequently bright green eyes were a sullen shade of jade. Her son was hunched over, not standing with proper posture, and he was taking deep breaths. “Michael?” she encouraged, kindly.

“I think…,” he hesitated a bit. Saying it out loud cemented it to reality, and even though he induced it, he wasn’t exactly ready for it to be real. But he had to be ready, because it was real. “I think I just broke up with Sydney,” he said in a low tone.
 

Kate_14

Cadet
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
WTF!?!?! Seriously why!?!? You ruined my happy moment!!! Why would you ruin my happy moment!? I know you will fix this but how long am I going to have to wait to find out why he did such a stupid thing!!??????
 
Joined
Mar 9, 2007
Location
Adelaide, Australia
hey!
Chapter Fourteen
great chapter!

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, so he loosened his scarf some more. But he was still feeling short of breath and too warm. As he tried to catch his breath, clouds of white steam exited his mouth and entered the atmosphere rapidly. Sydney had been noticing that he was acting weird for most of the week, and now she saw him almost fighting for air.
i thought he was going to have an Anxiety (sorry if i spellt it wrong)

He broke more than just promises that night: He broke hearts – two of them, Sydney’s and his.
When Amelie came to the foyer her son looked dreadfully awful. “What on earth happened to you?” she asked, worried. He didn’t say anything then, so Amelie examined him more, and saw that his frequently bright green eyes were a sullen shade of jade. Her son was hunched over, not standing with proper posture, and he was taking deep breaths. “Michael?” she encouraged, kindly.
“I think…,” he hesitated a bit. Saying it out loud cemented it to reality, and even though he induced it, he wasn’t exactly ready for it to be real. But he had to be ready, because it was real. “I think I just broke up with Sydney,” he said in a low tone.
WTF?!?!?!?!? why would he brake up with syd for?

Pheonix :tongue:
 

Kate_14

Cadet
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Well yeah things were going really well....but they could get in a really big fight instead...not break up!! A big fight is enough drama don't ya think!!
 
Joined
Jun 9, 2004
I can't beleive that he broke up with her, but I can understand a long distance relationship is really hard.


Update again soon
texasalias
 
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Location
new jersey
hey!

is it soon like really really soon? like now???

Pheonix :tongue:
umm.... no.
no, seriously, i'm super busy so i dont have time to soon.



WTF?

What is this 'Greys Anatomy' Syd and Vaughn are not Mer and Der, they can be happy and BE in a relationship! WHY are you ruining them and what idiotic reason did Vaughn think of? Seriously WTF?!?!?!?!?
now, what makes you think they're "ruined"?
and it's pretty much the least idiotic reason ever.
 

ChrisM

Cadet
Joined
Mar 23, 2004
Michael was getting stressed out with everything- classes, keeping up his grades, off campus work, etc. Something had to give and I'm betting Michael told Sydney that until things are less stressing that they'll have to put their long distance relationship on hold. Sydney took that news as he's breaking up with her. Or maybe, he did break up with her.
 
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Location
new jersey
you guys, i was like, 4 feet away from jennifer garner today. and i'm ridiculously jealous bc my friend GOT HER AUTOGRAPH!
i'll post pics eventually.
swear.
 
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Location
new jersey
we went to see Cyrano de Bergerac on broadway.
she got it because this nice lady near us handed it to jennifer but when she was handed her mine, she walked to the other side :(
my friend got better pics, too, but here's what i have (til my battery died, OF COURSE).






this was one the wall outside the theatre





 

Kate_14

Cadet
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
DUDE that is freakin' awesome!! Seriously I'm insanely jealous right now!! You know what...I think we should celebrate the fact that you saw jennifer garner with an update!!! :rolleyes:
 
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Location
new jersey
okay! because i'm in an amazing mood!!!

Chapter Fifteen


Vaughn was at Sydney’s house four days before she was due back in California, four days before he was going back to New York. Negative gut feelings were invading what used to be the purest territory. These sentiments were unwelcome and didn’t belong, but they had been living in him for too long to be ignored, for too long to be taken lightly. So, Vaughn sincerely considered these notions, weighed his options, and narrowed them down to two selections that he could make. Unluckily, neither choice provided everything he wanted, or needed.

In the end, he knew that what it came down to was hurting, as well as being hurt himself, or feeling stuck and lacking everything that made a relationship truly great. After weeks and weeks of the most careful contemplation he knew that he couldn’t handle the pressure anymore. He was weak, and abhorred the fact that he was. Not only was it not supposed to happen this way, it wasn’t supposed to happen at all.

Words were not coming to him, and he knew that he would be unsure even if there were perfect words for this situation. The two of them were on the couch, nothing out of the ordinary occurring. Not on the surface, anyway. They were watching TV, very normal for them. He realized that there would never be an opportune moment for something he was not one-hundred percent certain of. Relient K’s lyrics from the song “Let It All Out” replayed in his head like a broken record: “I know that this will hurt / but if I don’t break your heart / then things will just get worse.” It was factual. As much as he dreaded breaking their relationship, it was the only action he could think of doing that gave it a genuine human thread, to make it imperfect like everything else in the world.

If he chose to continue this relationship, he knew that in the future there would be many petty fights that would not even have a valid basis for being begun. There would be purposeless comments that were never meant to be said to regret. Prolonging their relationship on the path that they were on now would cause them to be hot headed for no reason. All in all, it would be a path of forced happiness to cover up the fatigue of maintaining their coupling.

Vaughn didn’t want to break up with Sydney; he loved her more than words. But it wasn’t about love right now. When people say that love isn’t enough, they’re right. Yes, it is a large, large portion of making it work, but it is not everything. He couldn’t be with Sydney if he couldn’t devote to her the attention she deserved. That wasn’t fair to her.

He caught Sydney off guard when he said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

A voice that wasn’t coming out of the speakers seemed out of the blue to her. She looked over and saw a somber face. Pressing “mute” on the remote, she said, “Okay,” and turned back to him.

Frazzled, he brought both hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. Sydney studied him, and saw that he appeared utterly exhausted. Exhaling, he removed his hands, dragging his fingers along his face, stretching the stubbly skin downward. He figured that he had to start as close to the beginning at possible. “I… I um…,” with his thumb and forefinger he pinched the bridge of his nose, and closed his eyes for a second, then opened them. This was something he had to go through, one of those horrid lessons life makes you learn the hard way. “I’ve been lying to you,” he said, not even able to look at her. She, however, looked at him, like she was lost, and he knew there was no turning back now. “And I’m sorry.”

Once there’s a crack in the heart, a complete shattering is inevitable.

She opened her mouth to say something, but no words were coming out. Trying again, she asked, “About… what, exactly?” Her mind projected several different scenarios, ranging from him lying about when she saw Jess leave his dorm back in November, to him humorously telling her that while all this time he’s been saying that he is the prettier one she really is.

Still staring at nothing in front of him, instead of his girlfriend, Vaughn opened with, “You know how I’ve been acting weird?” Without skipping a beat, he added, “And I know you do, so just say it.”

“Like now?” Sydney asked, trying to keep the conversation light. There wasn’t as much as a slight, appreciative smile from Vaughn. “Yeah,” she affirmed quietly but not hushed, “I’ve noticed.”

Vaughn leaned into the couch, like the cushions were an alcove that would save him from concluding his thought. He swallowed. “I’m not ‘fine,’ like I’ve been telling you.”

He was going to say more, but she interrupted. “What’s wrong, Vaughn?” she asked in an almost desperate voice. “And why aren’t you looking at me?” she asked, turning his chin; he tried to fight it. “Look at me!” she said a little more powerfully. She had tears clustering for principles unbeknownst to her. Letting go of his chin, she stated, point-blankly, “You’re scaring me.” For a moment, he did gaze at her, but then he went back to staring ahead.

Shaking his head slowly, facing the floor, he replied, “I can’t look at you because I don’t want to tell you what I have to.” In almost a whisper, he said, “I’m tired.”

She glanced at the clock, it was just past ten. “Well, what time did you get up, because it’s only –,” she was saying, but he cut her off.

“No,” he told her, his hands covering his face, and then he sat up straight with an unobstructed face. “I mean, I’m tired of everything, and I don’t think I can keep doing this.” He took a breath. “I need a break.”

She was pretty sure of what he was trying to tell her, but she needed clarity. “So, you’re saying….”

He broke in. “It’s not supposed to be this hard,” he said, finally looking at her, the pools of tears larger than he remembered.

Now it was her turn to turn away. She rested her elbow on her bent knee, and bent her wrist so that the edge of her hand nearest her pinky was resting on her chin. “You told me to go,” was the only thing she could say, and she said it repeatedly as the tears tumbled down.

“Yes,” he said louder, so she would stop, “I told you to go. And I stand by my decision. But can you honestly tell me you’re happy right now, the way things are, with us having to schedule everything?” She bit her lip, brushed the tears away, and turned back to him wordlessly.

She stared into the green eyes she adored and just thought for a minute. No, she wasn’t overjoyed with how things were. Yes, it was tough to always plan everything.

“And the thing is,” he broke the silence, “it’s more difficult for me than it is for you.” Now she was just confused. Knowing this, he expanded, “I just feel like I don’t have time for everything I need to do. I have to keep at least a three-point-five GPA to keep my scholarships. If I don’t have that GPA, I’m out, Syd,” he said tenderly. “Those scholarships are dangling me by a thread, and I feel like at any minute the thread’s going to snap, and I don’t want it to snap.

“Most of the money I have from working is going towards tuition, too. My mom’s paying for a lot of it, too.” He shrugged. “There’s just so much pressure on me to keep up with everything.” Inhaling, and then exhaling, he continued. “I want to talk to you everyday, I do… I just…,” he shrugged again, “I’m spread too thinly now.” She offered to ask her dad to set up a loan for them, but he declined, citing that his family could handle it, and he mentioned that her dad didn’t quite love him. “I don’t think I’m being fair to you if every night we talk I’m thinking about school and work more than what you’re saying,” he finished.

Each word he said had been justified and logical. He needed the time to feel adjusted this new life of his, and she was not making it any easier for him. “So… a break?” she said slowly, trying to keep from crying.

He nodded. “A break.”

She wanted directness. “Is this the type of break where we see other people, or….”

“Syd,” he butted in, “if I have no time for you, I have no time for anyone.”

Sydney gave him a little smile and wiped tears away. “Okay,” she agreed. She sniffed a little. “I think you should go now.”

“Syd.”

“No, no it’s okay, I get it. It’s just… I might start crying soon and I know that if you see me you might change you mind about all this. And I don’t want that to happen right now because this is something you really need. I… I don’t want to be that girl because I understand where you’re coming from.” She paused. “I’m fine.” He gave her a doubtful look. “I will be fine.”

They hugged before he left, and Sydney knew that as soon as she would hear the door click close she would burst into sobbing. He whispered, “I love you,” into her ear softly prior to breaking the embrace.

They said goodbye, he left. She grabbed a pillow and stuffed her face into it as she felt her heart drop into her stomach.


When Vaughn got home and told his mom, the first thing she did was slap him upside the head. Secondly, she yelled at him. She told him to go back and apologize for being stupid. He explained all of his apprehension to her, and she backed down.

However, she still told him he was being an idiot, even though she supposed she would still support his decision.
 

ChrisM

Cadet
Joined
Mar 23, 2004
I can understand where Michael is coming from. When the only way you can pay for school of your dreams is through scholarships, then you have to keep your GPA up to keep those scholarships. Studying, worrying about money and grades, and scheduling time to talk to Sydney was causing Michael to burn the candle at both ends. Michael just couldn't do it any more. He did the only thing that made sense, going on break with Sydney. Unfortunately, the break is most likely for the next three and a half years.
 
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