Thing's I wish I said

Jan 4, 2005
Title: Thing’s I wish I said

Companion to Things I never said

Disclaimer: Again I don't own anything!

A/N: You don't have to read Things I never said to understand this, but they are better if you read both.

Death is always a tragedy especially when it happens to someone you care about; someone you love. There are no words to describe the pain that it causes, knowing that they are no longer in this world. You know you will never see their smiling face when they wake up next to you; you never get to feel them touch you or tell you how much they love you.

That’s the one thing I regret never saying, how much I loved him. I did love him, with all my heart. He was everything to me. He was my oxygen. He was my reason for living. He was my life. Now all of that has been taken from me in such a short space of time.

I’m lost without him. I don’t know what to do with myself. What can I do? I just miss him. I want him back. I want him to wrap his arm around me and tell me that everything will be ok, but that isn’t going to happen.

Instead I sit here in this house; our house, thinking of him. I stare at the picture of us. The photo taken on the day we moved in together. I was so happy, so was he. Whenever I think back it brings a smile to my face.


“Syd, you know you could give me a hand with these boxes instead of just sitting on the couch.” He told her as he lifted another heavy box into their new home.

“I thought that’s why I was moving in with you, so you could carry all the boxes.” I said as I got off the sofa and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Well that makes it all worth it, a sweet kiss from you.” He said as he pulled me back into a deeper, more passionate kiss.

“Ok. Ok. Please can you two get a room!” Weiss exclaimed as he carried another cardboard box into the living room. Vaughn and I just giggled.

“As you wish.” Vaughn said as he grabbed my hand and started to lead me off to our bedroom.

“If you guys are going to be like that, I'm leaving.” Weiss said, half joking.

“I’m only kidding man. We still need you to help with the stuff.” Vaughn laughed.

The rest of the day we spent moving boxes into all of the rooms. By the time we finished it was really late and Weiss just left us sitting on the couch.

“So what do you want to do now, beautiful?” Vaughn asked as he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist.

“I have an idea.” I grin as I kiss him.

He pulls back. “I had exactly the same idea.” He smiles as he scoops me off the couch and throws me down on our bed.

That night was one I definitely won’t ever forget.

*End of Flashback*

That glorious smile now fades as tears trickle down my face. As much as it is a joyful memory, I know there will be no more to come. Now all I have is my memories of things that have gone by and this; the ring.


As I held Vaughn’s lifeless body close to mine I felt something in his jacket pocket. I hadn’t noticed it before as I had been crying so hard, but now I reached inside his jacket and pulled out this small, black, velvet box.

In that moment I knew exactly what he had been planning. I opened the box and admired the gold bang inside. It was simple yet perfect. I felt myself again breaking down into tears. I couldn’t believe it. This would have been the happiest day of my life, if only Vaughn was lying dead in my arms. I couldn’t control myself any longer and continued to sob.

*End of Flashback*

As soon as I found it I put it on and I have never taken it off since. It’s the only thing of Vaughn I have left, well for now at least.

I know he is up there smiling down on me; on us. I hope he is watching and knows how much I love him. I hope he is happy and is in pain no longer.

Owww. I feel a pain in my stomach. I know I should have told him, but it never seemed the right moment, even when he was dying I still couldn’t tell him.


“What are we doing here?” I asked as we arrived at the pier. This place had special meaning for both of us. Maybe now I could finally tell him what I had been putting off for the past couple of weeks. I had no idea how he would react. I hope he would be happy. I know Vaughn would make a great father to our child, but part of me was still scared.

He cupped my hands with his and looked deep into my eyes. It was like he was staring into my soul. I was wishing, begging him with my eyes to release the miracle growing inside me.

“Sydney, there are so many things I want to say to you. I need to say them…..” He started. In that moment I thought everything would be ok and that I could finally tell him about our little bundle of joy. That didn’t happen though. Instead my world came crashing to the floor as Vaughn’s body did.

I kneeled down on the cold hard ground cradling Vaughn in my arms. Tears were streaming down my face. They were soaking Vaughn’s already blood stained white shirt. “Vaughn, Vaughn.” I screamed. This couldn’t be happening could it? I couldn’t be loosing the one person in my life that I truly cared about; who I loved.

I heard his shallow breaths as I silently begged him to stay with me; with us. “S...S…Syd.” He uttered. I gazed down at him trying to hold back my tears. I was trying to stay strong for him, but was failing miserably. “I…I love you.” I stroked his face gently with my bloody hand. He finally closed his eyes. I knew he was gone. He was dead.

Still I didn’t let go; I couldn’t. I slowly rocked him back and forth in my arms. “I love you too.” I sobbed. “I wished I had told you sooner Vaughn. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I’m sorry for a lot of things.”

*End of Flashback*

So now I’m sitting here my hand on my stomach worrying about our baby; about our daughter. I wonder if he knew or if he knows now. I wonder what she will look like, if she will have his eyes or his chin or his forehead wrinkles. No matter what happens though, I will always have a piece of Vaughn with me, even if I never told him.

I wish I had. I wish I hadn’t kept it from him. Maybe then we wouldn’t have gone to the pier. Maybe then he would still be alive and my baby would have her father. Instead…now all she has is me as her mother. I don’t know the first thing about babies and have no idea how I am going to do this alone. I just wish Vaughn was here with me. I miss him. I know we could have done this together, but now without him I just don’t know.

I hope where ever he is, he is happy and that even though I never said it, I hope he knows about our daughter and that I love him.


Apr 21, 2005
hey alison!!!!!!
another great fic but soooo sad!
no happy fluffly ending!
finalyl found this fic, tracked it down!
love u loads my very talented friend
love becca xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jan 4, 2005
I'm glad you all liked it. ^_^
This was an after thought, which is why it isn't part of my contest entry. Then I thought about adding it to the entry, but it is too many words.


May 16, 2005

Aww, poor Syd, she'll have to raise her daughter alone. :cry:
That was so sad, you write really well. :relieved:

Thanks for the PM, sorry it took so long to reply. :)
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