Don't_Frost_the_Pie515
Cadet
OMG!!! I luv ur fic, please add me to ur PM list (if u have one)
hey guys.
sorry for not updating. i wrote this ages ago but just kept forgetting to post here. please r&r.
Chapter 3
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death. He’d caused so many deaths over the years. So young and yet so dangerous. Deadly.
Pain. All the pain he’d inflicted on others. Not just his victims, but their families, their friends.
Anger. All the repressed anger he’d had as a child, coming back to haunt him. Memories.
Death
‘Julian!’
The young boy came inside from the garden. His mother was calling to him. His eyes widened as he saw her. He’d seen her with bruises before but- but this was crazy. Seven year old Julian Lazarey stared at the 25 year old woman. The beautiful blonde currently had two black eyes and a large red line across her face where he had obviously used a belt on her. Julian had no doubt that that had many more injuries on her body which he couldn’t see.
‘Mother? What’s going on?’
‘We’re leaving. Get your things.’ The young woman looked into the icy blue eyes of her small child, pleading with him not to question her decision.
‘Eva! Eva! Get back here.’ Andrian Lazarey stormed into the room, obviously a little drunk. Julian ran behind the sofa frightened.
He watched, peering over the top, whilst his parents argued. And he watched in horror as his father’s arm reached out and struck his mother, sending her flying across the floor. He watched her scream as she hit the floor by the garden door. He watched as she lay still. He watched as the pool as blood formed by her head. He watched as his father walked away. He watched and he cried.
He never talked about that moment. Or his father. They were distant memories which he closed off long ago. He had been sent to boarding school after that. His father had wanted nothing to do with him and Julian had been fine with that. He had packed his belongings and some memories of his mother and never looked back. The only times he ever thought about those things was when he slept. When he slept they haunted him. So he stopped sleeping. Stopped feeling. Until she came along. Sydney had brought sleep back into his life. She had brought back dreams and memories. She had brought back Julian. So he told her. He emptied out his heart and soul to her. He told her what haunted his cold blue eyes.
Pain
She stared at him, unsure of how to react. There was a lump in her throat and she thought she would cry if she opened her mouth. But she couldn’t. She had to be strong for him. All those yeas she had wondered what had turned him into such an unfeeling monster. Now she knew. He wasn’t a monster at all. Not a monster, just a scared little boy trying to forget the horrors of his past.
She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair before wiping his tears. He was so young. He couldn’t be much older than about 23 or 24. So young but so old. He had the look of a child made to grow up too fast. She knew that look. She had worn it for many years.
‘I’m so sorry Julian. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.’ He nodded and placed his head on her lap, shaking slightly. She rubbed his back, wishing there was something she could do to take away his pain.
Sark wasn’t afraid of anything. Julian had his fears. His worst fear was becoming his father. Sark had no emotions, no feelings, no anger. Julian was consumed by his emotions. He was human.
Anger
Sydney came home happy; shopping bags in hand. Julian was throwing a ball to introduce himself as a key member of the Covenant. Although Sydney knew she would be playing hostess to a room full of terrorists, she was quite looking forward to it. ‘Julian? I’m home.’ She walked into his study.
Julian sat in his chair, staring down at something on his desk. He didn’t look up at her or even acknowledge her presence. ‘Julian? Honey, what’s wrong?’
She saw it as soon as he looked up. He was absolutely livid. He lifted p the pieces of paper on his desk. They were pictures. Pictures of her with Michael Vaughn. He spoke to her through his teeth. ‘Why were you with him?’
‘What do you mean? He’s a friend of mine.’ She stared at him, obviously becoming angry at his question, at his accusation.
‘He’s CIA. More than that, he’s your ex-boyfriend. The former love of you bloody life! I don’t want you seeing him!’
‘I can see whoever I want! You’re not the boss of me Julian.’
‘Why are you so keen to be seeing him anyway? Last I remember you hated him to the core. Are you back together now? Or is he just your handler again? As I recall, last time he did more than just handle your counter-missions.’
‘Are you accusing me of cheating on you? I’m not! And I’m not spying on you either. You know I’m not quite sure which accusation is worse.’
He stared at her closely. Only then did she notice he’d been drinking. Damn. He took a step towards her and then another. He stopped with his face a couple of inches away from her’s. He placed his hand on her arm and trailed it up to her shoulder. His grip tightened and he pushed her against the wall. She could feel his breath on her face, could smell the whiskey. His grip was tight. She knew that would leave a bruise.
‘Liar! Don’t think I don’t see it in your eyes. All you think of is him. You are no different to your mother. Just a little sl**.’ He was shaking with anger as he rammed his hand into her side, causing her to double over in pain.
Sydney raised her head and stared into his eyes. Her own were filled with anger and tears. She opened her mouth as if to speak and then shut it again. Julian watched his lover shake her head before leaving the room.
Julian woke up with a start. His heart was beating and tears were running down his face. He was sweaty. That was one of the only times he and Sydney had not been happy together. The only time he had truly stepped out of line. The only time he hadn’t been a proper gentleman to her. The ball had been a disaster. Not to the guests. They had enjoyed themselves. They had been amused to see Sydney on his arm. They had accepted Sark as one of them. That had been when Sark realised he didn’t want to be one of them. That was when Sark realised he wanted to be Julian.
Sydney had arrived home that afternoon. She hadn’t spoken to Sark or even looked at him. She had gone straight upstairs to get ready. She noticed the bruises on her shoulders and stomach as she dressed. They would not be visible through her dress. By the time she went downstairs most of the guests had arrived.
Julian saw her as soon as she reached the top of the stairs. He hurried across the room to the boom of the steps to take her hand. Her hair was loose on her shoulders and she wore a black gown which hugged her body and showed off every curve.
‘You look absolutely stunning,’ he smiled at her and took her hand and kissed it. She didn’t return his smile.
‘Yeah. But maybe I should have worn a dress that shows off the bruises you gave me. I’m sure your little friends would be happy to see the power you have over Sydney Bristow.’ She hissed through her teeth. As he looked into her eyes he saw that all the anger was gone. There was just a lot of pain there.
‘Sydney-‘
‘Don’t. Just don’t. We’ll talk about this after.’
He had thought she would leave then. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she had. He deserved it. He had been stupid and so consumed by his fears of betrayal that he been thinking clearly. Of course he’d probably been right. Not about hitting her. He would never even think that domestic abuse was right. It wasn’t. He had known that since he was five years old. She had betrayed him and for all he knew she had been involved with Michael Vaughn back then. Now maybe he would never find out.
Perhaps he ought to have been suspicious when she actually came to his party. Or when she stayed with him after that. Sydney Bristow was a strong, independent woman. She wasn’t a weak, frightened woman who stayed with a man like that. She wasn’t a woman who would take it. But she did. She stayed with him. And he had felt so guilty right then that he hadn’t even considered that she went to meet with a CIA contact and had been ordered to stay with him. Not that he knew that she had. She might not have. That was another thing he wouldn’t ever find out.
The last of the guests had departed and his housekeeper was walking around with a broom clearing up. Neither of the couple still donned their fancy clothing. He wore a simple shirt and jeans whilst she had thrown on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt with her hair done up in a pony tail.
‘Can we talk now?’ the question was simple but the meaning deep. This conversation would decide the future of their relationship.
She looked at him for the first time since that afternoon during their fight. Still not talking, she nodded and walked ahead of him into the den. A fire was roaring in the fireplace and she curled up on the rug. Sydney stared at him, waiting for him to explain his actions.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just- I don’t know what came over me. I wasn’t thinking.’
‘You weren’t thinking?’ her voice was harsh and unforgiving. He swallowed before continuing.
‘I wasn’t thinking. Look, I’m not used to this. This relationship thing. I’m not used being jealous or insecure. That’s not me. I’m confident and I always get what I want. That’s how it’s been for a very long time. And now, now I just don’t know how to act. All I think about is you. And I worry that I might lose you. I did the wrong thing.’ He was on his knees, pleading to her to forgive him. Her eyes didn’t give anything away. He had done something terrible and he had to repent.
‘Are you going to leave me?’ still she remained silent and looked to the floor.
‘I’m not like that. I don’t know why it happened. Please. I’m not my father.’ the last comment caught her attention and she raised her head, watching him carefully.
‘I’m not my father.’ he nodded. ‘I’m not my father. I’m not my father.’ he repeated the phrase over and over. And he cried. He let the tears fall down freely.
‘I’m not my father. I’m not my father.’ Sydney never took her eyes off him. She knew that he repeated for himself and not for her. He didn’t need to convince her. She already knew that. He didn’t.
‘Shh. Hush sweetie. You’re not you’re father. Just like I’m not my mother. I think you need to remember both.’ she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him to her.
‘I know. I know. I’m so sorry. It won’t ever happen again. I promise. Just please don’t leave.’
‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.’
But she wasn’t. Not anymore. He had poured his heart and soul to her and she had left him. Just like everybody else had.
Tring tring. Tring tring.
Julian stared at the phone. Could it be her? It was unlikely. But nevertheless he grabbed the phone and put it to his ear. ‘Hello?’
‘I have a job for you.’
amisha
xxx
a/n: this chapter isn't as good as i wanted it to be. i just couldn't get the emotion and whatnot right. bits don't really flow too well.
sorry for not updating. i wrote this ages ago but just kept forgetting to post here. please r&r.
Chapter 3
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death, Pain, Anger
Death. He’d caused so many deaths over the years. So young and yet so dangerous. Deadly.
Pain. All the pain he’d inflicted on others. Not just his victims, but their families, their friends.
Anger. All the repressed anger he’d had as a child, coming back to haunt him. Memories.
Death
‘Julian!’
The young boy came inside from the garden. His mother was calling to him. His eyes widened as he saw her. He’d seen her with bruises before but- but this was crazy. Seven year old Julian Lazarey stared at the 25 year old woman. The beautiful blonde currently had two black eyes and a large red line across her face where he had obviously used a belt on her. Julian had no doubt that that had many more injuries on her body which he couldn’t see.
‘Mother? What’s going on?’
‘We’re leaving. Get your things.’ The young woman looked into the icy blue eyes of her small child, pleading with him not to question her decision.
‘Eva! Eva! Get back here.’ Andrian Lazarey stormed into the room, obviously a little drunk. Julian ran behind the sofa frightened.
He watched, peering over the top, whilst his parents argued. And he watched in horror as his father’s arm reached out and struck his mother, sending her flying across the floor. He watched her scream as she hit the floor by the garden door. He watched as she lay still. He watched as the pool as blood formed by her head. He watched as his father walked away. He watched and he cried.
He never talked about that moment. Or his father. They were distant memories which he closed off long ago. He had been sent to boarding school after that. His father had wanted nothing to do with him and Julian had been fine with that. He had packed his belongings and some memories of his mother and never looked back. The only times he ever thought about those things was when he slept. When he slept they haunted him. So he stopped sleeping. Stopped feeling. Until she came along. Sydney had brought sleep back into his life. She had brought back dreams and memories. She had brought back Julian. So he told her. He emptied out his heart and soul to her. He told her what haunted his cold blue eyes.
Pain
She stared at him, unsure of how to react. There was a lump in her throat and she thought she would cry if she opened her mouth. But she couldn’t. She had to be strong for him. All those yeas she had wondered what had turned him into such an unfeeling monster. Now she knew. He wasn’t a monster at all. Not a monster, just a scared little boy trying to forget the horrors of his past.
She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair before wiping his tears. He was so young. He couldn’t be much older than about 23 or 24. So young but so old. He had the look of a child made to grow up too fast. She knew that look. She had worn it for many years.
‘I’m so sorry Julian. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.’ He nodded and placed his head on her lap, shaking slightly. She rubbed his back, wishing there was something she could do to take away his pain.
Sark wasn’t afraid of anything. Julian had his fears. His worst fear was becoming his father. Sark had no emotions, no feelings, no anger. Julian was consumed by his emotions. He was human.
Anger
Sydney came home happy; shopping bags in hand. Julian was throwing a ball to introduce himself as a key member of the Covenant. Although Sydney knew she would be playing hostess to a room full of terrorists, she was quite looking forward to it. ‘Julian? I’m home.’ She walked into his study.
Julian sat in his chair, staring down at something on his desk. He didn’t look up at her or even acknowledge her presence. ‘Julian? Honey, what’s wrong?’
She saw it as soon as he looked up. He was absolutely livid. He lifted p the pieces of paper on his desk. They were pictures. Pictures of her with Michael Vaughn. He spoke to her through his teeth. ‘Why were you with him?’
‘What do you mean? He’s a friend of mine.’ She stared at him, obviously becoming angry at his question, at his accusation.
‘He’s CIA. More than that, he’s your ex-boyfriend. The former love of you bloody life! I don’t want you seeing him!’
‘I can see whoever I want! You’re not the boss of me Julian.’
‘Why are you so keen to be seeing him anyway? Last I remember you hated him to the core. Are you back together now? Or is he just your handler again? As I recall, last time he did more than just handle your counter-missions.’
‘Are you accusing me of cheating on you? I’m not! And I’m not spying on you either. You know I’m not quite sure which accusation is worse.’
He stared at her closely. Only then did she notice he’d been drinking. Damn. He took a step towards her and then another. He stopped with his face a couple of inches away from her’s. He placed his hand on her arm and trailed it up to her shoulder. His grip tightened and he pushed her against the wall. She could feel his breath on her face, could smell the whiskey. His grip was tight. She knew that would leave a bruise.
‘Liar! Don’t think I don’t see it in your eyes. All you think of is him. You are no different to your mother. Just a little sl**.’ He was shaking with anger as he rammed his hand into her side, causing her to double over in pain.
Sydney raised her head and stared into his eyes. Her own were filled with anger and tears. She opened her mouth as if to speak and then shut it again. Julian watched his lover shake her head before leaving the room.
Julian woke up with a start. His heart was beating and tears were running down his face. He was sweaty. That was one of the only times he and Sydney had not been happy together. The only time he had truly stepped out of line. The only time he hadn’t been a proper gentleman to her. The ball had been a disaster. Not to the guests. They had enjoyed themselves. They had been amused to see Sydney on his arm. They had accepted Sark as one of them. That had been when Sark realised he didn’t want to be one of them. That was when Sark realised he wanted to be Julian.
Sydney had arrived home that afternoon. She hadn’t spoken to Sark or even looked at him. She had gone straight upstairs to get ready. She noticed the bruises on her shoulders and stomach as she dressed. They would not be visible through her dress. By the time she went downstairs most of the guests had arrived.
Julian saw her as soon as she reached the top of the stairs. He hurried across the room to the boom of the steps to take her hand. Her hair was loose on her shoulders and she wore a black gown which hugged her body and showed off every curve.
‘You look absolutely stunning,’ he smiled at her and took her hand and kissed it. She didn’t return his smile.
‘Yeah. But maybe I should have worn a dress that shows off the bruises you gave me. I’m sure your little friends would be happy to see the power you have over Sydney Bristow.’ She hissed through her teeth. As he looked into her eyes he saw that all the anger was gone. There was just a lot of pain there.
‘Sydney-‘
‘Don’t. Just don’t. We’ll talk about this after.’
He had thought she would leave then. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she had. He deserved it. He had been stupid and so consumed by his fears of betrayal that he been thinking clearly. Of course he’d probably been right. Not about hitting her. He would never even think that domestic abuse was right. It wasn’t. He had known that since he was five years old. She had betrayed him and for all he knew she had been involved with Michael Vaughn back then. Now maybe he would never find out.
Perhaps he ought to have been suspicious when she actually came to his party. Or when she stayed with him after that. Sydney Bristow was a strong, independent woman. She wasn’t a weak, frightened woman who stayed with a man like that. She wasn’t a woman who would take it. But she did. She stayed with him. And he had felt so guilty right then that he hadn’t even considered that she went to meet with a CIA contact and had been ordered to stay with him. Not that he knew that she had. She might not have. That was another thing he wouldn’t ever find out.
The last of the guests had departed and his housekeeper was walking around with a broom clearing up. Neither of the couple still donned their fancy clothing. He wore a simple shirt and jeans whilst she had thrown on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt with her hair done up in a pony tail.
‘Can we talk now?’ the question was simple but the meaning deep. This conversation would decide the future of their relationship.
She looked at him for the first time since that afternoon during their fight. Still not talking, she nodded and walked ahead of him into the den. A fire was roaring in the fireplace and she curled up on the rug. Sydney stared at him, waiting for him to explain his actions.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just- I don’t know what came over me. I wasn’t thinking.’
‘You weren’t thinking?’ her voice was harsh and unforgiving. He swallowed before continuing.
‘I wasn’t thinking. Look, I’m not used to this. This relationship thing. I’m not used being jealous or insecure. That’s not me. I’m confident and I always get what I want. That’s how it’s been for a very long time. And now, now I just don’t know how to act. All I think about is you. And I worry that I might lose you. I did the wrong thing.’ He was on his knees, pleading to her to forgive him. Her eyes didn’t give anything away. He had done something terrible and he had to repent.
‘Are you going to leave me?’ still she remained silent and looked to the floor.
‘I’m not like that. I don’t know why it happened. Please. I’m not my father.’ the last comment caught her attention and she raised her head, watching him carefully.
‘I’m not my father.’ he nodded. ‘I’m not my father. I’m not my father.’ he repeated the phrase over and over. And he cried. He let the tears fall down freely.
‘I’m not my father. I’m not my father.’ Sydney never took her eyes off him. She knew that he repeated for himself and not for her. He didn’t need to convince her. She already knew that. He didn’t.
‘Shh. Hush sweetie. You’re not you’re father. Just like I’m not my mother. I think you need to remember both.’ she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him to her.
‘I know. I know. I’m so sorry. It won’t ever happen again. I promise. Just please don’t leave.’
‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.’
But she wasn’t. Not anymore. He had poured his heart and soul to her and she had left him. Just like everybody else had.
Tring tring. Tring tring.
Julian stared at the phone. Could it be her? It was unlikely. But nevertheless he grabbed the phone and put it to his ear. ‘Hello?’
‘I have a job for you.’
amisha
xxx
a/n: this chapter isn't as good as i wanted it to be. i just couldn't get the emotion and whatnot right. bits don't really flow too well.
Don't_Frost_the_Pie515
Cadet
awwww, Julian is so sweetamisha said:
such a good chapter!!!!
golden_eye
Cadet
OMG how can you leave it like that it was just getting exiting.... I'm loving the idea.
I loved the last chaper most... that was just amazing.
I like the way you describe sark... it's very real.
Please pm when there's update
I loved the last chaper most... that was just amazing.
I like the way you describe sark... it's very real.
Please pm when there's update
First of all let me just say I'm so sorry for the length of time between getting the PM and reading/reviewing.
I've been incredibly busy and trying to get to all my updates (I get too many PMs I've decided).
Great stuff - don't you dare think it's not good! The emotions were expressed wonderfully and I think you did a fantastic job getting into Sark's head.
Thanks for the PM :flowers: and I hope to hear more from this story
I've been incredibly busy and trying to get to all my updates (I get too many PMs I've decided).
Great stuff - don't you dare think it's not good! The emotions were expressed wonderfully and I think you did a fantastic job getting into Sark's head.
Thanks for the PM :flowers: and I hope to hear more from this story
newzeland29
Cadet
pm please when you update. the story is really really good.
winter_snow
Cadet
Cool! I like this story so, can I pretty please get a PM, when you update?
YoungStarsOwner
Cadet
awww, I loved the flashbacks i thought they worked great together and the contrasts between Julian and Sark were great!
Thank you for the PM i'm just sorry it took me so long to read it
E
Thank you for the PM i'm just sorry it took me so long to read it
E
haveron_morgan
Cadet
can i be added to the pm list?