Part Two
Home Truths
She looks at him with harsh, disbelieving eyes. Her eyes burn him with her stare but he doesn’t realize this because he is once again staring back down at his hands. Is he ashamed for what he has done or just scared of how she will react to this news? She turns away from him again and walks to the dresser across the room.
“This is a lot to take in,” she says, feigning shock.
“I know,” he says to her, sighing. He runs his hand through his hair in frustration at himself.
He has no clear idea why he is frustrated with himself, he just happens to feel that emotion with no explained reason why. Maybe it is because he regrets his marriage to his wife or maybe he just hates knowing he is hurting her so much and has no control whatsoever over it happening. He could’ve left and moved away before she could see him, maybe then he wouldn’t have to break this sort of news to her. But even that way she would still find out and her hurt would’ve been far worse. He may be hurting her but at least he told her himself. Well at least that’s his excuse.
Again, he doesn’t meet her eyes and stares back down to his hands. Catching him off guard she grabs the cord of the nearby lamp on the dresser and chokes him from behind with the cord.
“Who the hell are you?!” She demands of him, pulling the cord tighter around his throat.
“Sy-d…it’s me,” he chokes out to her pleadingly.
“You’re not Michael Vaughn!” She says angrily and pulling the cord tighter still.
“Syd!” He chokes out sounding desperate. She raises her hand and with the heel of her plam she hits him across the head and bolts out the door.
She runs with fear for her life. She shakes in fear and in confusion as she makes a break for it. Two guards come up stopping her but with a few kicks and punches they lie motionless on the ground, but then she feels a jab into her left shoulder blade. She turns slowly to see the man she thinks is the impostor with a tranquilizer gun aimed at her. She slowly reaches to her shoulder blade without breaking eye contact with him and pulls out the dart, though it was too late.
She feels the dizziness and the tiredness settle in and she finds herself unable to stay upright. She wobbles on her feet, backwards and forwards until she falls to the ground in a crumpled heap.
“Don’t, don’t, don’t,” she whispers desperately and begs to him to not be Vaughn. He slowly approaches and pulls her into his arms and cradles her gently.
“Don’t,” she whispers with her last feeble ounce of strength before she passes out. He holds her lovingly as if to never ever let go again. This is what he hopes he won’t have to do. But he knows better than that. Never wish for what you can’t have.
It’s what he has learned over the past two years. Once upon a time he did wish and hope it was a thing called faith. But he lost that the exact day that the woman he loved was forever lost. Nothing could ever bring it back, not even having the woman he loved in his arms once more.
He has no intention or need to have it back because faith had screwed him over far too many times.
~**~
White lights pass over her heavy eyelids and from the fuzziness she can guess that it is people standing over her with a bright light.
She is awake but her eyelids are like weights are too heavy to open. She blacks out and falls back to sleep and jolts awake hours later to the buzzing of a machine and to a white room which she in a second guesses is a hospital room. She moves her head around frantically trying to find the source of the noise.
Then the sound of the door opening jolts her once again and she looks at the door and comes face to face with Dixon. She stares at him in what looks like shock or maybe it was happiness. It was this weird sensation coursing throughout her body, which no words could describe. It was a mix of absolutely everything. She watches him intently as he silences the machine beside her and then he looks at her and smiles, but she could see the touch of worry and concern clearly written on his face.
What are they so worried and concerned about? What’s going on? The fear comes back in full swing as to what they aren’t telling her. She has no reason to believe what that impostor had to say. She bets that right now he will come running into her room and once again in her life sweep her off her feet just by looking at her.
“You’re safe, you’re at the Stafford Naval Hospital,” he says to her as calmly as possible, trying to somehow retain the emotions he is feeling. “Sydney, there are no words to make this any easier for you. That was Vaughn who met you at the safehouse in Hong Kong and what he told you was the truth.”
“Dixon…What happened to me?” She whispers to him in confusion and begging him to somehow tell her something that would explain this whole situation and relieve her confusion.
“We don’t know,” he says apologetically. She turns away dejectedly. How could they not know anything?
“I need to see my father,” she says as clearly as she can. Dixon just gives her a sad look. “Why is that such a big deal?” She exasperates to him.
“Your father can’t be contacted,” he states to her darkly.
“I woke up like it was one night. I have a scar on my stomach that I have never seen before. You tell me it has been two years. I think I deserve to know what happened to the people in my life!” She yells at him with tears streaming down her face. Dixon sits down on the hospital bed and draws in a deep breath and looks at her straight in the face.
“After your apparent death your father became so obsessed with your death that he contacted Irina Derevko in the means to find out who murdered you and bring them to justice. The NSC, mainly Robert Lindsey, found out and decide to make an example of him and placed him in solitary confinement. He’s been there for almost a year. There’s a strict no visitor’s policy,” Dixon finishes to her looking down at his hands and sighing softly. “I’m sorry,” he says sadly.
“I need to talk to Kendall,” she says almost frantically.
“Kendall is no longer the director of our facility,” he states to her. She gives him a confused look. “I am, for almost a year now,” he says gently and looking into her eyes with sympathy.
“Well, congratulations,” she says in slight shock.
~**~
Nothing was normal, or at least the way it used to be. Nothing was the same and she was caught in a daze.
Robert Lindsey was successfully an ass, just as she had been told so many times. Her father was so wrapped up in finding out what had happened to her during those two years that he doesn’t realize that she is on the verge of screaming so loud the whole world could hear her. Will was in witness protection. Francie was dead and with her double Allison still on the loose. Carrie was pregnant and even Marshall had changed ever so slightly.
Vaughn was married and that was the hardest bit for her to deal with. The love of her life no longer shared her life with her anymore, he was now doing that with somebody who she is sure doesn’t even love him enough. All her friends had either changed or were gone forever and this was something that killed her so much. She felt so alone, so lost. Not even simple crosswords made sense to her anymore.
Nothing was right. She only had Eric and thank god for him because if it weren’t for him she would have lost it the first moment she set foot back into the JTF. He has been her anchor this whole time, she tells him everything and no matter what he listens and that is exactly what she needed. He is her shoulder for her to cry on. But even some things she still won’t tell him. Some deceits are best left unsaid until everything in the way is over. When he came to see her when her father was released she was at a breaking point and so hurt by him that for some reason she just let him have it because at the time it was her only defense mechanism.
It was all she had.
“I came by to see how you were,” he says to her with complete honesty and in his own sadness of something he can’t describe - something which only Sydney knows, but at this point she probably won’t see that because of the way things are now and will now always be. His mere existence clearly angers her and she just looks at him in disgust.
”Are you kidding me?” She says to him in sheer disgust and disbelief. Vaughn looks away for a brief moment unable to face her but looks back up in a attempt of friendly concern.
”No, I...just wanted to make sure that you...” he begins tentatively but she cuts him off abruptly, not letting him get the sentence through.
”You didn't come here to see how I am...you came here to see how you are, because you know in your heart what you did...you want to make sure you're okay.” She almost says this sarcastically but hate is clearly dripping from her words and her need to rip him apart is clearly evident on her now red face from the threatening tears which she is holding back. He becomes taken aback by this statement
”I buried you...consider that for what it's...” She once again angrily cuts him off.
“Don't use rational thought as a defense with me, not after all you and I have seen. Vaughn, you and I live and breathe madness every day on the job...there is no...rational thought! I can't even pretend to have a conversation about anything else with you. What it comes down to is faith!” She says angrily and Vaughn’s face shows no emotion but his lips are pursed, his eyebrows are furrowed deeply and the pain and anger are clearly written there in his eyes.
“What I was hoping you would say is, ‘Sydney I gave up. I gave up on us. I lost faith,’” she says with hurt and pain glistening with her tears in her eyes. “But what you came here for...was closure...and there is not a chance you are getting that from me!” Vaughn’s face is strained and he is clearly hurt by what she is saying. He can no longer believe what she is saying or how she could possibly believe such things. Sydney finds it now so much harder to keep her emotions in check and her voice becomes even more strained by the minute. Her emotions are now at breaking point. “I'm not gonna say I understand...I'm not gonna sympathize with you and tell you how hard it must be for you...but you wanna know how I am!? I am horrible! Vaughn, I am ripped apart! And not because I lost you... but because...if it had been me...I would have waited...” she harshly whispers out to him in small gasps. All the emotions are soaring out and she no longer can hold back her tears. Vaughn’s face now reflects regret and the sense of loss finally comes back to the surface. He almost feels like he has landed back to the times of his drunken stupors. The darkness he felt then is what he feels now. “I would have found the truth...I wouldn't have given up on you!” To say she was beyond angry would be an understatement. The hardness and coldness gleams in her tear filled eyes eyeing him threateningly. “And now I realize... what an absolute waste that would have been!”
Her eyes had sent daggers at him ripping him to shreds. She gave him one last meaningful hurt, pain filled look and walks away in anger and in sheer disgust that she had ever loved him. Just a few words have ripped him to shreds because the home truths have finally hit home.
~TBC
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Part Three
It’s Over
The day she had disclosed her feelings of hate and betrayal to Michael Vaughn was the day she felt she had turned away from him forever. She soon learned that this wasn’t the case; it was the start of something new. But also a start of events spiraling downwards, which would leave them both to hurt in more ways than they could imagine.
It was the start of the deception between husband and wife and the deception - between the mistress and everybody around her. Here came the lies, the treachery, and secret meetings, however with the most confusing beginnings.
“We need to talk,” he says stonily, approaching Sydney at her desk as she is ruffling through paperwork
“Really,” she says sarcastically but not daring to take one glance at him. One glance could make her cave in and this was something she couldn’t afford.
“Yes really, but not here,” he says softly and nervously looks around the Ops Center.
“Nothing I want to talk about,” she retorts nastily. This time she dares to take a glance at him and finds she doesn’t cave so she stands up and faces him. But for the two seconds she thinks she wouldn’t cave she dies in an instant.
“Fine,” she says, throwing up her hands in defeat. He slowly leads her to the place Weiss once called ‘The Flirting Corner,’ she smiles inwardly at that thought but quickly squashes it. He’s married, she thinks, cursing herself. He looks at her nervously and stares at his hands.
“Well,” she says more harshly than intended.
“Syd, I’ve tried to make this situation easier on you, but you keep shutting me out and I can’t make it any easier than it already is. I guess what I’m asking you to…I don’t know…” he says raking his hand through his hair in frustration. This action makes her stare at him deeply. She mentally slaps herself.
“If you want me to be tolerant with Lauren and play good old friends with her, than you can forget about it, because it is not going to happen,” she says to him angrily.
“I don’t expect you to be best friends with her I just would like if you were civil to her. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like dirt - she didn’t do anything wrong,” he says softly, trying to reason with her but by the look on her face he knows he has failed miserably.
“She didn’t do anything!” She exclaims in disgust. “She just married and stole you away from me. In fact she probably is the reason why you lost faith,” she yells at him in sheer anger.
“That’s not fair!” He yells at her in disbelief over her outburst. He can’t believe his ears. It is like the real Sydney has disappeared and been replaced by this monster. But then as he looks closer he sees she isn’t the monster. The monster is him.
Without a thought, he grabs her by the arm and leads her down to the shooting range where they are completely alone. She looks at him in confusion. Then she looks at him with hate and of something else, which was masked behind it.
“I hate you so much,” she says, infuriated. But then she stops and looks at him as he looks back at her. His expression is soft and her facial expressions slowly change. She takes a deep breath and looks at him intensely with tears brimming in her eyes. “But I love you so much,” she whispers with complete and total honesty in her voice.
He eyes her lips and she eyes his and without a moments thought they move there heads forward at the exact same time and meet in a passion filled kiss. They kiss with a hunger they both have for each other. They kiss for all the times they have been separated from each other’s embrace. And finally they kiss in an acclamation of a sheer undying love, which they only have reserved for one another. They kiss for what did feel like two years until they pull away because of the burning in their chests from the lack of much needed oxygen.
They lay their foreheads together and each of their faces show that they have no regrets. None whatsoever. And this was the beginning of the deceptive affair. One, which, ever found out could alter many people’s lives forever.
~**~
They fall into the same bed like so many times before and over so many times it has happened the passion has never died or become less. If anything, it grows everyday but yet he still hasn’t told her. The make love all night until they physically can’t move their bodies an inch further. They collapse in each other’s arms in sheer exhaustion.
“Have you told her yet,” she says softly. Over the past three months it had become a repetitive phrase, which always had the same answer.
“No, I still haven’t found the right time,” he says to her in frustration.
“Vaughn, it’s been three months,” she exasperates to him in equal frustration.
“You know Syd, it isn’t an easy task. I don’t want to hurt her. I want to do it in the least severe way possible,” he says trying to make her understand.
“There is no less hurtful way - you just need to tell her. No timing is ever going to be right,” she says logically.
“You’re right, I’ll tell her tomorrow,” he says, agreeing with her. But he says this all the time. Every time she is patient and waits for him to tell her. But maybe this time that won’t be the case.
~**~
He goes into work and she stays at home for what hopefully will be her day off.
She has the chance to finally think. And for a moment it felt like she could finally breathe, take the weight off her shoulders she hadn’t even felt since the beginning. She loved him but he wasn’t going to leave his wife and it had come apparent that he never would. He would always keep avoiding the issue.
And that was the reason she is now standing in front of his door ringing his doorbell. She knew he was home and she also knew Lauren was working late. So she took this opportunity before she chickened out. It felt like hours that she waited for him to open that door but it was only minutes and then she saw his shocked face. Normally she would jump straight into his arms, but not tonight - she just stands there staring at him, rooted to the spot. He notices her strange behavior and looks at her with confusion.
“Syd...what are you doing here...what’s wrong?” He asks her quite confused as to why she is here because Lauren could be home any minute, but also confused by her behavior.
“ I’m just going to just come right out and say this,” she says to him gravely.
“Say what?” He says looking perplexed.
“I’m tired of waiting for you to leave Lauren…” she starts saying in a grave voice but he cuts her off.
“I’m telling her tonight…” he says honestly but she knows better and she cuts him off also.
“Are you?” She says very questionably. “You seem to tell me that a lot, in fact you’ve been telling me that for the last three months but it still hasn’t happened yet,” she says angrily.
“I promise you she will know tonight,” he says, begging and trying to make her believe him so desperately.
“You promise me but you never do. I’m tired of waiting for someone who just doesn’t seem to want to be with me enough. I’m tired of waiting for a man who promises to leave his wife, but it’s apparent that he never will. I won’t wait anymore it’s been three months too long and I’m tired of sneaking around,” she says sadly.
“Syd…” he starts begging me to not do the inevitable.
“It’s over, Michael,” she says looking at him with finality in her eyes. He just looks at her in shock but she walks away before he can get another word in.
~TBC
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Part Four
A Man’s Foolish Pride
He couldn’t believe his ears - ‘It’s over.’ He watches her with desperate eyes as she walks away, leaving him for what probably is for good this time. And this time not even forever would persuade her to turn back.
As she retreats there is only one reason why, a reason he comes to realize on his own. She leaves because of a man’s foolish pride.
It was his pride which had always held him back from leaving Lauren. His pride always told him another time, and that was what he did. But now this is another time too many.
As he stares at her now retreating form, he slowly looks up to the sky to somehow relieve the heartache he is now feeling. But for a second time in his lifetime he is disappointed at what he sees.
A heart wrenching parting has just taken place, and the sky is blue. The sky is blue. The birds are chirping and the sun lights up the day. But once again, at this significant moment, the sky should be grey, the birds should cease chirping and be gone and the sun should no longer be shining. Because once again in this unjust world, something is horribly wrong. Because the woman he truly loves has just walked out of his life forever.
Seconds was all he had to contemplate his heartache and that was all he had because in seconds his cell phone rang and pulled him back into reality once again, and reminds him that life has to go on and you have to be willing enough to move with it.
“This is Vaughn,” he says as normally as he can.
“Dixon wants you at Ops Center,” Weiss says dully.
“I’ll be there soon,” he says gruffly.
“Dude, you okay?” Weiss asks in immediate concern.
“I’m fine,” he says more harshly than intended.
“Right,” Weiss says taken aback but he is met with a dial tone.
~**~
Just like any other day in the life of her job she sits in the same boring briefing room about to be briefed for their next mission.
Usually, she can completely focus but this time she is finding it extremely difficult to do so. Maybe sitting on the other side of the room wasn’t a wise move after all. At some stages she looks up at him and she sees his sadness and heartbreak but she quickly looks away before he notices her looking at him.
Because that would be fatal - he would see the same sadness and heartbreak on her own face and then she would cave and she couldn’t afford to do so because going back to a man who won’t leave his wife for not even her was just not an option. And with that thought she was able to finally focus.
“Bogdan worked for this man…” Dixon says, switching the computer screen to a man who looked no older than thirty, “Simon Walker. He is a well-known criminal and is very good at what he does. He heads up his own team of thieves and does work for the highest bidder. With Bogdan now dead, Walker needs to find a replacement for his next job. An assignment which the Covenant has given him, to steal something of high value to them in a means to make the virus they’re creating most likely air borne,” Dixon explains to everyone. Sydney gives him a look of knowing what he is about to suggest.
“You want me to be Bogdan’s replacement,” she says slowly.
“Yes. It’s deep cover. The risks are obvious…but this is an opportunity. The Covenant will take possession of whatever the team steals. If you can place a tracking device on that, we believe it will lead us to their center of operations. Walker’s in Sevilla; you’ll go in as a freelance security expert,” Dixon says as he hands a folder to her, “Vaughn and Weiss, you’re on backup. Lauren, I want you to go see Sloane; have him use his contacts…find out what they’re after.” Dixon says to Lauren quickly for a second and pans his glance back at Sydney, “You leave in two hours,” he says with a glint of ‘Be careful,’ in his eyes.
~**~
The atmosphere was thick with tension. They both refused to look at one another. But yet all they wanted to do was look at one another, to meet the other’s glance. To feel that awe inspiring connection they had for one another. Though, they didn’t because she didn’t want to and he just didn’t want to start a fight.
Even with the way they both felt, they knew some words needed to be said to one another so that this chapter of both their lives can finally be closed, for good or for bad. Either way the words needed to be faced head on.
The moment Weiss fell asleep was the moment they spoke to each other for the first time since she walked away from him just mere hours ago.
“We need to talk,” they both burst out the same time.
This is one of the things which made the walking away so hard, because they always shared the same thoughts. It is like this invisible connection they have to each other’s minds. They both knew exactly what the other was thinking. She didn’t want that anymore, she wanted to just sever that connection.
But the question is how? How do you sever a connection that can’t be severed?
“Yeah,” he says softly.
“I did make it clear Vaughn. I can’t continue this, not if you have no intention…”
“I have every intention of doing so. It’s not easy you know, having to tell your wife that you want to separate and get a divorce,” he says cutting her off and yelling angrily. He gets up and starts to pace. His eyes then rest on Weiss and he knows they can’t talk here. He grabs Sydney and pulls her to the back of the plane. “Like I said it isn’t easy,” he says trying to stay as calm and as focused as possible but by the looks on his face he is fighting a losing battle.
“You make it sound as if you don’t want to leave her,” she says with a touch of anger in her voice. She looks at him with piercing eyes. You could almost see hate written there but it was something else. Maybe it was just anger, or betrayal. Or just heartache.
“No that’s not it! I’m just saying it isn’t a walk in the park. Because on some degree I care for her deeply and I just wanted to consider her feelings and do it at the right time,” he says with pure honesty on his face.
“You keep saying that but there is no right time…”
“Don’t you think that I don’t realize that now? Either way I am going to hurt her deeply. I’m just having a hard time contemplating that I have to do so,” he says in exasperation. He clearly hates the thought of hurting Lauren and it is eating him up inside just speculating the very thought of it. Sydney just stares at him in silence and slowly her features turn to a look of understanding and then to the shame.
She was completely wrong.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” she whispers now clearly emotional. She can’t believe that’s she ever doubted him. He gently pulls her into his arms and strokes her hair.
“It’s okay,” se whispers to her reassuringly.
“No it’s not…” she says trailing off.
“Syd. No! Don’t you even think that way. If it were me I probably would’ve felt the same,” he says, rubbing circles gently into her back.
This is when the tension broke.
“We okay?” Vaughn asks her softly, pulling back from her and looking deep into her eyes.
“Yeah,” she says smiling softly. He leans into her and captures her lips in a soft tender kiss. They get lost in their own world, which only consists of them. Forgetting the world is a big mistake because they really weren’t alone.
The most clueless person who didn’t know anything about these two except she is the ex-girlfriend and he is married would know that this was not just a spur of the moment kiss. It doesn’t take a genius to guess that this had been going on for months and this was not even the half of it.
All it took was one look and Eric knew the story off by heart. He curses himself for not knowing. The signs were there. First he feels the shock, then the realization, then the disgust and finally the confusion.
Does he tell Lauren or should he just keep his mouth shut? His head buzzes with confusion because this was not just a simple selection of what brand of cereal he would like to buy. This was a life-altering decision and not a choice you can take lightly.
~**~
“Hello…” Sydney says to Simon and she walks towards him.
“Hello…” he says back to her seductively and walks towards her and brings her into a long, heated kiss. He pulls back and looks at her almost longingly. She is surprised for a second but then in a matter of minutes she is not. Something about it felt almost comforting. As quickly as the thought came she brushed it aside.
“Good to see you, Julia,” he says as if they were old friends. That name. She had heard it before. But where she could not place. Was it her memories slowly coming back?
“Good to see you, too,” she says back to him, giving him a huge smile.
To say Vaughn was jealous was an understatement. A man he doesn’t even know had just kissed his girlfriend. He is absolutely infuriated. ‘How dare he touch her.’ He struggles to keep his emotions in check, he can’t let Weiss figure out something is going on.
Weiss looks at Vaughn carefully. He sees that this kiss is deeply affecting him. But what he and Syd are doing is wrong and Lauren doesn’t deserve this and he’d be damned if he was going to let them get away with it.
Not even a friendship could ever get in the way of that.
‘Lauren has to know but I will give Vaughn the chance to tell her first.’
~**~
As the cool breeze of the night sweeps over her face, she sits in a truck next to Simon ready for a mission she has no idea what the outcome will be. This isn’t just a simple get in and out - it was something more than that. She had to portray a character she has no idea about. One slip up and she is gone.
Simon drives the truck up to the entrance of the storage facility and is met with a guard.
“You’re not on the list,” the Spanish man says in a crisp accent. Simon swiftly hands the man a clipboard, which the guard start to read.
“What are your inventory numbers?” the guard asks Simon. He does not answer - he pulls out a pistol and shoots the guard in the neck. Syd pulls out a clipboard with a touch screen and begins her part of the job.
“It’ll take me a minute to hack into central security…shutting the power off…we have access to building three,” she says with deep focus on the mission ahead. Simon nods at her and restarts the truck and heads into the facility.
“We’ve got five minutes before their guards show up,” he says promptly. Simon leads them into the facility and they search until they find a specific vault. She takes a deep breath and hopes that the hardware will work because if it doesn’t she wouldn’t be getting out of here alive.
“Julia you’re up,” Simon says to her giving her an almost cocky smile. Sydney walks forward and sets her stuff up, a laptop and a special device. She cuts two wires on the cooler safe’s keypad and attaches them to the device. She attaches the other part of the device to the cooler door and then turns to the computer and types. The readout says “Access Denied.” She looks at this frustrated. She has to think quick.
“Babe, what’s the problem?” Simon asks her in a worried tone.
“Standard algorithm decryption should have worked, I’ll need to map their security,” she says, regaining her focus again and starts to concentrate and block out everything around her.
“How long will that take?” Simon asks impatiently.
“I don’t know,” Syd says feeling slightly nervous.
“You only have thirty seconds left…” Simon warns her impatiently. She gives a glance at Perez, one of the team members and he is clearly not happy and his look is like he’d been expecting this all along. He is the only one who sees through her and he is going to prove to be a problem to convince him of her façade. Perez gives Simon a meaningful look as if to say ‘I told you so.’
“I knew we couldn’t rely on her…” he says knowingly.
“Keep your mouth shut and maybe we’ll walk out of here…” she retorts at him menacingly. She begins work hurriedly.
“Julia…three seconds…” Simon warns her of the mere seconds they have left. As time runs out, Syd promptly breaks the code and she gives a look at Perez with defiance on her face.
“They customized the hardware…not exactly factory condition,” she says, sticking it to Perez. She turns to Simon with a smile on her face. “Nothing I couldn’t handle…” she says seductively to him. She opens the safe to reveal a silver vial which Simon pulls out and puts in a protective casing. He looks up to her with a glint of fire in his eye. She didn’t like that look and what it was suggesting.
Kissing the man was already enough to make her puke. Besides. how would Vaughn handle that? She feels a stab as she thinks of him and the way he just would’ve reacted to that kiss.
“Security will be here in two minutes…let’s go,” Simon says hurriedly. They quickly leave the facility and back into the truck that they came in. They drive down a dirt road in darkness. Then they stop. A look of sheer confusion sweeps over her face.
“What’s this?” she asks them in confusion.
“Switching vehicles…in case we’ve been followed…” Simon says briskly. She just shrugs it off and pulls out the lipstick which was housing her tracking device. She applies the lipstick in a fluent motion. She looks up and sees Simon staring at her at her with amusement on his face. She gives him a sly smile. The quiet night becomes disturbed by the low humming of an engine. She again looks up to see another Jeep approaching them. She promptly rubs her lips together and gives Russet, another team member a smirk.
“We’ve a little surprise for ya…” Russet says to her. She is looking down putting her lipstick away and as she looks up her breath catches. It’s Vaughn. She tries not to show her shock and she puts on a mask and controls her emotions.
“This is what I meant! He’s got CIA issue equipment!” Perez says angrily at Simon for him not seeing his point all along.
“Simon, I swear to you this man is my supplier!” she says to Simon in a desperate attempt to get him to believe. Because if he doesn’t, Vaughn won’t be the only one killed by the end of tonight.
“Not anymore…” Simon says grabbing Vaughn roughly by the jacket and making him kneel to the ground. Simon pulls out his Beretta, getting read to kill Vaughn then and there. Her heart starts beating quickly and she feels as if she is going to faint on the spot. She needs to think and fast before the love of her life is executed.
“You’ve got to get rid of them both!” Perez exasperates angrily to Simon.
“That’s enough out of you! Julia’s with us. It’s this one who’s the problem, not her…” Simon says angrily to Perez. Simon cocks his pistol, getting ready. She has to do something and fast.
“Wait! Wait…” she says, intervening. Simon turns to look at her in confusion at what she is doing.
“If he’s been lying to me all this time…he’s put me in danger! I wanna do it,” she says, feigning slight anger at Vaughn. “I wanna do it!” She says more fervently. Simon nods at her agreeing. He pulls Vaughn back to his feet again with his jacket.
“Get up,” Simon says to Vaughn harshly. Syd searches around and then pulls a switchblade from Perez’s belt. She slowly approaches Vaughn and grabs his coat pulling him towards her roughly.
“You never should have betrayed me…” she says to him menacingly. She looks into his eyes and they connect. She tells him without words that it is the only way and he looks back at her in understanding. He begins to mentally prepare himself for the inevitable. He looks into her eyes and tells her to do it. She looks at him in fear but she knows there is no other way than this. She stabs him in the lower torso with a clean in and out motion. Vaughn gasps in pain and she is powerless to do anything but stand there. Simon comes up beside her and roughly kicks Vaughn off the side of the road and into the ravine below. Everyone begins to move but she just continues to stare.
“Julia…let’s move.” Simon says to her briskly ad she knows she has to go.
She takes one last agonizing glance at him and she whispers, “Stay alive for the baby.”
--
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Part Five
Haunting Ghosts
She ran.
She ran as fast as she could. Because that was all she could do to fight time. But no matter how fast she ran, time was ticking away like a bomb. Her lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. But she doesn’t want to breathe until she knows everything is alright. But she has to because breathing is the only thing keeping her alive.
Most people would’ve thought she was crazy. Because sprinting through a crowded street in broad daylight wouldn’t be considered as normal in many people’s lives. But she wasn’t crazy. She was just a woman with an objective. And the only thing standing in the way between her and the payphone, is time.
Her heart beats with fear as she dials the number to the JTF. ’He has to be alright.’
“Jack Bristow,” her father answers promptly.
“Dad, it’s me, I just got away. You need to activate the tracker I placed on Vaughn now!” she says frantically with silent fear.
“The tracker was supposed to be placed on the vial,” he says with a touch of anger in his voice.
“Dad, Vaughn is in a ravine bleeding to death, you need to activate the tracker now!” she says trying to make him listen.
“Sydney, What happened?” her father asks in immediate concern.
“We were switching cars after the heist and they had Vaughn. Simon was gonna put a bullet through his head so I offered to do it…Dad I stabbed him myself,” she whispers, with tears daring to fall from her glistening eyes. She draws in a deep shaky breath full of worry for Vaughn’s life, “The vial is in Simon’s room, if I can break into his room I can steal it before he makes the exchange,” she says thinking quickly.
“Okay. And Sydney, we will find Vaughn,” he swears to her solemnly.
“Thank you,” she breaths out and she is met with a dial tone.
~**~
Jack quickly dials Marshall’s desk number and taps his fingers impatiently on his desk waiting for him to pick up.
“Hello,” Marshall answers out of breath.
“Activate the tracker and send Weiss after the signal,” Jack orders Marshall coldly.
“Yes, Mr. Bristow, sir,” he stutters to Jack.
~**~
Weiss looks at the tracker in his hand walking through a large ravine in search for the spot Vaughn’s signal is coming from. Then he hears the beat and he looks around quickly and then he spots him in a crumpled heap on the ground. He runs towards him in a slight panic.
“I need a Medic!” he yells out to the team. As he gets closer, the sight he sees shocks him and he almost breaks down then and there.
‘This can’t be happening.’
~**~
She quickly gets out of the elevator and walks down the red-walled hotel corridor in search for Simon’s room. She turns a corner and walks right to the end and she hacks into the computer system. She opens the door and enters and quickly searches for the vial. There was nothing. She opens the briefcase on the ground that did house the vial, but it was empty.
~**~
“Try it again!” Weiss yells desperately to the Medic.
“Alright but I’m telling you he’s…”
~**~
She hears fumbling of the door. She looks around quickly and spots the shower. She undresses in a frenzy and jumps in the shower. Her heart is beating almost ten million times a minute from so many different fears and the first on top was Vaughn.
She hears him walk into the room and hears his footsteps getting closer and closer to the shower until they stop.
“You know this is breaking and entering,” he says with amusement in his voice. She ducks her head out from inside the shower covering herself with the shower curtain.
“Surprise,” she says, smiling, and ducks her head back in and turns the shower off and she quickly puts a towel around herself and steps out of the shower and slowly walks towards him. He pulls out three wads of money and she takes it from him.
“Timetable was moved up and we received payment,” he says seductively. She smiles at him but inwardly she freaks out. He kisses her softly and looks her in the eyes. “I hate this,” he says truthfully.
“What?” she asks, baffled.
“I have to catch a plane in three hours,” he says softly.
“When will I see you again?” she asks him curiously.
“Well, you know there will always be other jobs so I’ll give you a call,” he says giving her a kiss once again. “Feel free to use the room,” he says giving her another kiss but this time deeper. He pulls away and he turns and leaves the room.
~**~
“He’s dead,” Weiss says, however still in denial. He takes a look at his friend’s bloodied form and he nearly explodes with emotion. Nothing could ever prepare him for this. And as he thinks, he thinks of his promise to him
“Don’t tell her about me and Syd, I’ll do it.”
But the circumstances are different. Should I tell her? he asks himself, but gets no answer.
He’s dead. He’s dead. His best friend was dead.
And the tears fall.
~**~
She waits in the warehouse confused as to why her father would want him to meet her here. She was about to find out as she hears his footsteps echoing through the warehouse. She looks up at him and notices his demeanor is different. Something wasn’t right.
And as she stares into her father’s eyes, she gets her answer.
“No!” she sobs out straight away. “No!” she says, falling to the ground crying. The hot tears burn her face. This cannot be true. “No, no, no, no,” she says finding it very hard to breathe.
Jack kneels down and pulls her into his arms, but she refuses to be held and pushes him away. Her world feels like it is about to end.
How could she possibly exist without Vaughn? There had to be some sort of mistake, but there wasn’t - he really was dead and with some strange feeling, she felt it with her every being. She could no longer feel him. The tears fall in buckets. “They’re gonna hate me,” she chokes out to her father. “I’m a murderer!” she yells out in bursts of tears.
“Sydney, you tried to save his life, you did what was necessary you have to know that,” her father says, trying to calm her down.
“No, Dad, I killed him nothing you could possibly say is going change the fact that I murdered him in cold blood,” she says almost screaming at him. “Nothing you could ever say is going to change the way I feel about him,” she says angrily, crying her heart out.
“Sydney, I know, believe me I do. I know you were both having an affair, but I didn’t call you here as well to yell at you for you stupidity for that, I’m here to tell you that nobody knows you did it and we need to keep it that way,” he says to her softly.
“Dad…” she starts.
“Sydney, promise me you won’t tell them,” Jack begs to her not because she would be murdered by words, but because he would lose his only daughter to a prison cell.
“I promise,” she whispers. Buts she only promises with her words.
Her heart does not promise nor will it ever. She deserves to be punished and this is what she believes.
~**~
They all cry in disbelief. Lauren bawls in Vaughn’s mother’s arms. Eric just stares at the wall. And everybody else deals in their own special way.
As Syd walks in, everyone turns to see she is beyond a mess. Eric places an arm around her shoulder and whispers, “It isn’t your fault.”
But little did he know it was. Amelie turns to Jack and looks at him with pleading eyes.
“Do you know who murdered my son?” she says in the best controlled voice she could muster.
“No, but we’re working on it,” he says softly to her. Syd can’t take it - she can’t lie. She deserves any punishment she gets. They deserve to know.
“Dad, stop lying,” she says looking at her father in the eyes with tears. “Please tell them the truth,” she whispers, letting out a sob. She cannot bare to look at them, so she looks to the ground.
“Sydney…”
“Just tell them the truth,” she says turning away quickly. Amelie studies Jack carefully and Jack stares at Sydney’s back in shock but it was her eyes which made him say it. She for some reason needed this. He looks at Amelie.
“Simon’s team found Michael and when Sydney - after the heist - had to change cars, they brought him out. Simon was going to put a bullet in Simon’s head so Sydney, in an attempt to save his life, offered to do it. She stabbed him herself,” Jack says softly at the last sentence. He just sealed his daughters fate.
“She killed my son,” she says in disgust.
“I tried to save his life,” Sydney says, spinning around defending herself.
“You tried to save his life but you killed him!” Lauren yells at her in tears.
“You killed my son, my only son. You ended his life without a moment’s hesitation,” she cries to her angrily.
“I…”
“DON’T!” She chokes out. She pauses and takes a shaky breath. “Don’t even try to make yourself seem innocent. You’re a murderer, you’re just like your despicable mother. First she kills my husband and you finish her work by killing my son. You’re appalling and no longer deserve a place in my son’s heart. If my son ever in his lifetime made a mistake you would be it. You were my son’s greatest mistake. Him loving you was his greatest mistake,” she finishes in harsh tones, still sobbing, her green piercing eyes were sending daggers into Sydney, each one stabbing into her body and almost killing her.
Her last few words nearly did.
Guards approach her and pull her hands behind her back but she struggles and pushes them off. She does the only thing she can at the time and she runs. She faintly hears her father yelling to the guards to follow her but not capture her. She wasn’t too sure but she did hear, “Give her some space at least.”
She jumps in her car and speeds out of the building. She drives and drives to no particular destination but she finds herself at the train station, a place where she feels some sort of comfort but as she sits down on the seats which are etched with random people’s initials, she remembers Vaughn, and it stabs her, not even her most comforting zone offers any comfort because as she thinks about it he has been to every place which she calls her comfort zones and at this thought, she gets up and runs out of there, trying to escape the memories which are already filling her tainted mind.
Without any clear indication on what she is doing she goes to a local drug store, grabs a few necessities, and she disguises herself. She then finds herself on a plane to Milan.
Why Milan? She has no idea. She took the first ticket available and it was Milan so she went.
It’s just like she has no idea she was on Simon’s doorstep and then in seconds stripping down and making love to the man as if he were her true lover. Maybe she wanted to go there - she is just so emotion-filled that something inside her is subconsciously making all the decisions for her.
Maybe making love to him was her way of ridding him from her thoughts. To stop him from haunting her or maybe she really did love this man.
Not even the distractions last as they both collapse in exhaustion and then her mind is once again filled with him. She looks out the window and sees a small streak of daylight in the sky. And she thinks, ‘They all hated me.’
But at that thought she becomes queasy in the stomach and light headed. The queasiness continues until she gets up and runs to the toilet and empties the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She sits there for a good five minutes. She feels him snake an arm around her waist and as she turns around she sees Vaughn’s face full of blood and looking death like.
“Syd, why, why did you kill me?” he whispers to her. She looks at him strangely and in fear.
“Babe, are you okay,” a voice says softly but it isn’t Vaughn’s, she blinks and sees Simon in front of her. She looks around but sees no sight of Vaughn.
“Yeah,” she says softly and a little dazed to Simon. He kisses her.
“Are you late?” he asks her curiously.
“Yeah,” she says to him and then she realizes it is true. What was before only a suspicion was now the truth.
~**~
She stares with tears at the positive result on the pregnancy test. Telling her she was indeed pregnant. She cries knowing who the father is and he appears beside her.
“You killed me Syd, look at what you have done to our child,” he whispers hauntingly in her ear. But when she looks beside her he was gone yet again. Simon walks in and sees the positive result.
“Babe…” he says, smiling.
“It’s not yours,” she says straight away. “But I bet you wish it was.”
~TBC
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Part Six
Now You Know How I Felt
He stares at her in shock. He can’t believe his ears. He just gapes at her. She had cheated on him.
“Then whose is it then?!” he says to her furiously. She looks at him with fear in her eyes, afraid of what he may do to her. Simon Walker was not a man to set off in anger and that was about to be proven. He grabs her arm roughly and jerks her towards him. And that proves to be a big mistake because the jerk set a painful sensation across her stomach causing her to double over in pain and fall to her knees. She places her hand on her stomach and her face contorts with pain. As he sees this, his features soften and he is immediately sorry for what he had done and he knees down beside her and takes her into his arms.
“Baby, I’m, sorry,” he says to her softly and truthfully, “I just wanna know who violated you,” he says, starting to get a little emotional - and this is a big feat for Simon Walker.
“He never violated me,” she says, defending Vaughn’s memory immediately. But this just brings the memories back and she shudders as the thoughts of his blood-covered body floats across her eyes.
She shakes it off and looks up at Simon, who is looking quite confused. She takes a breath and continues before he can interrupt, “You remember the man I stabbed, right?” she asks him and he nods in response.
“I looked into him and found he was married and had lost his ex-girlfriend over three years ago. She died in her burning down apartment,” he says, rattling off what he knows. When he mentions her she knows she has to tell him no matter the consequences it brings.
“I am Sydney Bristow,” she deadpans to him. He looks at her, gaping at her in disbelief.
“No,” he says, not believing her.
“The Covenant took me for two years. I loved him and when I came back and found him married it almost killed me, but then we had an affair,” she says with tears glistening in her eyes. The very thought of him once again haunts her with his dead body.
“Does his wife know?” he asks curiously.
“No, she didn’t then and she still doesn’t know now. The baby is his,” she sobs to him.
“You should’ve told me,” he says, turning way from her in frustration.
“Yeah and you probably would’ve killed me on the spot,” she says to him rationally.
“Does it look like I’m going to?” he says to her softly.
“I don’t know. You tell me, because I just don’t know anymore,” she says in clear frustration.
“I wouldn’t because I love you. And I don’t care who you work for, it will never change my feelings for you,” he gushes to her honestly.
“Are you crazy?” she says to him in bewilderment, “I work for the CIA - you’re technically the enemy…”
“But you’re not with the CIA because if you go back they will put you into custody,” he says to her rationally.
“What’s your point?” she says to him shortly.
“The Covenant is most likely after you as well and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let them hurt you,” he swears to her.
“You work for the Covenant,” she says to him logically, thinking he is absolutely crazy.
“If they’re your enemy, they’re mine. We are going to raise this baby in a safe environment,” he says to her, softly pulling her into his arms.
“You don’t care, even if I love him more than you?” she says to him in amazement.
“No,” he says, grinning at her.
“I never thought there was a good side to you. I guess I was wrong,” she says, grinning back at him. He kisses her and leaves her to her thoughts. And as he goes the happiness is sucked from the room and a deep darkness engulfs her senses and her entire body.
And he appears again.
“First you kill me and then you’re gonna let him raise our baby. I bet you wanted this all along. Or you just want to run so far away from yourself that you don’t even care at what lengths it takes to lose yourself completely,” he says to her, circling her like an elusive dream. She turns round and round, trying to follow him and then she becomes dizzy and stops.
“Just leave me alone...please just leave me alone,” she sobs out to him.
“I can’t,” he says to her simply.
“Why?” she begs of him.
“Because you don’t want me to leave,” he says to her softly.
~**~
“Jack, she disappeared the team’s lost her,” Weiss says to him shortly.
“I know,” Jack says absentmindedly.
“Jack, she’s left no tracks, no indication of her ever being in LA. It’s like she never existed,” Weiss exasperates to him.
“That’s my girl,” Jack says smiling. Weiss looks at him incredulously.
“Jack, I know she is your daughter but she murdered Vaughn. She is a murderer,” he says to him angrily.
“Maybe so, but she still is my daughter and no matter what I will always love her,” Jack admits to him truthfully.
“You didn’t feel that way for Irina,” he says to Jack sarcastically. Maybe so. Maybe on the outside, it looked that way, but on the inside of Jack Bristow was another story left unsaid.
~**~
“You’re a disgrace. I can’t believe I ever loved you,” he says to her in disgust.
“What are you talking about?” she says to him in confusion.
“Now that I think of it you probably seduced me from the beginning,” he says to her, circling her again, in a threatening way.
“Why are you saying these things?” she says with tears streaming down her face. Why is he doing this to me?
“Because I hate you, because you killed me and because it is the truth,” he says, breathing every word into her ear. She shakes her head in ignorance.
“You loved me I could see it in your eyes every time,” she says stepping towards him.
“Loved you. I loved you because you made me love you. You seduced me from the beginning, seducing me was part of your sick little endgame. You always wanted to kill me that was your endgame,” he spat out at her menacingly.
“No. I loved you. I still do,” she pleads at him with tears streaming down her face.
“You wanted me dead from the beginning,” he says leaning over her as she crouches down into a small ball.
“No. Please don’t believe that!” she begs to him.
”How can I not, you did kill me,” he says to her angrily. and at the same time mocking her and getting a huge amount enjoyment out of it, but it was only the beginning of what he was eventually going to do to her.
“I LOVE YOU!” she screams to him and at her scream Simon runs into the room, worry stricken.
“No you don’t love me. Because if you loved me you wouldn’t have killed me,” he says, smiling and mocking her. Simon pulls her into his arms, but Sydney pushes him away. Vaughn keeps smiling at her and she can’t take it she starts scratching herself to try and rid herself of this, to get rid of whatever this feeling was that she couldn’t describe. Was it pain, loss, regret? Or was it all of them? She couldn’t be sure.
She keeps scratching herself furiously across her wrists until Simon grabs her hands and stops her and looks deep into her eyes.
“Baby. Please don’t do this again,” he begs to her. His eyes fill with tears because he can’t bear this thought of her doing this to herself. Causing harm to herself. He just couldn’t bear it. Knowing Sydney has changed him in so many ways but his death had changed her in so many ways and she couldn’t get past the fact that it wasn’t her fault.
“I just don’t now what to do anymore,” she says, crying and sobbing uncontrollably. He pulls her into his embrace she looks over his shoulder at Vaughn and he is now shaking his head. Simon pulls back and pulls her in to a passionate kiss and as she is locked in his kiss she can still hear Vaughn mocking her.
“You kiss him like you love him. You savor his kiss like it is your last breath. You make him feel ten million different emotions in one second. You make it look like you love him and he loves you back. But you and I know it’s a lie. You are just seducing him like the rest. Like you did to me. You’re going to kill him just like you did to me and you’re going to tear his heart into a million pieces,” he drawls to her. Mocking her at every chance that he gets.
“I’m tired I think I’m gonna take a nap if that’s okay with you,” she says, taking in a deep breath and placing her hand on her stomach and she smiles at him.
“Mind if I join you?” he asks her softly caressing her cheek.
“No, you would be a huge distraction,” she says, smiling broadly. He smiles back at her and then picks her up in his arms. “What’re you doing?” she asks, taken in surprise.
“Do you think I’m gonna let you get on that bed unassisted?” he says frankly.
“Oh, my knight in shining armour,” she mocks him and sends him a silly grin.
“Keep smiling like that and this won’t just turn into a nap,” he says seductively and placing a quick kiss on her lips as he lays her down on the bed. She smiles at him and turns her six month pregnant body to the side as he lays down beside her with his arms over her side and his hand resting on her rounded stomach protectively. She closes her eyes in contentment. And then he speaks again.
“You’re right, I did love you. And maybe you loved me. You loved me but you killed me,” he says softly and she opens her eyes and looks deep into him as he said this and then he disappears. A single tear falls down her face as she is crudely reminded of all the reasons why she shouldn’t have the right to live.
~**~
He was never gone long, he was back bright and early the next day ready to remind her of the terrible person that she feels she is now, and now she is sure, once again, that she could’ve found another way but every time she tries to find another way they all end the same. So if there’s another way, why can’t she see it?
“So what’re you going to do, lie to yourself and our baby that you’re in love with him?”
“I don’t have to lie,” she says to him in defence.
“You really think I am going to believe that?”
“You don’t have to, your opinion doesn’t matter,” she says to him sharply.
“Yeah you keep telling yourself that Syd, but you and I both know better. You can’t live one single moment of the day without my memories affecting you. It haunts you, but you secretly want it because that is what gets you thought his touches and kisses…”
“Stop it!” she screams at him.
“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?” he says nastily. She pauses for a few moments and she starts to sob.
“I can’t just leave him,” she says to him, begging him to understand.
“Yes you can,” he says to her firmly.
“I can’t because he is the only protection I have,” she says honestly to his ghost.
“What happened to the powerful Sydney Bristow? I guess she isn’t all that she is cracked up to be then. I guess that’s what happens when you kill the man you love, everything just falls apart,” he says, mocking her nastily. Who knows the reason why she did it but she couldn’t take it she needs a release, she picked up a broken pair of sunglasses and she grabs the lens and she slashes her wrist. She watches as the blood seeps out of her veins and she feels a slight bit of relief. But it doesn’t make him go away. Nothing ever does.
~**~
She waddles into the kitchen. Waddles. It was a sight but they say that’s what happens when you’re six months pregnant. You waddle. She has a craving and that’s why she walked into this kitchen...watermelon was what she craved and watermelon is what she would get. She opens the fridge and pulls out a medium sized watermelon.
She sets it gently on the counter and grabs the knife and she stabs it and at that single moment she sees blood where juice should be, and in a second the watermelon turns into Vaughn. She screams and she backs away with tears streaming down her face. The blood pours down his body and she notices his ghost comes back. And every bit of the blood reminds her of what she did and she screams even louder and she cries even harder. The images flood her mind just as they do everyday but this time more illusive. She can’t focus because she had lost that long ago, just like everything else.
“Yeah that’s right, Sydney, back away. Scares you doesn’t it? To see it all play out like this in what, to you, is a tangible form. This is what it looked like but now I’m going to make you feel it,” he says to her menacingly and he slowly approaches her and she backs further away and then she trips on a magazine on the ground and she falls backwards and down a huge flight of stairs. She tumbles and with each tumble she lets out a scream of pain. Simon rushes into the room and yells after her and runs down to her now motionless form at the bottom of the stairs. Vaughn stares down at her with an evil grin on his face.
“Now you know how I felt,” he says to her, laughing slightly and he disappears.
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Part Seven
Final Realizations
She lost the baby.
And she cries and she cries. She feels her heart being ripped out of her chest, and she is confused because she doesn’t know why she is confused and she doesn’t know why, because ‘why’ is something which occurs a lot in her life, and she is absolutely sick of it.
How can they say she just lost it, which makes it sound as if she lost it like a set of her house keys?
How did she just lose it? And why? Was it because of the fact that she killed Vaughn or was it just the fact that she fell down the stairs?
Was her misfortune just karma getting her back from killing Vaughn? All these questions she doesn’t have any answers to. Maybe this is why she is staring down at the engraving of his name and set of initials on the cold grey headstone. Maybe she came here to talk to him and get some answers. But why is she here when she knows that his ghost told her that he hated her? Maybe on some level she realizes that her mind created that Vaughn to give herself the punishment she knows she deserves.
Maybe this was just her source of comfort? Or maybe this was another way to punish herself? She cries uncontrollably and beats the ground until her hands start to bleed. But she welcomes the bleeding, she welcomes anything that makes her feel pain. And then she gets up and she runs out of the cemetery, unable to sit on the ground of his grave any
