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Searching for the Truth

Discussion in 'Open Chat' started by Marlene, Apr 24, 2003.

  1. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    I've never met him, I've never seen him, I've never known him, my father....

    All I know is my mother got divorced before I was born. They were married for quite awhile. I never knew his name, she never told me. Any reference she'd make would be "my old husband." When I was little I'd always ask her where daddy is. She would tell me in the same thing in a cold tone, that he was gone. To this day I'm not even sure what he looks like. I assume I've seen him in an old photo album when I was very young, because when my mother saw me looking at it and she took it away, and I never saw it again.

    The few things I've ever learned about my father was due part eavesdropping, when my mother would meet with her old friends they briefly mentioned him. Around when I was eight (I think) I stumbled across some old documents, it was my grandfather's death certifcate along with something I'm not quite sure what it was exactly; it may have been an old divorce or marriage certificate, it had my mother's name and "Peter Lee." I should have made a copy of it, or written it down so I could better understand now. But I didn't, and to this day I haven't been lucky enough to stumbled on these things anymore.

    Over the years my relationship with my mother has drifted apart, we talk and spend time with each other on the weekends but I've never had a real conversation with her for a very long time. I want my old relationship back with her and I want to find out about the man I never knew. But I don't know how to tell her. This week of aloneness has brought toil to my mind. The lack of a hectic schedual has given too much to think. And I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting solemnly, knowing my situation is nothing considering what I've read on other boards of your experiances, but I'm lost and I need some reconciliation.
     
  2. Angel_dj

    Angel_dj Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Location:
    Arizona
    I know alot of people who have some of the same issues as you. How old are you now?
     
  3. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    I just turned 14...mid-march
     
  4. Kalan

    Kalan Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2003
    Location:
    East Coast booyah
    ooh it really hurts my heart to hear that story! I would think that it would be very important to your mom to mend this relationship that the two of you have. I honestly don't know what to offer you though. If it were me I would go to her and say hey, if you don't want to screw this up with us - if you want me to love to be your daughter - you have got to be straight with me. I have a right to know who my father is and if you don't tell me I'll find out myself. But if that's not you I just don't know. If you really really want to know, don't back down. Your relationship with your mom might suffer, though...however, odds are she's got some inner demons that she needs to work out with the whole situation. I'm sure she'll need to do that on her own time. If you want to talk or anything, just let me know. My advice might suck (sorry) but i'm a good listener. Best of luck! I'll be thinkin about you, marlene.
     
  5. liberty47

    liberty47 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Location:
    OZ land all the way!!
    :angelic: If you think your relationship with your mother might suffer, then if I were you I’d ask myself what it was worth, maybe wait till your older, like 18 (sorry I don't know how old you are) so you can get away from her if it gets really bad. If this really is important to you, then make a promise to yourself to look for him even if you put it on hold for a little while. All I can really say is if I was you, I would look, I would at least give it a really good try. After all you might be missing out on something you've never had before. I'm so sorry if I’m sounding pushy, of course you should do what you feel inside is right, it’s just that I feel strongly about this.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and remember the people on this forum are willing to listen. :angelic:
     
  6. Ms.MichaelVaughn

    Ms.MichaelVaughn Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    I FEEL REALLY SORRY FOR YOU :( ....I THINK IT IS BEST TO JUST TELL YOUR MOM HOW YOU FEEL AND YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET TO KNOW YOUR FATHER...SHE CAN'T KEEP THAT FROM YOU...I REALLY HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU.. ;) AND LIKE LIBERTY47 SAID..WE ARE HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO TALK :love: :clover:
     
  7. nance

    nance TUMS

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2003
    Ohh... Marlene, I want you to meet your dad so badly because you obviously want to know more about him. I just hope you keep trying and have a long talk with your mom. Maybe your mom doesn't want to make you feel sad about it but just tell her you really need to know your own father a little more. I hope your mom understands that and that one day you'll get to know your dad more!
     
  8. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    Thnx for the support...I'm thinking through. I never liked directly bring out a topic that I've never mention for a good 3 years. She'll probably have the novel idea of responding to be the same way as when I was little. I'm rather pissed at the fact that my father has such a common last name. Why can't it be something longer? So finding out myself, won't exactly work. :(

    I don't know what to do. My relationship with my mother is definately not in the plummits, its relatively good except theres a wall...I can't really talk to her about my personal issues and when something occurs she'll tell me when I already put two n two together. However I don't think that I can demand her into telling. That'll just involve lots of arguing that won't lead to any good. I need to find an alternative.
     
  9. GO Syd

    GO Syd Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    well u can go look in public reccords (birth, marriage, death, arrests, ect)
     
  10. Sophie

    Sophie in love

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2003
    Location:
    France
    Make the first move : talk to your mother !

    my situation is a little bit different : I know my 2 parents, they are divorced since i'm 8, and i live with my mother, so my relationship with my father (if i can call this a relationship !) gradually drifted apart ! I went at father's only 4 days a month, we moved away from each other ! About 4 months ago, i decided to do something ! I told him that i will come more often, and he said ok ! Now we are closer than before ! Our relashionship still needs to improve but it's better ! I decided to make the first move because i will be 18 soon and i'll go to college in september, i will begin to live "my own life", i will be far from my parents !

    My advice is talk to your mother, tell her that you suffer because you want to know the truth about your father and you want to keep your relationship safe ! Tell her that if she doesn't want to let you know about your father, you will be soon capable to look for him by yourself !
    If she still doesn't want to, begin to look for : ask your grandparents, your mother's old friends !

    I hope it'll help you. ^_^ If you need to talk again, i'm here !! you can PM me if you want ! As liberty47 said we are willing to listen ! Good luck :clover:
     
  11. alias_fan

    alias_fan typically terrific

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2003
    sounds like from the beginning of season one
    "there's only one other person who knows what i do... someone i hardly know..... my father." but then it's not.
     
  12. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    yeah maybe he "sells airplane parts." it'll be really ironic if i find him and he says he sells airplane parts for a living. i think i'm going to ask her when we go shopping on the weekend. she's too prim, proper, n prided to over react in public. worse comes to worse the shopping expedition will end early or she'll give the sales people a really hard time.
     
  13. nance

    nance TUMS

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2003
    lol, my mom is the exact opposite! she ALWAYS embarasses me in public and doesn't care about other people staring and i am so horrified and i'm the one going "SHHHHH!!!"
     
  14. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    call me a chicken or w/e you want, as i didn't get to intiate the conversation. i was waiting waiting all saturday to go out w/ my mother but it was raining. its nice out today we went to office max to get me a new computer chair b/c i kind of accidently destroyed my old one. i spent the whole time basically looking for a dude to get my chair, while my mother was sitting on a floor model reading her book. so i couldn't exactly initiate conversation there. then we had lunch, she was in a really good mood, so i decided not to break it. now shes in the kitchen cooking up a storm that she probably won't even eat at the end.

    i'm highly confused though. turned my house upside down on friday. i managed to find some old documents, badly organized in an old box. all i know is the the dates don't exactly fit. they separated 84...i was born 89. i'm slowly pieceing the puzzle together myself. however i need to find more badly organized boxes!

    i found a paper she wrote not too long ago about marriage in a creative writing workshop, she took for fun. lets just say she pointed out practically all the downsides of marriage but no direct reference to my father. :(

    i want answers, but why do i always have problems confronting people i know? i can always walk up to a complete stranger and pick a fight or demand something but never to anyone that has a somewhat close relationship with me.

    there has to be more old boxes! b/c this hole mental thing abotu confronting my mother is holding me back.
     
  15. nance

    nance TUMS

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2003
    marlene~ keep trying. i understand that it's hard to talk to parents about something really serious.
     
  16. Katelyn

    Katelyn Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    If they seperated in 84, and you were born in 89, then how is HE your father. That would mean they would have to have been to gether in 88 at the earliest to ummm... get umm... yea (lmao) and if they we'rnt together then... how... yea...

    Maybe you metioned somthing about that i didnt read all of your post
     
  17. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    thats what i don't understand
     
  18. Angel_dj

    Angel_dj Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Location:
    Arizona
    I agree, keep trying, and your old enough to make your own descions on your life. Good Luck.
     

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