angels_fire_88
Cadet
thanks dani!!!!!!!! and danuta i get it now...awww thts sad but u know how syd can hear it, cant noah?
Maroon
- Thread starter Danuta
- Start date
thanks dani!!!!!!!! and danuta i get it now...awww thts sad but u know how syd can hear it, cant noah?soccer_sweety_18
Cadet
WOW! awesome update!
-what is syd thinking!
-and vaughn is soo cute how he wants to tell her but cant
-and i HATE noah he is sooo annoying
Great job CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the pm.
-what is syd thinking!
-and vaughn is soo cute how he wants to tell her but cant
-and i HATE noah
he is sooo annoyingGreat job CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the pm.
That's exactly what i mean
Blame my strange behavior on final exams. And yes making up new, strang words it's usually strange behavior. SORRY About the wallpaper...you really need to show it to us
angels_fire_88
Cadet
i wanna see 2
mnkdance963
Cadet
wow!! those were great updates!!!!
that was intense!!!
loved it!!!!
that was intense!!!
loved it!!!!
Hello everybody!
I'm so sorry that I didn't update sooner. I won't blame you for being angry with me But study was very hectic and I had many tests. But you are the first who are getting an update from me. And I want you to be ex eqcuo with SD1, so there'll be many updates in the next few days. Beginning with now. Hopefully you'll enjoy the next few chaps. I love feedback so don't be shy and tell me your thoughts about the story.
Love, Danuta
What happened in the last chap:
“It’s our plan that you’ll make him believe that there’ll be a future for you both. Make him believe you, make him...”, he hesitated a moment before adding: “...love you.”
Silence lay heavy on their hearts as they tried to hide their disturbed thoughts from one another.
“That should be no problem.”
***
“But what if he doesn’t tell me? What if I can’t make him believe me?” She voiced their thoughts from the bathroom and slipped the dress on. It was short, but elegant; revealing, but not slutty; innocent, but perfect for seducing men. Hands on her back she tried to zip it while listening to Weiss.
“Then we need a copy of the hard drive on his notebook. All the information should be stored there”, he said, placing his hands on the table.
***
“I won’t go Vaughn. It’s our plan that I will stay here until the transmission is finished and I can take the device with me. He can’t suspect that something isn’t right and that would happen when he finds the device.”
“Forget the plan and go.”
***
And when he touched her most intimate spot, her heart cried because her eyes weren’t allowed to. Her screams weren’t of joy and lust, but of pure terror. He didn’t realize it.
***
“Vaughn, Scott could open a channel for us. The problem is that she probably won’t hear us.”
*****
Her eyes snapped open when she heard his low voice.
This couldn’t be.
This shouldn’t be.
In this moment Noah entered her painfully and she screamed loudly. But it wasn’t out of pain, it was because he could hear this, and his smug words, and her painful intake of breath, and this was all too much. And ohmygodohmygodno she thought, desperate.
“Sydney?”
The realization in his broken voice was too much for her to take as she felt the first few tears rolling down her heated cheeks. Why has everything to go wrong?
“Oh my god”, she whispered, frightened, hoping that Noah was far too occupied with his own needs to hear the faint and crackling voice in her left ear. Her thoughts drifted away from the man above her that claimed her body as his and went to the other man who breathed her name desperately. She knew Noah perfectly and her body adjusted to his needs, a choreography she knew well enough to let her thoughts drift away.
She heard Vaughn smashing something, probably his chair and running away, his steps echoing loudly in her ears as she pictured him racing through the wide corridors.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her breath was one with his. One breath, one soul, one pain.
And he ran, ran, ran and ran. Searching for her behind every door. Loud knocking, surprised guests, barked answers, unfriendly declinations. She could hear it all. And some part of her hoped that he would find and rescue her. But there was no one to rescue. She had wanted this. The information was far more important than selling her body for fifteen minutes.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Without him everything would better. She wouldn’t have to fight with his pleading, his destroying questions. And always pleasepleasepleasesydney. They were nothing to each other. He was just her colleague. Not more, not less. Sometimes it’s much easier to lie to ourselves than to acknowledge that we are being loved. Because that would mean that we can hurt other people with our behavior.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“I know that you hear me.”
Inhale.
“Why Syd?”
Exhale.
***
After Noah was finished he stood up rather awkwardly and looked at her with a quizzical expression on his face.
“You okay?”, he asked uninterested in the dim light of a lonely lamp. She nodded shortly, her eyes betraying her. But Noah never cared for the aftermath and he didn’t seem to care that she hadn’t reached the point of delirium.
“I’ll just go into the bathroom”, he explained with a satisfied grin and walked over to the door that was next to his side of the bed. The harsh light of the halogen-illumination blinded her for a few seconds, before he closed the door with a loud thud behind him. Soon she could hear the constant running of the shower, little drops of water falling on the cold tiles.
“Syd?” Massaging her temple, she had the urge to scream at him. Why, why in Christ’s sake had he done this to her, to himself, to them? It was masochistic and self destroying, to hear his breathing the whole time and his desperate search for her, while Noah was inside of her. Turning to her left, she lifted her knees to her chest until she was rolled together like a ball. The tight feeling inside of her let her body choke and she cursed herself for being so weak.
She didn’t answer him. What would she have to say anyway?
That it had been her free will?
He knew that. He knew that it wouldn’t cost her much effort to free herself and every woman on earth from Noah. He knew that revenge had darkened her soul. He just hadn’t known that she was lost in the blackness that surrounded her.
Maybe he would help her to loose the knot in the pit of her stomach. Maybe he would light her poor life for only a few seconds.
The sound of his voice, her name from his lips like a mantra, she closed her eyes and pictured him. Her hands were his hands and soon his voice pushed her over the edge.
***
Chapter 25: Forgive me, for I have sinned
Shoes in hand, Sydney walked slowly to her room. Putting the card in the predestined slit, it lasted only seconds before the low keening noise rang, and the door opened with a soft ‘swoosh’. Stepping inside her hotel room, the door closed automatically behind her, and she glanced up to see Vaughn sitting on her bed. Head in hands, elbows on his knees, he had his eyes shut tightly. His hair tousled, she knew that he had glided his hands through his blondish strands much too often. The headset lay beside him on the carpet. Broken. And that was what she had made of him – a broken man.
Taking a tentative step forward, it was like he could feel her presence when he glanced up to see her standing in the middle of the room. His eyes were bloodshot, and she wasn’t sure, but the indistinct smell of alcohol was in the air. His eyes swept over her body like he was searching for a sign, a mark of her former lover. She felt naked under his stare, and her hands fumbled with the dress, trying to stretch the little piece of cloth. He had heard more than any man before, and had been a part of her self destroying performance. But he couldn’t find any marks. Even if it would make it easier for him to get the proof that she had been unfaithful to him.
A bitter laugh escaped his hoarse throat.
She had never been his possession. Damn, they hadn’t even reached something that could be called a relationship. Standing up, he turned to the window so that his back was facing her. Weiss had told him that she wasn’t worth it. And maybe he had been right. Maybe he was lost in a dream. A dream called Sydney Bristow.
‘And as much as I like Sydney, she has a very haunting past. I’m not sure if I want to be part of her process to work it up.’ Oh he had been a part, one of the biggest maybe. Just a pawn in her game of revenge. And he had been so blind, so stupid. Looking up, he could see her reflection in the glass. She looked lost. No wonder, she had overstepped the last border.
“I have the device”, she said, because to say something was better then to wait for her punishment. Laying the xobject on the table, she waited for him to react in some way. But this was her punishment - his silence. It was a burden that choked her more than Noah’s feverish needs. She needed absolution. Forgive me, for I have sinned.
“I know what you want Sydney.” And the use of her full name disturbed her more than his icy voice.
“What do you mean?”
He turned around in a sharp movement and crossed the few meters that separated them. His ragged breath in her face, she could see his hands form tight fists before he spat out in a hateful and hoarse voice: “You will get no absolution from me.”
Surprised that he could read her thoughts, Sydney’s eyes wandered from his twitching hands to his burning gaze. But what she saw in his eyes wasn’t anger. It was pure and simple disappointment. That she had given up on them, that she had lost faith before their relationship had even begun. And right now, she couldn’t contradict.
Taking a deep breath to regain some clarity, she stepped away, his pure presence disturbing her.
“I have just done my job”, she tried to defend herself, keeping her shaking hands behind her back.
Vaughn shook his head, a wry grin on his face.
“Your desperation has blinded you Sydney.”
Before she had a chance to respond, a faint knocking could be heard. Without waiting a second, Weiss entered the room and stopped abruptly. The atmosphere in the room was charged with increasing tension, and he waited a moment before closing the door behind him.
“I just talked with our superiors. We’ll fly tomorrow at 6 o’clock in the morning. They want to have a finished report when we land in L.A.”, he mumbled, a bit unsecure, his gaze switching from Vaughn to Sydney, but both of them ignored him. They were too deep in their own thoughts. And when Weiss paid close attention, he could literally feel their strained relation.
“Have you even been listening to me?”, he asked after a while, a bit brusque.
But neither of them answered him. They just kept staring at each other with heated gazes, full of accusations and suppressed wants. Maybe their unspoken desires had triggered the dive of disappointment. Shaking his head and sighing aloud, Weiss turned around to leave when Sydney’s voice haltered him in his movements.
“What did you tell them?”
“Only that the mission was a success.”
“You haven’t told my father what...”, Sydney shot him a warning glance, before adding: “....what happened?”
Raising his palms upwards in a gesture of surrender, he shook his head violently. The pure aggression in her gaze was new for him. He didn’t know Sydney very good, but he had thought that she was just a desperate, but strong soul, seeking happiness in life. When he saw her breathing out in relief, the thought crossed his mind that he had probably overestimated her. In reality, Sydney Bristow had more than one weakness.
“No he hasn’t”, Vaughn interrupted sharply, before adding much lower: “I told him.”
Sydney’s eyes went big when she looked at his blank face. Only a twinge of revenge darkened his features. Without turning to Weiss, she pointed to the door before barking an angry: “Weiss, please go. Now!” Lowering her hand, she threw the shoes in a deserted corner. Scenarios about what she could do with Vaughn crossed her mind and they all ended in the same way. Him dead on the floor. Clenched fists at her sides, she saw how Vaughn took a step forward, like he was accepting her unspoken invitation for a fight.
Watching their silent exchange, Weiss shouted loudly: “Okay, okay I’ll go, but please don’t wake the other guests. The last thing we need would be the Viennese police asking us stupid questions and raising Noah Hick’s suspicion.”
The name of Sydney’s lover increased the tension, and she shot Weiss the second warning glance the evening. But this time, it was an open threat.
“I’ll go, I’ll go. Tomorrow 6o’clock, don’t be too late.”
They both waited until the door was closed and their minds got accustomed to the new situation. Now wasn’t the time for subtle words, it wasn’t the time for understanding or forgiveness. It was raw, it was tense and it was them. The fight had begun, and the line between love and hate was blurred.
It was Sydney who began the offensive war of accusations. “Why in god’s name did you tell my father what happened?”
Rounding Vaughn, she knew that he was prepared in case she assaulted him. Always be prepared. Stupid Boy Scout.
“It was because of revenge, right?”, she asked, a bitter laugh escaping her throat. “And you’ll stay here in all your glory and pray that I’ll let my soul darken. You aren’t any better than me. You don’t know it but…”, pointing at him she said, “we are the same kind.”
The ball was in his court, and his eyes darkened as he heard her last words. It was like he had heard them before, but shaking his head of the weird sense of deja-vú, he concentrated on the woman in front of him. “Don’t you dare to compare us. You are self destroying, you are stubborn and you are a danger to yourself and for other people”, he hissed, anger clearly written in his face. His piercing green eyes set on fire, he grinned in self-righteous way when Sydney looked down and away.
“You are only angry because I didn’t obey”, she replied harshly.
“Yes, you know what? I am angry that you didn’t listen to me. I am your boss, I give the orders, it was my operation. You know what the title operation leader means? That everybody has to execute my orders. Everybody.” He accentuated his words by crashing his fist down on the smooth surface of the desk that stood beside him. The hate that flooded his senses, that blinded his gaze for the important facts, that drove him on, had set his face on stone, had erased his love and made him spill all the harsh and hurting words.
And when they connected gazes, Sydney understood. It wasn’t about fighting, because there could be no winner. They both had lost something. Hanging her head in shame, she tried her best to hide her true feelings. Gliding her hand through the curled hair, she breathed out. She had lost. Him. Them. And even herself. Tears brimmed at her lashes, but Sydney knew well enough that they wouldn’t change anything. He would think it was just an act, and she would feel more miserable than before. So, she simply brushed them away. Her tears couldn’t extinguish the fire in his eyes; they wouldn’t quench his thirst for revenge.
“Please leave”, she breathed, her voice just above a whisper.
Stunned, Vaughn wasn’t sure, but traces of emotion were lacing her words. But he couldn’t go, couldn’t go without telling her the harsh reality. Sometimes reality hurts, and it was time for Sydney to understand what she did to him.
Walking slowly into the bathroom, she closed the door, and left him behind.
Instead of leaving her alone, Vaughn only followed her into the bathroom, ignoring the fact that her face was paler than ever before. He was in charge, and damn he would let her suffer. Observing her sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, he took a moment to regain some clarity, before he began to talk:
“I tried to do my job. It wasn’t my fault that you sold your body and soul to a greasy murderer. So don’t try to give me the guilt. Because I didn’t ask to listen to your encounter. And you want to know what it did to me?” Kneeling next to her, he closed his eyes so that she wouldn’t catch his hurt look, before he whispered desperately: “It killed me Sydney, more than you’ll ever know.”
Standing up, he turned his back on her. He couldn’t see the tears rolling down her cheeks and falling down onto the lime green tiles.
“And now I’ll go. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not angry because you gave up on us, but that you gave up on yourself.”
She ignored the stabbing pain inside her chest when he told her this, and simply went over to the sink. Splashing a bit of water on her heated face, she hoped that he would be gone. But his presence filled the air and choked her. Leaning over the sink, her eyes shut tightly, she tried to suppress the haunting images of Noah, and herself, and Vaughn’s voice.
“Leave me alone. I can’t stand to look at you right now.” Her voice was emotionless, betraying the inner turmoil of her soul. She was broken. But he would never know it.
Standing right behind her, Vaughn grabbed her wrist, before yanking her into a upright position. Surprised, Sydney looked over her shoulder, trying to understand what he wanted, but instead of an explanation Vaughn lifted his hand to her face to softly trace the outline of her chin with the back of his fingertips. A gesture of affection. Looking at Vaughn with a quizzical expression, she waited for him to speak. His jade green eyes looking straight into her soul, Sydney took a deep breath. Only millimeters separating their faces, his hot breath drifting into her slightly opened mouth, their eyes remained locked for a few moments. One. Two. Three. And he grabbed her chin violently, turning her face, so that she looked at her reflection in the mirror above the sink.
Leaning forward, his lips brushing her ear he whispered in a taunting voice: “No, you can’t stand to look at yourself right now.”
With that, Vaughn stormed out of the room, leaving Sydney alone and lost. Her gaze was connected with her reflection and what she saw made her cry. It was the same he had seen only a moment before, when their gazes were locked. A broken soul.
***
Back in LA
The conference-room was filled with only five people. Devlin, Jack, Weiss, Vaughn and Sydney sat in a circle around the table. It hurt her that Vaughn had chosen to place Weiss between them. Since their heated encounter in her hotel room, they hadn’t spoken one single word. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. When she had woken up this morning, a folded piece of paper had been lying on her nightstand.
‘I haven’t told him.’, was written in Vaughn’s flowing handwriting. A wave of relief had flown through her body, and it had been the first time after her ‘mission’ with Noah that she had felt free to breathe.
Later on the plane, she had hoped that Vaughn would be more forgiving than yesterday, but that hadn’t been the case. He had only said one word on the entire flight. She had asked when the plane would land and he had answered her: “Soon.”
This had been the answer a nerved father would give his overactive child after a sixteen-hour flight, but for her it had been the first step. A tiny step, but after all, a step in the right direction.
Straightening her grey jacket, she waited for Devlin to begin the meeting. Only one hour, and she could leave this room and leave her feelings of guilt behind.
“Okay then,” Standing up, Devlin cleared his throat before turning to the Agents sitting on his right side. “Agent Vaughn, Bristow, Weiss, first of all, I want to tell you that I’m very satisfied with your operation. You achieved the goal and got the data we needed. You’ll get the folders with the encrypted information after this meeting. Six analysts are working on this case, but I want you to study the information too, so that you’ll be up to the date if we need to send you on a mission. And in my opinion, it would be good if Miss Bristow had something to do during her wait for the revenge.”
Smiling at the only woman in the room, it didn’t go unnoticed by him that she seemed to stiffen. Something wasn’t right.
“Well, I don’t see why I shouldn’t let you go home now. Rest, and then you can begin to work on the data.” With that, he nodded at the three Agents, and wondered once again why they sighed a breath of relief. But before either of them could move, the hard and sharp voice of Jack Bristow sliced through the air.
“One second.”
Devlin looked at Jack with a quizzical expression, but he knew his old friend too well to interrupt him.
“Yes Jack?”
“I have one question. Nothing important.” A tiny smile plastered on his face, the three younger Agents tensed up, knowing that something was going on. And Sydney had a certain idea about her father’s question. Preparing herself to die once again, she sat up straight, her face blank and emotionless. Two could play this game.
“I have read all your reports, and they are excellent, very detailed. But at one point you all were very cryptic.” Flipping his folder open, his eyes were fixed on a marked part of the typewritten text.
“You were fifty minutes in Noah Hicks room, Sydney. What did you do all that time? Agent Weiss and Vaughn told us that the connection broke down, and you were on your own.”
“But we wrote that she phoned us with her cell and told us that everything was okay and we could proceed with the mission“, Weiss interrupted, and was silenced by a disapproving look from Jack.
“Sorry”, he mumbled sheepishly, and sunk back into his seat.
I read that too, Agent Weiss”, Jack scolded him, before turning back to his daughter. She held his gaze, while he continued: “But the most interesting detail is that we couldn’t find proof that Sydney phoned Agent Vaughn on his cell.”
Before Vaughn could open his mouth, Jack held his hand up to stop his question. “Before you ask, I allowed myself to take your phone and let the tech-specialists control every call that came in. But none of them was from my daughter’s cell, or from the right date. That made me think. What are you trying to conceal?”
Silence and two blank expressions from Sydney and Vaughn were his only answer. Well, he had expected that they would keep their mouths shut.
“Agent Vaughn, you were the operation leader.” Devlin overtook the questioning; not liking which direction this was going. “Did you leave Agent Bristow on her own although the connection broke? Without back-up, without trying to retrieve her?”, he couldn’t believe that Vaughn’s boy, the every-caring Agent wouldn’t try to rescue Sydney. Especially Sydney.
“No, that wasn’t it, right Vaughn?”, Jack asked, his voice taunting, when he noticed Vaughn’s features harden. “You wouldn’t let Sydney on her own. You would be the first one to blow off the mission and rescue her. So what happened to Sydney? What have you done?”
“I don’t know what you are trying to say.” Sydney tucked an errant strand of brown hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the knot. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she challenged her father by looking him straight in the face. She knew that he knew. That he had known all along. The situation reminded Sydney of her youth. When she had been out the whole night. Her father hadn’t said one thing the whole day. And then, mostly in front of her friends, he had begun to question her.
“Sydney, have you closed the door to your room, before you went sleeping?”
“Sure daddy.”
“And why was it open at five o’clock in the morning when I went for a glass of water?”
“Because, right before I had been on the toilet”, she would answer with a smirk.
“Stop lying Sydney Anne Bristow. I know what you’ve done. That you were out with one of those college-boys. Now go to your room.”
Years later, she would discover that he had installed hidden cameras in the whole house.
But he had an instinct that was so well-trained, he would discover every secret.
And right now, he had the same look on his face. The “I-know-what-you-have-done-and-now-I-will-let-you-suffer” -look.
“What happened in those fifty minutes you were alone with Noah Hicks?”
She gulped hard, her hands beginning to sweat.
“We talked.”
“I know Noah Hicks. He wouldn’t talk.”
“Well, we had some things to discuss.”
“Stop lying. You’ll only make it worse.”
Resting his hands on the desk in front of him, his voice coursing with anger as Jack struggled to keep his tone even and controlled, he said:
“I talked with Agent Dohnson.“
“Craig?”, Weiss whispered to Vaughn, who nodded, stunned, his attention centered on Jack and Sydney. He knew something. Probably not the details, probably not the whole extent of what his daughter had done, but he had a pretty good idea. Glancing at Sydney, he could see her face turning pale.
“And what did he say?”, she asked cautiously.
“That the Agents Vaughn and Weiss had contact with you. That Vaughn wanted to break the mission off, that he stormed out of the room and knocked at every door in the whole gorram hotel and that he shouted your name. So I’ll give you this one last chance Sydney, to tell me what has happened. Or I will have a nice little private chat with your Agent Vaughn. And I’m sure you don’t want anything happen to him.”
It was an open dare. And when Sydney saw the look in her father’s eyes – so strong and hard, she knew that his last words hadn’t been hollow. He knows what he wants, and he would do everything to get the information, including hurting Vaughn. And this would probably be pure pleasure for him.
Sighing loudly, chin held high and eyes betraying her fears, she spat it out.
“I slept with Noah.”
Looking around, she wondered how many different emotions were written on the faces of her colleagues. Weiss stared straight into his lap, playing with a loose twine of his jacket, too insecure about this awkward situation. Vaughn on the other side sat completely still, his face a calm mask, only his eyes showing that this night was still haunting him. And Devlin was simply stunned.
But when her eyes met her father’s, fear cursed through her body. Because his emotionless eyes had changed. They were full of anger and hate. And that was what disturbed her most.
***
Chapter 26 – Waterfall of tears
Closing the door behind him, Vaughn could only hear a rushed “I’m going to the bathroom”, before Sydney stormed away. Seconds later, a loud thud could be heard before silence fell over the room.
Shedding and hanging his jacket up, Vaughn sighed loudly before putting the kettle on the stove, blue flames high beneath it. Looking straight into the playing flames, he wondered how a father could do this to his child. Okay, Sydney had done something wrong - probably the worst mistake of her whole life – but talking with her like that in front of other people. Shaking his head, the harsh words of Jack in his ears, Vaughn thought about the woman in the other room. She hadn’t spoken one word. Not during Jack’s lecture and not afterwards. She hadn’t sighed, or cried, or cursed. And this lack of emotion troubled him. It couldn’t be that the attack of her father hadn’t offended or hurt Sydney. After all she is his blood. He out of all people should understand why she had sacrificed herself. And Vaughn wasn’t sure if Jack had only been this accusing because he felt a bit guilty too.
Interrupted in his thoughts by the whistling tea kettle, Vaughn shut down the gas.
The more he thought about Jack not understanding Sydney, the more he understood her.
“Well that makes sense Vaughn”, he whispered to himself.
He was beginning to forgive her already. How weak can a man be? Yesterday he had told her that it’s over between them. And right now, he sat here, and was hoping that she felt good.
Head in hands, he wondered once again what this woman could do to him.
***
Shedding the tank top and her trousers, Sydney threw them in one corner of the small room before tying her hair in a messy bun, several strands of hair falling into her face.
Letting the water flow inside the old bathtub, she dared to glance into the mirror. And the reflected image didn’t show the strong and fierce woman she was supposed to be. It didn’t even show an innocent and broken woman. She just saw the picture of a torn and black soul.
“You sold your body, Sydney. You are no better than a whore. And the worst of all is, you weren’t supposed to do this. It wasn’t your duty, so don’t you dare to say that you did it for the job. I know that you had a chance.”
She had decided to do this; she herself had dug her own grave. There was no one who was responsible for what she had done. And for the first time in her life, Sydney Bristow felt the need to scream and to wail and to cry and to grieve. To grieve for her innocence.
It had been her father’s guilt that she had grown up alone. She could blame Sloane that she had killed many people, so many innocent people. But there was no one she could point at in her current situation.
“You aren’t my daughter anymore. I feel ashamed. I have never thought that my daughter would be so.....so cheap.”
Stepping inside the bathtub, Sydney slid down slowly. There was nothing to hold on to anymore. Closing her eyes, she felt the tears running down her cheeks. They showed her weakness. And her last coherent thought was about Noah, and him inside of her, invading her. She could have hurt him, but instead she had chosen to hurt herself. Just to get the information. Sydney laughed bitterly, and was startled when she heard the low keening noise that issued from her own throat. Somewhere down on the road of revenge and hatred, she had forgotten that she needed something to fight for.
“And you haven’t only lost your pride and dignity. You have lost your father, you’ve lost the respect of your colleagues, and you’ve lost Vaughn. I know that this will destroy you. You are no good Sydney. Just a stupid little girl that is the downfall for men. It’s a shame that I didn’t realize it sooner.”
And now she sat here, crying in an old and dirty shower, water running, trying to hide the endless path that her tears had drawn. But there was nothing that could make this better. No one to help her, to rescue her. Who would do it anyway? Her father surely despised her. He had been right, so entirely right. She had wanted to do this alone, and now, she was paying for it, sobbing in the shower.
She didn’t dare to think of Vaughn. His screams. And once again, she had been the downfall for another person. Now he would hate her too. Because what should he love about her?
The blaming water still beating down on her, having turned cold long ago; she didn’t even notice when someone entered the room. And suddenly there was a strong but gentle hand on her shoulder. Looking up, her eyes swollen and sobs escaping her mouth, Sydney blinked heavily when she recognized the face of Vaughn.
How I wish I could surrender my soul,
Shed the clothes that become my skin,
See the liar that burns within my needing,
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold
Shaking her head, she tightened the hold of her knees against her chest, and continued to rock back and forth slowly. She didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want to act like he could forgive her and they could turn back time. Turning her face to the right so that she would face the tiled wall, Sydney sobbed a quiet: “Go away.”
“Syd. Let me help you.”
“I’m a bad person. I’ve disappointed you. Everybody hates me Michael. Everybody. How can I live like that?”, she asked him, staring at the soft yellow flower-pattern of the tiles.
“You aren’t a bad person. I’m sorry for what I’ve said,...”
“Don’t”, she stopped him with a fierce voice, her eyes staring straight into his. “Don’t try to make me feel better. I did it. I’m a slut. Don’t try to contradict. Go away. I’m no good. Leave me and this life”, she pleaded desperately with him, sobs interrupting her sentences.
“Sydney....”,
“Please, leave”, she replied before breaking down into more sobs.
Standing beside the tub, watching the crying and broken woman, he thought even about leaving her. It would be easier for him and maybe for her too. If he left her, right here and now, there was a slim chance that he could life a normal life. Without her reckless behavior, without her self destroying actions.....but he would live a life without her. And the fact that this future disturbed him so much was his sign that he couldn’t let her go.
Climbing into the tub, his socks and jeans still on, he ignored the stabbing pain of the cold water that pounded down on him. Soon, the water had drenched his clothes, and tiny drops of the clear liquid were running over his face. She needed an anchor. She needed someone who believed in her. And if he wouldn’t be the person, who then? Thousands of thoughts crossed his mind when he looked at her shaking and fragile form.
Somewhere along the line she had closed her eyes, but it didn’t matter, he could feel her shattered soul more than he could see it. He couldn’t rescue her. But he could try to.
I guess it’s time I run far, far away, find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keep me from trouble,
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain
Dipping his head towards her; he caught Sydney’s lips in a short kiss, their lips barely touching. It was a bold action, and he wasn’t entirely sure if it had been the right thing to do, but his heart and body told him to show her that there was someone that cared for her, even if they fought with each other.
Looking down at her, Vaughn could see her opening her big brown eyes, surprised, her ragged breathing against his wet skin. And this time it was Sydney who leaned into him, mouth claiming his. But it wasn’t passionate, it was sweet and tender, and he could feel her forget about her misery and tears, her body pressing into his. And it was the first time he realized that she was completely naked. Every curve of her beautiful body right in front of his eyes, her breasts pushed against his bare skin.
“We should get you out of here. You’re cold”, he managed to whisper between their kisses, each time more passionately. But she didn’t seem to hear him, or she just ignored his comment. He couldn’t know that she didn’t feel the cold anymore because her body and her mind were numb because of the pain inside her heart – all she wanted now was him.
Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him down with her, until her back hit the hard edge of the tub. She knew that tomorrow a red and angry mark would be marring her pale skin, but she didn’t care about it when she felt his hands rummaging all over body. It all felt so familiar, his hands knowing just the right spots to elicit a moan from her. And she couldn’t wait until he would find her most sensitive spot, a groan escaping her throat when she thought about this. She needed this; she needed him more than anything else. Only he could save her from loosing her mind, and she wasn’t too proud to ask him to help her.
Sneaking her hands between them, she unbuckled his belt quickly, her lips and tongue distracting him from her actions. Her fingers gently grazing the growing bulge, she smiled inwardly when she felt Vaughn grind into her hand. But before she could open the buttons of his jeans, he woke up from this dream and grabbed her wrist.
“Don’t do this Syd”, he pleaded her softly, trying to make her understand that this would only destroy their fragile relationship.
And damn, he surely couldn’t resist her if she asked him to sleep with her. He would be too weak for that. So they locked gazes, and he wasn’t sure, but there was a trace of understanding and regret crossing her features. She nodded shortly, a bit out of breath, and he wondered what a stranger who walked in would see right now. She, completely naked, cheeks flushed and breath ragged, he, only in his wet jeans, hair tousled more than ever and kneeling right in front of her.
Minutes passed before Sydney moved, slowly falling into his open arms. She wanted to question him. Why was he here? Why did he forgive her? How could he forgive her after everything she had done? But she clung on to him desperately, because ‘sometimes it’s better not to question’, she thought before letting herself go.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind
Held memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
He could feel her tears before he heard her cries. Her face pressed into his throat, the tears rolled freely over now heated cheeks. She cried out of despair, rage, fear and sadness. Vaughn didn’t know how long they sat together in the old bathtub, the icy water cascading down onto their bodies, making them shiver even more. He sighed, knowing that their relationship had taken a new turn once again. But he wasn’t sure if he had chosen the right direction for them. Running his hand up and down her bare back, he hoped that he had given her back a bit of hope.
After a while she calmed, her cries softer than before, regaining some of her composure. Pulling away slightly, their eyes met and he could see all the shyness and uncertainty in her brown orbs. And the worst was, he was sure that she just reflected his own feelings. Everything was so new and fresh, but it felt like he had found his place. Beside her. Sheltering her from everything bad. So, he decided to give her an innocent kiss on the forehead, inhaling her scent.
Stepping out of the tub, he turned off the water before bending down and helping her out. He couldn’t withstand not letting his eyes wander briefly over her body, every curve more visible than before. Taking a sharp breath, he only smirked when he noticed Sydney doing the same. Taking one of the white and fluffy towels from the rack, he wrapped it around her shoulders carefully.
It was the kind of awkward situation, where you don’t know what to say or do. So they just stayed silent during the short walk to the bedroom. Slipping under the cool covers, only the moonlight shining through the curtains, Vaughn sat beside her and waited for Sydney to fall asleep. She looked just like an angel to him.
When he was sure that her breathing was even and she was surely asleep, Vaughn stood up to move to the couch. But before he could make one move, the soft voice of Sydney stopped his movements.
“Stay”, she pleaded with him, and even though it was dark, he could see her looking up at him. Sliding beneath the covers, he wondered how his life had changed. How had it gotten so complicated? But when he felt Sydney laying her head on his still wet chest and blowing a soft kiss on his skin, he knew that he wouldn’t want it being any different.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I could save my soul.
I’m so cold from fear.
***
Waking up the next morning, the first thing Sydney felt were two arms encircling her waist and hot breath in her neck. Glancing over her shoulder she could see the sleeping form of Michael Vaughn, and all the memories of the last night came back. Her, crying in the shower and his appearance. Holding, kissing, she wanting to sleep with him.
Turning into a dark shade of red, Sydney realized that she was still naked under the covers that hugged her form. Well he had seen all of her already, so where was the sense in being ashamed right now?
‘And you’ve wanted him to sleep with you’, she thought, embarrassed, slapping herself mentally. This was bad. How could they work together now? She had overstepped the last border yesterday.
Feeling him tightening the grip around her waist, she felt a small grin tugging at her lips. He had overstepped the borders too, Sydney thought, while remembering the kisses they had shared under the shower. Lips, tongues and teeth involved, kissing each other frantically. Those were earth-shattering and soul-destroying kisses. Sometimes gentle and sometimes frantically, as if they were trying to make up for lost time. It was what they had both needed, wanted, and craved for.
“Good morning.” Vaughn’s sleepy voice interrupted her thoughts, and she gasped, surprised. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you”, he added sheepishly, removing his hands from her. Things had changed. In the dark of the night, you can do a lot. But it takes a lot of courage to stay true to your decisions in the harsh light of the day.
“You haven’t....I’m just....You know a bit....”
’What was it about him that made her feel like a teenager?’, Sydney thought while stuttering along.
The corner of his mouth turned up slightly as Vaughn softly responded. “Yeah, I know.” And he knew all of it. All the touches and hopes that were written so clearly in her eyes.
Silence was his only answer, both of them too overwhelmed by last night’s events. But when Vaughn looked around the small and grungy bedroom, the wall-paper torn and dirty, he realized that this wasn’t real life. The woman next to him was dead to everybody. Her father despised them both now, and Noah was still an issue between them. Running a hand over his face as if trying to regain some clarity, Vaughn waited a minute before saying:
“We should talk.”
“About us”, he added in a rush, feeling her stiffen immediately.
“It’s always about us”, she sighed, before turning to face him. Making sure the sheets would cover everything, she propped herself up. He followed her movements so they sat next to each other, and once again, a weird pause separated them. The unspoken words always stood between them.
Taking all of his courage, Vaughn began unsurely:
“Syd, yesterday.....I don’t regret anything I did. What we did. Only that we did it too fast”, he said, his voice coursing with excitement as he struggled to keep his tone even and controlled. They needed to stay emotionless now. It would be better for both of them. But when Vaughn looked in Syd’s direction, he realized that it was useless. How could they stay objective when she was completely naked under the covers, and his thoughts only circled around the kisses they had shared?
“You know that it’s actually hard to talk to you while you’re naked under the covers?” he asked jokingly, and smiled when Sydney blushed immediately.
“It would be a lie if I said that it doesn‘t affect me that you’re sitting right next to me. With no shirt on” she admitted, looking straight into his eyes. And they both could feel the heat rising between them.
“Then I guess I should leave you alone so that you can put some clothes on, and I’ll change in a fresh pair of jeans and a new shirt.” Throwing the covers aside, he walked into the next room and closed the door loudly.
Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes briefly.
“Oh what have I done?”, he scolded himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was Jack Bristow’s daughter. And Jack would kill him if he ever discovered that he had kissed his daughter. He would kill him for fact alone that he had seen Sydney naked.
But god, it had been worth it. He grinned, daring, before grabbing one of his shirts.
A few minutes later, Sydney emerged from the other room and sat silently on her favorite spot on the couch.
After minutes of only staring at each other, Sydney laughed unsurely:
“I think someone should begin to talk, or we’ll stay here forever.”
Nodding fiercely, Vaughn replied a soft: “I know”, before sitting down on the stool in front of her. It was better than to choose the place right next to her, he argued with himself. It was strange that the more they got intimate with another, the more they had problems to speak freely with each other. Shouldn’t intimacy being the complete opposite?
Looking down onto the carpet, Sydney thought about a way to clear the air of the tension. It was hard looking at him right now. And she knew that it wasn’t any easier for him.
“Vaughn,...”, she breathed his name, and he wasn’t sure but it sounded like a sigh to him. “I just want to say that I don’t regret it either. You were there for me, and I should thank you for it. Even when this sounds a bit strange.”
“Don’t thank me for it. It wasn’t very...”
Hands on hips. Her touching him. Tongues intertwined.
“...unpleasant”, he ended, heat flowing through his body. The memories were so lively; it was hard to concentrate when she continued to talk.
“Well, for me too.” A sweet smile was plastered on her face as she lifted her eyes to add softly: “ It sounds weird, but I believe that we have a bond...a special bond between us. I don’t know what to call this” she said, gesturing to the space between Vaughn and herself. “And I don’t know if I should want this.”
This devastated him more than he could have ever thought.
“Syd,...” His heart breaking, he stumbled forward, kneeling in front of her. But she stopped him with a fierce look. And finally he understood. That she was about to confess to him everything, from her darkest secret to her deepest wish. Leaning back, eyes and heart open, he noticed how nervous she seemed.
“Please, let me finish.” Her hands shaking a bit, Vaughn stopped the frantic movements by placing his rougher hands over hers. Surprised, Sydney’s chocolate brown orbs dived right into his eyes, and their gazes remained locked for a few moments before she took a deep breath to continue. It would cost her a lot of strength to tell him everything she felt, and she wasn’t so sure if this would cause him to leave or stay with her. She was daring, she was dangerous, and she knew well enough how to make him believe her words. She even believed that she could convince him to believe all her lies. But this time, it was about truth and it was only fair to tell him all of her life. Even the unpleasant things.
“I am dead.” A lonely tear was creeping over her cheek, a reminder of her crying friends in front of her grave. “And I don’t mean only that the whole world thinks that I’m not among the living anymore. Something inside of me died too. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve lost my life. That’s hard to take and sometimes I think I’m so desperate that I’m not sane anymore, that I’m losing my grip. And it’s difficult for me to admit, but I tend to get attached to people when my life is pure misery. In my youth, I was a very wild teenager, seeking happiness through various relationships. I’m not too proud about this. I’ve changed so much. You, you don’t know the real me. You’ve never seen me interact with other people than my colleagues, you have never seen me laughing, you have never seen the real me. And that’s was causes me sleepless nights. It’s clear why I’m attracted to you, but I’ve no idea what you are seeing in me.” She looked helplessly at him, but he respected her wish not to interrupt her.
My life is stressful, it’s dangerous and it’s unsure. You know that in our business every day could be the last, and it disturbs me that no one would grieve if I should die.” A sob escaped a dry throat, leaving her speechless for a minute.
“Sydney, what are you talking about? You won’t die.”
“But it’s possible. If someone discovers that I’m alive, they will kill me. Without a second thought”, she hissed painfully, fear gripping her heart.
Hands framing her face, Vaughn caught her foggy gaze. “Nothing will happen. You’re secure with me. Nobody knows that you are alive beside a hand full of Agents”, he replied, hoping that she would understand that nothing could happen to her. Even if this would mean that she would believe his lies. Because nothing can be sure in a life like theirs.
“I know, but how long will this last?” she asked, depressed. “You said it yourself that this mission is long-term. And could you live with a life full of waiting? We’ll probably never be able to go out together, to have a normal life, to have children. It breaks my heart to know that maybe my life will be wasted, but I don’t want you to wait forever. And if I let myself fall for you, this life would be even more torturous. Because you would be the only person in my life, and I would get dependent on you. You would have the chance to leave me every day, but I’m stuck in this life. There’s no way for me to escape. And if you leave me too, I couldn’t live with that.”
Tears were now cascading over her face, and she knew that her eyes would be red and the drops would leave ugly spots on her skin, but she didn’t care.
Sitting down next to her, Vaughn softly brushed away the tears with the pads of this thumbs as he whispered: “Sydney, look at me.” And when green met brown, it was painful, and devastated, and desperate.
They could be on this road forever – he knew this. They would probably never live a normal life. But who wants a normal life, if he can have someone like her? He wasn’t even sure if they would live long enough to begin something new together, but as long as they were together, nothing could separate them. With death and false promises on his mind, he assured Sydney in a calm voice:
“We will win and the world will be damned if we can’t bring them down before we’re old and gray. People aren’t spies forever, and I want to believe that we have a chance. But if you haven’t the faith in us, then we shouldn’t even begin this. I am devastated that you slept with Noah, and I can’t forgive you for it fully, I need time. And I think this is the same thing we need – time. After everything that has happened, we have to take it slow. It could hinder our ability to work properly together if we act on our feelings. It’s against the rules too, but waiting isn’t breaking the rules. Hoping isn’t breaking the rules.”
But hope can make you desperate.
“So you’re asking me to break the law?“, she sobbed happily.
And sometimes hope can make you fearless...
“Well, it isn’t like you’ve never broken them anyway.”
...and heroic...
“That’s right”, she nodded fiercely, her hand catching his, and she placed a kiss on his palm.
...and stupid.
Eyes full of love and hope, he dared to ask Sydney: “So what do you say?”
But instead of an answer, she stood up, tears long forgotten, and pulled him with her. “We should begin analyzing the files. The sooner we’re done, the sooner I can begin to hope.”
But most of the time, hope is just the edge of the abyss.
It’s just a matter of time before you fall in.
***
Stay tuned for the next chapters....
I'm so sorry that I didn't update sooner. I won't blame you for being angry with me
But study was very hectic and I had many tests. But you are the first who are getting an update from me. And I want you to be ex eqcuo with SD1, so there'll be many updates in the next few days. Beginning with now. Hopefully you'll enjoy the next few chaps. I love feedback so don't be shy and tell me your thoughts about the story. Love, Danuta
What happened in the last chap:
“It’s our plan that you’ll make him believe that there’ll be a future for you both. Make him believe you, make him...”, he hesitated a moment before adding: “...love you.”
Silence lay heavy on their hearts as they tried to hide their disturbed thoughts from one another.
“That should be no problem.”
***
“But what if he doesn’t tell me? What if I can’t make him believe me?” She voiced their thoughts from the bathroom and slipped the dress on. It was short, but elegant; revealing, but not slutty; innocent, but perfect for seducing men. Hands on her back she tried to zip it while listening to Weiss.
“Then we need a copy of the hard drive on his notebook. All the information should be stored there”, he said, placing his hands on the table.
***
“I won’t go Vaughn. It’s our plan that I will stay here until the transmission is finished and I can take the device with me. He can’t suspect that something isn’t right and that would happen when he finds the device.”
“Forget the plan and go.”
***
And when he touched her most intimate spot, her heart cried because her eyes weren’t allowed to. Her screams weren’t of joy and lust, but of pure terror. He didn’t realize it.
***
“Vaughn, Scott could open a channel for us. The problem is that she probably won’t hear us.”
*****
Her eyes snapped open when she heard his low voice.
This couldn’t be.
This shouldn’t be.
In this moment Noah entered her painfully and she screamed loudly. But it wasn’t out of pain, it was because he could hear this, and his smug words, and her painful intake of breath, and this was all too much. And ohmygodohmygodno she thought, desperate.
“Sydney?”
The realization in his broken voice was too much for her to take as she felt the first few tears rolling down her heated cheeks. Why has everything to go wrong?
“Oh my god”, she whispered, frightened, hoping that Noah was far too occupied with his own needs to hear the faint and crackling voice in her left ear. Her thoughts drifted away from the man above her that claimed her body as his and went to the other man who breathed her name desperately. She knew Noah perfectly and her body adjusted to his needs, a choreography she knew well enough to let her thoughts drift away.
She heard Vaughn smashing something, probably his chair and running away, his steps echoing loudly in her ears as she pictured him racing through the wide corridors.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Her breath was one with his. One breath, one soul, one pain.
And he ran, ran, ran and ran. Searching for her behind every door. Loud knocking, surprised guests, barked answers, unfriendly declinations. She could hear it all. And some part of her hoped that he would find and rescue her. But there was no one to rescue. She had wanted this. The information was far more important than selling her body for fifteen minutes.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Without him everything would better. She wouldn’t have to fight with his pleading, his destroying questions. And always pleasepleasepleasesydney. They were nothing to each other. He was just her colleague. Not more, not less. Sometimes it’s much easier to lie to ourselves than to acknowledge that we are being loved. Because that would mean that we can hurt other people with our behavior.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“I know that you hear me.”
Inhale.
“Why Syd?”
Exhale.
***
After Noah was finished he stood up rather awkwardly and looked at her with a quizzical expression on his face.
“You okay?”, he asked uninterested in the dim light of a lonely lamp. She nodded shortly, her eyes betraying her. But Noah never cared for the aftermath and he didn’t seem to care that she hadn’t reached the point of delirium.
“I’ll just go into the bathroom”, he explained with a satisfied grin and walked over to the door that was next to his side of the bed. The harsh light of the halogen-illumination blinded her for a few seconds, before he closed the door with a loud thud behind him. Soon she could hear the constant running of the shower, little drops of water falling on the cold tiles.
“Syd?” Massaging her temple, she had the urge to scream at him. Why, why in Christ’s sake had he done this to her, to himself, to them? It was masochistic and self destroying, to hear his breathing the whole time and his desperate search for her, while Noah was inside of her. Turning to her left, she lifted her knees to her chest until she was rolled together like a ball. The tight feeling inside of her let her body choke and she cursed herself for being so weak.
She didn’t answer him. What would she have to say anyway?
That it had been her free will?
He knew that. He knew that it wouldn’t cost her much effort to free herself and every woman on earth from Noah. He knew that revenge had darkened her soul. He just hadn’t known that she was lost in the blackness that surrounded her.
Maybe he would help her to loose the knot in the pit of her stomach. Maybe he would light her poor life for only a few seconds.
The sound of his voice, her name from his lips like a mantra, she closed her eyes and pictured him. Her hands were his hands and soon his voice pushed her over the edge.
***
Chapter 25: Forgive me, for I have sinned
Shoes in hand, Sydney walked slowly to her room. Putting the card in the predestined slit, it lasted only seconds before the low keening noise rang, and the door opened with a soft ‘swoosh’. Stepping inside her hotel room, the door closed automatically behind her, and she glanced up to see Vaughn sitting on her bed. Head in hands, elbows on his knees, he had his eyes shut tightly. His hair tousled, she knew that he had glided his hands through his blondish strands much too often. The headset lay beside him on the carpet. Broken. And that was what she had made of him – a broken man.
Taking a tentative step forward, it was like he could feel her presence when he glanced up to see her standing in the middle of the room. His eyes were bloodshot, and she wasn’t sure, but the indistinct smell of alcohol was in the air. His eyes swept over her body like he was searching for a sign, a mark of her former lover. She felt naked under his stare, and her hands fumbled with the dress, trying to stretch the little piece of cloth. He had heard more than any man before, and had been a part of her self destroying performance. But he couldn’t find any marks. Even if it would make it easier for him to get the proof that she had been unfaithful to him.
A bitter laugh escaped his hoarse throat.
She had never been his possession. Damn, they hadn’t even reached something that could be called a relationship. Standing up, he turned to the window so that his back was facing her. Weiss had told him that she wasn’t worth it. And maybe he had been right. Maybe he was lost in a dream. A dream called Sydney Bristow.
‘And as much as I like Sydney, she has a very haunting past. I’m not sure if I want to be part of her process to work it up.’ Oh he had been a part, one of the biggest maybe. Just a pawn in her game of revenge. And he had been so blind, so stupid. Looking up, he could see her reflection in the glass. She looked lost. No wonder, she had overstepped the last border.
“I have the device”, she said, because to say something was better then to wait for her punishment. Laying the xobject on the table, she waited for him to react in some way. But this was her punishment - his silence. It was a burden that choked her more than Noah’s feverish needs. She needed absolution. Forgive me, for I have sinned.
“I know what you want Sydney.” And the use of her full name disturbed her more than his icy voice.
“What do you mean?”
He turned around in a sharp movement and crossed the few meters that separated them. His ragged breath in her face, she could see his hands form tight fists before he spat out in a hateful and hoarse voice: “You will get no absolution from me.”
Surprised that he could read her thoughts, Sydney’s eyes wandered from his twitching hands to his burning gaze. But what she saw in his eyes wasn’t anger. It was pure and simple disappointment. That she had given up on them, that she had lost faith before their relationship had even begun. And right now, she couldn’t contradict.
Taking a deep breath to regain some clarity, she stepped away, his pure presence disturbing her.
“I have just done my job”, she tried to defend herself, keeping her shaking hands behind her back.
Vaughn shook his head, a wry grin on his face.
“Your desperation has blinded you Sydney.”
Before she had a chance to respond, a faint knocking could be heard. Without waiting a second, Weiss entered the room and stopped abruptly. The atmosphere in the room was charged with increasing tension, and he waited a moment before closing the door behind him.
“I just talked with our superiors. We’ll fly tomorrow at 6 o’clock in the morning. They want to have a finished report when we land in L.A.”, he mumbled, a bit unsecure, his gaze switching from Vaughn to Sydney, but both of them ignored him. They were too deep in their own thoughts. And when Weiss paid close attention, he could literally feel their strained relation.
“Have you even been listening to me?”, he asked after a while, a bit brusque.
But neither of them answered him. They just kept staring at each other with heated gazes, full of accusations and suppressed wants. Maybe their unspoken desires had triggered the dive of disappointment. Shaking his head and sighing aloud, Weiss turned around to leave when Sydney’s voice haltered him in his movements.
“What did you tell them?”
“Only that the mission was a success.”
“You haven’t told my father what...”, Sydney shot him a warning glance, before adding: “....what happened?”
Raising his palms upwards in a gesture of surrender, he shook his head violently. The pure aggression in her gaze was new for him. He didn’t know Sydney very good, but he had thought that she was just a desperate, but strong soul, seeking happiness in life. When he saw her breathing out in relief, the thought crossed his mind that he had probably overestimated her. In reality, Sydney Bristow had more than one weakness.
“No he hasn’t”, Vaughn interrupted sharply, before adding much lower: “I told him.”
Sydney’s eyes went big when she looked at his blank face. Only a twinge of revenge darkened his features. Without turning to Weiss, she pointed to the door before barking an angry: “Weiss, please go. Now!” Lowering her hand, she threw the shoes in a deserted corner. Scenarios about what she could do with Vaughn crossed her mind and they all ended in the same way. Him dead on the floor. Clenched fists at her sides, she saw how Vaughn took a step forward, like he was accepting her unspoken invitation for a fight.
Watching their silent exchange, Weiss shouted loudly: “Okay, okay I’ll go, but please don’t wake the other guests. The last thing we need would be the Viennese police asking us stupid questions and raising Noah Hick’s suspicion.”
The name of Sydney’s lover increased the tension, and she shot Weiss the second warning glance the evening. But this time, it was an open threat.
“I’ll go, I’ll go. Tomorrow 6o’clock, don’t be too late.”
They both waited until the door was closed and their minds got accustomed to the new situation. Now wasn’t the time for subtle words, it wasn’t the time for understanding or forgiveness. It was raw, it was tense and it was them. The fight had begun, and the line between love and hate was blurred.
It was Sydney who began the offensive war of accusations. “Why in god’s name did you tell my father what happened?”
Rounding Vaughn, she knew that he was prepared in case she assaulted him. Always be prepared. Stupid Boy Scout.
“It was because of revenge, right?”, she asked, a bitter laugh escaping her throat. “And you’ll stay here in all your glory and pray that I’ll let my soul darken. You aren’t any better than me. You don’t know it but…”, pointing at him she said, “we are the same kind.”
The ball was in his court, and his eyes darkened as he heard her last words. It was like he had heard them before, but shaking his head of the weird sense of deja-vú, he concentrated on the woman in front of him. “Don’t you dare to compare us. You are self destroying, you are stubborn and you are a danger to yourself and for other people”, he hissed, anger clearly written in his face. His piercing green eyes set on fire, he grinned in self-righteous way when Sydney looked down and away.
“You are only angry because I didn’t obey”, she replied harshly.
“Yes, you know what? I am angry that you didn’t listen to me. I am your boss, I give the orders, it was my operation. You know what the title operation leader means? That everybody has to execute my orders. Everybody.” He accentuated his words by crashing his fist down on the smooth surface of the desk that stood beside him. The hate that flooded his senses, that blinded his gaze for the important facts, that drove him on, had set his face on stone, had erased his love and made him spill all the harsh and hurting words.
And when they connected gazes, Sydney understood. It wasn’t about fighting, because there could be no winner. They both had lost something. Hanging her head in shame, she tried her best to hide her true feelings. Gliding her hand through the curled hair, she breathed out. She had lost. Him. Them. And even herself. Tears brimmed at her lashes, but Sydney knew well enough that they wouldn’t change anything. He would think it was just an act, and she would feel more miserable than before. So, she simply brushed them away. Her tears couldn’t extinguish the fire in his eyes; they wouldn’t quench his thirst for revenge.
“Please leave”, she breathed, her voice just above a whisper.
Stunned, Vaughn wasn’t sure, but traces of emotion were lacing her words. But he couldn’t go, couldn’t go without telling her the harsh reality. Sometimes reality hurts, and it was time for Sydney to understand what she did to him.
Walking slowly into the bathroom, she closed the door, and left him behind.
Instead of leaving her alone, Vaughn only followed her into the bathroom, ignoring the fact that her face was paler than ever before. He was in charge, and damn he would let her suffer. Observing her sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, he took a moment to regain some clarity, before he began to talk:
“I tried to do my job. It wasn’t my fault that you sold your body and soul to a greasy murderer. So don’t try to give me the guilt. Because I didn’t ask to listen to your encounter. And you want to know what it did to me?” Kneeling next to her, he closed his eyes so that she wouldn’t catch his hurt look, before he whispered desperately: “It killed me Sydney, more than you’ll ever know.”
Standing up, he turned his back on her. He couldn’t see the tears rolling down her cheeks and falling down onto the lime green tiles.
“And now I’ll go. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not angry because you gave up on us, but that you gave up on yourself.”
She ignored the stabbing pain inside her chest when he told her this, and simply went over to the sink. Splashing a bit of water on her heated face, she hoped that he would be gone. But his presence filled the air and choked her. Leaning over the sink, her eyes shut tightly, she tried to suppress the haunting images of Noah, and herself, and Vaughn’s voice.
“Leave me alone. I can’t stand to look at you right now.” Her voice was emotionless, betraying the inner turmoil of her soul. She was broken. But he would never know it.
Standing right behind her, Vaughn grabbed her wrist, before yanking her into a upright position. Surprised, Sydney looked over her shoulder, trying to understand what he wanted, but instead of an explanation Vaughn lifted his hand to her face to softly trace the outline of her chin with the back of his fingertips. A gesture of affection. Looking at Vaughn with a quizzical expression, she waited for him to speak. His jade green eyes looking straight into her soul, Sydney took a deep breath. Only millimeters separating their faces, his hot breath drifting into her slightly opened mouth, their eyes remained locked for a few moments. One. Two. Three. And he grabbed her chin violently, turning her face, so that she looked at her reflection in the mirror above the sink.
Leaning forward, his lips brushing her ear he whispered in a taunting voice: “No, you can’t stand to look at yourself right now.”
With that, Vaughn stormed out of the room, leaving Sydney alone and lost. Her gaze was connected with her reflection and what she saw made her cry. It was the same he had seen only a moment before, when their gazes were locked. A broken soul.
***
Back in LA
The conference-room was filled with only five people. Devlin, Jack, Weiss, Vaughn and Sydney sat in a circle around the table. It hurt her that Vaughn had chosen to place Weiss between them. Since their heated encounter in her hotel room, they hadn’t spoken one single word. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. When she had woken up this morning, a folded piece of paper had been lying on her nightstand.
‘I haven’t told him.’, was written in Vaughn’s flowing handwriting. A wave of relief had flown through her body, and it had been the first time after her ‘mission’ with Noah that she had felt free to breathe.
Later on the plane, she had hoped that Vaughn would be more forgiving than yesterday, but that hadn’t been the case. He had only said one word on the entire flight. She had asked when the plane would land and he had answered her: “Soon.”
This had been the answer a nerved father would give his overactive child after a sixteen-hour flight, but for her it had been the first step. A tiny step, but after all, a step in the right direction.
Straightening her grey jacket, she waited for Devlin to begin the meeting. Only one hour, and she could leave this room and leave her feelings of guilt behind.
“Okay then,” Standing up, Devlin cleared his throat before turning to the Agents sitting on his right side. “Agent Vaughn, Bristow, Weiss, first of all, I want to tell you that I’m very satisfied with your operation. You achieved the goal and got the data we needed. You’ll get the folders with the encrypted information after this meeting. Six analysts are working on this case, but I want you to study the information too, so that you’ll be up to the date if we need to send you on a mission. And in my opinion, it would be good if Miss Bristow had something to do during her wait for the revenge.”
Smiling at the only woman in the room, it didn’t go unnoticed by him that she seemed to stiffen. Something wasn’t right.
“Well, I don’t see why I shouldn’t let you go home now. Rest, and then you can begin to work on the data.” With that, he nodded at the three Agents, and wondered once again why they sighed a breath of relief. But before either of them could move, the hard and sharp voice of Jack Bristow sliced through the air.
“One second.”
Devlin looked at Jack with a quizzical expression, but he knew his old friend too well to interrupt him.
“Yes Jack?”
“I have one question. Nothing important.” A tiny smile plastered on his face, the three younger Agents tensed up, knowing that something was going on. And Sydney had a certain idea about her father’s question. Preparing herself to die once again, she sat up straight, her face blank and emotionless. Two could play this game.
“I have read all your reports, and they are excellent, very detailed. But at one point you all were very cryptic.” Flipping his folder open, his eyes were fixed on a marked part of the typewritten text.
“You were fifty minutes in Noah Hicks room, Sydney. What did you do all that time? Agent Weiss and Vaughn told us that the connection broke down, and you were on your own.”
“But we wrote that she phoned us with her cell and told us that everything was okay and we could proceed with the mission“, Weiss interrupted, and was silenced by a disapproving look from Jack.
“Sorry”, he mumbled sheepishly, and sunk back into his seat.
I read that too, Agent Weiss”, Jack scolded him, before turning back to his daughter. She held his gaze, while he continued: “But the most interesting detail is that we couldn’t find proof that Sydney phoned Agent Vaughn on his cell.”
Before Vaughn could open his mouth, Jack held his hand up to stop his question. “Before you ask, I allowed myself to take your phone and let the tech-specialists control every call that came in. But none of them was from my daughter’s cell, or from the right date. That made me think. What are you trying to conceal?”
Silence and two blank expressions from Sydney and Vaughn were his only answer. Well, he had expected that they would keep their mouths shut.
“Agent Vaughn, you were the operation leader.” Devlin overtook the questioning; not liking which direction this was going. “Did you leave Agent Bristow on her own although the connection broke? Without back-up, without trying to retrieve her?”, he couldn’t believe that Vaughn’s boy, the every-caring Agent wouldn’t try to rescue Sydney. Especially Sydney.
“No, that wasn’t it, right Vaughn?”, Jack asked, his voice taunting, when he noticed Vaughn’s features harden. “You wouldn’t let Sydney on her own. You would be the first one to blow off the mission and rescue her. So what happened to Sydney? What have you done?”
“I don’t know what you are trying to say.” Sydney tucked an errant strand of brown hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the knot. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she challenged her father by looking him straight in the face. She knew that he knew. That he had known all along. The situation reminded Sydney of her youth. When she had been out the whole night. Her father hadn’t said one thing the whole day. And then, mostly in front of her friends, he had begun to question her.
“Sydney, have you closed the door to your room, before you went sleeping?”
“Sure daddy.”
“And why was it open at five o’clock in the morning when I went for a glass of water?”
“Because, right before I had been on the toilet”, she would answer with a smirk.
“Stop lying Sydney Anne Bristow. I know what you’ve done. That you were out with one of those college-boys. Now go to your room.”
Years later, she would discover that he had installed hidden cameras in the whole house.
But he had an instinct that was so well-trained, he would discover every secret.
And right now, he had the same look on his face. The “I-know-what-you-have-done-and-now-I-will-let-you-suffer” -look.
“What happened in those fifty minutes you were alone with Noah Hicks?”
She gulped hard, her hands beginning to sweat.
“We talked.”
“I know Noah Hicks. He wouldn’t talk.”
“Well, we had some things to discuss.”
“Stop lying. You’ll only make it worse.”
Resting his hands on the desk in front of him, his voice coursing with anger as Jack struggled to keep his tone even and controlled, he said:
“I talked with Agent Dohnson.“
“Craig?”, Weiss whispered to Vaughn, who nodded, stunned, his attention centered on Jack and Sydney. He knew something. Probably not the details, probably not the whole extent of what his daughter had done, but he had a pretty good idea. Glancing at Sydney, he could see her face turning pale.
“And what did he say?”, she asked cautiously.
“That the Agents Vaughn and Weiss had contact with you. That Vaughn wanted to break the mission off, that he stormed out of the room and knocked at every door in the whole gorram hotel and that he shouted your name. So I’ll give you this one last chance Sydney, to tell me what has happened. Or I will have a nice little private chat with your Agent Vaughn. And I’m sure you don’t want anything happen to him.”
It was an open dare. And when Sydney saw the look in her father’s eyes – so strong and hard, she knew that his last words hadn’t been hollow. He knows what he wants, and he would do everything to get the information, including hurting Vaughn. And this would probably be pure pleasure for him.
Sighing loudly, chin held high and eyes betraying her fears, she spat it out.
“I slept with Noah.”
Looking around, she wondered how many different emotions were written on the faces of her colleagues. Weiss stared straight into his lap, playing with a loose twine of his jacket, too insecure about this awkward situation. Vaughn on the other side sat completely still, his face a calm mask, only his eyes showing that this night was still haunting him. And Devlin was simply stunned.
But when her eyes met her father’s, fear cursed through her body. Because his emotionless eyes had changed. They were full of anger and hate. And that was what disturbed her most.
***
Chapter 26 – Waterfall of tears
Closing the door behind him, Vaughn could only hear a rushed “I’m going to the bathroom”, before Sydney stormed away. Seconds later, a loud thud could be heard before silence fell over the room.
Shedding and hanging his jacket up, Vaughn sighed loudly before putting the kettle on the stove, blue flames high beneath it. Looking straight into the playing flames, he wondered how a father could do this to his child. Okay, Sydney had done something wrong - probably the worst mistake of her whole life – but talking with her like that in front of other people. Shaking his head, the harsh words of Jack in his ears, Vaughn thought about the woman in the other room. She hadn’t spoken one word. Not during Jack’s lecture and not afterwards. She hadn’t sighed, or cried, or cursed. And this lack of emotion troubled him. It couldn’t be that the attack of her father hadn’t offended or hurt Sydney. After all she is his blood. He out of all people should understand why she had sacrificed herself. And Vaughn wasn’t sure if Jack had only been this accusing because he felt a bit guilty too.
Interrupted in his thoughts by the whistling tea kettle, Vaughn shut down the gas.
The more he thought about Jack not understanding Sydney, the more he understood her.
“Well that makes sense Vaughn”, he whispered to himself.
He was beginning to forgive her already. How weak can a man be? Yesterday he had told her that it’s over between them. And right now, he sat here, and was hoping that she felt good.
Head in hands, he wondered once again what this woman could do to him.
***
Shedding the tank top and her trousers, Sydney threw them in one corner of the small room before tying her hair in a messy bun, several strands of hair falling into her face.
Letting the water flow inside the old bathtub, she dared to glance into the mirror. And the reflected image didn’t show the strong and fierce woman she was supposed to be. It didn’t even show an innocent and broken woman. She just saw the picture of a torn and black soul.
“You sold your body, Sydney. You are no better than a whore. And the worst of all is, you weren’t supposed to do this. It wasn’t your duty, so don’t you dare to say that you did it for the job. I know that you had a chance.”
She had decided to do this; she herself had dug her own grave. There was no one who was responsible for what she had done. And for the first time in her life, Sydney Bristow felt the need to scream and to wail and to cry and to grieve. To grieve for her innocence.
It had been her father’s guilt that she had grown up alone. She could blame Sloane that she had killed many people, so many innocent people. But there was no one she could point at in her current situation.
“You aren’t my daughter anymore. I feel ashamed. I have never thought that my daughter would be so.....so cheap.”
Stepping inside the bathtub, Sydney slid down slowly. There was nothing to hold on to anymore. Closing her eyes, she felt the tears running down her cheeks. They showed her weakness. And her last coherent thought was about Noah, and him inside of her, invading her. She could have hurt him, but instead she had chosen to hurt herself. Just to get the information. Sydney laughed bitterly, and was startled when she heard the low keening noise that issued from her own throat. Somewhere down on the road of revenge and hatred, she had forgotten that she needed something to fight for.
“And you haven’t only lost your pride and dignity. You have lost your father, you’ve lost the respect of your colleagues, and you’ve lost Vaughn. I know that this will destroy you. You are no good Sydney. Just a stupid little girl that is the downfall for men. It’s a shame that I didn’t realize it sooner.”
And now she sat here, crying in an old and dirty shower, water running, trying to hide the endless path that her tears had drawn. But there was nothing that could make this better. No one to help her, to rescue her. Who would do it anyway? Her father surely despised her. He had been right, so entirely right. She had wanted to do this alone, and now, she was paying for it, sobbing in the shower.
She didn’t dare to think of Vaughn. His screams. And once again, she had been the downfall for another person. Now he would hate her too. Because what should he love about her?
The blaming water still beating down on her, having turned cold long ago; she didn’t even notice when someone entered the room. And suddenly there was a strong but gentle hand on her shoulder. Looking up, her eyes swollen and sobs escaping her mouth, Sydney blinked heavily when she recognized the face of Vaughn.
How I wish I could surrender my soul,
Shed the clothes that become my skin,
See the liar that burns within my needing,
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold
Shaking her head, she tightened the hold of her knees against her chest, and continued to rock back and forth slowly. She didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want to act like he could forgive her and they could turn back time. Turning her face to the right so that she would face the tiled wall, Sydney sobbed a quiet: “Go away.”
“Syd. Let me help you.”
“I’m a bad person. I’ve disappointed you. Everybody hates me Michael. Everybody. How can I live like that?”, she asked him, staring at the soft yellow flower-pattern of the tiles.
“You aren’t a bad person. I’m sorry for what I’ve said,...”
“Don’t”, she stopped him with a fierce voice, her eyes staring straight into his. “Don’t try to make me feel better. I did it. I’m a slut. Don’t try to contradict. Go away. I’m no good. Leave me and this life”, she pleaded desperately with him, sobs interrupting her sentences.
“Sydney....”,
“Please, leave”, she replied before breaking down into more sobs.
Standing beside the tub, watching the crying and broken woman, he thought even about leaving her. It would be easier for him and maybe for her too. If he left her, right here and now, there was a slim chance that he could life a normal life. Without her reckless behavior, without her self destroying actions.....but he would live a life without her. And the fact that this future disturbed him so much was his sign that he couldn’t let her go.
Climbing into the tub, his socks and jeans still on, he ignored the stabbing pain of the cold water that pounded down on him. Soon, the water had drenched his clothes, and tiny drops of the clear liquid were running over his face. She needed an anchor. She needed someone who believed in her. And if he wouldn’t be the person, who then? Thousands of thoughts crossed his mind when he looked at her shaking and fragile form.
Somewhere along the line she had closed her eyes, but it didn’t matter, he could feel her shattered soul more than he could see it. He couldn’t rescue her. But he could try to.
I guess it’s time I run far, far away, find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keep me from trouble,
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain
Dipping his head towards her; he caught Sydney’s lips in a short kiss, their lips barely touching. It was a bold action, and he wasn’t entirely sure if it had been the right thing to do, but his heart and body told him to show her that there was someone that cared for her, even if they fought with each other.
Looking down at her, Vaughn could see her opening her big brown eyes, surprised, her ragged breathing against his wet skin. And this time it was Sydney who leaned into him, mouth claiming his. But it wasn’t passionate, it was sweet and tender, and he could feel her forget about her misery and tears, her body pressing into his. And it was the first time he realized that she was completely naked. Every curve of her beautiful body right in front of his eyes, her breasts pushed against his bare skin.
“We should get you out of here. You’re cold”, he managed to whisper between their kisses, each time more passionately. But she didn’t seem to hear him, or she just ignored his comment. He couldn’t know that she didn’t feel the cold anymore because her body and her mind were numb because of the pain inside her heart – all she wanted now was him.
Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him down with her, until her back hit the hard edge of the tub. She knew that tomorrow a red and angry mark would be marring her pale skin, but she didn’t care about it when she felt his hands rummaging all over body. It all felt so familiar, his hands knowing just the right spots to elicit a moan from her. And she couldn’t wait until he would find her most sensitive spot, a groan escaping her throat when she thought about this. She needed this; she needed him more than anything else. Only he could save her from loosing her mind, and she wasn’t too proud to ask him to help her.
Sneaking her hands between them, she unbuckled his belt quickly, her lips and tongue distracting him from her actions. Her fingers gently grazing the growing bulge, she smiled inwardly when she felt Vaughn grind into her hand. But before she could open the buttons of his jeans, he woke up from this dream and grabbed her wrist.
“Don’t do this Syd”, he pleaded her softly, trying to make her understand that this would only destroy their fragile relationship.
And damn, he surely couldn’t resist her if she asked him to sleep with her. He would be too weak for that. So they locked gazes, and he wasn’t sure, but there was a trace of understanding and regret crossing her features. She nodded shortly, a bit out of breath, and he wondered what a stranger who walked in would see right now. She, completely naked, cheeks flushed and breath ragged, he, only in his wet jeans, hair tousled more than ever and kneeling right in front of her.
Minutes passed before Sydney moved, slowly falling into his open arms. She wanted to question him. Why was he here? Why did he forgive her? How could he forgive her after everything she had done? But she clung on to him desperately, because ‘sometimes it’s better not to question’, she thought before letting herself go.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind
Held memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
He could feel her tears before he heard her cries. Her face pressed into his throat, the tears rolled freely over now heated cheeks. She cried out of despair, rage, fear and sadness. Vaughn didn’t know how long they sat together in the old bathtub, the icy water cascading down onto their bodies, making them shiver even more. He sighed, knowing that their relationship had taken a new turn once again. But he wasn’t sure if he had chosen the right direction for them. Running his hand up and down her bare back, he hoped that he had given her back a bit of hope.
After a while she calmed, her cries softer than before, regaining some of her composure. Pulling away slightly, their eyes met and he could see all the shyness and uncertainty in her brown orbs. And the worst was, he was sure that she just reflected his own feelings. Everything was so new and fresh, but it felt like he had found his place. Beside her. Sheltering her from everything bad. So, he decided to give her an innocent kiss on the forehead, inhaling her scent.
Stepping out of the tub, he turned off the water before bending down and helping her out. He couldn’t withstand not letting his eyes wander briefly over her body, every curve more visible than before. Taking a sharp breath, he only smirked when he noticed Sydney doing the same. Taking one of the white and fluffy towels from the rack, he wrapped it around her shoulders carefully.
It was the kind of awkward situation, where you don’t know what to say or do. So they just stayed silent during the short walk to the bedroom. Slipping under the cool covers, only the moonlight shining through the curtains, Vaughn sat beside her and waited for Sydney to fall asleep. She looked just like an angel to him.
When he was sure that her breathing was even and she was surely asleep, Vaughn stood up to move to the couch. But before he could make one move, the soft voice of Sydney stopped his movements.
“Stay”, she pleaded with him, and even though it was dark, he could see her looking up at him. Sliding beneath the covers, he wondered how his life had changed. How had it gotten so complicated? But when he felt Sydney laying her head on his still wet chest and blowing a soft kiss on his skin, he knew that he wouldn’t want it being any different.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I could save my soul.
I’m so cold from fear.
***
Waking up the next morning, the first thing Sydney felt were two arms encircling her waist and hot breath in her neck. Glancing over her shoulder she could see the sleeping form of Michael Vaughn, and all the memories of the last night came back. Her, crying in the shower and his appearance. Holding, kissing, she wanting to sleep with him.
Turning into a dark shade of red, Sydney realized that she was still naked under the covers that hugged her form. Well he had seen all of her already, so where was the sense in being ashamed right now?
‘And you’ve wanted him to sleep with you’, she thought, embarrassed, slapping herself mentally. This was bad. How could they work together now? She had overstepped the last border yesterday.
Feeling him tightening the grip around her waist, she felt a small grin tugging at her lips. He had overstepped the borders too, Sydney thought, while remembering the kisses they had shared under the shower. Lips, tongues and teeth involved, kissing each other frantically. Those were earth-shattering and soul-destroying kisses. Sometimes gentle and sometimes frantically, as if they were trying to make up for lost time. It was what they had both needed, wanted, and craved for.
“Good morning.” Vaughn’s sleepy voice interrupted her thoughts, and she gasped, surprised. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you”, he added sheepishly, removing his hands from her. Things had changed. In the dark of the night, you can do a lot. But it takes a lot of courage to stay true to your decisions in the harsh light of the day.
“You haven’t....I’m just....You know a bit....”
’What was it about him that made her feel like a teenager?’, Sydney thought while stuttering along.
The corner of his mouth turned up slightly as Vaughn softly responded. “Yeah, I know.” And he knew all of it. All the touches and hopes that were written so clearly in her eyes.
Silence was his only answer, both of them too overwhelmed by last night’s events. But when Vaughn looked around the small and grungy bedroom, the wall-paper torn and dirty, he realized that this wasn’t real life. The woman next to him was dead to everybody. Her father despised them both now, and Noah was still an issue between them. Running a hand over his face as if trying to regain some clarity, Vaughn waited a minute before saying:
“We should talk.”
“About us”, he added in a rush, feeling her stiffen immediately.
“It’s always about us”, she sighed, before turning to face him. Making sure the sheets would cover everything, she propped herself up. He followed her movements so they sat next to each other, and once again, a weird pause separated them. The unspoken words always stood between them.
Taking all of his courage, Vaughn began unsurely:
“Syd, yesterday.....I don’t regret anything I did. What we did. Only that we did it too fast”, he said, his voice coursing with excitement as he struggled to keep his tone even and controlled. They needed to stay emotionless now. It would be better for both of them. But when Vaughn looked in Syd’s direction, he realized that it was useless. How could they stay objective when she was completely naked under the covers, and his thoughts only circled around the kisses they had shared?
“You know that it’s actually hard to talk to you while you’re naked under the covers?” he asked jokingly, and smiled when Sydney blushed immediately.
“It would be a lie if I said that it doesn‘t affect me that you’re sitting right next to me. With no shirt on” she admitted, looking straight into his eyes. And they both could feel the heat rising between them.
“Then I guess I should leave you alone so that you can put some clothes on, and I’ll change in a fresh pair of jeans and a new shirt.” Throwing the covers aside, he walked into the next room and closed the door loudly.
Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes briefly.
“Oh what have I done?”, he scolded himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was Jack Bristow’s daughter. And Jack would kill him if he ever discovered that he had kissed his daughter. He would kill him for fact alone that he had seen Sydney naked.
But god, it had been worth it. He grinned, daring, before grabbing one of his shirts.
A few minutes later, Sydney emerged from the other room and sat silently on her favorite spot on the couch.
After minutes of only staring at each other, Sydney laughed unsurely:
“I think someone should begin to talk, or we’ll stay here forever.”
Nodding fiercely, Vaughn replied a soft: “I know”, before sitting down on the stool in front of her. It was better than to choose the place right next to her, he argued with himself. It was strange that the more they got intimate with another, the more they had problems to speak freely with each other. Shouldn’t intimacy being the complete opposite?
Looking down onto the carpet, Sydney thought about a way to clear the air of the tension. It was hard looking at him right now. And she knew that it wasn’t any easier for him.
“Vaughn,...”, she breathed his name, and he wasn’t sure but it sounded like a sigh to him. “I just want to say that I don’t regret it either. You were there for me, and I should thank you for it. Even when this sounds a bit strange.”
“Don’t thank me for it. It wasn’t very...”
Hands on hips. Her touching him. Tongues intertwined.
“...unpleasant”, he ended, heat flowing through his body. The memories were so lively; it was hard to concentrate when she continued to talk.
“Well, for me too.” A sweet smile was plastered on her face as she lifted her eyes to add softly: “ It sounds weird, but I believe that we have a bond...a special bond between us. I don’t know what to call this” she said, gesturing to the space between Vaughn and herself. “And I don’t know if I should want this.”
This devastated him more than he could have ever thought.
“Syd,...” His heart breaking, he stumbled forward, kneeling in front of her. But she stopped him with a fierce look. And finally he understood. That she was about to confess to him everything, from her darkest secret to her deepest wish. Leaning back, eyes and heart open, he noticed how nervous she seemed.
“Please, let me finish.” Her hands shaking a bit, Vaughn stopped the frantic movements by placing his rougher hands over hers. Surprised, Sydney’s chocolate brown orbs dived right into his eyes, and their gazes remained locked for a few moments before she took a deep breath to continue. It would cost her a lot of strength to tell him everything she felt, and she wasn’t so sure if this would cause him to leave or stay with her. She was daring, she was dangerous, and she knew well enough how to make him believe her words. She even believed that she could convince him to believe all her lies. But this time, it was about truth and it was only fair to tell him all of her life. Even the unpleasant things.
“I am dead.” A lonely tear was creeping over her cheek, a reminder of her crying friends in front of her grave. “And I don’t mean only that the whole world thinks that I’m not among the living anymore. Something inside of me died too. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve lost my life. That’s hard to take and sometimes I think I’m so desperate that I’m not sane anymore, that I’m losing my grip. And it’s difficult for me to admit, but I tend to get attached to people when my life is pure misery. In my youth, I was a very wild teenager, seeking happiness through various relationships. I’m not too proud about this. I’ve changed so much. You, you don’t know the real me. You’ve never seen me interact with other people than my colleagues, you have never seen me laughing, you have never seen the real me. And that’s was causes me sleepless nights. It’s clear why I’m attracted to you, but I’ve no idea what you are seeing in me.” She looked helplessly at him, but he respected her wish not to interrupt her.
My life is stressful, it’s dangerous and it’s unsure. You know that in our business every day could be the last, and it disturbs me that no one would grieve if I should die.” A sob escaped a dry throat, leaving her speechless for a minute.
“Sydney, what are you talking about? You won’t die.”
“But it’s possible. If someone discovers that I’m alive, they will kill me. Without a second thought”, she hissed painfully, fear gripping her heart.
Hands framing her face, Vaughn caught her foggy gaze. “Nothing will happen. You’re secure with me. Nobody knows that you are alive beside a hand full of Agents”, he replied, hoping that she would understand that nothing could happen to her. Even if this would mean that she would believe his lies. Because nothing can be sure in a life like theirs.
“I know, but how long will this last?” she asked, depressed. “You said it yourself that this mission is long-term. And could you live with a life full of waiting? We’ll probably never be able to go out together, to have a normal life, to have children. It breaks my heart to know that maybe my life will be wasted, but I don’t want you to wait forever. And if I let myself fall for you, this life would be even more torturous. Because you would be the only person in my life, and I would get dependent on you. You would have the chance to leave me every day, but I’m stuck in this life. There’s no way for me to escape. And if you leave me too, I couldn’t live with that.”
Tears were now cascading over her face, and she knew that her eyes would be red and the drops would leave ugly spots on her skin, but she didn’t care.
Sitting down next to her, Vaughn softly brushed away the tears with the pads of this thumbs as he whispered: “Sydney, look at me.” And when green met brown, it was painful, and devastated, and desperate.
They could be on this road forever – he knew this. They would probably never live a normal life. But who wants a normal life, if he can have someone like her? He wasn’t even sure if they would live long enough to begin something new together, but as long as they were together, nothing could separate them. With death and false promises on his mind, he assured Sydney in a calm voice:
“We will win and the world will be damned if we can’t bring them down before we’re old and gray. People aren’t spies forever, and I want to believe that we have a chance. But if you haven’t the faith in us, then we shouldn’t even begin this. I am devastated that you slept with Noah, and I can’t forgive you for it fully, I need time. And I think this is the same thing we need – time. After everything that has happened, we have to take it slow. It could hinder our ability to work properly together if we act on our feelings. It’s against the rules too, but waiting isn’t breaking the rules. Hoping isn’t breaking the rules.”
But hope can make you desperate.
“So you’re asking me to break the law?“, she sobbed happily.
And sometimes hope can make you fearless...
“Well, it isn’t like you’ve never broken them anyway.”
...and heroic...
“That’s right”, she nodded fiercely, her hand catching his, and she placed a kiss on his palm.
...and stupid.
Eyes full of love and hope, he dared to ask Sydney: “So what do you say?”
But instead of an answer, she stood up, tears long forgotten, and pulled him with her. “We should begin analyzing the files. The sooner we’re done, the sooner I can begin to hope.”
But most of the time, hope is just the edge of the abyss.
It’s just a matter of time before you fall in.
***
Stay tuned for the next chapters....
Next chaps:
Chapter 27 – The lady is back
Sitting in front of Devlin, Jack’s thoughts were far away. Something wasn’t right. And it wasn’t only the fact that Devlin wanted to speak him immediately–at five o’clock in the morning–it was a feeling. Sounds stupid, but his instinct had never let him down. Taking a sip of the strong black coffee he heard the door open.
“Good morning Jack.“
“Don’t ‘Good-morning‘ me. It’s half past five. Normally I would be sleeping tight at this time. So what happened? And I really hope that it has nothing to do with my daughter and Vaughn.“
When Devlin didn’t answer him, Jack sat up straight, fearing his next question more than the following answer.
“What has happened?“
“Nothing happened Jack.“, his friend assured him, trying to think about a way to tell Jack why he was so worried.
“The analysts have worked all night to translate the data Sydney and Vaughn have brought us.“ Opening the bottom drawer of his writing-desk with a key, Devlin searched through the many files that were stuffed there. A few moments later he pulled a yellow file out of the mess and laid it in front of Jack.
“Site 21. I have circled the name red.“
Flipping the file open hastily, Jack’s eyes flew over the text. The text only consisted of black letters for him. Not important enough for him to read them. The words wouldn’t make sense to him right now.
Finding the marked section, his finger brushed over the letters in a gentle fashion. How could life be so cruel to him?
And before he could say the name aloud, his mind screamed it endlessly.
“This isn’t possible.“
***
“Vaughn.“
“What is it?“, he asked, bewildered, looking up from his stack of files.
Hair held back by a hair grip, Sydney sat cross-legged on the couch, many files and books around her, notebook sitting on her lap. But despite the mess around her, only one sheet of paper seemed to be important right now. It was clenched tightly in her hands, a name marked with a green pen.
Leaving his place at the kitchen table, Vaughn cleaned the untidiness by throwing all of the files that were laying on the couch on the floor.
Looking up surprised, Sydney sent him a disapproving look before asking: “Was that necessary?“
“Hopefully you won’t tell me that you can find a certain file in this mess.“, Vaughn answered, looking around the flat and noticing that they would need hours to clean everything up. Who would have thought that a super-spy like Sydney Bristow could be so disorderly?
Sitting down next to her he added: “Now it’s much better.“
“Well, not everybody is Mister ‘I’m orderliness in person‘.”, Sydney mocked him while gesturing to the neat and organized stack of files next to the computer. A straight line of folders were standing next to the desk with Post-its sticking on each one, showing which files could be found in them. Smirking when she noticed something, Sydney asked:
“By the way, have you ordered the folders after their color?“
Blushing deeply, Vaughn shrugged nonchalantly before replying harshly:
“You wanted something?“
“Yes.“ Realizing that she still held the sheet of paper, Sydney handed it over and showed him the name.
“Irina Derevko.“, Vaughn read aloud, continuing to read silently to see if there would be more information about the woman. Finding nothing, he sighed deeply, glancing at Sydney. She sat there with big eyes and observed his reaction.
“You know her?“, he asked cautiously, grabbing her laptop and opening a new window to search for the name.
“No.“ Hesitating a moment, her forehead wrinkled as if she wanted to remember a specific occasion. “Or yes? I don’t know really.“, Sydney admitted while glancing over Vaughn’s shoulder. “I know the name from somewhere.“
“SD-6 or CIA?“
“Definitely not from my CIA-times. I must be a really bad spy if I can‘t remember a name that I’ve heard only months before. I feel like there’s a weird feeling connected with this name. It’s like a chill down my spine.“ Shuddering slightly, Vaughn laughed at her comment before entering the name.
“You know what’s funny? The name isn’t new for me too. But I have the same problem: like you, I have no idea where I’ve heard it before.”
“Some spies we are.”, Sydney joked lightly.
Their talk was interrupted by the beeping of the computer, and their attentions were peeked. Looking at the monitor, the words “No files found” could be read.
“Hmmm, that’s very interesting.”, Vaughn murmured, before entering another URL into the predestined field. A new window popped open with the KGB logo on top.
“Vaughn.”, Sydney hissed silently, like they weren’t alone in the room and someone could spy on them. “What are you doing? This is the KGB site.”
She followed Vaughn’s movements with her eyes, his fingers flying over the notepad, entering various passwords and user-IDs. Soon, he had hacked in the KGB-database and was searching their mysterious woman.
Turning to face Sydney, Vaughn explained with a calm voice:
“It’s not as it seems. When I was stationed in India, I met a former KGB-Agent who told me how to hack their system. But this will only works once. Marek told me to use it wisely, and so I do.”
“Why did he tell you a way to get into their system? I don’t know many KGB-Agents who would tell me this...voluntarily.”
“I helped him. Don’t ask any further. Or I’ll have to kill you.” Vaughn told her in his best James-Bond-imitation.
Giggling softly, Sydney returned her attention to the notebook, replying a soft: “You wish.”
“Well, well, we have a match.” Scrolling down the page, Vaughn told Sydney to write down a few notes.
“This is very interesting.”
***
“You did what?”, Jack screamed loudly, not daring to ask where they had gotten their information. Devlin and himself had erased all the data about Irina, and now Sydney and Vaughn stood in front of him and told him everything about his own ex-wife. Gulping hard, it cost Jack enormous willpower not to strangle Vaughn during his little speech.
“Irina Derevko is a former member of the KGB and now the head of an organization called ‘The followers of Rambaldi’. It seems like they are a kind of sect, their aim is to realize some kind of prophecy, but we couldn’t find any more information about it. Sydney did research on this Milo Rambaldi, because the name isn’t quite unknown to us.”
This made Jack bolt up straight. Searching in his daughter’s face, he couldn’t find any hint that she remembered. When they remember, they’ll come to you first, he thought, frightened.
He could remember. Everything. The love between them had been so strong. And it was his greatest fear that they would want to relive this. Right now there was no risk, Vaughn hated Sydney for what she had done with Noah Hicks, but what if they got their memory back? A memory full of friendship, love, and passion. The bond between them had been deep and true, it was only his fault that they couldn’t feel it now. With Irina back in their life, it was only a matter of time before they would begin to have dreams and flashbacks. Rubbing his temple, he noticed his daughter taking an aspirin before beginning to share the results of her research.
“Milo Rambaldi was born in 1444 and was educated by monks of the Vespertine order. He was retained privately by Pope Alexander as architect, consultant and prophet. Rambaldi declared that someday, science would allow us to know God. He was excommunicated for heresy, and sentenced to death by flame. His documents and inventions are spread over the whole world. Derevko and her people have been searching for them for years, and their collection is one of the largest known.
We haven’t found a picture of her yet, only a vague description that won’t bring us further. After all, I could be the woman in this description.”, Sydney joked lightly, but her father’s face turned pale as if she had told him about her own death, and Devlin choked on his water, coughing hard. Wondering why they acted so strange, she sat down next to Vaughn, sharing his surprised look.
A short knock could be heard before Weiss entered the room, smiling broadly at the little group of Agents.
“Yes Agent Weiss?”, Devlin asked after he had calmed down, pouring fresh water in his glass.
“We’ve translated the whole data, and I think you would like to know what we have found”, Eric said, nearly jumping up and down because of excitement. This was the biggest progress they’d made until now.
“Spill.”
“The information...” Eric started, but stopped to clear his throat as he heard his voice breaking. “The information about the whereabouts of our Agents in Poland isn’t for Sloane. He is only a middleman. He bought the information for...”
“...Irina Derevko.”, Sydney ended his sentence, but regretted it immediately when she caught Eric’s disappointed look. Sometimes he could be such a child.
“How did you know that?”, Eric pouted, ignoring Sydney’s small smile.
Noticing the weird interaction between his best friend and Sydney, Vaughn answered for her: “Well, we didn’t knew what relation Derevko has with Sloane, but we know that she plays a role in this game. The question is, why? Why does she want the location of our Agents?” Looking around, he wondered once again why Devlin and Jack seemed so...silent and worried. It couldn’t be about Irina Derevko and their progress in this case, could it?
“I would bet it’s about something related with Rambaldi.”, Sydney proposed, scribbling absent-mindedly on her memo pad. Rambaldi, the name sounded so familiar. She was probably wrong, and Sloane had told her about him once.
“But what?”, Vaughn interrupted her with a sharp voice. “Why does she need our Agents? All of them?”
“That’s the 1-million-dollar-question.”
Deep in thoughts, Vaughn leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose. Turning to face Sydney, their gazes connected and realization swept over her. “You know what that means?”, he asked her in a low voice, both of them ignoring the suspicious looks of Jack and Devlin.
Sydney nodded shortly, tears brimming at her lashes, and she scolded herself for being so stupid. He was an Agent like her. And he had been so right. Her emotions were blinding her.
“Would you be so kind as to share your thoughts with us?”, Jack’s cold voice sliced through the air. He couldn’t stand to look at the two anymore. It was something in their eyes that made him frown. Something named, trust and maybe love? But before he could question them both, Sydney replied: “We need to go to Sloane.”
And he didn’t know what disturbed him more. The picture of his daughter going to Sloane, or that Vaughn and Sydney’s gazes remained locked during she talked to him.
“No way. He would kill you.”
Everyone in the room nodded fiercely, the picture of Sydney Bristow dead on the floor in a puddle of blood too clear in front of their eyes.
Breaking their connection, Vaughn stood up to face Devlin and Jack. Hands on the table, he leaned forward, ignoring Sydney’s desperate look.
“Yes.”, Vaughn agreed earnestly, before adding: “But not me.”
***
Chapter 28 – But...?
To let someone in your heart is one of the most difficult decisions you have to make. But to let someone who is already in your heart, go, is so much harder. And Sydney knew that. She hadn’t slept the whole night. Dark shadows under her eyes, her skin colored in a weird shade of grey and her movements sloppy, she went into the CIA-headquarters. Weiss had drove her in his car so that she could be a part of the team that observed Vaughn’s operation from the office. She didn’t like it. No, that was an understatement. She hated the idea of Vaughn sitting across none other than Arvin Sloane. The devil himself.
‘I’ll come with you.‘ Angry. Bitter. An order. The little girl trying to pout her way through life.
‘No, you won’t. It’s too dangerous. He could kill you.‘ Rational. Sensible. Convinced. And damn him if he couldn’t rescue her from herself. Even if it would mean that he couldn’t save himself.
‘You too.‘ Understanding. Hopeless thoughts. The echo of a bullet, the color of blood on her mind. And always his picture. Dead. Tortured. Never returning.
‘That’s a risk I have to take. But I won’t let you come with me. Never.’ Hard. Sure. Him turning away. His love like a intake of breath, brushing over his words.
‘I understand.‘
Soft. Desperate. Tears in her eyes.
That had been their whole argument. He, too proud and caring to let Sydney follow him. She, too proud herself to let him go alone. But he had won. He, and her father, and Devlin, and Eric, and....everybody. Now she could only sit around in this little nasty room and wait for the three words that would kill her instantly.
He is made.
“Hey, Syd. Here is your coffee.“ Weiss handed her a cup of steaming coffee, and watched, satisfied, when she gulped down the brown liquid hastily. She had looked like felgercarb this morning, and there was no question what, or better, who had done this to her. And again he wondered what he should think of their relationship.
Stuffing his travel bag in the trunk of his car, Vaughn felt the need to tell Eric everything. So when he closed the lid of the trunk and leaned against the hot metal of his Mercedes, Vaughn admitted: ‘I think that maybe I’m in love with her ‘, and he nearly tripped over his own words.
‘What?‘ Turning around, Eric searched in his eyes. This must be a joke. This must be a joke. Please let it be a joke. ‘You told me that everything is over. That there was never an “us.” ’
‘I lied to you.’ And this was probably the first true thing Vaughn had told Eric since Sydney Bristow’s appearance in his life.
‘What are you expecting from me?“ Running up and down the sandy street, Weiss sighed deeply. She was a danger. To Vaughn. To himself. To everybody who came near her. Sydney’s decisions had caused Vaughn more pain than necessary. Eyeing his best friend, he could catch a certain glint in his eyes that made Eric frown deeply. He was in love. All this time he had the conjecture, the suspicion, the apprehension that this would happen. ‘I can’t give you the warm ‚She-is-the-best-for-you’-speech you crave for? As much as I want to see you happy.....because I want to see you happy, I can’t say it. That will never be the case.’
Nodding sadly, Vaughn slapped his friend on the shoulder whispering softly: ‘I know. The worst is that I know.’
“Thanks“, Sydney whispered back, blushing when she noticed Eric’s warm-hearted, but cautious look.
“You think I’m not good enough for Vaughn.“ It was more a statement than a question, her eyes fixed on a nonexistent point at the wall. She didn’t have to be a clairvoyant to know this. She could read it in his behavior, his attitude towards her - the way he listened carefully when Vaughn and herself whispered with each other, the way his face hardened when Vaughn would touch her, how he sent his friend warning glances across the table in the conference-room. And she could understand him. She herself had been a ‘best friend’ too. Best friends are a couple that is harder to split than every other relationship based on love. That’s why Sydney felt nervous around him. He had the power to destroy something that was more important to her than her own life. And right now, she just wasn’t sure what Eric really thought of her.
“I never said that.“
Smirking, Sydney glanced at him, understanding written across her face. “Probably not, but you’ve thought it.“ Sending him a nervous look, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He was Vaughn’s best friend, and his word was more than important for him and even for her. If Weiss didn’t approve, the relationship with Vaughn wouldn’t last long.
Sitting down next to her, Weiss sighed deeply. “I don’t think that you are not good enough for Vaughn. Sydney, you are a fascinating woman,..."
She laughed wryly before asking: “But?“ Her whole life seemed to consist of ‘buts’.
“But you will hurt him.“ he stated calmly and earnestly. He wasn’t the funny and nervous Agent anymore, Sydney realized. He was now a friend, a best friend, who only wanted the best for Vaughn. She didn’t have to wait long before Eric continued to talk. And she took all of it. Recognized her lies. Regretted her mistakes.
“You’ve hurt him already, and I don’t know why, but he seems to accept this punishments from you. Don’t try to contradict. I know that you don’t want him to suffer, and I’m sure it’s not your intention...“ Breathing out, he dared to look her in the eyes and understood what Vaughn saw in her. She was beautiful. But beauty can blind you.
“You will destroy him.“ he added, and his voice was so sure and steady, as if he could see into the future. Their future. And it wasn’t a fairy tale. A cold chill ran down her spine when she sat up straight, ignoring his piercing gaze.
“Leave him.“ he demanded, and Sydney‘s head turned around in a sharp movement. “I know you won’t do it for me. We don’t know each other that well.“ Taking her hand in his, Sydney winced in pain. Not because his grip was tighter than necessary, but because of the pain in her heart. “Leave him for his sake.“ he pleaded with her.
Before Sydney could reply one word, a group of Agents stormed in the office. Noticing the couple in front of them, they began making jokes about Weiss and the unknown woman.
“Ah, Eric, you seem to have a girlfriend finally. It’s about time.“ one of them yelled happily, giving Weiss a friendly slap on the shoulder. Much laughter erupted in the room, but nobody seemed to catch the lonely tear gliding across the woman’s cheek.
Breaking their gazes, Weiss stood up before moving to his colleagues.
“This is Brenda Fairchild. She is an analyst from the FBI and will attend our meeting as an outstanding observer.“ he explained briefly and they all seem to accept this simple explanation, nobody asking Sydney any questions. Sighing in relief that she could stay here, the sound of Vaughn’s voice drew her attention away from Weiss and his request. Later, she would have enough time to think about everything. Right now, nothing was more important than Vaughn and his wellbeing.
“Base, phase one was successful.“ he whispered in his comms, loud music and different voices in the background.
“Copy that.“
‘Through Echelon we found out that Sloane will meet tomorrow at 10 o’clock in a club named “The Golden Sin” in New York with one of Irina Derevko’s men. Sloane doesn’t know the identity of the man, but they will recognize each other through a red carnation fastened in the buttonhole.’ Vaughn explained to her every detail of the mission, sensing her uneasiness.
‘What will happen after your arrival at the club?’
‘First, I have to switch places with Irina Derevko’s man. It seems that they will choose him atthe last minute. It won’t be a problem to overtake him.‘
Sending him a disbelieving look, Sydney dared to ask: ‘And then?‘
‘And then I will have a nice little chat with Mister Sloane.’ And this was the answer she had feared.
“I have a visual on Sloane. Phase two beginning. Going radio silent.“
With a loud ‘crack‘ the transmission ended.
Head in her hands, Sydney wondered how this would end.
***
Sloane was sitting at a little round table for two, stirring bored in his martini. Crossing the few meters that separated Vaughn from his target, he didn’t bother to ask before taking a place at the table. The club was really...sinful. It was a sex club, cheaper than anything he had ever seen. None of the sluts was pretty or very attractive, but they did their best to earn some money. With pouting red lips and dark shadowed eyes they stalked, barely clad, around the club, searching for a prey. A few girls were dancing, lonely, on the stage, not really in tune with the loud music that drowned out every word that was spoken. Sometimes one of them tripped over her own feet, and a few men would laugh devilishly, making sick jokes while drinking their beer.
The walls of the club were painted in a deep burgundy, the environment completely held in black. It seemed like the boss of the club wanted to give it an oriental flair, but instead, everything looked torn and grungy. The dim light only showed you what you wanted to see. Nothing more, nothing less. And this was probably for the best.
“You’re surprised that I have chosen this establishment?“ Sloane asked him with a trace of sarcasm.
Noticing one the men vomiting on the stage, and the indistinct smell of alcohol, Vaughn answered calmly: “Well, it wouldn’t have been my first choice.“ Grabbing one of the too young waitresses by her wrist, he ordered vodka.
Cocking an eyebrow, Sloane took a gulp of his martini. It was as dry as him. “I’m surprised that Irina sent me an American.“
“She thought it would please you.“
“That’s true.“ Sloane nodded before adding harshly: “I never liked the Russian language. It’s so hard and without any poetry. We, in contrary are talking in the language of Shakespeare and Hemingway, that’s an honor, don’t you think Mister...?“
“My name isn’t important.“ Vaughn answered, probably a bit too sharply, but a young blond girl interrupted their conversation. Sitting down onto Vaughn’s lap, she smiled broadly at him, her hand on his thigh.
“Hi, I’m Cindy.“ Fingers inching forward, teeth nibbling his earlobe, she giggled girlishly.
“Bye Cindy.“ Vaughn pushed her off of his lap, and in the direction of the bar. Now wasn’t really the time for something like that. Closing his belt that Cindy had somehow managed to open, he shot Sloane a small smirk. It felt weird sitting in front of the man you want to overthrow. The devil himself. He was a slim, sharp-featured man with an emotionless expression and an air of gentle but cruel moral integrity. He would have seemed nice but for the ferocity of his eyes which were sunk deep in their sockets. Those eyes made him look like a man who wouldn’t hesitate tostab you in the back.
Leaning back, Vaughn wondered briefly what Sloane was thinking of him. The man wore an expressionless mask that was impossible to decipher.
When another one of the girls approached them, Sloane reacted fast. Taking a few banknotes out of his money-bag, he stuck it into the silver bra of the woman.
“You’ll get more if you make sure that no one disturbs us anymore.“ he hissed in her ear dangerously. Vaughn couldn’t quite make out the following words, but the look in the crystal-blue eyes of the heiress told him more than necessary. She ran away quickly to the bar, whispering to the other ladies. It isn’t necessary to say that none of them got near them again.
Polishing his glasses, Sloane glanced at Vaughn before saying: “I like you. You aren’t any of Irina‘s stupid little boytoys. We should talk about business. Was she pleased with my work?“
Short answers are the best answers, Vaughn thought before settling on a rushed: “Very.“
“Good, I did everything she wanted me to do. Even if it was a great loss for me.“
And there was a trace of real grief lacing his voice that halted Vaughn in his movements.
“May I ask, what you have lost?“
“Not what, a who.“ Sloane corrected Vaughn before continuing. “One of my best Agents. Sydney Bristow was extraordinary. She was like a daughter to me. It was hard to send her to India and to make sure that she would fall in the hands of the CIA, but Agents Hicks was a very loyal employee when he left her in the lurch without asking a question. I’m very proud of him, he is one of the best Agents I have seen.“
That left Vaughn speechless. Staring into space the words resounded in his ears, wonderment paralyzing him. This hadn’t been a random occurrence? But why? Why had Sloane sent Sydney on this mission when he had fatherly feelings towards her? A wave of questions choked Vaughn, but he couldn’t lose his composure now. Clearing his throat, he locked eyes with Sloane. “That’s true and we are very thankful for your engagement.“
Leaning forward on the table, his folded hands pressed against his mouth, Sloane stared at Vaughn in deep thoughts. “Don’t getme wrong, I am no saint. I did this for purpose. Like you, I am a follower of Rambaldi and Irina is a good friend of mine. But everyone, even my closest friends, have to pay a price for my help.“
“Sure, Sir.“
“I may assume that you’ve gotten the list of the CIA Agents stationed in Poland?“
“Yes.“
Vaughn was sitting on the edge of his stool. Possibly, Sloane would give him all the information he needed. His aim was in reach, Sloane only had to cross the last line. But instead of sharing some information with Vaughn, Sloane presented him with a small smirk, before changing the subject.
“My men told me that various materials have been delivered to Irina’s warehouse in Warsaw. I assume that the building of the machine will begin soon. When will I have the chance to inspect the draft?“
“We don’t know the reason for the meeting. It could be that Sloane wants a date, or information about an encounter with Derevko.” Sydney continued to ramble on, her features darkened with every possibility that busied her mind.
Smirking, Vaughn silenced her with his finger on her lips. “Don’t worry. I have this.”
And even when she could hear his reassuring voice, could see the smile in his eyes, she didn’t feel calm. Mumbling against his skin, she asked:
“What?“
“Take this mobile-phone.“ Taking a black mobile-phone out of his jacket, Vaughn laid the flat object on the table. “Irina will contact you in the next few days.“
After grabbing the flat xobject, Sloane extended his hand. “I guess the meeting is over.“
“It was a pleasure to meet you.“ Shaking his outstretched hand, Vaughn stood up and went out of the dark and smoky club. The beat of the music determined his steps. Calm, cool, collected. He had just talked with the leader of SD-6, one of the biggest criminals worldwide. Calm, cool, collected.
Getting into his car, he waited a moment before switching his comms on. Breathe in, breathe out.
“I have interesting information.“
***
tbc…
Update will be soon. I promise this time
D.
Chapter 27 – The lady is back
Sitting in front of Devlin, Jack’s thoughts were far away. Something wasn’t right. And it wasn’t only the fact that Devlin wanted to speak him immediately–at five o’clock in the morning–it was a feeling. Sounds stupid, but his instinct had never let him down. Taking a sip of the strong black coffee he heard the door open.
“Good morning Jack.“
“Don’t ‘Good-morning‘ me. It’s half past five. Normally I would be sleeping tight at this time. So what happened? And I really hope that it has nothing to do with my daughter and Vaughn.“
When Devlin didn’t answer him, Jack sat up straight, fearing his next question more than the following answer.
“What has happened?“
“Nothing happened Jack.“, his friend assured him, trying to think about a way to tell Jack why he was so worried.
“The analysts have worked all night to translate the data Sydney and Vaughn have brought us.“ Opening the bottom drawer of his writing-desk with a key, Devlin searched through the many files that were stuffed there. A few moments later he pulled a yellow file out of the mess and laid it in front of Jack.
“Site 21. I have circled the name red.“
Flipping the file open hastily, Jack’s eyes flew over the text. The text only consisted of black letters for him. Not important enough for him to read them. The words wouldn’t make sense to him right now.
Finding the marked section, his finger brushed over the letters in a gentle fashion. How could life be so cruel to him?
And before he could say the name aloud, his mind screamed it endlessly.
“This isn’t possible.“
***
“Vaughn.“
“What is it?“, he asked, bewildered, looking up from his stack of files.
Hair held back by a hair grip, Sydney sat cross-legged on the couch, many files and books around her, notebook sitting on her lap. But despite the mess around her, only one sheet of paper seemed to be important right now. It was clenched tightly in her hands, a name marked with a green pen.
Leaving his place at the kitchen table, Vaughn cleaned the untidiness by throwing all of the files that were laying on the couch on the floor.
Looking up surprised, Sydney sent him a disapproving look before asking: “Was that necessary?“
“Hopefully you won’t tell me that you can find a certain file in this mess.“, Vaughn answered, looking around the flat and noticing that they would need hours to clean everything up. Who would have thought that a super-spy like Sydney Bristow could be so disorderly?
Sitting down next to her he added: “Now it’s much better.“
“Well, not everybody is Mister ‘I’m orderliness in person‘.”, Sydney mocked him while gesturing to the neat and organized stack of files next to the computer. A straight line of folders were standing next to the desk with Post-its sticking on each one, showing which files could be found in them. Smirking when she noticed something, Sydney asked:
“By the way, have you ordered the folders after their color?“
Blushing deeply, Vaughn shrugged nonchalantly before replying harshly:
“You wanted something?“
“Yes.“ Realizing that she still held the sheet of paper, Sydney handed it over and showed him the name.
“Irina Derevko.“, Vaughn read aloud, continuing to read silently to see if there would be more information about the woman. Finding nothing, he sighed deeply, glancing at Sydney. She sat there with big eyes and observed his reaction.
“You know her?“, he asked cautiously, grabbing her laptop and opening a new window to search for the name.
“No.“ Hesitating a moment, her forehead wrinkled as if she wanted to remember a specific occasion. “Or yes? I don’t know really.“, Sydney admitted while glancing over Vaughn’s shoulder. “I know the name from somewhere.“
“SD-6 or CIA?“
“Definitely not from my CIA-times. I must be a really bad spy if I can‘t remember a name that I’ve heard only months before. I feel like there’s a weird feeling connected with this name. It’s like a chill down my spine.“ Shuddering slightly, Vaughn laughed at her comment before entering the name.
“You know what’s funny? The name isn’t new for me too. But I have the same problem: like you, I have no idea where I’ve heard it before.”
“Some spies we are.”, Sydney joked lightly.
Their talk was interrupted by the beeping of the computer, and their attentions were peeked. Looking at the monitor, the words “No files found” could be read.
“Hmmm, that’s very interesting.”, Vaughn murmured, before entering another URL into the predestined field. A new window popped open with the KGB logo on top.
“Vaughn.”, Sydney hissed silently, like they weren’t alone in the room and someone could spy on them. “What are you doing? This is the KGB site.”
She followed Vaughn’s movements with her eyes, his fingers flying over the notepad, entering various passwords and user-IDs. Soon, he had hacked in the KGB-database and was searching their mysterious woman.
Turning to face Sydney, Vaughn explained with a calm voice:
“It’s not as it seems. When I was stationed in India, I met a former KGB-Agent who told me how to hack their system. But this will only works once. Marek told me to use it wisely, and so I do.”
“Why did he tell you a way to get into their system? I don’t know many KGB-Agents who would tell me this...voluntarily.”
“I helped him. Don’t ask any further. Or I’ll have to kill you.” Vaughn told her in his best James-Bond-imitation.
Giggling softly, Sydney returned her attention to the notebook, replying a soft: “You wish.”
“Well, well, we have a match.” Scrolling down the page, Vaughn told Sydney to write down a few notes.
“This is very interesting.”
***
“You did what?”, Jack screamed loudly, not daring to ask where they had gotten their information. Devlin and himself had erased all the data about Irina, and now Sydney and Vaughn stood in front of him and told him everything about his own ex-wife. Gulping hard, it cost Jack enormous willpower not to strangle Vaughn during his little speech.
“Irina Derevko is a former member of the KGB and now the head of an organization called ‘The followers of Rambaldi’. It seems like they are a kind of sect, their aim is to realize some kind of prophecy, but we couldn’t find any more information about it. Sydney did research on this Milo Rambaldi, because the name isn’t quite unknown to us.”
This made Jack bolt up straight. Searching in his daughter’s face, he couldn’t find any hint that she remembered. When they remember, they’ll come to you first, he thought, frightened.
He could remember. Everything. The love between them had been so strong. And it was his greatest fear that they would want to relive this. Right now there was no risk, Vaughn hated Sydney for what she had done with Noah Hicks, but what if they got their memory back? A memory full of friendship, love, and passion. The bond between them had been deep and true, it was only his fault that they couldn’t feel it now. With Irina back in their life, it was only a matter of time before they would begin to have dreams and flashbacks. Rubbing his temple, he noticed his daughter taking an aspirin before beginning to share the results of her research.
“Milo Rambaldi was born in 1444 and was educated by monks of the Vespertine order. He was retained privately by Pope Alexander as architect, consultant and prophet. Rambaldi declared that someday, science would allow us to know God. He was excommunicated for heresy, and sentenced to death by flame. His documents and inventions are spread over the whole world. Derevko and her people have been searching for them for years, and their collection is one of the largest known.
We haven’t found a picture of her yet, only a vague description that won’t bring us further. After all, I could be the woman in this description.”, Sydney joked lightly, but her father’s face turned pale as if she had told him about her own death, and Devlin choked on his water, coughing hard. Wondering why they acted so strange, she sat down next to Vaughn, sharing his surprised look.
A short knock could be heard before Weiss entered the room, smiling broadly at the little group of Agents.
“Yes Agent Weiss?”, Devlin asked after he had calmed down, pouring fresh water in his glass.
“We’ve translated the whole data, and I think you would like to know what we have found”, Eric said, nearly jumping up and down because of excitement. This was the biggest progress they’d made until now.
“Spill.”
“The information...” Eric started, but stopped to clear his throat as he heard his voice breaking. “The information about the whereabouts of our Agents in Poland isn’t for Sloane. He is only a middleman. He bought the information for...”
“...Irina Derevko.”, Sydney ended his sentence, but regretted it immediately when she caught Eric’s disappointed look. Sometimes he could be such a child.
“How did you know that?”, Eric pouted, ignoring Sydney’s small smile.
Noticing the weird interaction between his best friend and Sydney, Vaughn answered for her: “Well, we didn’t knew what relation Derevko has with Sloane, but we know that she plays a role in this game. The question is, why? Why does she want the location of our Agents?” Looking around, he wondered once again why Devlin and Jack seemed so...silent and worried. It couldn’t be about Irina Derevko and their progress in this case, could it?
“I would bet it’s about something related with Rambaldi.”, Sydney proposed, scribbling absent-mindedly on her memo pad. Rambaldi, the name sounded so familiar. She was probably wrong, and Sloane had told her about him once.
“But what?”, Vaughn interrupted her with a sharp voice. “Why does she need our Agents? All of them?”
“That’s the 1-million-dollar-question.”
Deep in thoughts, Vaughn leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose. Turning to face Sydney, their gazes connected and realization swept over her. “You know what that means?”, he asked her in a low voice, both of them ignoring the suspicious looks of Jack and Devlin.
Sydney nodded shortly, tears brimming at her lashes, and she scolded herself for being so stupid. He was an Agent like her. And he had been so right. Her emotions were blinding her.
“Would you be so kind as to share your thoughts with us?”, Jack’s cold voice sliced through the air. He couldn’t stand to look at the two anymore. It was something in their eyes that made him frown. Something named, trust and maybe love? But before he could question them both, Sydney replied: “We need to go to Sloane.”
And he didn’t know what disturbed him more. The picture of his daughter going to Sloane, or that Vaughn and Sydney’s gazes remained locked during she talked to him.
“No way. He would kill you.”
Everyone in the room nodded fiercely, the picture of Sydney Bristow dead on the floor in a puddle of blood too clear in front of their eyes.
Breaking their connection, Vaughn stood up to face Devlin and Jack. Hands on the table, he leaned forward, ignoring Sydney’s desperate look.
“Yes.”, Vaughn agreed earnestly, before adding: “But not me.”
***
Chapter 28 – But...?
To let someone in your heart is one of the most difficult decisions you have to make. But to let someone who is already in your heart, go, is so much harder. And Sydney knew that. She hadn’t slept the whole night. Dark shadows under her eyes, her skin colored in a weird shade of grey and her movements sloppy, she went into the CIA-headquarters. Weiss had drove her in his car so that she could be a part of the team that observed Vaughn’s operation from the office. She didn’t like it. No, that was an understatement. She hated the idea of Vaughn sitting across none other than Arvin Sloane. The devil himself.
‘I’ll come with you.‘ Angry. Bitter. An order. The little girl trying to pout her way through life.
‘No, you won’t. It’s too dangerous. He could kill you.‘ Rational. Sensible. Convinced. And damn him if he couldn’t rescue her from herself. Even if it would mean that he couldn’t save himself.
‘You too.‘ Understanding. Hopeless thoughts. The echo of a bullet, the color of blood on her mind. And always his picture. Dead. Tortured. Never returning.
‘That’s a risk I have to take. But I won’t let you come with me. Never.’ Hard. Sure. Him turning away. His love like a intake of breath, brushing over his words.
‘I understand.‘
Soft. Desperate. Tears in her eyes.
That had been their whole argument. He, too proud and caring to let Sydney follow him. She, too proud herself to let him go alone. But he had won. He, and her father, and Devlin, and Eric, and....everybody. Now she could only sit around in this little nasty room and wait for the three words that would kill her instantly.
He is made.
“Hey, Syd. Here is your coffee.“ Weiss handed her a cup of steaming coffee, and watched, satisfied, when she gulped down the brown liquid hastily. She had looked like felgercarb this morning, and there was no question what, or better, who had done this to her. And again he wondered what he should think of their relationship.
Stuffing his travel bag in the trunk of his car, Vaughn felt the need to tell Eric everything. So when he closed the lid of the trunk and leaned against the hot metal of his Mercedes, Vaughn admitted: ‘I think that maybe I’m in love with her ‘, and he nearly tripped over his own words.
‘What?‘ Turning around, Eric searched in his eyes. This must be a joke. This must be a joke. Please let it be a joke. ‘You told me that everything is over. That there was never an “us.” ’
‘I lied to you.’ And this was probably the first true thing Vaughn had told Eric since Sydney Bristow’s appearance in his life.
‘What are you expecting from me?“ Running up and down the sandy street, Weiss sighed deeply. She was a danger. To Vaughn. To himself. To everybody who came near her. Sydney’s decisions had caused Vaughn more pain than necessary. Eyeing his best friend, he could catch a certain glint in his eyes that made Eric frown deeply. He was in love. All this time he had the conjecture, the suspicion, the apprehension that this would happen. ‘I can’t give you the warm ‚She-is-the-best-for-you’-speech you crave for? As much as I want to see you happy.....because I want to see you happy, I can’t say it. That will never be the case.’
Nodding sadly, Vaughn slapped his friend on the shoulder whispering softly: ‘I know. The worst is that I know.’
“Thanks“, Sydney whispered back, blushing when she noticed Eric’s warm-hearted, but cautious look.
“You think I’m not good enough for Vaughn.“ It was more a statement than a question, her eyes fixed on a nonexistent point at the wall. She didn’t have to be a clairvoyant to know this. She could read it in his behavior, his attitude towards her - the way he listened carefully when Vaughn and herself whispered with each other, the way his face hardened when Vaughn would touch her, how he sent his friend warning glances across the table in the conference-room. And she could understand him. She herself had been a ‘best friend’ too. Best friends are a couple that is harder to split than every other relationship based on love. That’s why Sydney felt nervous around him. He had the power to destroy something that was more important to her than her own life. And right now, she just wasn’t sure what Eric really thought of her.
“I never said that.“
Smirking, Sydney glanced at him, understanding written across her face. “Probably not, but you’ve thought it.“ Sending him a nervous look, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He was Vaughn’s best friend, and his word was more than important for him and even for her. If Weiss didn’t approve, the relationship with Vaughn wouldn’t last long.
Sitting down next to her, Weiss sighed deeply. “I don’t think that you are not good enough for Vaughn. Sydney, you are a fascinating woman,..."
She laughed wryly before asking: “But?“ Her whole life seemed to consist of ‘buts’.
“But you will hurt him.“ he stated calmly and earnestly. He wasn’t the funny and nervous Agent anymore, Sydney realized. He was now a friend, a best friend, who only wanted the best for Vaughn. She didn’t have to wait long before Eric continued to talk. And she took all of it. Recognized her lies. Regretted her mistakes.
“You’ve hurt him already, and I don’t know why, but he seems to accept this punishments from you. Don’t try to contradict. I know that you don’t want him to suffer, and I’m sure it’s not your intention...“ Breathing out, he dared to look her in the eyes and understood what Vaughn saw in her. She was beautiful. But beauty can blind you.
“You will destroy him.“ he added, and his voice was so sure and steady, as if he could see into the future. Their future. And it wasn’t a fairy tale. A cold chill ran down her spine when she sat up straight, ignoring his piercing gaze.
“Leave him.“ he demanded, and Sydney‘s head turned around in a sharp movement. “I know you won’t do it for me. We don’t know each other that well.“ Taking her hand in his, Sydney winced in pain. Not because his grip was tighter than necessary, but because of the pain in her heart. “Leave him for his sake.“ he pleaded with her.
Before Sydney could reply one word, a group of Agents stormed in the office. Noticing the couple in front of them, they began making jokes about Weiss and the unknown woman.
“Ah, Eric, you seem to have a girlfriend finally. It’s about time.“ one of them yelled happily, giving Weiss a friendly slap on the shoulder. Much laughter erupted in the room, but nobody seemed to catch the lonely tear gliding across the woman’s cheek.
Breaking their gazes, Weiss stood up before moving to his colleagues.
“This is Brenda Fairchild. She is an analyst from the FBI and will attend our meeting as an outstanding observer.“ he explained briefly and they all seem to accept this simple explanation, nobody asking Sydney any questions. Sighing in relief that she could stay here, the sound of Vaughn’s voice drew her attention away from Weiss and his request. Later, she would have enough time to think about everything. Right now, nothing was more important than Vaughn and his wellbeing.
“Base, phase one was successful.“ he whispered in his comms, loud music and different voices in the background.
“Copy that.“
‘Through Echelon we found out that Sloane will meet tomorrow at 10 o’clock in a club named “The Golden Sin” in New York with one of Irina Derevko’s men. Sloane doesn’t know the identity of the man, but they will recognize each other through a red carnation fastened in the buttonhole.’ Vaughn explained to her every detail of the mission, sensing her uneasiness.
‘What will happen after your arrival at the club?’
‘First, I have to switch places with Irina Derevko’s man. It seems that they will choose him atthe last minute. It won’t be a problem to overtake him.‘
Sending him a disbelieving look, Sydney dared to ask: ‘And then?‘
‘And then I will have a nice little chat with Mister Sloane.’ And this was the answer she had feared.
“I have a visual on Sloane. Phase two beginning. Going radio silent.“
With a loud ‘crack‘ the transmission ended.
Head in her hands, Sydney wondered how this would end.
***
Sloane was sitting at a little round table for two, stirring bored in his martini. Crossing the few meters that separated Vaughn from his target, he didn’t bother to ask before taking a place at the table. The club was really...sinful. It was a sex club, cheaper than anything he had ever seen. None of the sluts was pretty or very attractive, but they did their best to earn some money. With pouting red lips and dark shadowed eyes they stalked, barely clad, around the club, searching for a prey. A few girls were dancing, lonely, on the stage, not really in tune with the loud music that drowned out every word that was spoken. Sometimes one of them tripped over her own feet, and a few men would laugh devilishly, making sick jokes while drinking their beer.
The walls of the club were painted in a deep burgundy, the environment completely held in black. It seemed like the boss of the club wanted to give it an oriental flair, but instead, everything looked torn and grungy. The dim light only showed you what you wanted to see. Nothing more, nothing less. And this was probably for the best.
“You’re surprised that I have chosen this establishment?“ Sloane asked him with a trace of sarcasm.
Noticing one the men vomiting on the stage, and the indistinct smell of alcohol, Vaughn answered calmly: “Well, it wouldn’t have been my first choice.“ Grabbing one of the too young waitresses by her wrist, he ordered vodka.
Cocking an eyebrow, Sloane took a gulp of his martini. It was as dry as him. “I’m surprised that Irina sent me an American.“
“She thought it would please you.“
“That’s true.“ Sloane nodded before adding harshly: “I never liked the Russian language. It’s so hard and without any poetry. We, in contrary are talking in the language of Shakespeare and Hemingway, that’s an honor, don’t you think Mister...?“
“My name isn’t important.“ Vaughn answered, probably a bit too sharply, but a young blond girl interrupted their conversation. Sitting down onto Vaughn’s lap, she smiled broadly at him, her hand on his thigh.
“Hi, I’m Cindy.“ Fingers inching forward, teeth nibbling his earlobe, she giggled girlishly.
“Bye Cindy.“ Vaughn pushed her off of his lap, and in the direction of the bar. Now wasn’t really the time for something like that. Closing his belt that Cindy had somehow managed to open, he shot Sloane a small smirk. It felt weird sitting in front of the man you want to overthrow. The devil himself. He was a slim, sharp-featured man with an emotionless expression and an air of gentle but cruel moral integrity. He would have seemed nice but for the ferocity of his eyes which were sunk deep in their sockets. Those eyes made him look like a man who wouldn’t hesitate tostab you in the back.
Leaning back, Vaughn wondered briefly what Sloane was thinking of him. The man wore an expressionless mask that was impossible to decipher.
When another one of the girls approached them, Sloane reacted fast. Taking a few banknotes out of his money-bag, he stuck it into the silver bra of the woman.
“You’ll get more if you make sure that no one disturbs us anymore.“ he hissed in her ear dangerously. Vaughn couldn’t quite make out the following words, but the look in the crystal-blue eyes of the heiress told him more than necessary. She ran away quickly to the bar, whispering to the other ladies. It isn’t necessary to say that none of them got near them again.
Polishing his glasses, Sloane glanced at Vaughn before saying: “I like you. You aren’t any of Irina‘s stupid little boytoys. We should talk about business. Was she pleased with my work?“
Short answers are the best answers, Vaughn thought before settling on a rushed: “Very.“
“Good, I did everything she wanted me to do. Even if it was a great loss for me.“
And there was a trace of real grief lacing his voice that halted Vaughn in his movements.
“May I ask, what you have lost?“
“Not what, a who.“ Sloane corrected Vaughn before continuing. “One of my best Agents. Sydney Bristow was extraordinary. She was like a daughter to me. It was hard to send her to India and to make sure that she would fall in the hands of the CIA, but Agents Hicks was a very loyal employee when he left her in the lurch without asking a question. I’m very proud of him, he is one of the best Agents I have seen.“
That left Vaughn speechless. Staring into space the words resounded in his ears, wonderment paralyzing him. This hadn’t been a random occurrence? But why? Why had Sloane sent Sydney on this mission when he had fatherly feelings towards her? A wave of questions choked Vaughn, but he couldn’t lose his composure now. Clearing his throat, he locked eyes with Sloane. “That’s true and we are very thankful for your engagement.“
Leaning forward on the table, his folded hands pressed against his mouth, Sloane stared at Vaughn in deep thoughts. “Don’t getme wrong, I am no saint. I did this for purpose. Like you, I am a follower of Rambaldi and Irina is a good friend of mine. But everyone, even my closest friends, have to pay a price for my help.“
“Sure, Sir.“
“I may assume that you’ve gotten the list of the CIA Agents stationed in Poland?“
“Yes.“
Vaughn was sitting on the edge of his stool. Possibly, Sloane would give him all the information he needed. His aim was in reach, Sloane only had to cross the last line. But instead of sharing some information with Vaughn, Sloane presented him with a small smirk, before changing the subject.
“My men told me that various materials have been delivered to Irina’s warehouse in Warsaw. I assume that the building of the machine will begin soon. When will I have the chance to inspect the draft?“
“We don’t know the reason for the meeting. It could be that Sloane wants a date, or information about an encounter with Derevko.” Sydney continued to ramble on, her features darkened with every possibility that busied her mind.
Smirking, Vaughn silenced her with his finger on her lips. “Don’t worry. I have this.”
And even when she could hear his reassuring voice, could see the smile in his eyes, she didn’t feel calm. Mumbling against his skin, she asked:
“What?“
“Take this mobile-phone.“ Taking a black mobile-phone out of his jacket, Vaughn laid the flat object on the table. “Irina will contact you in the next few days.“
After grabbing the flat xobject, Sloane extended his hand. “I guess the meeting is over.“
“It was a pleasure to meet you.“ Shaking his outstretched hand, Vaughn stood up and went out of the dark and smoky club. The beat of the music determined his steps. Calm, cool, collected. He had just talked with the leader of SD-6, one of the biggest criminals worldwide. Calm, cool, collected.
Getting into his car, he waited a moment before switching his comms on. Breathe in, breathe out.
“I have interesting information.“
***
tbc…
Update will be soon. I promise this time
D.
fox_canada
Cadet
yeah.. that was an awsome update.. thanks.. keeps getting better and better.. but syd and vaughn have got to figure it out soon..
wow..all I can say is wow, lol. All those chapters totally makes up for the time I spent pining for an update I was really hoping this wouldn't end up being an abandoned fic. But it wasn't! *does happy dance*
something like that just had to happen just as Syd and Vaughn realize they have feeling for each other... 
This part made me so happy! Vaughn hadn't given up on her! That entire scene was so cute and romantic and hot all at the same time..
I really hope Sydney doesn't listen to Weiss. It's great that he wants the best for his friend, but he should see that Sydney makes him happy, and vice versa. Sydney leaving vaughn would destroy him more than staying with him ever could.
So once again, thanks for an awsome update! Can't wait to read more!
I was really hoping this wouldn't end up being an abandoned fic. But it wasn't! *does happy dance*This part just broke my heart.
something like that just had to happen just as Syd and Vaughn realize they have feeling for each other... I loved that line, too. Really funny in a dry humor kind of way
Well, of course they love each other! It's because of his love for her that made him hate her at that point. *swoons*
This part made me so happy! Vaughn hadn't given up on her! That entire scene was so cute and romantic and hot all at the same time.. I really hope Sydney doesn't listen to Weiss.
It's great that he wants the best for his friend, but he should see that Sydney makes him happy, and vice versa. Sydney leaving vaughn would destroy him more than staying with him ever could. So once again, thanks for an awsome update! Can't wait to read more!
derevkointraining
Cadet
wow!!!
great updates!!!
thanks for the PM!
great updates!!!
thanks for the PM!
scullymulder1234
Cadet
Woah....interesting....GREAT (fantastic, wonderful, incredible) job...I love it....and can't wait for the next update!
Chicketepee
Cadet
wow very long update
i luved it
syd n vaughn r kinda together agan
n wiess is being a good protective friend
i really hope that syd n vaughn remember soon
thanks for the pm
can't wait for more
thanks
luv Chicketepee :seehearspeak:
i luved it
syd n vaughn r kinda together agan
n wiess is being a good protective friend
i really hope that syd n vaughn remember soon
thanks for the pm
can't wait for more
thanks
luv Chicketepee :seehearspeak: