Taken

Hello! I'm new here and this is my first fic, so bear with me. Comments are greatly appreciated. I invented this story, but I did not invent the characters--except for the baby they all belong to J.J. Abrams and the other Alias people. It's about Sydney and Vaughn after seasons three and four, and what happens to bring them closer together. Hope it doesn't suck too bad :smiley:

~Chapter One~
Sydney Bristow was lying in bed, wearing a white hospital gown. Her bare stomach stuck out like a big balloon, and there was a strange sort of television screen above her head. The doctor loomed above her, holding the ultrasound tool like a weapon as he plastered clear goo over her huge stomach. Her fiance' Micheal Vaughn stood beside the bed, holding Sydney's hand. Vaughn was happy and exited over Sydney being pregnant. Both he and the doctor were smiling, and neither seemed to notice that Sydney was not.

Sydney felt sick. This was the fourth time this week that she had woken up just in time to run to the bathroom and puke. Her stomach was the size of a basketball, and her back and shoulders were sore. She felt like a bug being pinned down while some creepy scientist touched her with alarming metal tools.

Vaughn squeezed Sydney's hand and grinned at her, and she had to smile back. She had to admit that his enthusiasm was catching.

It wasn't that she hated being pregnant. She loved it, in fact. Feeling the baby grow inside her, knowing that half it's genes were hers and half were Vaughn's, and it wouldn't be long before she would be lying here in the same hospital with the baby in her arms instead of her belly. It was a beautiful thing, pregnancy.

But physically, it was hell. Sydney felt fat and nasueated most the time, and when she didn't, she was tired and irritable. It didn't help that she could no longer be the kick-ass woman agent she once was. She had been banished to the sidelines, because anywhere else would mean danger to her baby.

"Sydney, look!" said Vaughn, and Sydney turned to the T.V. What she saw was an almost unrecognizable fuzzy gray shap against a fuzzy black backround. What the hell is that?

"This is the baby's head, right up here," said the doctor. He pointed to a round, big shape near the top. "And this..." he motioned to a smaller, less distinct shape under the head, "is what looks like the heartbeat."

Sydney stared at the T.V. There's my baby, she thought, and suddenly she was smiling. There's my baby.

"There's our baby," she said to Vaughn, and smiled sincerely for the first time that day.

Vaughn squeezed her hand again and smiled back. "Do you...can you see what it...is?"

The doctor studied the screen. "I'm thinking girl, but it's hard to tell for sure."

A girl! Sydney and Vaughn smiled at each other again, like two lovesick fools. Both of them had been hoping for a daughter. Were they getting their wish?

"Look, she's moving," said Sydney. And it was true. The little gray fetus was shifting to the side a little, so that it was almost facing them. Both soon-to-be parents felt a wave of affection at this tiny being, the little human that they had created together. Soon she would be a child that they could hold and love. Neither could hardly wait.

Sydney looked at her baby, then down at her stomach. Well, here I am, she thought. Seven months pregnant and I look it. But it wasn't such a bad thing.

If only she knew what was coming.

* * *

Sydney and Vaughn were driving home from the hospital, cheerful and unsuspecting. Vaughn sat back, rested his hand on the wheel, and smiled at the woman he loved most. She was so beautiful, even when pregnant, her soft brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and her face glowing, her cheeks dimpling every time she smiled. Now she was going to have his baby. They would start a family together before they even had time to marry.

The car cruised along to the intersection. It didn't take long for the light to turn green. As they drove forward, Sydney turned to look at Vaughn---and saw a small black car coming right at them from the side. It was speeding, it was right there, the headlights blazing. "Vaughn!" Sydney screamed. The car crashed into them, and Vaughns window shattered as their car went spinning to the side. Another black car pulled sharply in front of them as their car stopped. Sydney heard shouting. The next second, gunshots exploded into the air, and bullets pelted the window. "Get down!" screamed Vaughn. He had only one thing on his mind---protect Sydney. He yanked her down and tried to cover her with his body as bullets whizzed over their heads.

They heard footsteps. Someone yelled, "Get out of the car!" A second later the car door was being yanked open, and Vaughn and Sydney blinked in the bright sunlight.
 
i like it. ..and it doesn´'t suck!!!
it´s emotional
action is not missing
and it looks like there might be some angst
:D :D :D
please pm when you update
suzy
 
Great story! I thought you chose a great storyline to write your first fan fiction story on. I liked how it started as an innocent story of Sydney and Vaughn as a family, and ending with a cliffhanger. It was a great way to help build the suspense. Some things I would suggest, from the point of view of a reader, involves some of the analogies you chose to use in your story. For example, comparing her stomach to the size of a basketball. I thought that although you conveyed the point that she is pregnant, I felt it was somewhat redundant seeing as you already had compared her stomach to a “big balloon.” I also thought that your word choice in this analogy did not fit with the rest of the overtone of your story. I thought you captured the character’s personalities and values well especially describing Vaughn as one to protect and shield Sydney from the gunfire. I think your ability to accurately portray the characters will help you create future solid fan fiction stories so please continue writing! Overall I thought your story was great and I hope you post another chapter because I’d like to see where you’re going with your story. And again, well written story for your first time!
 
Please don’t take offense to my comments b/c I don’t want it to seem like I am some random person who just wants to criticize people’s work. My university writing class asks us to post comments on fan fiction stories we have read and I thought your story would be interesting to read considering it is your first fan fiction story.
 
ooh pm me too please.... i keep scanning the page in hope that more will appear, i really want to know what happens, and it doesnt suck at all!!! have more confidence in yourself and keep writing xxx
 
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