SydneyAnneVaughn
Cadet
okay, i've decided to stop holding out on everyone. i've got the first 3 chapters written already, put i'll just post the first chap to see what everyone thinks. this is basically a continuation of You right where chapter 15 left off, but it uses Kelly Clarkson lyrics instead of Evanescence ones. if you'd like to read You, you can do so HERE
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Because Of You</span>
By: SydneyAnneVaughn – Eva (me)
Rating: PG-13. Certain future chapters will have individual warnings of content.
Ship: Syd/Vaughn
Background: S3, AU - Sequel to You.
Summary: Sark says she was just a mission. What will Sydney do from here?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Alias. Also, I don't condone or endorse any actions portrayed in this fic except for falling in love.
Chapter 1
Listen to "Because Of You"
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
--Kelly Clarkson – “Because Of You”--
“I was just a mission.” I said.
Everything that had begun just a few short weeks ago had completely shattered my once happy existence. Here I was, sobbing in Vaughn’s arms because Julian Sark said that sleeping with me was just another mission. I begun to wonder why it killed me so much, but my thoughts were interrupted by Vaughn kissing my forehead.
“Ssh. Syd, it’s okay. I’m here.” He said, rubbing small circles in my back. I continued crying until Weiss came in.
“Syd, what happened back there?” he asked.
“He…he said I was just a mission.” I replied, trying to make sense of the words.
“Well, you roughed him up pretty bad for that. He’s got a broken nose, a broken finger, and he’s pretty bruised up.” He said. I saw Vaughn snicker out of the corner of my eye, but he quickly stopped when he realized this wasn’t the moment for that.
“The bastard deserved it.” I said coldly. I wasn’t about to let myself cry over Julian Sark again.
“If you say so.” Weiss replied, walking quietly over to his desk.
I looked up and saw Julian being dragged through the main room of the rotunda, most likely on his way to a cell. I looked at him coldly, and the look in his eyes was laughing at me with every step he took. I hated this. I hated him. I hated myself for ever getting involved with him.
Kendall came over to chastise me for pummeling Sark, but I wouldn’t hear it. I simply got up, grabbed my filecase, and left. I walked out the front door, just wanting to get away from everything. My phone rang a few minutes into my walk to nowhere, and I looked at the ID. Seeing it was Vaughn, I quickly answered.
“Hey.” I said.
“Want some company?” he asked.
“No, that’s okay. I think I just need to take a walk and clear my head. The past few weeks have been way too stressful for me.” I replied.
“Okay. Do whatever you have to.” He said.
“Alright. I’ll be back home around 5:00 or so.” I said.
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you baby.”
“I love you too. Bye.” I said, hanging up.
I thought of Vaughn and this whole thing with Julian just made me feel worse. Here I was, in a wonderful relationship with Vaughn, and I’m obsessing over something Julian said about a night that should’ve never happened in the firstplace.
But did he mean it about that night or the whole time we were together? Did he mean my days as Julia Thorne too? I had so many questions, but I had to walk away before I came back into this world of insanity. I had to separate myself for a moment so I could breathe again and not think about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed man that drives me to madness.
I walked around the nearby park for a good 45 minutes before deciding to pay a visit to Julian in his new home. I walked back into the rotunda, going past the first floor guards. They quickly let me in, and I kept walking until I found the cell my mother was once held in before she died. However, I didn’t see my mother there; Julian was sitting on the floor with his head against the hard, stone wall.
“We need to talk.” I said angrily, feeling myself float back into the world of insanity.
“We did plenty of talking in the interrogation room. What makes you think I have any more to say to you?” he spat.
“You said I was just a mission, Julian! How do you think it feels to spend almost a year with someone to be called ‘just a mission’?” I shouted.
“It feels about the way I feel now.” He retorted.
“Julian, you were not just a mission with me. The meeting we were supposed to have about you defecting was just a mission. And I’ll have you know that Kendall wants my ass on a platter for not having that meeting.” I said, pausing briefly, “For those 8 months that we worked together, I actually had feelings for you, and when we kissed, it wasn’t because the CIA wanted me to. It was because I wanted to.”
“Then why’d you leave?” he asked sadly.
“Because you knew better than anyone that it was only a matter of time before I went back to Vaughn. Julian, I love him. He’s been there for me from the beginning. He was my handler when I was a double agent for SD-6, he helped me take them down, and he risked his life and his career to keep me safe.” I said, pausing again, feeling tears run down my cheeks, “I love him.”
Julian just scoffed and looked away. I knew I’d hurt him more than the broken nose, broken pinky, and scattered bruises I left him with earlier. We’d worked together for a long time, but I never knew that he felt like he did for me.
“Julian, did you ever love me?” I asked.
“I loved the person you used to be.” He spat angrily, still looking away.
“I guess I can say the same. I loved the sweet and caring person you used to be, but you’re not him anymore. Now, you’re nothing but a ruthless monster.” I said, turning and walking away.
I went to the elevator, hitting the 3rd floor button and returning to a lesser level of insanity. I saw Vaughn sitting at his desk, his face a mix of sadness and anger. I knew he wanted to kill Sark for what he’d said to me, but my concern over that very same sentence was killing him inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sydney had been crying into my arms for a good 15 minutes when Kendall came over to chastise her for her interrogation techniques. She didn’t listen to a single word, choosing to instead get up and leave. I watched her go without a word. I sat at my desk for a few minutes before picking up my cell and calling her to make sure she was okay. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Hey.” She said.
“Want some company?” I asked.
“No, that’s okay. I think I just need to take a walk and clear my head. The past few weeks have been way too stressful for me.” She replied.
“Okay. Do whatever you have to.” I said, not wanting to leave her alone right now.
“Alright. I’ll be back home around 5:00 or so.” She said.
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you baby.” I replied.
“I love you too. Bye.” She said, hanging up.
I could still hear a twinge of sadness in her voice when she was talking to me, but I knew it was best to leave her alone to think. I knew she needed to walk away from everything so she could get away from the madness of it all, if only for an hour or so.
I busied myself with reports and other work for the next 30 minutes or so before stopping to think about the earlier situation. Syd seemed so broken over Sark calling her ‘just a mission’ and it killed me to think of why she’d feel that way. Was she really in love with him? Does our relationship mean as much to her?
The questions stopped to give way to my anger. How could he say something like that to her? How could he betray someone like Sydney? Why’d he have to hurt her like this? I sat at my desk with a million questions floating through my head before Sydney came back in. She looked as sad as when she left, so I knew she’d gone to talk to Sark. She came immediately over to my desk, collapsing to the floor at my feet in a fit of tears. I pulled her up into my arms and let her cry into my chest, just as she’d done many times before.
“Ssh. Baby, it’s alright.” I said, gently rubbing her back. I decided that it was time for me to take her home.
“Come on sweetheart, let’s go home.” I said. She just nodded and pulled herself to her feet.
I could see she was trying to stifle her tears, but it wasn’t working very well. She just shoved her face into my chest and continued to cry. I knew it would be a long time before she’d stop crying, so I picked her up and carried her down to the parking garage.
and with this, i have yet another fic to work on. lol. i hope you guys liked it! please R/R and feel free to give constructive criticism. i can use all the help i get. ^_^
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Because Of You</span>
By: SydneyAnneVaughn – Eva (me)
Rating: PG-13. Certain future chapters will have individual warnings of content.
Ship: Syd/Vaughn
Background: S3, AU - Sequel to You.
Summary: Sark says she was just a mission. What will Sydney do from here?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Alias. Also, I don't condone or endorse any actions portrayed in this fic except for falling in love.
Chapter 1
Listen to "Because Of You"
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
--Kelly Clarkson – “Because Of You”--
“I was just a mission.” I said.
Everything that had begun just a few short weeks ago had completely shattered my once happy existence. Here I was, sobbing in Vaughn’s arms because Julian Sark said that sleeping with me was just another mission. I begun to wonder why it killed me so much, but my thoughts were interrupted by Vaughn kissing my forehead.
“Ssh. Syd, it’s okay. I’m here.” He said, rubbing small circles in my back. I continued crying until Weiss came in.
“Syd, what happened back there?” he asked.
“He…he said I was just a mission.” I replied, trying to make sense of the words.
“Well, you roughed him up pretty bad for that. He’s got a broken nose, a broken finger, and he’s pretty bruised up.” He said. I saw Vaughn snicker out of the corner of my eye, but he quickly stopped when he realized this wasn’t the moment for that.
“The bastard deserved it.” I said coldly. I wasn’t about to let myself cry over Julian Sark again.
“If you say so.” Weiss replied, walking quietly over to his desk.
I looked up and saw Julian being dragged through the main room of the rotunda, most likely on his way to a cell. I looked at him coldly, and the look in his eyes was laughing at me with every step he took. I hated this. I hated him. I hated myself for ever getting involved with him.
Kendall came over to chastise me for pummeling Sark, but I wouldn’t hear it. I simply got up, grabbed my filecase, and left. I walked out the front door, just wanting to get away from everything. My phone rang a few minutes into my walk to nowhere, and I looked at the ID. Seeing it was Vaughn, I quickly answered.
“Hey.” I said.
“Want some company?” he asked.
“No, that’s okay. I think I just need to take a walk and clear my head. The past few weeks have been way too stressful for me.” I replied.
“Okay. Do whatever you have to.” He said.
“Alright. I’ll be back home around 5:00 or so.” I said.
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you baby.”
“I love you too. Bye.” I said, hanging up.
I thought of Vaughn and this whole thing with Julian just made me feel worse. Here I was, in a wonderful relationship with Vaughn, and I’m obsessing over something Julian said about a night that should’ve never happened in the firstplace.
But did he mean it about that night or the whole time we were together? Did he mean my days as Julia Thorne too? I had so many questions, but I had to walk away before I came back into this world of insanity. I had to separate myself for a moment so I could breathe again and not think about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed man that drives me to madness.
I walked around the nearby park for a good 45 minutes before deciding to pay a visit to Julian in his new home. I walked back into the rotunda, going past the first floor guards. They quickly let me in, and I kept walking until I found the cell my mother was once held in before she died. However, I didn’t see my mother there; Julian was sitting on the floor with his head against the hard, stone wall.
“We need to talk.” I said angrily, feeling myself float back into the world of insanity.
“We did plenty of talking in the interrogation room. What makes you think I have any more to say to you?” he spat.
“You said I was just a mission, Julian! How do you think it feels to spend almost a year with someone to be called ‘just a mission’?” I shouted.
“It feels about the way I feel now.” He retorted.
“Julian, you were not just a mission with me. The meeting we were supposed to have about you defecting was just a mission. And I’ll have you know that Kendall wants my ass on a platter for not having that meeting.” I said, pausing briefly, “For those 8 months that we worked together, I actually had feelings for you, and when we kissed, it wasn’t because the CIA wanted me to. It was because I wanted to.”
“Then why’d you leave?” he asked sadly.
“Because you knew better than anyone that it was only a matter of time before I went back to Vaughn. Julian, I love him. He’s been there for me from the beginning. He was my handler when I was a double agent for SD-6, he helped me take them down, and he risked his life and his career to keep me safe.” I said, pausing again, feeling tears run down my cheeks, “I love him.”
Julian just scoffed and looked away. I knew I’d hurt him more than the broken nose, broken pinky, and scattered bruises I left him with earlier. We’d worked together for a long time, but I never knew that he felt like he did for me.
“Julian, did you ever love me?” I asked.
“I loved the person you used to be.” He spat angrily, still looking away.
“I guess I can say the same. I loved the sweet and caring person you used to be, but you’re not him anymore. Now, you’re nothing but a ruthless monster.” I said, turning and walking away.
I went to the elevator, hitting the 3rd floor button and returning to a lesser level of insanity. I saw Vaughn sitting at his desk, his face a mix of sadness and anger. I knew he wanted to kill Sark for what he’d said to me, but my concern over that very same sentence was killing him inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sydney had been crying into my arms for a good 15 minutes when Kendall came over to chastise her for her interrogation techniques. She didn’t listen to a single word, choosing to instead get up and leave. I watched her go without a word. I sat at my desk for a few minutes before picking up my cell and calling her to make sure she was okay. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Hey.” She said.
“Want some company?” I asked.
“No, that’s okay. I think I just need to take a walk and clear my head. The past few weeks have been way too stressful for me.” She replied.
“Okay. Do whatever you have to.” I said, not wanting to leave her alone right now.
“Alright. I’ll be back home around 5:00 or so.” She said.
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you baby.” I replied.
“I love you too. Bye.” She said, hanging up.
I could still hear a twinge of sadness in her voice when she was talking to me, but I knew it was best to leave her alone to think. I knew she needed to walk away from everything so she could get away from the madness of it all, if only for an hour or so.
I busied myself with reports and other work for the next 30 minutes or so before stopping to think about the earlier situation. Syd seemed so broken over Sark calling her ‘just a mission’ and it killed me to think of why she’d feel that way. Was she really in love with him? Does our relationship mean as much to her?
The questions stopped to give way to my anger. How could he say something like that to her? How could he betray someone like Sydney? Why’d he have to hurt her like this? I sat at my desk with a million questions floating through my head before Sydney came back in. She looked as sad as when she left, so I knew she’d gone to talk to Sark. She came immediately over to my desk, collapsing to the floor at my feet in a fit of tears. I pulled her up into my arms and let her cry into my chest, just as she’d done many times before.
“Ssh. Baby, it’s alright.” I said, gently rubbing her back. I decided that it was time for me to take her home.
“Come on sweetheart, let’s go home.” I said. She just nodded and pulled herself to her feet.
I could see she was trying to stifle her tears, but it wasn’t working very well. She just shoved her face into my chest and continued to cry. I knew it would be a long time before she’d stop crying, so I picked her up and carried her down to the parking garage.
and with this, i have yet another fic to work on. lol. i hope you guys liked it! please R/R and feel free to give constructive criticism. i can use all the help i get. ^_^
