by hellow formerly dialectical and recently undone
Crisis Of Conscience
[Charlie has been suicidal after nearly going into the sea with the Clair's baby as the series showed]
The doctor looked back at Charlie after attending to his hurt
face. He went back again. He just kept looking out to sea.
"I-," he stopped. Charlie just kept looking at nothing. The doctor
kept looking back.
"That's one sorry man." Said sawyer.
"Yes, Clair keeps watching him."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing."
"Jin and his wife tried talking to her. Nothing."
"It's not good when people get quiet like that." He saw Hurley.
"Hurley, come on Dude, ya gotta keep trying." Hurley shrugged his
shoulders. She went by him motion him to follow.
"Enjoying that?"
"Yes, I'd like to see Hurley get something outa this island. He's
really a kinda innocent type. Just needs encouragement."
"Wish you were like that?"
"Innocent, ya, got something in my brain that keeps nagging at me.
At my conscience."
"Know the feeling."
"Doc,"
"I don't know, they both won't talk to anyone."
"Locke, what's the story?"
"Nope, she's not talking. Baby's so quiet you'd think she understood
what happened."
"What did happen?", asked Jin.
"He said, What did happen?", repeated his wife.
Locke spoke,
"Drugs affect one's thinking. I saw it in people when I was younger.
It disrupts reason."
"I've noticed that as a doctor. Normal pathways of transmission,
altered by drugs are blocked. They trick the brain so that even after
a person stops, the same processes of thought one had while on drugs
continue."
Kate,
"So, he still thinks like he's on drugs."
"Yes."
"That explains the paranoia,' Said Anna, "I've seen many a stoner,
they can see cops come through solid walls." They all laughed.
But Charlie wasn't laughing. He could have drowned the baby.
He was not even sure why he did it. The minister could have baptized
him.
"Could I baptize her myself? Just wanted to dunk my head lifting her
above the water. Just wanted her to go to heaven before I..."
He started to write a poem. As he was writing he remembered a
song from the collection of old records his Uncle had left him. It
was a song by the rock band Transtasis. He loved the older bands.
He told Hurley,
"They could play epics, they wouldn't let us play like that. Today
they want short songs, but epics, man, its like reading a novel when
you listen to their material. Its like Mahler or Sibelius."
He thought of the lyrics, he was feeling so down from what happened
before. And Clair.
"She does't love me. I...love her," he started to wipe the tears from
his eyes. He started to sing the lyrics, '
Finally a new day born
Waiting for her soon not forlorn
Together in time beyond to infinity
Here is our home no longer stranded alone*
He did not think anyone was there, Michael had asked what he was doing.
"Writing a song." And he left. However Clair was behind him, she wanted
to speak but didn't. Clair's face was angry but closed her eyes,
turned and left.
" 'Wait here ...' ". He thought of the guitar at the beginning of
the finale. He loved the guitarist's work. "Imagine, a single note from
this guy and you start to cry." He was sorry for the fire. He was sorry
for taking the baby. "Clair must hate me now. The looks on their faces
They all hate me." He felt like the loneliest man on the island. And he
wrote:
When at last I am at rest
And my bones are gently laid
I will not see what gives unrest
Faithful tears fall in the grave
But I will rise to hear their calls
The Lord himself will save
My voice again heard by all
The Lord himself they'll praise
Finally, he felt such disdain for what he did he wrote a
suicide note to Clair:
"Clair,
I know I've hurt you
honestly, I love the baby,
I love the you. But I can't go on
without..I, your not with me.
You didn't tell me you
you didn't love me but I know it.
Now, there is no point. I've
thrown my chances away.
So I am going to the edge of the
cliff...you know where.
Farewell,
Charlie.
He was crying. He left the note in the baby's crib when she
wasn't looking.
Locke saw him,
"Charlie, look, we're just worried about the baby, its not you
--we didn't know what you were doing."
"Dude," said Hurley.
"Charlie," said Kate.
"Leave him alone," said Sawyer. "He'll come out of it."
Jin and his wife asked where he was going.
Saayd just watched.
It was morning and the Minister thought it would be a good idea
to give a memorial for the dead on the island.
"I want to remind everyone of what we have lost, maybe, that will
bring him to his senses."
"That's a good idea," said the policewoman. It will give a
reality check about the sanctity of life. You can't go into
rough water with a baby."
Clair was still silent, she watched him walk up the hill side.
She looked at Kate and Sawyer who went to the baby.
"Char...," she said but only wispered it.
"Char...," she tried again. She followed as far as the start of
the path but stopped. She turned back.
Sawyer said to Kate,
"Man, aint love a..."
Hurley,
"I'm getting bummed out man."
His girlfriend hooked her arm around him without realizing it.
"Atta boy!", said Sawyer quietly.
Kate looked at him and smiled.
"Isn't love a...I thought you said you were never in love."
"Na, just said that cause I didn't want to talk about it."
Jin argued with his wife about going up to Carlie.
"No," she said, "No one interferred with us."
"Come on," he said hurriedly, "with his mind set, who knows. I
don't think he's going to look at the sea up there."
The Other with the beard went by. He wondered about Walt.
Just before he went by he watched in silence as Michael and
Saayd followed Charlie. They wanted to keep an eye on him.
Meanwhile, Charlie was moving slowly. He remembered all the
fans he had met in his life. Images of people getting his autograph.
Kate and Sawyer, Hurley, they all had been at his concerts. Now he
remembered where he saw Locke, putting boxes away in a truck with
some of the roadies talking to him. That's where I knew them from."
Having dinner at posh hotels. Women following him. His fall
out with his brother.
All the synopsis for movies, tv, ideas for concerts he came up
with that someone said he didn't write. In order to prove he did
come up with ideas...he wrote down which ones influence these
projects, then he could not find what he wrote after searching
for hours. Then they had it in for him
thinking he was a conartist. The avalanch of criticism for it. With
all that pressure compromised himself and said he didn't write
afterall.
For that material he said,
He never received anything for it --"art is a gift from God, it has all
been for free."
The fall out over a drug overdose that nearly killed an investor,
a friend of his, which he got the blame for. The drugs he bought
contained something lethal the chemist had accidentally put into it.
Someone made a threat by email using his name he would kidnap the baby
of the investor.
After that all the rumours, even his brother denounced him.
Then everyone hated him. Magazine and tabloids, internet sites, showed
him in every unflattering way. Hate messages showed up in his email.
There was someone who defended him who he was very grateful to.
Realizing it was all slipping away from him he wrote:
I have let the work of my mind drop through
as if in my hands amber holding in its golden
grip diamonds melted onto a floor full of
holes leading to some depth where they
are irretrievable...
They took his name out of all the credits.
At that point in time he went to the highway, near an overpass
bridge at night. Watching the lights on the trucks; bright stars
flashing by. Putting his foot in front ready to run into their path.
He wanted to die.
No one was going to pray for him like every man woman and child in
the world praying for saving from Armeggedon. Or for the astronauts
when it was feared they would not make it back to earth from an early
mission.
He could see the plane falling, everyone desparately trying
to hang on. Everyone falling in the air people, grasping at imaginary
ropes. Babies and children falling crying screaming. After falling
it was like a scene from a war. Burning, he felt the sea on fire.
The gas smell even in the water. The severed bodies, the blood,
liquified flesh burning.
Oil, he remembered swiming through blackness
his eyes full of it, oil and floating debris. The hurt
moaning souls praying. He remembered the Doctor pulling bodies out;
he remembered Clair holding the baby above the water. The people
lying there gasping holding their heads. One man had to cut somebody's
arm off to free it from the death grip around his neck. That
person may or may not have been dead.
He felt all alone. He was at the gates Of hell,
his mind was all delirium!
His anger, his then unforgiving hate. The plane crash. And, now,
without the love of Clair. Way down there...
His foot pushed some of the rocks that fell far without a sound.
Michael saw him go up and went back to get Clair. Hurley
and Saayd knew what was going on.
They all went up to get him. Clair left the
baby with Anna. She raced so fast she fell.
Fog has come down upon them. Wind blows as it blows
Each group of them is seen as the wind momentarily
clears to show them then blows fog back so they are
unable to be seen. ]
Locke and the Doctor on one side of the path. Kate and Sawyer on
the other. They were not sure that if he saw them he would jump.
Charlie asked God:
"Do you love me still or do you...? Have you cut me out?"
Anna came up slowly, gave the baby to Clair. Charlie
steadied himself about to jump. Jin's wife put her hand to
mouth, he held her. Locke held his forehead, Hurley put his arm
around him. Kate and Sawyer both bit their lips. Michael and
Saayd were ready to grab him. The suspense was unbearable.
He thought about all the faces on the plane, the band, his
parents, his first kiss. Those eyes in his eyes turned into the
baby's then into Clair's.
The baby cried. He turned around. She just glowered at him.
She tried not to cry.
"What!, but you don't love me!"
Clair just stared at him. Then at the edge. She walked away,
turning a few times as she went. She wanted to speak, opened her
mouth. As she turned to walk she cried, tears falling on the
baby's forehead.
[The main cast is in front of Eko, the rest to the side
fog has rolled in covering the hill down to just before
the path]
Eko began his sermont with a prayer. Then he stopped.
"I am not really a minis-."
He was stopped by the doctor.
"We know."
Locke spoke,
"No one else was interested in the cargo or it's occupant."
"It's not what you thi-."
"Dude," said Hurley, "doesn't it say he sent out people two by
two. We're they wearing black?"
Eko replied,
"Everyone who believes is to preach. And he spoke:
"My friends, we are gathered here to remember
those who passed from our eyes..."
Meanwhile, they were all looking back for Charlie. Clair
found the note. Locke read it aloud. They all kept looking back
to where out of the fog he would be coming from.
"It is better to go to the house of mourning
than the house of feasting..."
Clair kept looking back. She felt weak, Hugo tookthe baby,
his girl was beside him.
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their
eyes; and there shall be no more death, nor
sorrow..."
Kate and Sawyer looked at each other, so did Jin and his wife.
"I am the resurrection and the life..."
The Doctor and Anna looked at Clair. Locke put his hands on
Saayd's shoulders.
"he that believeth on me...."
Clair kept looking back, she remembered the song Charlie
had been singing. It was in her father's collection. There was a
lull before the finale of the song.
Now everyone was getting worried. Clair started to cry. They
all started to cry.
"Maybe Charlie...," Hugo started to say.
In the brush, unseen, was the bearded Other, Walt was with him.
He began to feel guilty for taking the youngster.
"Come on Charlie," Clair said under her breath.
Sawyer got that angry, anguished look in his eyes.
"and whosoever believeth and believeth in me
shall never die...."
Clair could hear the melancholy guitar start in her mind when Charlie
appeared out of the fog. She started to think the lyrics 'Soon,...I will
wait..."
Sawyer broke down and fell to his knees.
Walt appeared. Michael covered him with a hug.
[Sawyer flashes back to the man he killed]
Sawyer drops down to all fours and
shook and cried. Kate fell with him.
The Minister fell to his knees and held Sawyer's head
and pulled him up to eye level.
"Eko..."
"He who...," he could barely speak his mouth was
trembling...
"He who loves little
is forgiven little."
Sawyer put his forehead to Eko's closed his eyes and
cried.
Clair stared at him. Carlie fell to his knees.
"Forgive?", he said wispering, "I wish we were home."
Jin spoke, his wife went to interpret but Hugo said
"Dude, you are home."
Charlie could barely see her for the tears.
She could barely see him for the tears.
[The shot looks up at her through mist and
down at him through mist]
He stretched his hand out to her. She took it and held it
She remembered the last line of the song she knew so well:
"longer stranded alone."
[In the last shot, only the two are seen, he on his knees
she standing holding his hand. Then Locke, smiling
looking up at the sky, it was a beautiful day. Then
back to the two, he hugging her knees then looking up at
her.]
Crisis Of Conscience
[Charlie has been suicidal after nearly going into the sea with the Clair's baby as the series showed]
The doctor looked back at Charlie after attending to his hurt
face. He went back again. He just kept looking out to sea.
"I-," he stopped. Charlie just kept looking at nothing. The doctor
kept looking back.
"That's one sorry man." Said sawyer.
"Yes, Clair keeps watching him."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing."
"Jin and his wife tried talking to her. Nothing."
"It's not good when people get quiet like that." He saw Hurley.
"Hurley, come on Dude, ya gotta keep trying." Hurley shrugged his
shoulders. She went by him motion him to follow.
"Enjoying that?"
"Yes, I'd like to see Hurley get something outa this island. He's
really a kinda innocent type. Just needs encouragement."
"Wish you were like that?"
"Innocent, ya, got something in my brain that keeps nagging at me.
At my conscience."
"Know the feeling."
"Doc,"
"I don't know, they both won't talk to anyone."
"Locke, what's the story?"
"Nope, she's not talking. Baby's so quiet you'd think she understood
what happened."
"What did happen?", asked Jin.
"He said, What did happen?", repeated his wife.
Locke spoke,
"Drugs affect one's thinking. I saw it in people when I was younger.
It disrupts reason."
"I've noticed that as a doctor. Normal pathways of transmission,
altered by drugs are blocked. They trick the brain so that even after
a person stops, the same processes of thought one had while on drugs
continue."
Kate,
"So, he still thinks like he's on drugs."
"Yes."
"That explains the paranoia,' Said Anna, "I've seen many a stoner,
they can see cops come through solid walls." They all laughed.
But Charlie wasn't laughing. He could have drowned the baby.
He was not even sure why he did it. The minister could have baptized
him.
"Could I baptize her myself? Just wanted to dunk my head lifting her
above the water. Just wanted her to go to heaven before I..."
He started to write a poem. As he was writing he remembered a
song from the collection of old records his Uncle had left him. It
was a song by the rock band Transtasis. He loved the older bands.
He told Hurley,
"They could play epics, they wouldn't let us play like that. Today
they want short songs, but epics, man, its like reading a novel when
you listen to their material. Its like Mahler or Sibelius."
He thought of the lyrics, he was feeling so down from what happened
before. And Clair.
"She does't love me. I...love her," he started to wipe the tears from
his eyes. He started to sing the lyrics, '
Finally a new day born
Waiting for her soon not forlorn
Together in time beyond to infinity
Here is our home no longer stranded alone*
He did not think anyone was there, Michael had asked what he was doing.
"Writing a song." And he left. However Clair was behind him, she wanted
to speak but didn't. Clair's face was angry but closed her eyes,
turned and left.
" 'Wait here ...' ". He thought of the guitar at the beginning of
the finale. He loved the guitarist's work. "Imagine, a single note from
this guy and you start to cry." He was sorry for the fire. He was sorry
for taking the baby. "Clair must hate me now. The looks on their faces
They all hate me." He felt like the loneliest man on the island. And he
wrote:
When at last I am at rest
And my bones are gently laid
I will not see what gives unrest
Faithful tears fall in the grave
But I will rise to hear their calls
The Lord himself will save
My voice again heard by all
The Lord himself they'll praise
Finally, he felt such disdain for what he did he wrote a
suicide note to Clair:
"Clair,
I know I've hurt you
honestly, I love the baby,
I love the you. But I can't go on
without..I, your not with me.
You didn't tell me you
you didn't love me but I know it.
Now, there is no point. I've
thrown my chances away.
So I am going to the edge of the
cliff...you know where.
Farewell,
Charlie.
He was crying. He left the note in the baby's crib when she
wasn't looking.
Locke saw him,
"Charlie, look, we're just worried about the baby, its not you
--we didn't know what you were doing."
"Dude," said Hurley.
"Charlie," said Kate.
"Leave him alone," said Sawyer. "He'll come out of it."
Jin and his wife asked where he was going.
Saayd just watched.
It was morning and the Minister thought it would be a good idea
to give a memorial for the dead on the island.
"I want to remind everyone of what we have lost, maybe, that will
bring him to his senses."
"That's a good idea," said the policewoman. It will give a
reality check about the sanctity of life. You can't go into
rough water with a baby."
Clair was still silent, she watched him walk up the hill side.
She looked at Kate and Sawyer who went to the baby.
"Char...," she said but only wispered it.
"Char...," she tried again. She followed as far as the start of
the path but stopped. She turned back.
Sawyer said to Kate,
"Man, aint love a..."
Hurley,
"I'm getting bummed out man."
His girlfriend hooked her arm around him without realizing it.
"Atta boy!", said Sawyer quietly.
Kate looked at him and smiled.
"Isn't love a...I thought you said you were never in love."
"Na, just said that cause I didn't want to talk about it."
Jin argued with his wife about going up to Carlie.
"No," she said, "No one interferred with us."
"Come on," he said hurriedly, "with his mind set, who knows. I
don't think he's going to look at the sea up there."
The Other with the beard went by. He wondered about Walt.
Just before he went by he watched in silence as Michael and
Saayd followed Charlie. They wanted to keep an eye on him.
Meanwhile, Charlie was moving slowly. He remembered all the
fans he had met in his life. Images of people getting his autograph.
Kate and Sawyer, Hurley, they all had been at his concerts. Now he
remembered where he saw Locke, putting boxes away in a truck with
some of the roadies talking to him. That's where I knew them from."
Having dinner at posh hotels. Women following him. His fall
out with his brother.
All the synopsis for movies, tv, ideas for concerts he came up
with that someone said he didn't write. In order to prove he did
come up with ideas...he wrote down which ones influence these
projects, then he could not find what he wrote after searching
for hours. Then they had it in for him
thinking he was a conartist. The avalanch of criticism for it. With
all that pressure compromised himself and said he didn't write
afterall.
For that material he said,
He never received anything for it --"art is a gift from God, it has all
been for free."
The fall out over a drug overdose that nearly killed an investor,
a friend of his, which he got the blame for. The drugs he bought
contained something lethal the chemist had accidentally put into it.
Someone made a threat by email using his name he would kidnap the baby
of the investor.
After that all the rumours, even his brother denounced him.
Then everyone hated him. Magazine and tabloids, internet sites, showed
him in every unflattering way. Hate messages showed up in his email.
There was someone who defended him who he was very grateful to.
Realizing it was all slipping away from him he wrote:
I have let the work of my mind drop through
as if in my hands amber holding in its golden
grip diamonds melted onto a floor full of
holes leading to some depth where they
are irretrievable...
They took his name out of all the credits.
At that point in time he went to the highway, near an overpass
bridge at night. Watching the lights on the trucks; bright stars
flashing by. Putting his foot in front ready to run into their path.
He wanted to die.
No one was going to pray for him like every man woman and child in
the world praying for saving from Armeggedon. Or for the astronauts
when it was feared they would not make it back to earth from an early
mission.
He could see the plane falling, everyone desparately trying
to hang on. Everyone falling in the air people, grasping at imaginary
ropes. Babies and children falling crying screaming. After falling
it was like a scene from a war. Burning, he felt the sea on fire.
The gas smell even in the water. The severed bodies, the blood,
liquified flesh burning.
Oil, he remembered swiming through blackness
his eyes full of it, oil and floating debris. The hurt
moaning souls praying. He remembered the Doctor pulling bodies out;
he remembered Clair holding the baby above the water. The people
lying there gasping holding their heads. One man had to cut somebody's
arm off to free it from the death grip around his neck. That
person may or may not have been dead.
He felt all alone. He was at the gates Of hell,
his mind was all delirium!
His anger, his then unforgiving hate. The plane crash. And, now,
without the love of Clair. Way down there...
His foot pushed some of the rocks that fell far without a sound.
Michael saw him go up and went back to get Clair. Hurley
and Saayd knew what was going on.
They all went up to get him. Clair left the
baby with Anna. She raced so fast she fell.
Fog has come down upon them. Wind blows as it blows
Each group of them is seen as the wind momentarily
clears to show them then blows fog back so they are
unable to be seen. ]
Locke and the Doctor on one side of the path. Kate and Sawyer on
the other. They were not sure that if he saw them he would jump.
Charlie asked God:
"Do you love me still or do you...? Have you cut me out?"
Anna came up slowly, gave the baby to Clair. Charlie
steadied himself about to jump. Jin's wife put her hand to
mouth, he held her. Locke held his forehead, Hurley put his arm
around him. Kate and Sawyer both bit their lips. Michael and
Saayd were ready to grab him. The suspense was unbearable.
He thought about all the faces on the plane, the band, his
parents, his first kiss. Those eyes in his eyes turned into the
baby's then into Clair's.
The baby cried. He turned around. She just glowered at him.
She tried not to cry.
"What!, but you don't love me!"
Clair just stared at him. Then at the edge. She walked away,
turning a few times as she went. She wanted to speak, opened her
mouth. As she turned to walk she cried, tears falling on the
baby's forehead.
[The main cast is in front of Eko, the rest to the side
fog has rolled in covering the hill down to just before
the path]
Eko began his sermont with a prayer. Then he stopped.
"I am not really a minis-."
He was stopped by the doctor.
"We know."
Locke spoke,
"No one else was interested in the cargo or it's occupant."
"It's not what you thi-."
"Dude," said Hurley, "doesn't it say he sent out people two by
two. We're they wearing black?"
Eko replied,
"Everyone who believes is to preach. And he spoke:
"My friends, we are gathered here to remember
those who passed from our eyes..."
Meanwhile, they were all looking back for Charlie. Clair
found the note. Locke read it aloud. They all kept looking back
to where out of the fog he would be coming from.
"It is better to go to the house of mourning
than the house of feasting..."
Clair kept looking back. She felt weak, Hugo tookthe baby,
his girl was beside him.
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their
eyes; and there shall be no more death, nor
sorrow..."
Kate and Sawyer looked at each other, so did Jin and his wife.
"I am the resurrection and the life..."
The Doctor and Anna looked at Clair. Locke put his hands on
Saayd's shoulders.
"he that believeth on me...."
Clair kept looking back, she remembered the song Charlie
had been singing. It was in her father's collection. There was a
lull before the finale of the song.
Now everyone was getting worried. Clair started to cry. They
all started to cry.
"Maybe Charlie...," Hugo started to say.
In the brush, unseen, was the bearded Other, Walt was with him.
He began to feel guilty for taking the youngster.
"Come on Charlie," Clair said under her breath.
Sawyer got that angry, anguished look in his eyes.
"and whosoever believeth and believeth in me
shall never die...."
Clair could hear the melancholy guitar start in her mind when Charlie
appeared out of the fog. She started to think the lyrics 'Soon,...I will
wait..."
Sawyer broke down and fell to his knees.
Walt appeared. Michael covered him with a hug.
[Sawyer flashes back to the man he killed]
Sawyer drops down to all fours and
shook and cried. Kate fell with him.
The Minister fell to his knees and held Sawyer's head
and pulled him up to eye level.
"Eko..."
"He who...," he could barely speak his mouth was
trembling...
"He who loves little
is forgiven little."
Sawyer put his forehead to Eko's closed his eyes and
cried.
Clair stared at him. Carlie fell to his knees.
"Forgive?", he said wispering, "I wish we were home."
Jin spoke, his wife went to interpret but Hugo said
"Dude, you are home."
Charlie could barely see her for the tears.
She could barely see him for the tears.
[The shot looks up at her through mist and
down at him through mist]
He stretched his hand out to her. She took it and held it
She remembered the last line of the song she knew so well:
"longer stranded alone."
[In the last shot, only the two are seen, he on his knees
she standing holding his hand. Then Locke, smiling
looking up at the sky, it was a beautiful day. Then
back to the two, he hugging her knees then looking up at
her.]
