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Grey

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by GeoGirl, Jan 21, 2003.

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  1. GeoGirl

    GeoGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Grey
    By GeoGirl


    Disclaimers: I own nothing of Alias or Dave Mathews Band, but am borrowing from both, temporarily.
    Distribution: Cover Me, Fanfiction.net and all those who ask.

    A/N: I never thought I’d do a songfic, but this one just made me write it down. Let me know the good, bad and ugly. Will POV.


    She moves in shadows as her life has ceased to be black and white. Just shades of grey, fading in and out, coating the surface and cloaking the heart. I wonder to be her, to hold that grey in my arms and try to give it coherence and shape. But she is the deceiver and I have been deceived and I cannot complain, for I still have presence in my black and white life. I must keep wary of the grey.

    Oh look at how she listens
    She says nothing of what she thinks
    She just goes stumbling through her memories
    Staring out on to Grey Street


    So she sits there telling me how she feels, that it’s a gesture of love to deceive her friends. I wonder how long it took her to make that assessment. How long has she been deceiving Francie and me? Does she know that this deception hurts her in so many ways? I see the pieces missing now--now that I know what to look for. Does she realize these pieces are even gone?

    She thinks, “Hey,
    How did I come to this?
    I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
    But I can’t get out of this place”


    She looks to the door and the color drains from her face as she struggles to swallow her wine. Her skin is now ashen grey.

    “What?” I ask. What has caused her to shut down? Then she gets this smile on her face. It’s the face she uses to mask her true feelings. I hate that smile. I once was the recipient of that smile. For as much as I love this woman, I hate that smile.

    We turn and see Michael Vaughn and a blonde woman walk into the bar. This is not good. Sydney and Michael in the same room; they cannot be seen together. But then Sydney stands and begins to talk. Looking at the scene in front of me, I begin to understand. A dim light now illuminates the corners of her heart, and I see.

    I see another piece of her breaking. How could I have been so naive? How could I not have seen and felt? The one thing I had always hoped for belongs to these two, and it’s killing them both. Fading into the shadows to grey.

    There’s an emptiness inside her
    And she’d do anything to fill it in
    But all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart


    I look at them interact and wonder how I missed it before. They have this communication between them without saying a word. Their eyes say it all, and I feel the heat between them.

    How she wishes it was different
    She prays to God most every night
    And though she swears it doesn’t listen
    There’s still a hope in her it might


    And she looks at me with helplessness and hopelessness and defeat, and I look at him. He is her mirror because I see it in him too. I concoct a way to remove her from the scene. It came so easy, the lie. Am I becoming grey too? I put my arm around her and guide her to the door. She gives him a backward glance and I want to scream. I want to shake them both and run away. I want to take her in my arms and convince her that he is wrong and I am right. I want to bring her back from the shadows.

    She becomes complacent and it scares me. I guide her to the car and drive. She just stares out the window ; I know because I can see her reflection there. I have never seen her look so sad. I turn up the radio to break the silence, because it is breaking me. I wonder how often this happens. Does she retreat every time she sees him? And I want to hate him, for he has the one thing that I want and will never have. I am filled with envy for this man, my friend. And it makes me even angrier that he cannot have her, not yet.

    She says, “I pray
    But they fall on deaf ears,
    Am I supposed to take it on myself?
    To get out of this place”


    We head west to the ocean; I don’t know why, but it feels right. The sun is lowering into the sea, creating such brilliant, ethereal colors. I want to show her the colors. I want her to see in color again. Is that so wrong? I want to give her something that he cannot, if only for the moment. I look over, and she has noticed where I’m going. Slowly she turns to me and sighs. Her head rests on my shoulder and I feel tears through my shirt. We’re almost there, Sydney. Hang on and look to the light. See the colors and resist the grey.

    There’s loneliness inside her
    And she’d do anything to fill it in
    And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
    It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
    When all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart


    Even before I put the car in park, she’s out the door and walking toward the sand. Her eyes never leave the sunset as her hands reach down and take off her boots and socks. Her toes sink into the sand and she continues walking to the sun, face raised to the warmth. I struggle to get my shoes off and catch up with her, and just before I reach out to touch her, she sinks to the sand with a sob.

    Questions run through my brain. I want to ask, but know I shouldn’t. How long have you loved him? How long has he been in love with you? Who was Alice? Why?

    I put my arm around her and she leans into my shoulder and cries. Rarely have I seen her break down and I can barely stand it. I know I must remain, because I’m the only one who she’d let see her like this right now. Francie could never understand because she doesn’t know about the CIA or SD-6 or Michael Vaughn. And now that I’ve seen her break, I wish I didn’t, either.

    There’s a stranger speaks outside her door
    Says take what you can from your dreams
    Make them as real as anything
    It’d take the work out of the courage


    I hold her and want to curse the heavens for giving her this life. Why should she be the one to take on Sloane and Sark and all the evil that is out there? Why was she chosen to be the silent protector of good? Why does she have to deal with crazy Asian dentists and Russian security guards and machine guns pointed at Jack and her mother? Why, of all the people in the world, do I have to love this amazing, strong, broken person?

    But she says, “Please
    There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door,
    I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”


    I know that I am a poor substitute for Michael, but right now she needs a set of arms to comfort her. I know she wishes it as him holding her. From the last look he gave her as we headed out of the bar, he wishes the same thing. But he cannot come to her, and here I am, and I will be a martyr and give all that I have to her, because she needs it. I envy him, because one day he will receive instead of give. He will bask in the wonderfulness that is Sydney, as I never could. He’ll be able to touch her and receive that smile that I love. And I want to hate him.

    There’s an emptiness inside her
    And she’d do anything to fill it in
    And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
    It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart


    How many times a day does she think of getting out? Does she still dream that one day this will all be over? That her grey life of shadows and delusion will some day be black and white. White house with black shutters and a white picket fence. Flowers of every hue in the garden. Does a black sedan cruising the street creep into her dreams as it now does mine? I wonder if she’s stopped dreaming and has come to accept the grey; it seems she has and that pierces my heart.

    I wonder about those pieces of her heart missing or broken. Can he give her what I want; can he be her salvation and savior? Can he remove the grey? And because I love her, I truly hope so.

    She feels like kicking out all the windows
    And setting fire to this life
    She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
    But all the colors mix together - to grey
    And it breaks her heart
    It breaks her heart
    To grey
    Grey Street - Dave Mathews Band
     
  2. freelancer

    freelancer Captain

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2002
    WOW!!!! That was some great fan-fic, GeoGirl!! You're a great writer, really put into words what Will could be thinking. ANd I loved how you used DMB, they are one of my fave bands!!!!!!!! They are really good, and they're JG's fave band, too. Once again, good job, I look forward to more from you!!!!!

    (y) (y)

    P.S.-I will be posting some fan-fic soon, please read and comment. Oh, and it's not The Proclamation, in case you read that one :shamefullyembarrased: It's different, and hopefully, MUCH better :cool:
     
  3. Scarlet Crystal

    Scarlet Crystal Bibbity Rabbity

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2002
    Location:
    Narnia
    wow! great plot line...
     
  4. crazy_4_alias

    crazy_4_alias Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2003
    Sorry, I ment to post earlier. I really liked how you combined the story and the song! Two thumbs up! (y) (y)
     
  5. bluebird1045

    bluebird1045 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2003
    Location:
    Philippines
    This is great! I know it's kinda late, but I just read this now.

    W :) W!
     
  6. White_Rabbit

    White_Rabbit Mr. Trixter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2003
    Location:
    Video Village
    That was wonderful! Perfect choice of song to combine with the story! Excellent plot line. Please pm me wen u post more if you can! (y) (y)
    two thumbs up!
     
  7. Dim Bulb

    Dim Bulb over-analyst

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2003
    hey that wa very good :D post more fan fics soo please
     

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