glimmerofhope and
spunkyspy good points on relationships.
I feel that it is very important people know that they are very likely to hit periods not loving each other. Unfortunately the romantic cultural ideas of a soul mate and the idea that you might have problems but you will always love each other cause surprise to way to many. This is made worse by the few that do seam to fit the romantic cultural idea but unfortunately there is a good chance you have to be born with the traits to do that and the vast majority are not.
Problem is people do not really understand how powerful the itch can be and that it is completely natural to feel dislike or even disdain for a partner. So when they feel that way they assume that they must be wrong for each other and break up. Way to many think marriage to be right you would not be miserable at times.
Problem with talking things out is the good feelings at the beginning might be from the fall in love instinct and not from logic so it can be very hard to work out something that was not compleatly real to begin with.
I say this because Jennifer herself said all the time how WONDERFUL Scott was. So either she LIED or she needs to revisit what made him so wonderful and he likewise should do the same.
Do not have to lie to do that. Jennifer’s instincts said that when she was in love with him she found those things to be great but when Jennifer’s instincts changed to you are not in love with him she found the prior things no longer good for her. This is why third party opinions can be helpful at the beginning to get more objective views on compatablity.
There was a time when marrage vows were sacred and if you were married in the cathlioc religion then you were not allowed to get divorced.
That was the opinion of the state and the church. Unfortunately if you study further you find out the good times never were, there just was more cheating and more miserable people staying together instead of divorce. There was a more hypocritical approach to what society put in the paper and told the young about how things were.
I admire if not agree with the old catholic ideas as they did not assume that everyone was cut out for marriage or that you would be happy being married. In the former the catholic idea was to remain celibate and in the latter you were expected to suffer in a bad marriage and it might not ever get better but be a test of belief.
For better, for worse, In sickness, and in health, Till death do us part
This makes sense as part of a set religious beliefs. But these religious beliefs do not promise you will be happy in marriage but you will be rewarded after you die if you stick to it. (I can quote a lot of New Testament on this)
This is why I am not wild about abstinence programs in schools because striped of the religious values marriage loses its meaning. The sixty’s did not come from nothing. The sixty’s were a response to the observation of the kids of the hypocrisy of the fifties and noting that many peoples lives emotionally ended at thirty as they conformed to societies norms but were miserable. I am afraid that from what parts of abstinence programs I have been exposed to they may work some but are going to cause lots of cynicism latter as people find out the programs are filled with poor logic and find themselves married and miserable.
Also what we are trying to do with the kids has never been done before in history. The last time marriage was societies standard in the forties and fifties most people got married right out of high school if not before. For the few who went to collage marriage followed immediately. Also woman had few rights. The idea that you should stay abstinent till married at 25 to 30 and not warning the kids that the idea of abstinence in the church meant a commitment to never have sex in your life if you did not meet the right person has never been done before.
ceegee
Thanks for the praise. The only problem is the more I learn the more I realize how much I do not know.
haven't any of you ever had a relationship basically come to an end, although you still liked or loved each other? And... haven't you (guess I'm really talking to spunkyspy and freelancer) haven't you ever STAYED in a relationship because you WERE remembering all the great things that brought you together, but...ultimately, you realized some kind of action needed to be taken - like leaving
Have observed and experienced both. See my comment above on Jenifer telling both the truth in the past and now for your second point. As far as leaving is concerned you are making the choice to try to be happy latter if you stay you have a good chance to become happy again but on the other hand you may never become happy again so it is important you have a religious belief to fall back on.
I am a Christian but my beliefs could be stated as liberal and so I would say do not fight your nature and go. If children are involved the Europe solution of taking lovers probably is better than breaking up though until the kids are qrown.
