Title Splinters Of You
Author: Nwtly (Laurie)
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the wonderful JJ Abrams. I own none of them, unfortunately.
Timeline: Right after Sydney’s fight with Allison.
Summary: Vaughn arrives at Sydney’s apartment, and realises he has just lost her. Forever.
Author’s note: I wrote this vignette for a French challenge, and I not no intention to translate it; but Liza read it, and she told me I had to translate it. So here it is, and hopefully there aren’t any mistakes anymore because she beta-ed it for me.
And BTW, I think there is a tissue warning...
[Liza, thanks for believing in me. I’m happy to be writing fics on this board just because I got the chance to meet you. And I’m not saying this because you always seem to like what I write; as I told you before, I’d like to be like you when I’m older. Thanks for being such a wonderful person, and always making me laugh! (I don’t think I spelled “splinters’ wrong this time, have I? ^_^ )]
Suggested soundtrack: “I grieve” by Peter Gabriel, and ”J’aurais dû” by Erwann.
Je reconstruis mon paysage d'après-guerre [I rebuild my post-war landscape]
Dans les débris d'une histoire ordinaire [In the debris of an ordinary story]
If you think about it, our story is ordinary. That’s what I was telling myself when I dropped you off at your apartment, and that I told you that we were going to go to Santa Barbara. Just two people in love leaving for the week-end. Just two people lucky enough to have found each other, saving each other from getting dragged away in the flood of lost souls and broken hearts. We had found each other. We comforted each other. We kept ourselves alive by giving one another a reason to live and fight.
That's what most people do, if they are lucky enough to meet their other half. Because Sydney, you are not just my other one, you are not just someone that helps me live. You are a part of me. My heart doesn’t beat without yours, and my father’s watch proved it to you. My legs do not carry me if it’s not to go in your direction.
And that's what I was doing, I was running towards you, towards our weekend, towards us, when I arrived at your home for the second time that evening. A hundred feet away from my destination, it seemed to me that your house was darker than normal, and that it was engulfed in flames, but I told myself it must simply have been my imagination. My heart was racing, beating at a speed that shouldn't be allowed for a person that was driving a vehicle. And that's where I've been standing for a minute: your apartment is on fire, and you are inside. You are burning. My life with you is going up in smoke. Our trip, our love, our children, our future, our happiness. Everything is reduced to nothingness.
There are firemen all around me, doctors, the police. Some of them are talking to me, but I do not hear them. I am desperately trying to hear you among this chaos. I am trying to hear your heart beat in rhythm with mine. Don't they understand? I am nothing without you.
I try to get in, to go and search for you, to go and get you, but they still don't understand. They are telling me that it's too dangerous, that I would be risking my life in doing so. But what is my life without you? Isn't it more dangerous to stay here, not to go and save you? Because if I lose you now, I will sink into despair. I know it. I feel it.
As soon as the man that talked to me turns around, I start running to your front door. I push them away, I push them back, all those people that will never understand. They never knew you. They don't know that just one of your smiles can succeed in saving a man. In saving me.
It can't be you lying there in the middle of this apartment in ruins. Sydney Bristow does not die. You're too strong. You can't die. You turned me into the man that I am. You can't leave knowing that I built myself around you, that everything that I am was nothing until the day you came into my life. You just can't.
Et un par un [And one by one]
Je retire de ma chair [I remove from my flesh]
Des éclats de toi [Splinters of you]
And yet, it is your body that I'm watching, laid in the middle of the debris of what remains of an apartment that we should have left together to go to mine. You never saw my apartment. You opened the door of your soul to me, you gave me the key to your heart, and I didn't even show you my apartment. I still had so many things to discover about you, so many things to build and share with you.
I have just collapsed to the ground, next to you. I think I've started crying. I think that the pain that has invaded my heart is the greatest that I have ever known, and will ever experience. I am a broken man. I've just lost everything. I have the feeling that I'm looking at my own body burning, my own heart ceasing to beat, my own soul leaving the world of the living. Why aren't you getting up? Why aren't you waking up? Don't you know that you simply don't have the right to leave this way? To leave me alone?
Sydney, I love you. Did I never tell you that? I love you. Nothing more and nothing less, and yet, my love is so much greater than these simple words. My love travels on mountains whose tops reach the sky and converse with the clouds, my love crosses entire oceans, carried by the wind, it's most precious ally, enabling me to tell the whole world it exists. My love, I am so in love with you. What if I never get the chance to tell you that?
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [And been reborn so you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
The ring I bought for you, I don't know how, went from the ring box in my pocket to the hollow of my hand. The same hand that touched you a few hours ago. The eyes that are looking at this ring are the same ones that looked at you, that your beauty almost burned. It's my heart which beats in unison with yours, that is dying, faced with everything that this ring represents for me, for you. For us.
But there is no "us" anymore, is there? And I'm supposed to accept this. Accept that our story is over, because you are gone and you left all of us. But I don't want to. I can't.
I am wondering if it was destiny, everything that is happening tonight. If it was supposed to happen.
No. It can't be. If someone had sent you to me, had sent me to you, why would you have been taken back, why would they have torn you away from me this way? Why? WHY?
It's what I'm screaming, crying, shouting to those people that I know this time and that are getting nearer. They are trying to touch me, physically, and maybe even mentally, but it's too late. I am already gone. You are gone, why would I stay?
Ton absence mord comme un matin d'hiver [Your absence bites like a winter’s morning]
Dans le décor d'une saison en enfer [ In the scenery of a season in hell]
It's almost summer. I know it because when I booked the hotel for Santa Barbara, the prices were extremely expensive. But I didn't care. I was going to be with you, only you, and nothing else mattered. Nothing. But I'm wondering whether the earth hasn't been turned upside down by the shock your death has caused me, because at this very moment, as I'm wandering in the city streets, I am frozen. Why do people think that in hell, everything is surrounded by flames? Maybe in hell, everything is frozen, devoid of any taste or colour.
I left the heat behind me. In the blazing inferno of flames that is your apartment that they are all trying to extinguish in vain. But the only flame that was burning inside me has been extinguished. You're gone. There is nothing left. Nothing left to do except wish to disappear, nothing left to say aside from screaming your name to the sky and hope that it will send you back to me, nothing left to feel except this immense sorrow.
Le sel des regrets [The salt of regrets]
Qui rouvre mes plaies [That reopens my wounds]
Qui ronge mes nuits, je sais... [That corrodes my nights, I know…]
I feel a dagger stabbed in my heart, twisting, entering and leaving, making me bleed until all my blood is gone. But even then, I am not sure that my love for you has really left my body. It is not just in the blood that runs through my veins, it is everywhere. In my soul, in my eyes that you loved so much, in my hands that you held so often in yours, in my legs whose only use was helping me being at the same level as you so that I could see you, admire you, in each and every fibber of my being that made me love you and fall even more in love with you, to the point where my heart was about to burst.
Even now, I'm scared it's going to burst. Not because your presence made it beat faster than a human heart ever should, but because your absence screams in the silence of my loneliness.
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [ And been reborn so that you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
I think I loved you from the very first time I saw you. When you entered my office with that fire-red hair, I immediately understood that you were going to turn my life upside down. Red is the colour of love, of passion. It's the meaning I had given it until now. Happiness.
And now, I am standing on this beach, only a few hours after discovering your lifeless body in your apartment, hours spent crying and screaming. However, I know that it's only the beginning of my anguish. I could very well cry for the rest of my life, it's nothing in comparison to what I've just lost. You did more than give life to my body, you also gave life to my soul. So crying for a lifetime will never be enough...
How ironic life can be. Less than two years ago, you told me I was your guardian angel. And what, now I'm supposed to accept that you became mine?
I am ready to scream it from all the rooftops of the world if necessary, to climb to the top of every mountain so the world hears me: I don't want you as my guardian angel. I want you. Whole, and alive. I want your mouth against mine, my arms around your waist, your eyes looking into mine; I want our bodies to merge again and again until dawn. I need you next to me, not far away, protecting me from wherever you are.
I couldn't sleep when you were on missions, when I knew that your life was in danger. Today at this very moment, you are dead, and I am certain that I will never ever find sleep again.
I did try to push reality away this morning, when I found myself in front of the mirror with this f****** suit on my back that is supposed to say that I am in mourning. It didn't work. You are still gone. My pain isn't. It is here forever.
There is your father, who loved you more that reason itself. Dixon, Marshall, Weiss, Kendall, and this priest who is speaking about life after death, who is talking about you even though he never knew you. If he had, he wouldn't have dared to say those words, so ridiculous in the face of our sorrow. If he had only felt just a quarter of my pain, he would have lowered his eyes, understanding that no word of wisdom, no divine force could change anything. Life after death? I am still alive, and yet I feel like I'm dead. That is how I see things. Will he ever be able to understand?
Et je souffre d'hier [And I suffer from yesterday]
Comme d'une blessure de guerre[ As from a war wound]
Je retire de ma chair [I remove from my flesh]
Des éclats de toi [Splinters of you]
I get closer to the ocean, which one day, a time that seems a million years ago, witnessed our love. Through the sand it felt our bodies melt into one another, and through the waves the shivers you would always make me feel. And now, the ocean is witnessing an immense sorrow, an inconsolable sadness, an immeasurable love. Does it understand? Has it already seen two people who depended on each other like this, be torn apart this way? Has it already lived that through someone else? Has it already felt that person want to die?
How can I put into words a pain so immense? How? And even if I could, what would it change?
I hope you understood, Sydney. I hope that you knew. That you know. That I love you so much that I can't put it into words, though I tried to show you so many times. That I love you with no limits, more than I ever thought I was capable. That I love you inordinately, that I love you more than my own life.
There has only been you, and there will only be you. I hope that you know that, too.
You are everything. You are the light that leads me to the place where I find peace. You are the life to my soul. You are the hope that keeps me trusting, your are the strength that keeps me walking, your are my purpose. You are everything.
J'aurais dû te dire les mots... [I should have told you the words…]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [And then been reborn so that you would believe me]
So now that I told you all that, you know. Without you, I will never find peace, because you were the only light that led me there. My soul is at its last gasp because you were the only air that reached it. I don't believe in anything anymore because you were my only hope, and now that you are gone, I can no longer walk because I've lost my strength; I lost you. I have no purpose anymore. I have nothing. I am nothing.
I am not the friend that is crying in the arms of Weiss and is trying to be comforted by him. I am only his ghost.
I am just a memory of what we were. There wasn't any you or me. There was only us. I will never find home again. You were my home, Sydney. You were my anchor. All I can say is that, if home is where the heart is, then I will be a nomad, forced to wander aimlessly while ignoring the beating in my chest, the blood running through my veins, making your name echo in every fibber of my being. Sydney, Sydney, Sydney.
I want to disappear because my pain is your absence, but also because my pain is the love that I wasn't able, I couldn't, I didn't have the time to speak.
I had already lost my father. And I should have known that nothing was granted, that death could come and knock on your door, or mine, anytime. But I didn't want to think about it. I thought we had all the time in the world. And I was wrong. Now I know. But it's too late now, isn't it?
I love you Sydney. I love the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear, a gesture so simple but so beautiful, just like you. I love the way you would curl up against me in the middle of the night, or after a night spent making love. I love the way you smiled those smiles you only gave to me.
I should have known that such happiness isn't granted to anyone without a consequence. Now I know what it was. I had the chance to taste heaven, to see it, to be blinded by its light and disarmed by its beauty, but I didn't have the right to stay.
I turned into dust, just like the ring that was destined for you melted in the flames of your apartment. There is nothing left of it. Nothing left of me.
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [ And then reappear so that you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
I love you Sydney. It is the one thing you should have known, the one thing I should have made you understand, during all the time that I knew you; and it's my biggest failure. You never knew. You will never know.
I should have told you these words that men do not speak, I should have offered you the worlds I had painted for you; I would like to die and be reborn so that you would believe me. I would like to die and be born again in your arms...
-fin-
Let me know what you think!
Author: Nwtly (Laurie)
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the wonderful JJ Abrams. I own none of them, unfortunately.
Timeline: Right after Sydney’s fight with Allison.
Summary: Vaughn arrives at Sydney’s apartment, and realises he has just lost her. Forever.
Author’s note: I wrote this vignette for a French challenge, and I not no intention to translate it; but Liza read it, and she told me I had to translate it. So here it is, and hopefully there aren’t any mistakes anymore because she beta-ed it for me.
And BTW, I think there is a tissue warning...
[Liza, thanks for believing in me. I’m happy to be writing fics on this board just because I got the chance to meet you. And I’m not saying this because you always seem to like what I write; as I told you before, I’d like to be like you when I’m older. Thanks for being such a wonderful person, and always making me laugh! (I don’t think I spelled “splinters’ wrong this time, have I? ^_^ )]
Suggested soundtrack: “I grieve” by Peter Gabriel, and ”J’aurais dû” by Erwann.
Je reconstruis mon paysage d'après-guerre [I rebuild my post-war landscape]
Dans les débris d'une histoire ordinaire [In the debris of an ordinary story]
If you think about it, our story is ordinary. That’s what I was telling myself when I dropped you off at your apartment, and that I told you that we were going to go to Santa Barbara. Just two people in love leaving for the week-end. Just two people lucky enough to have found each other, saving each other from getting dragged away in the flood of lost souls and broken hearts. We had found each other. We comforted each other. We kept ourselves alive by giving one another a reason to live and fight.
That's what most people do, if they are lucky enough to meet their other half. Because Sydney, you are not just my other one, you are not just someone that helps me live. You are a part of me. My heart doesn’t beat without yours, and my father’s watch proved it to you. My legs do not carry me if it’s not to go in your direction.
And that's what I was doing, I was running towards you, towards our weekend, towards us, when I arrived at your home for the second time that evening. A hundred feet away from my destination, it seemed to me that your house was darker than normal, and that it was engulfed in flames, but I told myself it must simply have been my imagination. My heart was racing, beating at a speed that shouldn't be allowed for a person that was driving a vehicle. And that's where I've been standing for a minute: your apartment is on fire, and you are inside. You are burning. My life with you is going up in smoke. Our trip, our love, our children, our future, our happiness. Everything is reduced to nothingness.
There are firemen all around me, doctors, the police. Some of them are talking to me, but I do not hear them. I am desperately trying to hear you among this chaos. I am trying to hear your heart beat in rhythm with mine. Don't they understand? I am nothing without you.
I try to get in, to go and search for you, to go and get you, but they still don't understand. They are telling me that it's too dangerous, that I would be risking my life in doing so. But what is my life without you? Isn't it more dangerous to stay here, not to go and save you? Because if I lose you now, I will sink into despair. I know it. I feel it.
As soon as the man that talked to me turns around, I start running to your front door. I push them away, I push them back, all those people that will never understand. They never knew you. They don't know that just one of your smiles can succeed in saving a man. In saving me.
It can't be you lying there in the middle of this apartment in ruins. Sydney Bristow does not die. You're too strong. You can't die. You turned me into the man that I am. You can't leave knowing that I built myself around you, that everything that I am was nothing until the day you came into my life. You just can't.
Et un par un [And one by one]
Je retire de ma chair [I remove from my flesh]
Des éclats de toi [Splinters of you]
And yet, it is your body that I'm watching, laid in the middle of the debris of what remains of an apartment that we should have left together to go to mine. You never saw my apartment. You opened the door of your soul to me, you gave me the key to your heart, and I didn't even show you my apartment. I still had so many things to discover about you, so many things to build and share with you.
I have just collapsed to the ground, next to you. I think I've started crying. I think that the pain that has invaded my heart is the greatest that I have ever known, and will ever experience. I am a broken man. I've just lost everything. I have the feeling that I'm looking at my own body burning, my own heart ceasing to beat, my own soul leaving the world of the living. Why aren't you getting up? Why aren't you waking up? Don't you know that you simply don't have the right to leave this way? To leave me alone?
Sydney, I love you. Did I never tell you that? I love you. Nothing more and nothing less, and yet, my love is so much greater than these simple words. My love travels on mountains whose tops reach the sky and converse with the clouds, my love crosses entire oceans, carried by the wind, it's most precious ally, enabling me to tell the whole world it exists. My love, I am so in love with you. What if I never get the chance to tell you that?
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [And been reborn so you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
The ring I bought for you, I don't know how, went from the ring box in my pocket to the hollow of my hand. The same hand that touched you a few hours ago. The eyes that are looking at this ring are the same ones that looked at you, that your beauty almost burned. It's my heart which beats in unison with yours, that is dying, faced with everything that this ring represents for me, for you. For us.
But there is no "us" anymore, is there? And I'm supposed to accept this. Accept that our story is over, because you are gone and you left all of us. But I don't want to. I can't.
I am wondering if it was destiny, everything that is happening tonight. If it was supposed to happen.
No. It can't be. If someone had sent you to me, had sent me to you, why would you have been taken back, why would they have torn you away from me this way? Why? WHY?
It's what I'm screaming, crying, shouting to those people that I know this time and that are getting nearer. They are trying to touch me, physically, and maybe even mentally, but it's too late. I am already gone. You are gone, why would I stay?
Ton absence mord comme un matin d'hiver [Your absence bites like a winter’s morning]
Dans le décor d'une saison en enfer [ In the scenery of a season in hell]
It's almost summer. I know it because when I booked the hotel for Santa Barbara, the prices were extremely expensive. But I didn't care. I was going to be with you, only you, and nothing else mattered. Nothing. But I'm wondering whether the earth hasn't been turned upside down by the shock your death has caused me, because at this very moment, as I'm wandering in the city streets, I am frozen. Why do people think that in hell, everything is surrounded by flames? Maybe in hell, everything is frozen, devoid of any taste or colour.
I left the heat behind me. In the blazing inferno of flames that is your apartment that they are all trying to extinguish in vain. But the only flame that was burning inside me has been extinguished. You're gone. There is nothing left. Nothing left to do except wish to disappear, nothing left to say aside from screaming your name to the sky and hope that it will send you back to me, nothing left to feel except this immense sorrow.
Le sel des regrets [The salt of regrets]
Qui rouvre mes plaies [That reopens my wounds]
Qui ronge mes nuits, je sais... [That corrodes my nights, I know…]
I feel a dagger stabbed in my heart, twisting, entering and leaving, making me bleed until all my blood is gone. But even then, I am not sure that my love for you has really left my body. It is not just in the blood that runs through my veins, it is everywhere. In my soul, in my eyes that you loved so much, in my hands that you held so often in yours, in my legs whose only use was helping me being at the same level as you so that I could see you, admire you, in each and every fibber of my being that made me love you and fall even more in love with you, to the point where my heart was about to burst.
Even now, I'm scared it's going to burst. Not because your presence made it beat faster than a human heart ever should, but because your absence screams in the silence of my loneliness.
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [ And been reborn so that you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
I think I loved you from the very first time I saw you. When you entered my office with that fire-red hair, I immediately understood that you were going to turn my life upside down. Red is the colour of love, of passion. It's the meaning I had given it until now. Happiness.
And now, I am standing on this beach, only a few hours after discovering your lifeless body in your apartment, hours spent crying and screaming. However, I know that it's only the beginning of my anguish. I could very well cry for the rest of my life, it's nothing in comparison to what I've just lost. You did more than give life to my body, you also gave life to my soul. So crying for a lifetime will never be enough...
How ironic life can be. Less than two years ago, you told me I was your guardian angel. And what, now I'm supposed to accept that you became mine?
I am ready to scream it from all the rooftops of the world if necessary, to climb to the top of every mountain so the world hears me: I don't want you as my guardian angel. I want you. Whole, and alive. I want your mouth against mine, my arms around your waist, your eyes looking into mine; I want our bodies to merge again and again until dawn. I need you next to me, not far away, protecting me from wherever you are.
I couldn't sleep when you were on missions, when I knew that your life was in danger. Today at this very moment, you are dead, and I am certain that I will never ever find sleep again.
I did try to push reality away this morning, when I found myself in front of the mirror with this f****** suit on my back that is supposed to say that I am in mourning. It didn't work. You are still gone. My pain isn't. It is here forever.
There is your father, who loved you more that reason itself. Dixon, Marshall, Weiss, Kendall, and this priest who is speaking about life after death, who is talking about you even though he never knew you. If he had, he wouldn't have dared to say those words, so ridiculous in the face of our sorrow. If he had only felt just a quarter of my pain, he would have lowered his eyes, understanding that no word of wisdom, no divine force could change anything. Life after death? I am still alive, and yet I feel like I'm dead. That is how I see things. Will he ever be able to understand?
Et je souffre d'hier [And I suffer from yesterday]
Comme d'une blessure de guerre[ As from a war wound]
Je retire de ma chair [I remove from my flesh]
Des éclats de toi [Splinters of you]
I get closer to the ocean, which one day, a time that seems a million years ago, witnessed our love. Through the sand it felt our bodies melt into one another, and through the waves the shivers you would always make me feel. And now, the ocean is witnessing an immense sorrow, an inconsolable sadness, an immeasurable love. Does it understand? Has it already seen two people who depended on each other like this, be torn apart this way? Has it already lived that through someone else? Has it already felt that person want to die?
How can I put into words a pain so immense? How? And even if I could, what would it change?
I hope you understood, Sydney. I hope that you knew. That you know. That I love you so much that I can't put it into words, though I tried to show you so many times. That I love you with no limits, more than I ever thought I was capable. That I love you inordinately, that I love you more than my own life.
There has only been you, and there will only be you. I hope that you know that, too.
You are everything. You are the light that leads me to the place where I find peace. You are the life to my soul. You are the hope that keeps me trusting, your are the strength that keeps me walking, your are my purpose. You are everything.
J'aurais dû te dire les mots... [I should have told you the words…]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [And then been reborn so that you would believe me]
So now that I told you all that, you know. Without you, I will never find peace, because you were the only light that led me there. My soul is at its last gasp because you were the only air that reached it. I don't believe in anything anymore because you were my only hope, and now that you are gone, I can no longer walk because I've lost my strength; I lost you. I have no purpose anymore. I have nothing. I am nothing.
I am not the friend that is crying in the arms of Weiss and is trying to be comforted by him. I am only his ghost.
I am just a memory of what we were. There wasn't any you or me. There was only us. I will never find home again. You were my home, Sydney. You were my anchor. All I can say is that, if home is where the heart is, then I will be a nomad, forced to wander aimlessly while ignoring the beating in my chest, the blood running through my veins, making your name echo in every fibber of my being. Sydney, Sydney, Sydney.
I want to disappear because my pain is your absence, but also because my pain is the love that I wasn't able, I couldn't, I didn't have the time to speak.
I had already lost my father. And I should have known that nothing was granted, that death could come and knock on your door, or mine, anytime. But I didn't want to think about it. I thought we had all the time in the world. And I was wrong. Now I know. But it's too late now, isn't it?
I love you Sydney. I love the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear, a gesture so simple but so beautiful, just like you. I love the way you would curl up against me in the middle of the night, or after a night spent making love. I love the way you smiled those smiles you only gave to me.
I should have known that such happiness isn't granted to anyone without a consequence. Now I know what it was. I had the chance to taste heaven, to see it, to be blinded by its light and disarmed by its beauty, but I didn't have the right to stay.
I turned into dust, just like the ring that was destined for you melted in the flames of your apartment. There is nothing left of it. Nothing left of me.
J'aurais dû te dire [I should have told you]
Les mots que les hommes ne disent pas [The words men do not speak]
J'aurais dû t'offrir [I should have offered you]
Les mondes que j'avais peints pour toi [The worlds I had painted for you]
J'aurais dû mourir [I should have died]
Puis renaître pour que tu me croies [ And then reappear so that you would believe me]
J'aurais dû... [I should have…]
I love you Sydney. It is the one thing you should have known, the one thing I should have made you understand, during all the time that I knew you; and it's my biggest failure. You never knew. You will never know.
I should have told you these words that men do not speak, I should have offered you the worlds I had painted for you; I would like to die and be reborn so that you would believe me. I would like to die and be born again in your arms...
-fin-
Let me know what you think!
