Tenderbear
Scout
THE TENDER REVIEW
We open to Sark who is arrested on the plane for taking two bags of airline peanuts. After shooting him in the appendix with a bee-bee gun, the flight attendant immediately notified proper authorities and ordered three Spring '04 Prada handbags (but that's beside the point).
Dixon watches his chidrens get taken away by a mysterious black car. Nothing out of the ordinary, he waves goodbye as the driver starts his chainsaw and cackles menacingly.
Syd and Weiss wait for Sark to land on a plane. Of course, he's late (the tard brute!) which angers Sydney, but especially Weiss. He was due for his night job at CIA Bootay Headquarters five minutes ago!
Back to the CIA by the way on this day, okay? The crew meets to discuss the malevolent covenant by candlelight. Dixon gets a call. [Conversation: Dixon: Eh? Voice: Wuh? Dixon: Yuh. Voice: Buh? Dixon: K! Voice: Bye! Dixon: K!] Dixon then gets another call. [Coversation: Dixon: Eh? Voice: I have your children, I plan on killing them. Dixon: K!] They also find out that the pilots of Sark's plane got really thirsty, so they make a quick stop in the deserts of New Mexico.
Syd and Weiss board the plane in the desert and find that all the guards were either frozen or given makovers by Liza Minelli's make-up artist. They assume the latter and predict that Sark's prescense is elsewhere.
Back the conference room of the XUQ, sorry my fingers were on the wrong keys, CIA, Dixon explains that the Covenant will release his chidrens if they give them 5 albino circus men and a gallon of stir-fried quacamole, oh wait, that's Jack's grocery list... ahem... 5 imprisoned Covenant agents around the world. Because it is the only thing to get Dixon's chidrens back home to their fluffy Spongebob pillows and silky Care Bear Plushies, the CIA doesn't apply to their demands.
Marshall plays the recording of went on in the airplane. After listening to three hours of Sark and Florence Henderson conversing in Jive, they pick up all call Sark makes and predict he is in Nogales, New Mexico. The hear him say 'Not if I see you first, Love!"
Syd, Dixon, Vaughn, and Weiss go the Nogales to a warehouse they believe is Covenant. They do not find Dixon's kids, but they do find six bombs! "Goodie!" gasps Weiss as he gallops around in utmost glee, his perfectly-braided pig tails bobbing up and down. They exit the building kiddieless pre big boom.
The CIA lightbulbs figure out that Sloane must have something to do with the kidnapping, so Jack and his two bodyguards, Jerry Stallone and Kelly Scarlett, escort Sloane to a CIA jail cell. Dixon asks Sloane where his kids are and Sloane simply replies 'What you talkin' bout, Wills?' Dixon gets angry and punches Sloane out for mocking his main man Gary C.
Dixon drives into his driveway (what a feat!) and sees the ice cream man. He jumps out of his car and runs like the wind to his favorite fire cracker popsicle. He gets close enough to find that the driver is really his son and becomes very disappointed.
He pretends to be pleased anyway.
Dixon tells Sydney that she has to break into the NSC building and steal Rambaldi artifact #45 because he's too old school now to do any dirty work. Cut to Syd ripping up the sands of the Nevada desert (which looks awfully similar to the deserts of New Mexico, if you ask me) and plows down a couple of cacti, skins a desert hare, and kicks up a few dead bodies before reaching the NSC building. She stuns the guard after seducing him with her super high shorts and super high manner (Nice!). She breaks into the facility with Dixon's help, steals the cube, and makes it back in time for the Young and the Restless.
Syd, Jack, and Dixon wait for the exchange of the cube for the girl. Sark drives up in his car and accepts the box. He then says 'Oh yeah, but I'm gonna put some device on your daughter that might stop her heart before I give her back." Darn fine print! Jack knew there was something fishy about this trade. Sydney boldy steps in and accepts the device as Dix and Daughter are reunited. He gives her a big hug, kisses her on the head, and says 'go play in the street.' (That's our man, Dix! Always making sure his kids are as safe as can be!) Jack quickly disarms the device and throws it on the ground. It hits a passing shrew and attaches to the poor creature's neck. But that's a different story: "How My Shrew Split in Two."
Back at the CIA, Lauren decides that its time to feed her emus and goes home. "Not if I see you first, Love!" she says and leaves, leaving Jack looking out in suspicion.
NEXT WEEK: Will Vaughn and Lauren call it quits? Will Lauren's true identity become revealed? Will Dixon's daughter elope with her step cousin? It's all possible on NEXT WEEK's ALIAS!
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Best Part of the Episode: Sydney's imitation of a sl**. LOL! Kudos to J.R. Orci and J. Gar. for that one!
Worst Part of the Episode: The meetings in the CIA are starting to feel like REAL meetings again
Best Aspect of the Episode: Jack is suspicious of Lauren and Sark's connections! E-gads!
Worst Aspect of the Episode: Lauren helped Dixon! LAUREN HELPED DIXON! Buh-buh-buh! She's supposed to be evil :angry:
The Good: Dixon, Syd, Weiss, Marshall, the mission to the NSC, Sark, Sloane, Barnett
The Okay: The New Mexco mission, Vaughn, Lauren, Jack
The Bad: The meetings, the meetings, the meetings, the briefings, and the meetings!!!
Overall Rating: 6/10 - I've figured it out! I'm liking these recent episodes more than I liked the earlier Season 3 episodes is that I'm ajusted to the new Alias rather than comparing to the old one. It's okay, everyone! If you look at it from that perspective, you might like episodes a lot more and get more satisfaction out of them. This eppy could've been better and shouldv'e been better. The writer was an excellent one and the story line was compelling. They just need to tighten some loose screws and add some supports.
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TENDER REVIEW website coming really soon as well as more TENDER REVIEWS! Look for all of them on the All Alias boards!
We open to Sark who is arrested on the plane for taking two bags of airline peanuts. After shooting him in the appendix with a bee-bee gun, the flight attendant immediately notified proper authorities and ordered three Spring '04 Prada handbags (but that's beside the point).
Dixon watches his chidrens get taken away by a mysterious black car. Nothing out of the ordinary, he waves goodbye as the driver starts his chainsaw and cackles menacingly.
Syd and Weiss wait for Sark to land on a plane. Of course, he's late (the tard brute!) which angers Sydney, but especially Weiss. He was due for his night job at CIA Bootay Headquarters five minutes ago!
Back to the CIA by the way on this day, okay? The crew meets to discuss the malevolent covenant by candlelight. Dixon gets a call. [Conversation: Dixon: Eh? Voice: Wuh? Dixon: Yuh. Voice: Buh? Dixon: K! Voice: Bye! Dixon: K!] Dixon then gets another call. [Coversation: Dixon: Eh? Voice: I have your children, I plan on killing them. Dixon: K!] They also find out that the pilots of Sark's plane got really thirsty, so they make a quick stop in the deserts of New Mexico.
Syd and Weiss board the plane in the desert and find that all the guards were either frozen or given makovers by Liza Minelli's make-up artist. They assume the latter and predict that Sark's prescense is elsewhere.
Back the conference room of the XUQ, sorry my fingers were on the wrong keys, CIA, Dixon explains that the Covenant will release his chidrens if they give them 5 albino circus men and a gallon of stir-fried quacamole, oh wait, that's Jack's grocery list... ahem... 5 imprisoned Covenant agents around the world. Because it is the only thing to get Dixon's chidrens back home to their fluffy Spongebob pillows and silky Care Bear Plushies, the CIA doesn't apply to their demands.
Marshall plays the recording of went on in the airplane. After listening to three hours of Sark and Florence Henderson conversing in Jive, they pick up all call Sark makes and predict he is in Nogales, New Mexico. The hear him say 'Not if I see you first, Love!"
Syd, Dixon, Vaughn, and Weiss go the Nogales to a warehouse they believe is Covenant. They do not find Dixon's kids, but they do find six bombs! "Goodie!" gasps Weiss as he gallops around in utmost glee, his perfectly-braided pig tails bobbing up and down. They exit the building kiddieless pre big boom.
The CIA lightbulbs figure out that Sloane must have something to do with the kidnapping, so Jack and his two bodyguards, Jerry Stallone and Kelly Scarlett, escort Sloane to a CIA jail cell. Dixon asks Sloane where his kids are and Sloane simply replies 'What you talkin' bout, Wills?' Dixon gets angry and punches Sloane out for mocking his main man Gary C.
Dixon drives into his driveway (what a feat!) and sees the ice cream man. He jumps out of his car and runs like the wind to his favorite fire cracker popsicle. He gets close enough to find that the driver is really his son and becomes very disappointed.
He pretends to be pleased anyway.Dixon tells Sydney that she has to break into the NSC building and steal Rambaldi artifact #45 because he's too old school now to do any dirty work. Cut to Syd ripping up the sands of the Nevada desert (which looks awfully similar to the deserts of New Mexico, if you ask me) and plows down a couple of cacti, skins a desert hare, and kicks up a few dead bodies before reaching the NSC building. She stuns the guard after seducing him with her super high shorts and super high manner (Nice!). She breaks into the facility with Dixon's help, steals the cube, and makes it back in time for the Young and the Restless.
Syd, Jack, and Dixon wait for the exchange of the cube for the girl. Sark drives up in his car and accepts the box. He then says 'Oh yeah, but I'm gonna put some device on your daughter that might stop her heart before I give her back." Darn fine print! Jack knew there was something fishy about this trade. Sydney boldy steps in and accepts the device as Dix and Daughter are reunited. He gives her a big hug, kisses her on the head, and says 'go play in the street.' (That's our man, Dix! Always making sure his kids are as safe as can be!) Jack quickly disarms the device and throws it on the ground. It hits a passing shrew and attaches to the poor creature's neck. But that's a different story: "How My Shrew Split in Two."
Back at the CIA, Lauren decides that its time to feed her emus and goes home. "Not if I see you first, Love!" she says and leaves, leaving Jack looking out in suspicion.
NEXT WEEK: Will Vaughn and Lauren call it quits? Will Lauren's true identity become revealed? Will Dixon's daughter elope with her step cousin? It's all possible on NEXT WEEK's ALIAS!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best Part of the Episode: Sydney's imitation of a sl**. LOL! Kudos to J.R. Orci and J. Gar. for that one!
Worst Part of the Episode: The meetings in the CIA are starting to feel like REAL meetings again
Best Aspect of the Episode: Jack is suspicious of Lauren and Sark's connections! E-gads!
Worst Aspect of the Episode: Lauren helped Dixon! LAUREN HELPED DIXON! Buh-buh-buh! She's supposed to be evil :angry:
The Good: Dixon, Syd, Weiss, Marshall, the mission to the NSC, Sark, Sloane, Barnett
The Okay: The New Mexco mission, Vaughn, Lauren, Jack
The Bad: The meetings, the meetings, the meetings, the briefings, and the meetings!!!
Overall Rating: 6/10 - I've figured it out! I'm liking these recent episodes more than I liked the earlier Season 3 episodes is that I'm ajusted to the new Alias rather than comparing to the old one. It's okay, everyone! If you look at it from that perspective, you might like episodes a lot more and get more satisfaction out of them. This eppy could've been better and shouldv'e been better. The writer was an excellent one and the story line was compelling. They just need to tighten some loose screws and add some supports.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TENDER REVIEW website coming really soon as well as more TENDER REVIEWS! Look for all of them on the All Alias boards!
