Jamison
Cadet
Title: Could this be Love?
Rating: PG-13(for some language and talk of sexual experience...though nothing graphic or in detail)
Summary: Christian’s mind makes him think about his true feelings.
A/N: This was written after 3.03...so rather spoilerish, if you're a follower of the show and haven't seen it. I got a perfect muse from that episode. If you don't watch Nip/Tuck, you might still be able to follow it. Quite short.
Could this be love?
He scoffed at the idea as he poured himself another drink.
Could this be love?
He downed the whiskey quickly as the words echoed in his head.
Could this be love?
“No!” he shouted angrily into the emptiness as he slammed his glass down. “It is not love!”
He had never allowed himself to love someone. Was afraid of commitment, attachment. Didn’t want to lose his edge, his reputation. He was the handsome and ruthless, yet loveable playboy. It couldn’t be love.
His mind wandered to Kimber against his will. She was beautiful, there was no denying that. And she was so beautifully f***ed up…just like him.
He thought of last night. Had he actually done what he thought he had done? Had he really claimed ownership to her and formally addressed her as his girlfriend? He couldn’t of. It was so unlike him.
Only thing was, that was exactly what he had done. He had been in the midst of a wonderful arrangement. His girlfriend had had a girlfriend for God’s sake! It was every straight man’s dream! He had loved it.
But that’s just it…had. He had grown tired. Tired of the sex? Tired of Kit? Tired of both?
He thought. The sex was phenomenal, that was a given…but it was lacking something. Just as Kit was lacking something. Sure things were pretty hot and heavy, but they were also so empty.
“Jesus,” he mused out loud. When the hell had he ever cared if things were empty?
He had known Kimber for years, and in all those years they had continually fooled around with others, not really caring either. Everything he had been a part of had been empty. But that was the beauty of it, right? No strings attached. Then if that got tiresome, Kimber was always there.
That’s all she was! A backup. Nothing more. It couldn’t be love. He had never loved her. She was a one night stand to begin with. A one night stand that turned into something rather convenient.
Could this be love?
The voice inside is head was now screaming those four words.
Christian downed another whiskey. Alcohol could solve the world’s problems if given the opportunity.
How could he love Kimber? While beautifully messed up, she was still messed up, and too much trouble to deal with.
What about that proposal? The voice in his head asked.
“Screw the proposal!” Christian said out loud. “I was drunk and had just been attacked. She was there. If I had really wanted to do it, I would’ve done it right. End of story.”
Don’t lie to yourself, Christian.
He sighed as he buried his face in his hands.
Could this be love?
The voice was not giving up, and it was making him angry.
“So what if it is love? What’s the big deal? People fall in and out of love every damn day! Who cares? Because I certainly don’t.”
Could this be love?
Then it hit him. He did care.
He cared about Kimber. Always had. Why else would he have kept her around? He could’ve discarded her with the rest of them. That first night. She could’ve been gone the next morning. It wasn’t like she would’ve been heartbroken. She had a boyfriend at the time. She would’ve gone home to him and Christian would’ve been on his merry way.
But why did he keep her around? What was it about her? Being beautiful was a given. Was it because she was exactly like him? Was it because that even though she was relatively easy going, she wouldn’t always put up with his felgercarb? Was it because he wanted the one to fix her, to make the ugliness go away? Was it because although being exactly like him, she was entirely different? Or perhaps, it was them all.
Could this be love?
He couldn’t tell her though. Never. She loved him, had said it loud and proud. He had too much pride. He couldn’t admit this to her. Well, at least not tonight.
Could this be love?
“Baby?” a voice echoed in from the living room.
“In here, babe,” Christian answered.
Could this be love?
It very well could be.
But not tonight. No, not tonight.
Rating: PG-13(for some language and talk of sexual experience...though nothing graphic or in detail)
Summary: Christian’s mind makes him think about his true feelings.
A/N: This was written after 3.03...so rather spoilerish, if you're a follower of the show and haven't seen it. I got a perfect muse from that episode. If you don't watch Nip/Tuck, you might still be able to follow it. Quite short.
Could this be love?
He scoffed at the idea as he poured himself another drink.
Could this be love?
He downed the whiskey quickly as the words echoed in his head.
Could this be love?
“No!” he shouted angrily into the emptiness as he slammed his glass down. “It is not love!”
He had never allowed himself to love someone. Was afraid of commitment, attachment. Didn’t want to lose his edge, his reputation. He was the handsome and ruthless, yet loveable playboy. It couldn’t be love.
His mind wandered to Kimber against his will. She was beautiful, there was no denying that. And she was so beautifully f***ed up…just like him.
He thought of last night. Had he actually done what he thought he had done? Had he really claimed ownership to her and formally addressed her as his girlfriend? He couldn’t of. It was so unlike him.
Only thing was, that was exactly what he had done. He had been in the midst of a wonderful arrangement. His girlfriend had had a girlfriend for God’s sake! It was every straight man’s dream! He had loved it.
But that’s just it…had. He had grown tired. Tired of the sex? Tired of Kit? Tired of both?
He thought. The sex was phenomenal, that was a given…but it was lacking something. Just as Kit was lacking something. Sure things were pretty hot and heavy, but they were also so empty.
“Jesus,” he mused out loud. When the hell had he ever cared if things were empty?
He had known Kimber for years, and in all those years they had continually fooled around with others, not really caring either. Everything he had been a part of had been empty. But that was the beauty of it, right? No strings attached. Then if that got tiresome, Kimber was always there.
That’s all she was! A backup. Nothing more. It couldn’t be love. He had never loved her. She was a one night stand to begin with. A one night stand that turned into something rather convenient.
Could this be love?
The voice inside is head was now screaming those four words.
Christian downed another whiskey. Alcohol could solve the world’s problems if given the opportunity.
How could he love Kimber? While beautifully messed up, she was still messed up, and too much trouble to deal with.
What about that proposal? The voice in his head asked.
“Screw the proposal!” Christian said out loud. “I was drunk and had just been attacked. She was there. If I had really wanted to do it, I would’ve done it right. End of story.”
Don’t lie to yourself, Christian.
He sighed as he buried his face in his hands.
Could this be love?
The voice was not giving up, and it was making him angry.
“So what if it is love? What’s the big deal? People fall in and out of love every damn day! Who cares? Because I certainly don’t.”
Could this be love?
Then it hit him. He did care.
He cared about Kimber. Always had. Why else would he have kept her around? He could’ve discarded her with the rest of them. That first night. She could’ve been gone the next morning. It wasn’t like she would’ve been heartbroken. She had a boyfriend at the time. She would’ve gone home to him and Christian would’ve been on his merry way.
But why did he keep her around? What was it about her? Being beautiful was a given. Was it because she was exactly like him? Was it because that even though she was relatively easy going, she wouldn’t always put up with his felgercarb? Was it because he wanted the one to fix her, to make the ugliness go away? Was it because although being exactly like him, she was entirely different? Or perhaps, it was them all.
Could this be love?
He couldn’t tell her though. Never. She loved him, had said it loud and proud. He had too much pride. He couldn’t admit this to her. Well, at least not tonight.
Could this be love?
“Baby?” a voice echoed in from the living room.
“In here, babe,” Christian answered.
Could this be love?
It very well could be.
But not tonight. No, not tonight.
