Politics Did I do the right thing

[freaky]

talk 2 her b4 u do anything! untill rape doesnt really happen its not fair 2 report it!

 

[Melissa_dj]

From a guy's perspective, it is very likely that he is using her for sex yea, that happens way more than most girls think. But even then, talk to her about it, if you really are a good friend of her that shouldn't be a problem.. if she admits she is scared of him, than ask what you can do.. if she doesn't want you to call that line, don't do it.. if she think it is a good idea, than do it. Just don't do it behind her back..

[post="1113713"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

I'm glad you a guy wrote something, and I did talk to her and she is kinda scared of him only because every guy that doesn't think they should be together he beats them up. So this is the only reason she is scared of him. But she did change the subject also. But I NOT gonna report "john" till I get more proof that he is abusing her. I havn't figured a way to ask her if she is. IF anyone has any suggestion please reply ASAP. Thanks
TTYL
Melissa

 

[AngelFire47]

Hey- to be honest reporting this as rape sounds extreme and a little irresponsible- they haven't even slept together yet and its a decision that is extremely personal and between them. it doesn't sound like he is forcing her into anything, and if she is in a relationship with this guy she must like him, yes she is underage, but underage sex happens everywhere (try living in the UK- legal limit is 16 and still people don't wait!)
I think you're heart is in the right place, and you're only trying to protect her, but it really is her decision- you can't dictate her life, least of all when and to who she loses her virginity to.

i don't think she'd appreciate it at all if this was reported as rape- she would be embarrased, in trouble, and probably wouldn't thank you for it. Try to see it from her perspective- she thinks she loves this guy and feels ready for the next step- so what she's underage- age is just a number- what it comes down to is how mature and responsible she is- as long as they use protection and she doesn't allow herself to be pressured- and she feels ready in herself- theres not a problem- so don't make one.

sorry if this sounds harsh, and i know you're only trying to look out for your friend. buti think by doing this your overstepping a boundary, and seriously risking you friendship

ETA: just out of interest, doesnt it bother you that your lying about rape??

i mean, its a really serious, devastating issue, and in effect your manipulating peoples response to it bacause you don't agree with what your freind is doing. Sorry, but i think this is wrong.

ETA2: ok sorry mel, just read the statutory rape part, so not actually as 'serious' as i thought. sorry i was abit harsh.

but i still think that its better you speak to her about your feelings instead of taking it into your own hands-- in the end its up to her.

unless you have reason to believe he is hurting her, in which case you should really speak to an adult, maybe a teacher, to get some advice- then it'd be serious.

suzie

ETA3: ok- heres my humble advice (if you still want it after i went off on one )

why do you suspect he is abusing her: physically- are there any bruises??

mentally ; has her personality changed in a major way as a result of him- ie- has she withdrawn, become less outgoing etc

if there are bruises, then ask her where she got them- if she gives some reason that seems lame to you, then keep an eye on it, maybe talk to your parents/ older sibling for their advice, without naming names.

if you are good friends with her (it sounds like you are as your very concerned) then you should be able to talk about her relationship.

The thing is, if she is aware of your distaste for her boyfriend, she may be less comfortable speaking with you about it, especially if she has to confide something negative about it, ie-abuse, as you didn't support the relationship to start with.

therefore, if its not too late, don't reveal your TRUE feelings about 'john' to her- she may not thank you for it (blinded by love yada yada...)- allow her to know you're there for her no matter what and she is more likely to confide in you about everything.

 

[Leslie]

If you know for sure that they are having sex, and she is indeed 17 and he is 18, and you think he is just using her for sex, I would say absolutely do it. It's statutory rape, and is illegal.

AngelFire47 -- DO NOT double, triple or quadruple post! I am editing your posts to remedy this, but please remember the AA rules in the future.

 

[shotput25ash]

It really all depends....there was an issue like that around where i live a while ago, and the girl was like 17 or sumthing, im pretty sure, but i think they guy may have been older than 18....
but anyways....
you ARE her friend, and being concerned is really what youre doing, just trying to protect her...talk with her? If its possible...state your case iht reason though, dont go over the edge...
But you do have a VERY BIG POINT....
Say her parents found out she had sex with 'John' as you called him...they probably wouldnt be too thrilled about that...for all she knows, THEY could report the rape...all it would take is one phone call....actually anyone could....not just you....but still....talking may be your best bet to start with...then move on to the other things if you actually know its true...

 

[xdancer]

well, i don't know about the laws where you live, but i did a quick search, and in North Carolina, there are a few different laws pertaining to statutory rape, and in all of them the ages have to be between at least 3 and 6 years apart. so, if you lived in NC, that wouldn't be statutory rape.

 

[Melissa_dj]

If you know for sure that they are having sex, and she is indeed 17 and he is 18, and you think he is just using her for sex, I would say absolutely do it. It's statutory rape, and is illegal.

Thank-you for saying I should do it because I'm over 100% sure all he is doing is using her for sex. He didn't even wait till the end of the first date to get her in bed. I don't know if she had a crush on him before they went out and she thought it was great. But let me call her "Anna". "Anna" is extremly stupid so I think she fell for any trick "john" might have used. I'm still debating on this because other people I talked to say I should report her. So I don't but I do know when if I decide to do this will be defn after the new year begins. Gives me all Christmas to read over the papers I research on statutory rape. So I keep everyone up dated.

Melissa

 

[milo04]

It's not statutory rape.. If theres a 2 year age difference its okay as long as she gives her consent. You can be 16 and be with an 18 year old and still be fine. we went through the same deal with my best friend, well, I didn't call anyone, cause I didn't really care, lol, her life, whatever.

 

[aliasundercover]

It's not statutory rape.. If theres a 2 year age difference its okay as long as she gives her consent. You can be 16 and be with an 18 year old and still be fine.

[post="1120694"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

I think that really depends on what state you live in. You should definitely research it, which it sounds like you're doing.

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

If you know for sure that they are having sex, and she is indeed 17 and he is 18, and you think he is just using her for sex, I would say absolutely do it. It's statutory rape, and is illegal.

First of all, regardless of what the laws are, you have to realize that is it not your life and your body, so therefore you shouldn't go behind someone's back and report their sex life. Yes, it is illegal, but so what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex with someone if you really have true feelings for them, even if it is against the law. Do you have any idea how many people in USA have underage sex, or have sex with someone who is of the age 18, while they are not, or the other way around? A lot. 99.9% of them don't have friends/family that go behind their back and report them. And that isn't because no one cares about them, it's because everyone respects that it's that person's decision, and theirs only, and they trust that person is doing the right thing.

As has been said, she shouldn't go reporting anything unless her friend wants her to.

 

[angel_audie]

I think before you go and report rape, you should really check out your stagetory rape laws in your state. Like people keep pointing out, it varies from state to state. And bare in mind, a guy using a girl for sex is not illegal. There are 30 year old guys that use 30 year old women for sex. Sickening? Yes. Illegal? No.

Honestly, in my humble opinion, you should talk to her before you drag the police into it. It might be a better idea to talk to an adult that your friend respects before calling the cops. It also might be a good idea to talk to couselors about possible signs of abuse. She might be exhibiting some and you have no clue. And keep in mind, that if you do this, it will be a major betryal in trust. And you would seriously piss her boyfriend off. So if he is abusing her, guess who he would take it out on if he got arrested? Also, in cases of abuse, the victim has to be the one to press charges. If she doesn't want to press charges, all you have succeeded in doing is isolating her. It's something to think about. I know others have already said this, but you should talk to her first before you make any hasty decisions. You end up doing more harm than good.

 

[aliasundercover]

First of all, regardless of what the laws are, you have to realize that is it not your life and your body, so therefore you shouldn't go behind someone's back and report their sex life. Yes, it is illegal, but so what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex with someone if you really have true feelings for them, even if it is against the law.

[post="1121468"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

Uh.. I sooo don't agree with you there.. Then where is the cut-off? Can an 18 year-old have sex with a 16 year-old? What about 14? What about 12? Laws are there to take away some of that blurry area. If it's illegal.. it's illegal. More importantly though... she's worried for her well being. I'm sorry, but I'm almost 24, and if I knew someone my age was having sex with someone underage, especially if I thought the younger one was being taken advantage of.. I'd report it in a heartbeat. It's one thing if you think the younger party is mature enough.. and capable enough to handle such a relationship, but obviously, for whatever reason, this isn't a healthy relationship we're talking about regardless of age. But hey, that's just my opinion...

 

[AdrenalynKittie]

Well, and I know this is not a reliable source, but there was this one movie on MTV once called Jailbait. It was about this guy who was 18 and still in high school, and he had sex with a 16 (?) year old girl in his high school, and got arrested and such because he got her pregnant. I think it was based on a true story but I'm not sure. So, it could in fact be considered statutory rape, but I think it depends on what state you are in. I would look up the laws for your state if I was you.

But, I really think you should talk to her first, and make sure you see it from her point of view before you do anything rash.

And, you are being a great friend for caring so much.

 

[mystery_chick]

Honestly, I don't think it's necessary to report to the police so impulsively. If you haven't talked to her about how he treats her then maybe you're not getting a clear picture of their relationship. As for the issue of statutory rape, you have to look that up. Reporting to police officals will more than likely result in things that you wouldnt' want happen. Maybe consult your parents or some adults that you trust, that might help.
--mandy

 

[xdancer]

you mentioned the SVU in "Philly" so i'm assuming you're from Pennsylvania, and according to Pennsylvania law:

3121. Rape.
(a) Offense defined.-A person commits a felony of the first degree when he or she engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant:

 

By forcible compulsion.
By threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a person of reasonable resolution.
Who is unconscious or where the person knows that the complainant is unaware that the sexual intercourse is occurring.
Where the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance.
Who suffers from a mental disability which renders the complainant incapable of consent.
Who is less than 13 years of age.
(b) Additional penalties.-In addition to the penalty provided for by subsection (a), a person may be sentenced to an additional term not to exceed ten years' confinement and an additional amount not to exceed $100,000 where the person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant and has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, any substance for the purpose of preventing resistance through the inducement of euphoria, memory loss and any other effect of this substance.

§ 3122. Statutory rape (Repealed).
§ 3122.1. Statutory sexual assault.
Except as provided in section 3121 (relating to rape), a person commits a felony of the second degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant under the age of 16 years and that person is four or more years older than the complainant and the complainant and the person are not married to each other.

found at http://www.ageofconsent.com/pennsylvania.htm

so, you're friend's boyfriend hasn't done anything illegal, only morally questionable.

 

[acting_chica]

i would sit down with my friend and have a really really long discussion with her about it. i don't know about you, but my best friend and i would be able to talk about it. yeah, we'd cry, we'd laugh, we'd scream and fight, but we would still be able to explain our sides. if i truly thought she was in danger (physical danger mostly but also emotional) i would tell her parents, not the cops. cops can f***ing suck. her parents would probably freak, but i think in the end, it would be the right thing. before i told her parents though, i would tell her that i was going to do that. maybe that's just how i am with my best friend though, maybe it's diff with you.

m-c

 

[acting_chica]

oh and p.s. in my state, 16 is the age of consent for sex. just to let you know.

 

[DGSE-analyst]

I strongly disagree, girls younger than the age of 16 don't know what they're doing and will regret it later, so I think it's in an important law.

[post="1125734"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

So you agree that a boy (let's say he's just 18 years old) who has sex with a girl (a few months or weeks younger than 16) can be denounced as a statutory rapist and certainly have his life ruined... (B/c if i remember correctly, in some part of the US, when you are convicted of statutory rape, you're put on a public list as a sexual offender, without any difference with real rapists and pedophiliacs (sp?) )

And why? B/c the girl will perhaps regret it later... I don't know for you, but it sounds a bit harsh to me... Harsh and stupid, in fact!

(FYI it happened, i saw a documentary about one guy who had sex with a girl 2 years younger than him, they were both consenting but not her parents so they denounced him, he ended up on the list and his life was ruined. He commited suicide soon after that...)

I don't say that there shouldn't be a law, i just say that you have to be careful in those matters and think about the wrong side effects a law like that can have...
(^ does this phrase makes sense )

Oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

Yes, exactly. I have a huge problem with the laws here, because they not only destroy people's lives, but they give people the wrong message. It's not about drawing the line somewhere, it's about freedom. Instead of saying what you think is right or wrong, think about how such laws would ruin your life if you had sex with someone younger than a certain age and someone reported it. Think about how it'd affect you then. You can go ahead and say "I'd never have sex with someone younger than 16, or 18 or whatever", but you need to think seriously about how you'd feel if you were in such a situation, where such a law basically took your life from you. That is how easy things can go unbelievably wrong in this country if you are reported. Regardless of where you stand on this issue, can you honestly say that IF you had sex with someone younger than a certain age, and someone reported you and ruined your life that you would have nothing against such a law? Because I'm sure that if it happened to you, you would be looking at it in a very different way, because then you'd know how it really does affect everyone and how it really does destroy lives.

Sometimes you need to take a look from the other side of the glass.

 

[Itz da MT]

Talk for your own laws, I'm just talking about my own norms. In Holland there aren´t such laws so nothing to report, but here kids aren´t as stupid as they seem to be there so we don´t need these laws I guess.