Mornings of Mist
1.
<<Sunrise>>
Well, she finally did it. She finally had everything she could possibly want. A doting husband, a tassel of children, a beautiful home overlooking the ocean, a steady job. . . why the hell was she so unhappy?
Wow, that was a rhetorical question wasn't it? The answer was obvious. No. No, she reminded herself. She WAS happy. She IS happy. She doesn't have anything to complain about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her life. Everything is in place, everything is safe, and everything is normal. People would kill to have her life. They would kill.
The sun is slowly rising over the ocean; a sight that always filled Sydney's heart with wonder. Watching the sky brighten from its dark hues of blue and purple to pinks and oranges always seemed amazing to her. Painted by a power that no one could see or control. It was a beauty that never grew old. She sighed and cupped her coffee mug. Slowly taking a sip, she closed her eyes, just to feel everything around her.
The sand was cool and soft under her, the ocean's waves rolled out towards her, softly murmuring secret sounds that she couldn't even begin to understand. She should've been happy. She should have been overjoyed at this sight, at this life.
She did, after all, have the perfect family life. Her husband was kind, smart, funny, and handsome. Her kids were all talented and loved her. Her job was fulfilling and the students liked her. Her house was absolutely beautiful, having the power to make her get up to watch the sunrise every morning. But much as she loved it, she hated it.
A slow tear rolled down her cheek and splashed into her coffee cup. There was another reason she woke herself up this early in the morning she knew. Something other than the majesty of the sunrise.
Michael Vaughn.
It was only during this time of the day that she could think about him, dwell on the past and regret past mistakes. This moment when night mixed with day in a flurry of confusion as to which it was. This time that almost seemed not to exist. If only.
If only.
A soft breeze picks up her hair and blows it behind her, blowing away her tears, making her feel as if she is flying. It is only during the early hours of the morning that she can stop thinking about her children, her husband, and her students. When the only thing she can remember is her past life. And the only thing she sees when she looks out into the ocean is the desire for death.
She would never kill herself of course. But the death of this life. . . to be born again with the one she truly wanted. . .
She wouldn't let herself think that. She steeled her mind. I am happy, I am happy, I am happy. . . the mantra rolled around and around in her head.
She felt a hand come on her shoulder and she looked up, knowing who it was.
"God Sweetie, I don't know how you do it. How do you stay up until one or two in the morning and then manage to wake up at five just to watch the sun? And you never get tired." He puts a hand on her cheek and she smiles at him, though it is one of fondness and not one of love. "It's just the sun."
She gestures outwards. "Just the sun? You call this JUST the sun? I think it's absolutely amazing. I think it is the most beautiful painting to ever be created. It's different every day. And if I never get tired, that's just an added bonus and you shouldn't trouble yourself with it." She didn't mean to snap at him. But he was intruding on her time. Her only time to be alone and think.
But he merely chuckled. "All right, I know when you are feeling stubborn. I just wanted to let you know that waking up in a cold bed isn't exactly the best start to the morning. I like waking up and having you next to me."
Sydney wasn't immune to his romantic side and she smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry honey; but look at this. This is what I get up for. I just can't tear myself away from this. It's like being reborn."
He looked at her, love shining in his eyes. "You really are amazing. But why would you want to be reborn unless you weren't happy with the life you have?"
She shrugged and looked down. "I don't know. It just feels like starting clean. The time to recollect my thoughts and get ready for the day." She let him pull her up and walk her back towards the house.
"The only thought I need to remember is you. You start my day. I love you." He smiles at her and takes her hand in his.
Sydney stays silent.
"I'll fix you your coffee; why don't you wake the kids?" Her husband nods and leaves the kitchen. She turns on the water and, when it is warm enough, sticks her hands into it and washes them; washes off the salt of the ocean, the smell of the wind, the beauty of the sunset. Washes away the thoughts of Vaughn. She splashes the water on her face. Its nearly scalding now and burns her skin after the numbing feeling the cold breeze had. But it feels good to be punished. She has to wake up. It's a new day.
And when her family comes into the kitchen, she is all smiles.
"Now there is the Sydney we love to see. You just always seem so moody in the morning," He winks at her and kisses her forehead.
"Good morning, mommy!" Her daughter squeezes her hand and looks at her with delight.
Sydney can't help but smile and laugh back at her. Her daughter is truly a work of art, as beautiful as the sunrise. She is the meaning in her life. What she lives for. "Good morning Sweetie. Wow, you woke up early today, it's not even six yet!"
Her husband looks at her, confused. "Syd. . . you told me to wake her up. Matthew wasn't ready yet so I gave him ten more minutes."
She raises her eyebrow and tucks her hair behind her hair with a confused expression on her face. "Oh, did I? I must've been thinking about something else." She redirects her attention to her daughter. "Did you want to help me cook, Arianne?"
Her daughter nods. She is too young to ever hate her mother and is delighted to be old enough to help. Sydney gives her the eggs and tells her to crack them into the bowl.
Arianne does it carefully, scared that she will make a mistake and ruin everything. Sydney smiles at the studious look on her face and turns to pour the milk. She feels her husband's arms snake around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. "It's times like these that I wish our children would disappear for an hour or two. You're right. The sunrise is beautiful but it wanes in comparison to you. You are stunning." He plants a kiss on her neck.
She turns and smiles, smacking him playfully. "Don't ever wish our children away, they mean too much to me."
He smiles back but is hurt that she doesn't agree. She puts her hands on his shoulders. "Now don't give me that look. Of course I want that too but I'm a mother and motherly love is way too strong to just cast aside."
"Well of course I didn't really mean it," he says in hasty explanation. He picks up his daughter and swings her around the air. "I didn't mean it, did I honey? I love you sooo much; don't you ever grow up and bring boys into this house."
Sydney laughs. Her husband is good with children. Arianne is laughing too and she wraps her arms around her father's neck. "He didn't mean it mommy, he was just kidding."
"I know, I know. I guess I'm just slower than all of you to figure things out." She puts the dishtowel on the rack and starts to fry the eggs.
"Why don't you set the table, Arianne and then give everybody their milk?" Her husband sets Arianne down on the floor and she immediately attends to her task.
"I'll get Matthew," he says.
"Thank you honey." She sounds weary. Like her life is heavy and slipping away. But she will be rejuvenated soon enough. She always is. She looks around her, reminding herself of what she has. Her eyes linger on a picture hanging over the doorway. A family portrait from 4 years ago. Everyone is happy, healthy, and young. But is it just her or does the Sydney in the picture have a slightly wistful expression while looking at her husband? Like she would rather be with someone else?
No. She shakes her head. There is nowhere else I would rather be and no one else I would rather have. And for a minute, she believes herself.
tbc...
Extra A/N: For the people who are worried... this story is not going to be extremely unrealistic, no one will die mysterious deaths to make a happy future, no one will strangely ressurect, the husband is NOT Will and there will be no adultery <as in sex... it's obvious that mental things will be going on>
(review as always~) Jenn
I know~ how dare I start another one with so many unfinished? Well. . . I guess my only explanation is that the ideas come and if don't write them, who will? Besides, I'm not exactly neglecting my other ones. . . some are just paid attention to more than others. . . but hey, I think I'm pretty consistent.
REVIEW and tell me what you think~ (even if you think I should rewrite or just axe the whole thing~)
1.
<<Sunrise>>
Well, she finally did it. She finally had everything she could possibly want. A doting husband, a tassel of children, a beautiful home overlooking the ocean, a steady job. . . why the hell was she so unhappy?
Wow, that was a rhetorical question wasn't it? The answer was obvious. No. No, she reminded herself. She WAS happy. She IS happy. She doesn't have anything to complain about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her life. Everything is in place, everything is safe, and everything is normal. People would kill to have her life. They would kill.
The sun is slowly rising over the ocean; a sight that always filled Sydney's heart with wonder. Watching the sky brighten from its dark hues of blue and purple to pinks and oranges always seemed amazing to her. Painted by a power that no one could see or control. It was a beauty that never grew old. She sighed and cupped her coffee mug. Slowly taking a sip, she closed her eyes, just to feel everything around her.
The sand was cool and soft under her, the ocean's waves rolled out towards her, softly murmuring secret sounds that she couldn't even begin to understand. She should've been happy. She should have been overjoyed at this sight, at this life.
She did, after all, have the perfect family life. Her husband was kind, smart, funny, and handsome. Her kids were all talented and loved her. Her job was fulfilling and the students liked her. Her house was absolutely beautiful, having the power to make her get up to watch the sunrise every morning. But much as she loved it, she hated it.
A slow tear rolled down her cheek and splashed into her coffee cup. There was another reason she woke herself up this early in the morning she knew. Something other than the majesty of the sunrise.
Michael Vaughn.
It was only during this time of the day that she could think about him, dwell on the past and regret past mistakes. This moment when night mixed with day in a flurry of confusion as to which it was. This time that almost seemed not to exist. If only.
If only.
A soft breeze picks up her hair and blows it behind her, blowing away her tears, making her feel as if she is flying. It is only during the early hours of the morning that she can stop thinking about her children, her husband, and her students. When the only thing she can remember is her past life. And the only thing she sees when she looks out into the ocean is the desire for death.
She would never kill herself of course. But the death of this life. . . to be born again with the one she truly wanted. . .
She wouldn't let herself think that. She steeled her mind. I am happy, I am happy, I am happy. . . the mantra rolled around and around in her head.
She felt a hand come on her shoulder and she looked up, knowing who it was.
"God Sweetie, I don't know how you do it. How do you stay up until one or two in the morning and then manage to wake up at five just to watch the sun? And you never get tired." He puts a hand on her cheek and she smiles at him, though it is one of fondness and not one of love. "It's just the sun."
She gestures outwards. "Just the sun? You call this JUST the sun? I think it's absolutely amazing. I think it is the most beautiful painting to ever be created. It's different every day. And if I never get tired, that's just an added bonus and you shouldn't trouble yourself with it." She didn't mean to snap at him. But he was intruding on her time. Her only time to be alone and think.
But he merely chuckled. "All right, I know when you are feeling stubborn. I just wanted to let you know that waking up in a cold bed isn't exactly the best start to the morning. I like waking up and having you next to me."
Sydney wasn't immune to his romantic side and she smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry honey; but look at this. This is what I get up for. I just can't tear myself away from this. It's like being reborn."
He looked at her, love shining in his eyes. "You really are amazing. But why would you want to be reborn unless you weren't happy with the life you have?"
She shrugged and looked down. "I don't know. It just feels like starting clean. The time to recollect my thoughts and get ready for the day." She let him pull her up and walk her back towards the house.
"The only thought I need to remember is you. You start my day. I love you." He smiles at her and takes her hand in his.
Sydney stays silent.
"I'll fix you your coffee; why don't you wake the kids?" Her husband nods and leaves the kitchen. She turns on the water and, when it is warm enough, sticks her hands into it and washes them; washes off the salt of the ocean, the smell of the wind, the beauty of the sunset. Washes away the thoughts of Vaughn. She splashes the water on her face. Its nearly scalding now and burns her skin after the numbing feeling the cold breeze had. But it feels good to be punished. She has to wake up. It's a new day.
And when her family comes into the kitchen, she is all smiles.
"Now there is the Sydney we love to see. You just always seem so moody in the morning," He winks at her and kisses her forehead.
"Good morning, mommy!" Her daughter squeezes her hand and looks at her with delight.
Sydney can't help but smile and laugh back at her. Her daughter is truly a work of art, as beautiful as the sunrise. She is the meaning in her life. What she lives for. "Good morning Sweetie. Wow, you woke up early today, it's not even six yet!"
Her husband looks at her, confused. "Syd. . . you told me to wake her up. Matthew wasn't ready yet so I gave him ten more minutes."
She raises her eyebrow and tucks her hair behind her hair with a confused expression on her face. "Oh, did I? I must've been thinking about something else." She redirects her attention to her daughter. "Did you want to help me cook, Arianne?"
Her daughter nods. She is too young to ever hate her mother and is delighted to be old enough to help. Sydney gives her the eggs and tells her to crack them into the bowl.
Arianne does it carefully, scared that she will make a mistake and ruin everything. Sydney smiles at the studious look on her face and turns to pour the milk. She feels her husband's arms snake around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. "It's times like these that I wish our children would disappear for an hour or two. You're right. The sunrise is beautiful but it wanes in comparison to you. You are stunning." He plants a kiss on her neck.
She turns and smiles, smacking him playfully. "Don't ever wish our children away, they mean too much to me."
He smiles back but is hurt that she doesn't agree. She puts her hands on his shoulders. "Now don't give me that look. Of course I want that too but I'm a mother and motherly love is way too strong to just cast aside."
"Well of course I didn't really mean it," he says in hasty explanation. He picks up his daughter and swings her around the air. "I didn't mean it, did I honey? I love you sooo much; don't you ever grow up and bring boys into this house."
Sydney laughs. Her husband is good with children. Arianne is laughing too and she wraps her arms around her father's neck. "He didn't mean it mommy, he was just kidding."
"I know, I know. I guess I'm just slower than all of you to figure things out." She puts the dishtowel on the rack and starts to fry the eggs.
"Why don't you set the table, Arianne and then give everybody their milk?" Her husband sets Arianne down on the floor and she immediately attends to her task.
"I'll get Matthew," he says.
"Thank you honey." She sounds weary. Like her life is heavy and slipping away. But she will be rejuvenated soon enough. She always is. She looks around her, reminding herself of what she has. Her eyes linger on a picture hanging over the doorway. A family portrait from 4 years ago. Everyone is happy, healthy, and young. But is it just her or does the Sydney in the picture have a slightly wistful expression while looking at her husband? Like she would rather be with someone else?
No. She shakes her head. There is nowhere else I would rather be and no one else I would rather have. And for a minute, she believes herself.
tbc...
Extra A/N: For the people who are worried... this story is not going to be extremely unrealistic, no one will die mysterious deaths to make a happy future, no one will strangely ressurect, the husband is NOT Will and there will be no adultery <as in sex... it's obvious that mental things will be going on>
(review as always~) Jenn
I know~ how dare I start another one with so many unfinished? Well. . . I guess my only explanation is that the ideas come and if don't write them, who will? Besides, I'm not exactly neglecting my other ones. . . some are just paid attention to more than others. . . but hey, I think I'm pretty consistent.
REVIEW and tell me what you think~ (even if you think I should rewrite or just axe the whole thing~)
