On My Own


Jan 9, 2004
Chapter 10

A/N: the italics are Sydney’s thoughts as she is talking to Vaughn

Slowly Sydney made her way down the corridor that lead to Vaughn’s room. Michael. She mentally corrected herself. She needed to distance herself from him if she was going to make it easier on herself.

Sydney opened the door and looked at his sleeping figure. He would have looked peaceful if it wasn’t for all of the tubes and the bruises. Sydney closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. This would be the last time she would truly be with him, even though he couldn’t respond. She would make sure that she would never be alone with him again. It would be too hard for her to be in a room alone with him.

Sydney walked over to the side of his bed and sat down on the chair. She took his left hand in her’s and squeezed it. She hoped that he could hear what she was going to tell him. Sydney didn’t think that she had the strength to repeat what she had to say.

“Hey Michael. It’s me, Sydney,” she said, “god, I feel so stupid talking to you will you are in a coma. I just hope that you can hear me.”

She whispered into his ear, “I have something that I need to tell you.”

Slowly, she lifted her head to look at his face. Then, Sydney squeezed his hand again before she continued.

“I wish that I could be the one, the one who could give you love, the kind of love that you really need.”

But that person will never be me, that person is your wife. Only she can love you the way you should be loved.

“Wish I could say to you that I’ll always stay with you, but baby that’s not me.”

I have already proved that I can’t always be there for you. I disappeared for two years. Who’s to say that it won’t happen again?

“You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever, baby that’s something I can’t do.”

I am willing to give all of me to you, but our world is so messed up. I have so many enemies, there is no guarantee that I’ll be alive tomorrow. Being a spy robbed me of a normal life.

“Oh I could say that I’ll be all you need, but that would be a lie.”

You need to be with your wife.

“I know I’d only hurt you.”

Anyone I have ever loved has been hurt. Danny – killed. Noah – bad guy that fell on his knife because of me. Francie – killed and then cloned. Will – forced to do heroine, tortured, stabbed, left for dead, Witness Protection. Then there are all of the other random people that died because of me. THe agents at Badenwiler, Russek, I can't even remember them all.

“I know I’d only make you cry.”

I already have. I died.

“I’m not the one you’re needing.”

You need your wife Michael.

“I hope someday you can find some way to understand I’m only doing this for you.”

Everything will be easier if I just walk away now.

“I don’t really wanna go, but deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do.”

I have caused you so much pain its better if I just leave you alone. If it weren’t for me you would never have gotten stuck behind that door, or developed the virus, or felt so much pain. It is all my fault.

“You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that I could never be, who’ll give you something better than the love you’ll find with me.”

You have already found someone, your wife, Lauren. She will love you better than I ever can, as your wife.

“Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do.”

I still love you so much. I’m sorry that I never got to tell you that.

“When you love someone as much as I love you.”

To me we were off to Santa Barbara yesterday. Oh god. I can’t do this. My heart still belongs to you, even though I know you can’t have it.

“Oh I don’t wanna leave you it tears me up inside.”

It hurts so much to walk away from you. To leave you alone with your wife. It is breaking my heart.

“But I’ll never be the one you’re needing.”

You need your wife.

“Baby, it’s never gonna work out.”

Sydney slowly got up from the chair, tears in her eyes. She gave his hand one last squeeze and started towards the door. As she reached the exit she took a deep breath and took one last look at Vaughn.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Sydney closed her eyes and tried to compose herself before she walked back into the world.

Then she heard a voice utter one word, “Syd,” he whispered.

Slowly she gazed at the figure lying in the hospital bed. He was awake. Sydney could feel the tears stinging her eyes. She had to get out of there now. If she stayed any longer, she didn’t think that she would ever be able to leave. Also, she didn’t want to break down in front of him. She closed her eyes again and tried to control her emotions. Sydney to one last look at him.

“Goodbye,” she said and walked out of the door.

The speech that Sydney is giving Vaughn is I Love You, Goodbye sung by Celine Dion. It is changed in some laces to make it fit a bit better. Sorry it took so long.


Mar 23, 2004
That was sad, her saying her goodbyes to him. I'm glad he woke up before she walked out of the door- at least he knows she was there. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Make it soon?

Thanks for the PM.

Dec 23, 2004
this was so sad :( :( :( :( :( , but at least i´m greatfull that he woke up befrore she left , it gives some hope for the future :) :) ,

i can´t wait for more :woot: :woot: :woot: , please update as soon as possible :angelic: :angelic: :angelic: :angelic: :angelic: ,

thanks 4 the pm :) :) ,



Oct 17, 2003
I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed the previous three chapters. I haven't been to allalias for a pretty long time. I've to say the previous three chapters including this one almost made me cry. It was just so sad, especially her farewell speech. Well, at least he woke up before she left. He could at least attempt to give a chase or something. Do update soon. Can't wait for the next. ;)


Jan 9, 2004
Hey, I don't really have anything written yet. I have an ouline for the next 2 chapters and a basic idea for the next 10, but I kinda into relaxing right now. I just started my first year of college and for the first time in my life I actually have time to myself. That should mean more time to write, but at this moment I am just enjoying it. Thank you so much for reading my story. I will try to be motivated and type the next chapter sometime this week.
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