Sci-Fi Scifi Movie Wisdom


An Old Friend
Lets see if I can come up with something....

Glowing blue dust crystals made from embryonic fluids that make you use more of your brain is hard to come by. Always steal as much as you can whenever you find it.

When fighting someone with a light sabre, bring a mirror shield.

Never poke a recently fallen meteor's gooey middle with a night.

Whatever a tornado passes over is what it becomes. Ocean = Sharknado, Rock Quarry = Stoneado here's one I want. Fort Knox = Goldnado

If there is ever an alien invasion stay away from farms, Aliens hate cows.

Flying bicycles are powered by Reese's Pieces

Alien encounters may cause you to build sculptures of mountains in your mashed potatoes.

Never dig up a large black monolith. If you happen upon one, bury it immediately.

Never reach puberty, that is when your genes activate.

Everywhere you go in the Universe alien life resembles humans.

When you use an electronic device during a thunderstorm it gains special powers.

While hunting dinosaurs in the past, never step on a butterfly.

The CDC in Atlanta is not a safe haven during a zombie apocalypse.

Zombies are attracted to amusement park rides.

When being attacked by a Godzilla, always run to where he has already been because he always takes the path of most resistance.

We can hit a moving asteroid or comet with a ship but we can't hit a giant monster with a missile.

You may only ride a nuclear missile if you are wearing a cowboy hat.

If you get lost in a cave your only chance for survival is to mutate into a monstrous creature that uses sound to see.

Some Martian women have three boobs.

Never combine your DNA with alien DNA.

Never uncover an ancient tomb and find a Pepsi bottle cap.

If you find an alien weapons cache, leave it alone.

If a time traveler appears and tells you to do something...just do it.

Never attempt to enter, destroy, vandalize or move a call box that is not in the right place. Especially if it has a bigger inside than outside.

If you are in a plane and being chased by the nothingness, land at the nearest airport and wait for it to catch up.

If a dinosaur tells you to balance the equation, Balance the equation.

Diesel fuel will keep you from being eaten by large predatory genetic sauropods.

Never have your phone set to vibrate while in a motorized plexiglass ball.

Don't snap a picture of T-Rex eating Fido at night.

Don't fart. He may not be able to see you if you don't move but he can certainly smell you.

King Kong picks up people, throws cars and climbs buildings. Godzilla burns people, steps on cars and knocks down buildings.

If you are hiding in a rotten log and a giant centipede crawls on you, do not run away.

Know the location of all industrial complexes in your area, especially ones with heavy presses and molten iron, in case you get chased by a terminator.

You may be working for a mad scientist if he shows signs of Tourette Syndrome by randomly shouting, life, Life, LIFE!

The best method to attach a head is with bolts.

Burger King's signature hamburger 'The Whopper' is the founding design of the US Defense computer that hates Tic Tac Toe.

Evil secret bases and factories are always located in the snow belt.

If you are not sure who is alien and who is human, look for jewelry.

If you are fighting an alien invasion, never be the first pilot on the scene.

Aliens usually like flashing lights that play music, but not all.

During a ground force attack always follow the guy that says "Retreat, Hell".

If your robot wants to be human, He's having an identity crisis...There's an app for that.

If you find yourself in another country fighting aliens the humans there will still want to kill you.

Nuclear weapons never destroy the alien ship on Earth. They are only effective against the mother ship in space. Only after you bring down their defenses with your laptop.

There will never be anything in your path when traveling above light speed but if there is, it will cause you to have a bad acid trip until you destroy it.

All spaceships travel the Universe in the same orientation.

There is a pill that allows you to breathe on Mars.

Burning rocks on Mars gives off oxygen.

Its really hard to poop when flying in your suit of iron.

During your mission to reignite the Sun do not sit in a room with a large window without sunscreen.
If you are going on that mission, never ride in a craft with a large window that faces the Sun.

Venus women have Two, yes, TWO boobies each.

Be wary of evil planetary rulers that build giant sex-ray machines pointed at Earth.

Do not stand too close to your boyfriend while he is calling on the Power of Grey-Skull.

If your boyfriend uploads his mind to a super-computer your sex-life will suffer.

Test all little girls by having them smell formic acid. If they say THEM!, move to another part of the country.

Compare all giant radioactive birds to the size of Naval craft. If it is "As Big as a Battleship"...hide.

If you are traveling around the Sun and encounter a planet that looks exactly like Earth always try to read their language in a mirror.


Anyone else care to contribute>?