Hey guys this is my first fic! if you guys could tell me whether you could see the characters in my fic doing and saying the same stuff in the show, i would really appreciate it. i jsut want to know if i got the charaters personalities and stuff down....CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WELCOME! THANKS!
A Dark Turn
Sydney unlocked her door, threw her stuff down on the ground and raced to answer the telephone.
“Hello?” she said breathlessly.
“Syd, hey, it’s Vaughn.”
“Oh, hey!”
“I was calling to make sure we’re still on for the King’s game tomorrow night,” then added, “You’ll be able to watch the zamboni…”
“Yeah! Definitely,” she said with a smile.
“Good, I’ll pick you up at 6, the game’s at 7.”
“Okay. Oh Vaughn, we are probably going to run in to a problem soon.”
“What?” he asked, cautiously.
“Whoever planted the bugs in my apartment, planted one in the television in my bedroom.”
Vaughn was silent on the other line, “the one that facing your bed?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I guess we’ll have to deal with that problem when we get to it,” Vaughn sighed.
“Yeah, I guess so. So I’ll see you at work?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at work.”
*******************************************************************************
“Thanks for giving me a ride, I can’t believe my car broke down,” Sydney mused as she fished out her keys to unlock her apartment. “It has been such a good car,” she laughed.
“No problem. I, on the other hand, am glad it broke down,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, “because I got to drive you home.”
He leaned down and kissed her gently, pulling her towards him.
“Would you like to come in?” Sydney whispered, “I think we may be putting on a bit of a show.”
Vaughn, who had been completely lost in the moment, realized that there were two children down the hall, gaping at them. They laughed as Sydney opened the door and put her bag down.
“Would you like something to drink? There’s some wine left that Francie and I opened last night.”
“Sure, sounds good,” Vaughn said, frowning. His eyes followed her as she went into the kitchen. “How is Francie by the way?” he tried to sound offhand.
“Honestly, I don’t really know. We haven’t been talking as much as we used to recently. I thought it was because of Will, they have some thing going on, but now, I’m not so sure.” She shrugged it off as she poured the wine, but Vaughn could tell it was bothering her.
She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You know what feel like doing?”
Vaughn smiled, she really knew how to divert a guy’s attention. “What?”
“Dancing. Will you dance with me Michael Vaughn?” she teased.
“I would do anything for you, Sydney Bristow,” he laughed. “Whatever keeps you happy.”
“Well, this would make me happy,” she said as she turned on a CD.
“It would make me happy too,” Vaughn whispered, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him.
She buried her face in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, swaying gently to the music.
Vaughn finally broke the silence, “Syd?”
“Hmmm…”
“I love you,” he whispered into her ear. He immediately felt her body tense up. She pulled back with a frown on her face. “Vaughn-“ she began.
“No,” he said firmly as he leaned his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. “You don’t need to say anything.”
She put her fingers to his lips, “Shh, I need to say this. I have been trying really hard not to fall for you Vaughn, I really have. It’s just, this relationship was the last thing I needed right now, or so I thought.” She paused, trying to read his reaction. “It’s just that every person I’ve ever gotten close to has gotten hurt, every person I’ve ever loved. Will and Danny were hurt because of what I do, my father is a wreck and my mother has risen from the dead. You and Francie are the only people that keep me sane, that keep me grounded. And I didn’t want to lose you guys. But I think I fell for you a little faster than I expected and-”
“Syd,” Vaughn interrupted, “I understand what you are saying, and I will wait. I’ll wait for an eternity if that’s the amount of time you need. But I want you to remember something, that know matter what happens between us, I will always love you.”
Syd smiled, “You didn’t let me finish, what I was trying to say was that I love you too, and I am willing to take the risk of getting hurt if you are.”
Vaughn gaped at her, unable to believe what she had just said.
************
Well, what do ya think?
A Dark Turn
Sydney unlocked her door, threw her stuff down on the ground and raced to answer the telephone.
“Hello?” she said breathlessly.
“Syd, hey, it’s Vaughn.”
“Oh, hey!”
“I was calling to make sure we’re still on for the King’s game tomorrow night,” then added, “You’ll be able to watch the zamboni…”
“Yeah! Definitely,” she said with a smile.
“Good, I’ll pick you up at 6, the game’s at 7.”
“Okay. Oh Vaughn, we are probably going to run in to a problem soon.”
“What?” he asked, cautiously.
“Whoever planted the bugs in my apartment, planted one in the television in my bedroom.”
Vaughn was silent on the other line, “the one that facing your bed?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I guess we’ll have to deal with that problem when we get to it,” Vaughn sighed.
“Yeah, I guess so. So I’ll see you at work?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at work.”
*******************************************************************************
“Thanks for giving me a ride, I can’t believe my car broke down,” Sydney mused as she fished out her keys to unlock her apartment. “It has been such a good car,” she laughed.
“No problem. I, on the other hand, am glad it broke down,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, “because I got to drive you home.”
He leaned down and kissed her gently, pulling her towards him.
“Would you like to come in?” Sydney whispered, “I think we may be putting on a bit of a show.”
Vaughn, who had been completely lost in the moment, realized that there were two children down the hall, gaping at them. They laughed as Sydney opened the door and put her bag down.
“Would you like something to drink? There’s some wine left that Francie and I opened last night.”
“Sure, sounds good,” Vaughn said, frowning. His eyes followed her as she went into the kitchen. “How is Francie by the way?” he tried to sound offhand.
“Honestly, I don’t really know. We haven’t been talking as much as we used to recently. I thought it was because of Will, they have some thing going on, but now, I’m not so sure.” She shrugged it off as she poured the wine, but Vaughn could tell it was bothering her.
She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You know what feel like doing?”
Vaughn smiled, she really knew how to divert a guy’s attention. “What?”
“Dancing. Will you dance with me Michael Vaughn?” she teased.
“I would do anything for you, Sydney Bristow,” he laughed. “Whatever keeps you happy.”
“Well, this would make me happy,” she said as she turned on a CD.
“It would make me happy too,” Vaughn whispered, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him.
She buried her face in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, swaying gently to the music.
Vaughn finally broke the silence, “Syd?”
“Hmmm…”
“I love you,” he whispered into her ear. He immediately felt her body tense up. She pulled back with a frown on her face. “Vaughn-“ she began.
“No,” he said firmly as he leaned his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. “You don’t need to say anything.”
She put her fingers to his lips, “Shh, I need to say this. I have been trying really hard not to fall for you Vaughn, I really have. It’s just, this relationship was the last thing I needed right now, or so I thought.” She paused, trying to read his reaction. “It’s just that every person I’ve ever gotten close to has gotten hurt, every person I’ve ever loved. Will and Danny were hurt because of what I do, my father is a wreck and my mother has risen from the dead. You and Francie are the only people that keep me sane, that keep me grounded. And I didn’t want to lose you guys. But I think I fell for you a little faster than I expected and-”
“Syd,” Vaughn interrupted, “I understand what you are saying, and I will wait. I’ll wait for an eternity if that’s the amount of time you need. But I want you to remember something, that know matter what happens between us, I will always love you.”
Syd smiled, “You didn’t let me finish, what I was trying to say was that I love you too, and I am willing to take the risk of getting hurt if you are.”
Vaughn gaped at her, unable to believe what she had just said.
************
Well, what do ya think?
Wow, this is your first fanfic??? 
thats not possible...