ALIAS Top Ten Lists (with apologies to Letterman)
- Thread starter NumberSix
- Start date
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
From the Alias Fannesite - www.neloo.com/alias (I don't own anything)
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Becoming A Spy
10. Do I look good in black?
9. Would being a spy require me to leave the house?
8. Do they have a dental plan?
7. Is 'Alias' an accurate depiction of the job?
6. What if I got stuck with a lame codename?
5. Am I yet another man in his 40s reacting to a mid-life crisis by becoming a spy?
4. Does my auto insurance cover acts of espionage?
3. Would I make a better James Bond or Austin Powers?
2. Does playing "I Spy" count as previous experience?
1. Can I keep a secret?
Top Ten Questions Asked on the SD-6 Job Application
10. How did you obtain intel about this position?
9. Are you a bleeder?
8. How many lies per minute can you type?
7. Do you have a fear of heights? Confined spaces? Guns? Needles? Fire? Water? Radioactive devices?
6. Will you keep all secrets to yourself even if someone offers you a boatload of cash?
5. Do you mind being drugged, knocked out, blindfolded and driven 200 miles to and from work every day?
4. Will you contribute to the 401(K) even though there's a good chance you won't see 65?
3. Do you give your word that you will do your best -- just kidding, like someone's word means anything around here.
2. Are any of your relatives employed by us?
1. Can you work weekends?
Top Ten Least Impressive Marshall Gadgets
10. Digital clock that is also a radio
9. Cuff links shaped like dice
8. Wet-dry beard trimmer with night vision
7. Football-shaped phone
6. Glove-compartment Slurpee machine
5. Super-itchy pants
4. Pepper grinder that dispenses a little too much pepper
3. Self-cleaning Isotoner gloves
2. More-realistic-than-usual rubber vomit
1. Stapler with hidden scotch-tape dispenser
Top Ten Rejected Names for 'Alias'
10. Days of our Spies
9. My So-Called Job
8. Bristow 'N Bristow
7. Lifestyles of the Mean and Nasty
6. Sloane in Charge
5. My Two Lives
4. Suspicious Minds
3. Who Wants To Be A Double Agent?
2. Sydney and The Man
1. Two Guys, A Girl and The CIA
Top Ten Signs You're a Bad Spy
10. You often ask people, "Mind if I spy on you for a sec?"
9. Your photos of secret documents are all just close-ups of your thumb.
8. Your name: "Billy." Your secret code name: "Double-0-Billy."
7. Concealed within your umbrella is a slightly smaller umbrella.
6. Always order your malt liquor shaken, not stirred.
5. You keep accidentally chewing your plastic explosives.
4. Instead of trench coat, you wear a lovely pink bathrobe.
3. On your passport, occupation listed as "not a spy, that's for damn sure!"
2. You look through wrong end of your telescope and report that "them Russians is tiny."
1. You recently defected to K-Mart.
Top Ten New Call Signs for Sydney
10. I sure as hell am NOT a double agent!
9. 99
8. Daughter of "The Man"/The Mini-Man (tie)
7. Runs-a-lot
6. Dave
5. Sloan-hater
4. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, or Blitzen
3. Pink Ranger
2. Double-O-Blond (only works w/ the blond wig)
1. What's wrong with just plain "Sydney"?
Top Ten New Jobs for Will Tippin
10. Guy Who Covers for Sydney With Francie
9. Exterminator for the Storage Facility (that cricket's gotta go!)
8. CIA Informant: What's in Sydney's Dresser?
7. Salesman for Nokia
6. Becoming an ACTUAL mole.
5. Bait. Jack's Bait.
4. Ghostwriting Sydney's term papers (How long has it BEEN since she's been at school?!)
3. Voice Over Guy for New Opening Sequence
2. Replacing guy pretending to be homeless all day in case Sydney wants to get into the building
1. Giant Hamburger
A guy could be in love with you if he:
10. Tells you that you have his number
9. Tells you he is your ally
8. Always answers your midnight calls and goes wherever you want to meet him
7. Doesn't care about your family history
6. Buys you antiques
5. He goes to the shrink to discuss your relationship
4. Remembers all the places you go when you are down
3. Shows you a watch that doesn't work
2. Goes into a building full of terrorists by himself just to save you
1. Volunteers to go to the other end of the world, disobeying orders, to save a guy that he doesn't even know just because that guy is your friend
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Becoming A Spy
10. Do I look good in black?
9. Would being a spy require me to leave the house?
8. Do they have a dental plan?
7. Is 'Alias' an accurate depiction of the job?
6. What if I got stuck with a lame codename?
5. Am I yet another man in his 40s reacting to a mid-life crisis by becoming a spy?
4. Does my auto insurance cover acts of espionage?
3. Would I make a better James Bond or Austin Powers?
2. Does playing "I Spy" count as previous experience?
1. Can I keep a secret?
Top Ten Questions Asked on the SD-6 Job Application
10. How did you obtain intel about this position?
9. Are you a bleeder?
8. How many lies per minute can you type?
7. Do you have a fear of heights? Confined spaces? Guns? Needles? Fire? Water? Radioactive devices?
6. Will you keep all secrets to yourself even if someone offers you a boatload of cash?
5. Do you mind being drugged, knocked out, blindfolded and driven 200 miles to and from work every day?
4. Will you contribute to the 401(K) even though there's a good chance you won't see 65?
3. Do you give your word that you will do your best -- just kidding, like someone's word means anything around here.
2. Are any of your relatives employed by us?
1. Can you work weekends?
Top Ten Least Impressive Marshall Gadgets
10. Digital clock that is also a radio
9. Cuff links shaped like dice
8. Wet-dry beard trimmer with night vision
7. Football-shaped phone
6. Glove-compartment Slurpee machine
5. Super-itchy pants
4. Pepper grinder that dispenses a little too much pepper
3. Self-cleaning Isotoner gloves
2. More-realistic-than-usual rubber vomit
1. Stapler with hidden scotch-tape dispenser
Top Ten Rejected Names for 'Alias'
10. Days of our Spies
9. My So-Called Job
8. Bristow 'N Bristow
7. Lifestyles of the Mean and Nasty
6. Sloane in Charge
5. My Two Lives
4. Suspicious Minds
3. Who Wants To Be A Double Agent?
2. Sydney and The Man
1. Two Guys, A Girl and The CIA
Top Ten Signs You're a Bad Spy
10. You often ask people, "Mind if I spy on you for a sec?"
9. Your photos of secret documents are all just close-ups of your thumb.
8. Your name: "Billy." Your secret code name: "Double-0-Billy."
7. Concealed within your umbrella is a slightly smaller umbrella.
6. Always order your malt liquor shaken, not stirred.
5. You keep accidentally chewing your plastic explosives.
4. Instead of trench coat, you wear a lovely pink bathrobe.
3. On your passport, occupation listed as "not a spy, that's for damn sure!"
2. You look through wrong end of your telescope and report that "them Russians is tiny."
1. You recently defected to K-Mart.
Top Ten New Call Signs for Sydney
10. I sure as hell am NOT a double agent!
9. 99
8. Daughter of "The Man"/The Mini-Man (tie)
7. Runs-a-lot
6. Dave
5. Sloan-hater
4. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, or Blitzen
3. Pink Ranger
2. Double-O-Blond (only works w/ the blond wig)
1. What's wrong with just plain "Sydney"?
Top Ten New Jobs for Will Tippin
10. Guy Who Covers for Sydney With Francie
9. Exterminator for the Storage Facility (that cricket's gotta go!)
8. CIA Informant: What's in Sydney's Dresser?
7. Salesman for Nokia
6. Becoming an ACTUAL mole.
5. Bait. Jack's Bait.
4. Ghostwriting Sydney's term papers (How long has it BEEN since she's been at school?!)
3. Voice Over Guy for New Opening Sequence
2. Replacing guy pretending to be homeless all day in case Sydney wants to get into the building
1. Giant Hamburger
A guy could be in love with you if he:
10. Tells you that you have his number
9. Tells you he is your ally
8. Always answers your midnight calls and goes wherever you want to meet him
7. Doesn't care about your family history
6. Buys you antiques
5. He goes to the shrink to discuss your relationship
4. Remembers all the places you go when you are down
3. Shows you a watch that doesn't work
2. Goes into a building full of terrorists by himself just to save you
1. Volunteers to go to the other end of the world, disobeying orders, to save a guy that he doesn't even know just because that guy is your friend
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
Also from the Alias Fannesite - Because it's Christmas:
Top Ten Ways Sark Celebrates Christmas
10. Watch parades; think up evil plots involving Spiderman balloon
9. Treat himself to a gift basket of new weapons
8. Quickly switch off football games; never violent enough
7. Wax nostalgic about the Christmas when he assassinated an unwary ambassador
6. Sneak into victims' houses via the chimney
5. Put fake bomb in Syd's stocking. Install camera to catch her reaction
4. Buy all the egg nog at the local grocery stores, so there won't be any when desperate last minute shoppers go looking
3. Volunteer at local homeless shelters to strangle turkeys
2. Make list of creative ways to kill people (Well, he works on that every day)
1. In a word: naughty
Top Ten Ways Syd Celebrates Christmas
10. Stocks up on mistletoe to use during meetings with Vaughn.
9. Wears a Santa hat with every disguise.
8. Forms a plan to find the Grinch and expose his connection to The Covenant.
7. Sets her cell phone to ring to the tune of the song Sleigh Ride.
6. Gives Sloane a fruitcake. (Fights the urge to beat him with it.)
5. All alibis contain the words "reindeer" or "merry."
4. Refuses missions to anywhere but the North Pole.
3. Prefers to use the code name Silent Night.
2. Gift wraps her dead drops to the CIA.
1. Exclaims "And to all a good night!" as she shoots at bad guys and flees.
Sloane's Top Ten Hints for a Festive Holiday Season
10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests.
9. A fake severed finger in the stuffing is a sure laugh-getter.
8. Tell visitors that when the timer pops up on the turkey, they have ten seconds before it explodes.
7. Question the pumpkin for secrets as you cut it up and make a pie.
6. Claim that the turkey's death was a mercy killing.
5. Reenact the story of the Pilgrims' first cranberry sauce weapon.
4. At end of meal, stand up and proclaim, "You must tell no one about this!"
3. Organize a covert operation to remove lumps from the mashed potatoes.
2. Blackmail relatives by threatening to reveal their secret recipes.
1. Two words: gravy bomb.
Top Ten Ways Sark Celebrates Christmas
10. Watch parades; think up evil plots involving Spiderman balloon
9. Treat himself to a gift basket of new weapons
8. Quickly switch off football games; never violent enough
7. Wax nostalgic about the Christmas when he assassinated an unwary ambassador
6. Sneak into victims' houses via the chimney
5. Put fake bomb in Syd's stocking. Install camera to catch her reaction
4. Buy all the egg nog at the local grocery stores, so there won't be any when desperate last minute shoppers go looking
3. Volunteer at local homeless shelters to strangle turkeys
2. Make list of creative ways to kill people (Well, he works on that every day)
1. In a word: naughty
Top Ten Ways Syd Celebrates Christmas
10. Stocks up on mistletoe to use during meetings with Vaughn.
9. Wears a Santa hat with every disguise.
8. Forms a plan to find the Grinch and expose his connection to The Covenant.
7. Sets her cell phone to ring to the tune of the song Sleigh Ride.
6. Gives Sloane a fruitcake. (Fights the urge to beat him with it.)
5. All alibis contain the words "reindeer" or "merry."
4. Refuses missions to anywhere but the North Pole.
3. Prefers to use the code name Silent Night.
2. Gift wraps her dead drops to the CIA.
1. Exclaims "And to all a good night!" as she shoots at bad guys and flees.
Sloane's Top Ten Hints for a Festive Holiday Season
10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests.
9. A fake severed finger in the stuffing is a sure laugh-getter.
8. Tell visitors that when the timer pops up on the turkey, they have ten seconds before it explodes.
7. Question the pumpkin for secrets as you cut it up and make a pie.
6. Claim that the turkey's death was a mercy killing.
5. Reenact the story of the Pilgrims' first cranberry sauce weapon.
4. At end of meal, stand up and proclaim, "You must tell no one about this!"
3. Organize a covert operation to remove lumps from the mashed potatoes.
2. Blackmail relatives by threatening to reveal their secret recipes.
1. Two words: gravy bomb.
alias_freakazoid
Cadet
these are amazing, keep it up y'all!
NumberSix said:
so funny, i LOVE rocky & bullwinkle!
NumberSix said:
very very awesome
NumberSix said:
hahaha! i love the spoon
NumberSix said:
hahahahahahahahahahaha
NumberSix said:
hahahahahahahaa
NumberSix said:
so so so good!
hahah i can so picture that!sparkling_sapphire89 said:
hahahahahah
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
TOP 10 THINGS JACK BRISTOW NEVER WANTS TO HEAR
10. Katya: You're such a loser in bed. I should have listened to Irina.
9. Syd: Dad, I'm moving to Russia with Katya to join the SVR.
8. Irina: Jack, there's something else I haven't told you. It involves Marshall.
7. Syd: I'm no longer in love with Vaughn. I love Lauren.
6. Dr. Barnett: I'm sleeping with Sloane. (wait a minute... :blink: )
5. Irina: I've always loved Nadia more than I love Syd.
4. Marshall (on the phone with someone): Not if I see you first, love.
3. Sloane: (groan) My thong is giving me diaper rash.
2. Dixon: Jack, you are now in charge of this office. I'm quitting to be an exotic dancer.
And the one thing Jack Bristow definitely does NOT want to hear:
1. Sark: Mr Bristow, your daughter and I, we...
Sorry if these are kinda lame. This is my first time making a 'list' of my own, so...
10. Katya: You're such a loser in bed. I should have listened to Irina.
9. Syd: Dad, I'm moving to Russia with Katya to join the SVR.
8. Irina: Jack, there's something else I haven't told you. It involves Marshall.
7. Syd: I'm no longer in love with Vaughn. I love Lauren.
6. Dr. Barnett: I'm sleeping with Sloane. (wait a minute... :blink: )
5. Irina: I've always loved Nadia more than I love Syd.
4. Marshall (on the phone with someone): Not if I see you first, love.
3. Sloane: (groan) My thong is giving me diaper rash.
2. Dixon: Jack, you are now in charge of this office. I'm quitting to be an exotic dancer.
And the one thing Jack Bristow definitely does NOT want to hear:
1. Sark: Mr Bristow, your daughter and I, we...
Sorry if these are kinda lame. This is my first time making a 'list' of my own, so...
sparkling_sapphire89 said:
:lol: I love that one! I know it's not in the same spirit as what Lauren said, but somehow, I just know there's a potential fanfic built around that line. Hmmm...Carrie turns out to be an SVR agent, or worse...
:rotfl:
:siren:
Luckily, Jack won't ever have to hear that, because Sark wouldn't live long enough to finish saying it!
:blowup:sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
Yeah, i kinda got my inspiration from something one of my sister's boyfriends said to my father NumberSix, your lists are like BEYOND hilarious!!! My sis totally thought I'd lost my mind... I was laughing so damn loudly.
NumberSix, your lists are like BEYOND hilarious!!! My sis totally thought I'd lost my mind... I was laughing so damn loudly.NumberSix said:
This one's got me thinking, actually. Can you imagine how everyone in the hall is going to draw in a breath when the minister gets to: "...if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, let them speak now or ferever hold their peace" ?\
I mean, let's face it, everybody is going to be expecting something from a Certain Someone at this point...
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
NumberSix said:This one's got me thinking, actually. Can you imagine how everyone in the hall is going to draw in a breath when the minister gets to: "...if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, let them speak now or ferever hold their peace" ?\
I mean, let's face it, everybody is going to be expecting something from a Certain Someone at this point...
[post="1134638"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]
Erm... Meaning Syd??
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
NumberSix said:
Riiiiight...
Miroslav_Kozlova
Cadet
from neloo.com, i do not own a thing
Top Ten Things To Do While Alias Isn't On
During the Summer
10. Whenever the phone rings, pick it up and whisper, "I'm ready."
9. Take classes to learn other languages, so you'll be prepared for the new season of Alias.
8. If a guy shows up at your office to do repairs, put him in a headlock and demand to know who sent him.
7. One word: stakeout.
6. Explore the comfort of inflatable furniture.
5. Say "Sometimes the truth hurts" whenever you hear the word "truth."
4. Wear a disguise when you leave the house.
3. Make friends with a reporter and tearfully ask him to stop working on a story.
2. Travel from room to room by way of the air ducts.
1. Ask everyone you meet if they'll be your handler.
omg those are so funny, i practically fell of the chair laighing
Top Ten Things To Do While Alias Isn't On
During the Summer
10. Whenever the phone rings, pick it up and whisper, "I'm ready."
9. Take classes to learn other languages, so you'll be prepared for the new season of Alias.
8. If a guy shows up at your office to do repairs, put him in a headlock and demand to know who sent him.
7. One word: stakeout.
6. Explore the comfort of inflatable furniture.
5. Say "Sometimes the truth hurts" whenever you hear the word "truth."
4. Wear a disguise when you leave the house.
3. Make friends with a reporter and tearfully ask him to stop working on a story.
2. Travel from room to room by way of the air ducts.
1. Ask everyone you meet if they'll be your handler.
omg those are so funny, i practically fell of the chair laighing
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
Miroslav_Kozlova said:
Hey wasn't that on Letterman???
Real funny though... :lol: :lol: :lol:
Miroslav_Kozlova
Cadet
i know...
specially
number 10, number 8, number 5, number 3 and number 1
specially
number 10, number 8, number 5, number 3 and number 1
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
Yeah I know... Hilarious stuff!!! Wonder why this thread isn't very popular though... The stuff in here is just WAY funny!!!
Miroslav_Kozlova
Cadet
lol i wonde the same thing
StAgEpRiNcEsS
Cadet
TOP TEN THINGS THAT LINES THAT SHOULD NEVER BE SAID ON ALIAS
SLOANE TO SYD 10. We tried everything, even counselling, but it just never
worked out with your father ...
JACK TO SLOANE 9. Oh, not the puppy dog look, you know i cant resist it!
VAUGHN TO KENDALL 8. Don't arrest me, i know fraternization with the enemy is
against the law but Sark is so cute!
JACK TO IRINA 7. Katya was better.
VAUGHN TO SARK 6. Yeah, you should ask Syd out. No objections here!
JACK TO VAUGHN 5. Mikey, you are so smart. (TO SYD) He got it from me.
IRINA TO SLOANE 4. It was bigger twenty years ago, wasnt it?
VAUGHN TO LAUREN 3. I'm sorry but Sark is so cute!...How about a threesome?
JACK TO SYD 2. Your mother looks better in a bikini.
And the number one line that should never be said on Alias ...
SYD TO VAUGHN 1. You're tinier than i would've thought.
SLOANE TO SYD 10. We tried everything, even counselling, but it just never
worked out with your father ...
JACK TO SLOANE 9. Oh, not the puppy dog look, you know i cant resist it!
VAUGHN TO KENDALL 8. Don't arrest me, i know fraternization with the enemy is
against the law but Sark is so cute!
JACK TO IRINA 7. Katya was better.
VAUGHN TO SARK 6. Yeah, you should ask Syd out. No objections here!
JACK TO VAUGHN 5. Mikey, you are so smart. (TO SYD) He got it from me.
IRINA TO SLOANE 4. It was bigger twenty years ago, wasnt it?
VAUGHN TO LAUREN 3. I'm sorry but Sark is so cute!...How about a threesome?
JACK TO SYD 2. Your mother looks better in a bikini.
And the number one line that should never be said on Alias ...
SYD TO VAUGHN 1. You're tinier than i would've thought.