Politics Divorce

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SpyGirl426

Cadet
I'm not sure if someone has already posted about this.... I looked through the first 3 pages and couldnt find any... and i didnt feel like looking through the other 19 pages. So if there's already another topic about this... sorry :blush:

Anyway, back to the reason I started this post. My parents have been having a lot of problems lately (my dad has just a couple skeletons in his closet that have recently been uncovered) and they havent been living together for a couple of months. The other day my mom told me they were getting divorced and i had to pick who i wanted to live with. How the heck am i supposed to do that? How do I tell one parent I'd rather live with the other? How do I even begin to decide? :thinking:

I've been having a really hard time with this and basically everything since I found out they were divorcing a couple days ago. Any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated.

(n)
 
Wow, I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I have 2 friends whose parents are divorced. My best friend used to stay with her dad on mondays and tuesdays, and with her mom on wednesdays and thursdays. They would trade fridays and the weekends. But now that her dad has passed away, she's staying with her mom. My other friend stays with her mom and visits her dad ever few weeks.

I haven't experienced this myself, but if you want to talk, I'm here. :smiley:
 
Thanks. It's nice to know someone is there for me. :smiley:

I'm still not sure how i'm going to decide who to live with. i suggested to my parents that i live at both houses... like with my mom during the week and my dad on the weekends or something like that, but they said that would be too complicated and i had to pick one or the other. They want my decision ASAP... but I've been avoiding both of them for the last couple of days. It's probably a bad thing that in the back of my head i keep thinking that if i never tell them they cant go finalize their divorce and they'll have to stay married. Oh well... at the moment, that's comforting me.
 
im so sorry, cant even imagine what you are going thru! I have a friend whose parents are just recently divorced, they were married for 36 years so this came as a big shock! but then i think it comes as a shock to all. I read that your parents want you too choose between the two, but maybe you could try doing one month at a time with each parent or 3 months at a time or something!? Its been awhile since you posted this so maybe you already choose, but i wanted to make that suggestion!
 
You said that your parents "havent been living together for a couple of months". I have one question: where have you been living then?
It might help making your decision. :smiley:
I don't know if that system exists where you live, but in France regarding the situation, some kids can live one week with their dad and the other week with their mom. Of course the parents have to live in the same city so that the kids can go to the same school. I think it is a good solution. At the beginning, it might no be so easy, but with some time, that system works. ;)

My parents have been divorced for more than 10 years now. I was 7 when they decided to live appart from each other. Because I was so young, I couldn't decide who I wanted to live with. I was with my mom during the weeks and with my dad one week-end in two. If I had to do it again, I'd like to live with my two parents equally.
When they made the decision, I was 7 and my sister 17. She was able to decide. Her decision was to live with my dad. I wish I spent more time with my sister when I was younger.

I don't know if you have siblings, but if you do, try to talk about it with them, it might help.

Let us know if you've already decided or not.
 
sorry i havent updated everyone in a while... things have been a little crazy as you can imagine. ok, so here´s how the siduation has played out for now... I told my parents i refused to decide between them and suggested that i spend equal time with both of them. they said that wasn´t an option because they planned to move far away from eachother so i couldnt do that. so i told them again i wouldnt choose and they said that if i didnt i couldnt live with either. So now I live with my best friend and the rest of her family in maryland, where ive always lived, while my mom lives in california and my dad lives in minnesota. Oh, and on top of that, my sister decided to move in with my mom, so im across the country from the only person i could really talk to about that. talk about a really screwed up and sucky siduation.
 
Your parents were not really clever in that situation. They should have understood!
I am sorry to hear that. Are you going to live with your best friend all the time?
 
Yea... well at least through this school year b/c we'll be going off to college next year. I actually think this was the best decision I could've made given the siduation. My friend's parents are really understanding... especially her dad who went through a similar siduation when he was my age. The upcoming months are going to be really tough for me, but i know my friend, Mk, will try to help me as much as possible. I know you were young when your parents got divorced, but im sure it was still hard for you. How did you deal with everything? I mean, as pathetic as it sounds, I still really blame myself. Does anything make it easier?
 
Everyone keeps telling me that.... I wish I actually believed it

I also wish i didnt sound so lame when i wrote stuff like that.

I havent told many of my friends about any of this (I mean my friends who live in the same area as I do... for some reason I have no problem telling you guys). The only person who knows is Mk, my friend that I live with (obviously she knows). None of my other friends have any idea I live with her. It's just hard. I mean I know they're gonna find out sometime, but it's not something I really want to talk about. Plus, its not really something you just bring up in a casual conversation. I dunno... is it possible to just not tell anyone?
 
I was young when it happened, so people knew why I had to leave.

I really don't remember any hard time. I don't remember any fights between my parents, but this is probably because they did not fight a lot.
The only thing I remember is that I wanted to be with my dad more often, like it used to be, not just during week-ends.
I also wanted to stay with my friends. All of a sudden I had to live the country and go to town. Children were different there, not so sweet. This was not so difficult, but it was still a negative change for me.
Actually, now that I think about it, I wish I could remember more moments of that time, what really happened in my mind. But I can't.
I don't even remember when I completely left my parents' house. -_-
 
i'm so sorry...

i'm sure you are having a tough time with this

don't worry though... a lot of my friends' parents are divorced and thankfully things have worked out for them.

as for choosing which parent to live with... that is entirely up to you. will you be living in a different town, attending a different school, far from your friends? i guess think about those things as well...
 
My parents divorced when I was seven. So I know what it feels like when you stand between your mother and your father. What was also bad was that my mom and my dad cannot even talk with each other.

My mom told me what my dad supposedly did and did not for us when we were babies and my dad told me that she lies.
Later I found out what kind of father my dad really was. He said the truth and he is really the best father you could ask for. It was very difficult to move from my mother to my father, but finally I made it and I don't regret that decision. But sometimes, yes, I blamed myself. When I was a kid I always had hope that one day my parents could come together again.

But today I know it was better they divorced than just fighting all the time. That would have been much worse for us. But it was a hard time, especially for me.
 
I really thought I was making the right choice moving in with my best friend instead of choosing between my parents and moving far far away from my school and friends... but now my parents have decided that I'm too young to make a decision like that and are taking me to court... they are trying to get a judge to make me leave the only place thats felt like home in the longest time and move in with one of them. I'm 17 years old!!! I'm old enough to make my own decisions on where I want to live!!! This whole thing is so ridiculous... but unless I get legally emancipated from my parents, apparently they have the right to force me to live with one of them because I'm a minor. I really don't think they care about how any of this is affecting me whatsoever.

I don't care what anyone says or does.... I'm not leaving my best friend's house. No way. Not gonna happen. I'm staying right where I am. Just try and make me leave. I dare you. :angry:
 
I know how you feel. My parents divorced when I was nine and when I was thirteen my mom moved to florida for a new job. I ended up living with my father. But I just hate the fact I don't get to see my mother that much(I live in New York). Sometimes I hate my mother for leaving me like this. I got used to it all but it still hurts so much.
 
What annoys me so much right now is how confused I feel. Like one minute I'm so upset that my family is falling apart and so mad at my parents for putting me in this position, and the next minute I'm blaming myself for all of my parents problems. It's like I dont know how I'm supposed to feel about everything.

I think the hardest part is trying to control all my mixed up feelings so they dont spill out and affect other aspects of my life. I dont want to be the girl who does things like yell at friends for no reason or fail tests in school because of personal problems. Plus, I don't want to constantly burden my best friend with my problems. They're my problems... she shouldn't always have to be weighed down with them. This thread really helps me in that way. When i can't talk to my friend, I log on to AA and type a post about everything I'm feeling. By posting, I'm not forcing any of you to take on my problems unless you decide read it and post your own helpful comments (I'm so greatful to all of you who do so)

I do have to say that being an optimistic person has helped me immensly. I mean even though I know that all the emotionally draining things I've faced thus far are nothing compared to the upcoming events, I just know that somehow somewhere down the road everything will turn out for the best. When I get really upset or mad I just try to focus on that.

I think I'm done for now...
 
My parents have been divorced for about five years so if you need to talk about it feel free to pm me. I know how $#!%%^ it can feel.
 
Thanks! Good to know that there's someone else out there who knows exactly what I'm feeling at this moment...

So, I'm offically and legally emancipated from my parents as of yesterday... so im allowed to live with whomever i so desire who in my case is my best friend and her family...
 
SpyGirl426 said:
Thanks! Good to know that there's someone else out there who knows exactly what I'm feeling at this moment...

So, I'm offically and legally emancipated from my parents as of yesterday... so im allowed to live with whomever i so desire who in my case is my best friend and her family...
Click to expand...
I know what you mean. It feels great to get away from all the drama and just hang out with friends. That's what I did with my best friend who is now my girlfriend. I move in with her until I decided to live with my mom because she was the victim of the divorce. My father was the one who cheated. Hopefully your parents situation isn't as bad and you won't have to go through what I did. Hope everything works out for you :D
Much Love ~ ALIASX
 

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