Tenderbear
Scout
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>THE TENDER REVIEW!</span>
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Last Week on Alias: This week, to the tune of "Baby One More Time," for obvious reasons you will discover in the synopsis.
Oh Sydney, Sydney.
You see the man break when he falls.
You know something isn't riiiiiight.
Oh Sydney, Sydney.
You pose as a nurse in a hospital.
To find the Ice Fiiiiive.
Vaughn acts his best,
As they come to confess.
They save the day without getting frozen into a statue!
The frozeness, is creeping me. (And, I...)
I must confess, I don't belive... DON'T BELIEVE!
What I am seeing on my tv screen,
Did you all just seeeeeee?
That man broke into many!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We open to Shady Character A lurking near Shady Building A stealing Shady Device B. What happened to Shady Device A, you might ask? Why would you steal it, when you can just buy it at a store near you! Shady Device A can be found along with Essence of Elephant Mucus, Eggplant Zest, and Goo-Be-Gone in the complete line of Carrot Top's hair care products! Only $199.99 for all 327 pieces in 327 Lara Flyn Boyle ballerina designer bags! Finally, you can have the elegant stylings of Carrot Top with the fashion sense of Lara Flyn Boyle all at once! Oh, wait, where was I? No, not Switzerland. Ah, yes, Shady Device B is stolen by Shady Character A, and that's your intro right thur.
Cut to Sydney's log cabin high up in the mountains where Sydney chases some Yetis away after they teepeed her garage. "That's okay," says Weiss, "After eating your food, Sydney, I'm gonna be needing as much toilet paper as I can get my hands on!" Four parts of the Spy Gang settle down for some drinking and talking. Nadia doesn't understand that you don't do the two at the same time, and almost drowns from inhaling too much Sherry. Weiss then makes a proposition. "Hey guys, I saw these two deer get knocked over by a giant black bear on my snowshoe trek back to my house next door (side note: Weiss' house is hardly next door, though it is the closest domicile from Sydney's. It's located atop Mt. Kumquatasanaki, 17 miles away.), and it reminded me of bowling. I think we should go bowling!" Nadia is upset, "I can't miss the game on TV tonight, Eric." "You mean, Clemson at Duke?" "No, the world championship of cricket in Albequerque!" "Is that on tonight?!" Vaughn chimes in, "Darn it! Tonight is my shower night!" After a few minutes of persuasion and the bribe of a cookie, Weiss convinces Nadia to go with him. Sadly, Sydney also couldn't make the bowling party, as she needs to shoot some more squirrel for their next double date. Vaughn almost hurls. "Squirrel? You said those were chicken nachos!" Nadia and Weiss head off, but Syd and Vaughn get a call to duty.
In the APO, we find Sloane plotting the organization's next plan to rid the world of evil terrorist groups while he listens to Skye Sweetnam's newest single "Now I'm Kickin' the Pepsi Machine." He turns it off as Sydney and Vaughn enter. Sloane goes over their mission to the tune of "I'm a Slave 4U." Sloane is stopped by Vaughn one time after he breaks into the song's real lyrics, bends over, and starts carressing his own tush. (Outside, a very excited Jack watches the event on a security monitor in his office.) Syd and Vaughn get the gist: they have to pose as terrorists, find out the secret agenda of some other terrorists, and baby don't you wanna dance up on me.
We quickly cut to the streets of some foreign country (most likely Sweden) where Sydney and Vaughn walked toward a parked van (most likely Swedish). "What would you do with three cartons of extra-spicy tabasco sauce and a squeegee?" The man inside answers, "Give Arvin Sloane the hottest massage of his life." (Sloane watches this footage via satellite and giggles at his utmost cleverness.) Syd and Vaughn get into the van and soon learn they're on the craziest mission of their lives. The man inside shows them some footage of a picturesque suburbia. "This is where we are taking you. At first glance, it is a perfect, happy neighborhood filled with perfect, happy people. But behind the closed doors, there is crime, scandal, mystery, and danger happening at all times. One time, even--" Sydney interrupts, "Lemme guess. Eva longoria had to mow the grass in an evening gown while her husband was away to cover up her affair with a 16 year old boy." "Never!" the man shrieks, "Wisteria Lane is Pleasantville compared to where we're going." "That'd have to be hell or Little Rock," Vaughn adds, but quickly shuts up as the man continues his shpeel about their assignment.
S/V arrives at Wisteria Lane *ahem* sorry, Liberty Village, and they have some guests awaiting their arrival. Inside their new home are several Barbies and Kens who are actually a lot more like G.I. Joes. Among these criminals include David and Mary Piccolo, wanted terrorists who blew up two different embassies last year, Donald and Georgia Watkins, the infamous duo who ransacked a USA airplane and stole $100 million worth of supplies from it, and Jethrow and Delilah Heehaw who turned George Bush's family pig into hickory smoked bacon last month. Sydney accepts several housewarming gifts including a delicious looking casserole from Delilah. Mary later tells her not to eat it, since Delilah using her toenail clippings instead of salt.
After all the guests leave, Sydney and Vaughn have some bathroom talk time. "How will we get out of here?" Vaughn worries. "Don't worry," Sydney assures, "I have a short Mexican named Antonio waiting with his stubby mule out back just in case we need a quick escape to Guadelupe." Vaughn suddenly feels a lot safer. Vaughn quickly has to leave due to his long-withstanding fear of drains. Sydney goes for nighttime jog as Vaughn prepares for their first assignment: to put together a puzzle in under 3 minutes. Sydney arrives back home three hours later, feeling a lot more refreshed from her jog and bathroom break next to a fire hydrant she passed on her way home. She sees Vaughn still working on the puzzle. "Vaughn, it's been three hours and you're still not finished the puzzle?" Vaughn is angered. "Please, Sydney! I need to concentrate. Besides, it's only been three hours. The box says 4-6 years!" Sydney offers her help, but Vaughn declines. "C'mon, Vaughn! I never fail at anything!" "One word, Sydney: ELEKTRA." Sydney leaves him alone.
Back to the real world, Jack meets with a man named Alexsi for some business about Irina. Jack gives the man some of Irinas books to examine. Among them are "A Tale of Two Cities," "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," and "Everybody Poops." Alexsi promises to examine these books for some clues about Irina, but only if Jack lets him have his purple striped toe socks. Jack reluctantly agrees even though they were a measely $12.95 at Claire's.
Sydney and Vaughn go to the Liberty Village Car Dealership in hopes of claiming some hot new wheels. The dealer shows them one of their finest: The Mustang GT Cobra (batteries for interior smoothie maker and bobblehead Ted Kennedy, it burps out real liquor scent and hiccups, not included). But Sydney and Vaughn aren't swayed by bright colors, a flashy name, and pointless gadgets. They have numerous questions for the salesman. Sydney: "Is it safe?" Vaughn: "How fast does it go?" Sydney: "Will it hold my shopping bags?" Vaughn: "Does the horn go 'woot woot?' After the representative sooths all of their needs, they decide to buy. The salesman is ecstatic and then notices Sydney's gigantic rocks. He also sees about her impressive jewelry, and wanders about the couple's engagement.
Vaughn tells the fairy tale:
"I took her to Santa Barbera for a weekend getaway. We got on a plane, had some peanuts and some Cola. When we got there, I took her on a bamboo gondola into the town. No, the streets are not of water, by I still thought it was romantic. I took her to the zoo; she really likes giraffes. I think maybe she is one. I kneel down in front of the hippo exhibit and propose. She accepts with a kiss and an accidental kick of joy into the balls. Then I took her home to our seaside villa where we got undressed, rolled onto the bed, and I spanked her until the very next morning--"
Vaughn stops, realizing he may be going a little bit too far. The salesman wakes up. "Did you say something?" Suddenly, another couple comes up to Syd and Vaughn. It's Jethrow and Delilah! "We done see this here motor vehicle before y'all and that's why we are done gunna take it!" Delilah exclaims as she chews a piece of straw and tries to lasso the car. The salesman thinks of a way to solve this dilemma: The four are put into the car and whoever comes out of the car loses. Three minutes later, Jethrow and Delilah get out of the car and begin a hoe-down after Vaughn starts playing "Cotton Eyed-Joe" on the radio. However, not everyone is left untouched. While in the car, Jethrow reached for the radio and accidentally scratched Vaughn's cheeck with his five inch nails, leaving a pretty deep gash.
Back at S/V's new house, Sydney attempts to repair Vaughn's battle wound. "For the last time, Sydney. Leeches are very outdated!" Vaughn proclaims as he gets out some gauze and a bandage. The two then have some shower love and some good night's sleep (or so they hoped). At 5:23 AM on the dot, Rosie O'Donnel turns in her sleep causing a 6.0 earthquake in southern L.A. At 5:24 AM on the dot, Syd and Vaughn are rudely awakened by the man who took them to Liberty Village. He tells them they are moving to the USA. "Why?" Sydney questions. The man responds, "We found out we'll save 32% on Twinkies if we don't have to ship them oversees!"
Jack meets with Alexsi once more. Alexsi explains the scenario. "I was looking through the notes you wrote to Irina on the inside covers of the books, and sure enough, I found a hidden message in one of the notes on the cover of "Frog and Toad Go to Town." Jack is puzzled. "How can there by a secret message in something I wrote to her?" "There's a small dot next to "Demon" in you signature of "Jack 'The Black Demon' Bristow." (Jack had some pretty unordinary teenage years.) Inside that dot, I found a message from Irina to the KGB, coincidentally about Liberty Village. Jack takes the info back to the APO. He runs in on Sloane dancing suggestively in a red leather jacket to "Toxic," but the news is too important not to interrupt. Using the info they acquire, they somehow find out that the terrorists Sydney and Vaughn are posing as are back, and they have contacted Liberty Village.
Back to Wisteria Lane, we find Eva Longoria fixing the plumbing in a moo-moo, covering for her affair with an 118 year-old Australian sea turtle. Anway... Back to Liberty Village, David Piccolo discovers the true identity of Sydney and Vaughn and immediately takes action. Sydney plays a game of hide and seek then I'll shoot you and you'll die with Guard #1, but Vaughn has it a lot more tough. Once again, Vaughn gets stuck with Guard #2, the 7'6'' Hungarian who can bench press 300 with his thumbs. After being punched several times, thrown into a mirror, and forced to listen to Ashlee Simpson sing "Shadow" live, Vaughn is about to give up. Thankfully, Sydney takes care of the oversized European and the two hi-tail it out of there.
On the ride home, Sydney and Vaughn snuggle and rethink on their latest adventure. Vaughn gets really into it. "And then, remember when that hick's fingernail took out a hunk of my face! And then they had to leave so they could bootsmack and sing hillbilly tunes! And then we went back home and you took me in the shower and you did that thing that kind of tickles--" "Vaughn!" Sydney interrupts. "Did you forget to take your nightly sedative again?" Vaughn confesses and Sydney takes out a rather large needle and injects it into Vaughn's neck. He's out like a rock and the two spend the rest of the ride home napping and trying to forget that gruesome image of Sloane carressing his rear-end.
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Next Week on Alias: Sydney goes all John McEnroe on the Spy Gang after Nadia eats the last of Sydney’s favorite poptarts. Will they have to use Vaughn’s sedatives to calm her nerves? Will Sydney end up killing one of her yeti neighbor Yetis? Will Sloane become a back up dancer for Britney Spears? You might (but probably not) find out on next week’s Alias!
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*Phew* Boy, that took forever! But just when you think it's over...
Best Part of the Episode: There were lots of different scenes throughout the episode that could be placed in this category, but I must say that the few moments between the bad guys finding out that Sydney and Vaughn are frauds and the helicopter crashing on the roof had me on the edge of my seat! Talk about great suspense!
Worst Part of the Episode: Jack meeting with Alexsi for the first time. Dude! I don't care! It really disrupted the ongoing action of Sydney and Vaughn in Liberty Village and I felt even more jipped when the twist with this subplot (that Irina put messages in the margins of books Jack gave her) was already done in Season 1.
Best Aspect of the Episode: I am convinced. Stand-alone episodes of Alias can work. I was pretty skeptical after "The Awful Truth" and grew very doubtful after "Ice," but this episode showed that it is in fact possible.
Worst Aspect of the Episode: I reiterate once again: so much for Sydney and Vaughn "taking it slow." Ai yai yai! It's episode five and they've already slept together more times than in Seasons 1, 2, and 3 combined!
The GREAT: The entire premise behind this storyline was absolutely terrific! I thought I was watching an episode of the Twilight Zone or something. Kudos to new Alias writer Drew Goddard who previously penned some fantastic episodes of Buffy, and from what I understand, did the same for Angel. Drew, your skills were much-needed as you are much-welcomed
The Good: Sydney (this includes Liberty Village Preppy Sydney), Vaughn, the Car Dealership fight, Wadia, Vaughn's Santa Barbera story, Jack, Sloane, and Syd/Vaughn's escape (helicopter go boom).
The Bad: Nuttin'.
Overall Rating: 7/10 (A good, solid hour of TV) - Woohoo! Boy was that episode just a really fun ride? It was exciting, it was funny, it was just overall a really good episode. However, it still was not Alias. It left no lasting impressions on me. It was on, it was fun, then it was done. I wasn't craving to find out anything more, and really, I'm not itching to see next week's episode. Alias far from the real "Alias" this season, even further away then Season 3, in my opinion. Now I know, I know. I need to stop whining, just enjoy the show for what it is, and let go of Alias of yesteryear. I may be able to one day, but not right now. It's still much to soon, and I haven't adjusted to the new season, just like I hadn't adjusted to Season 3 by this time (it took me about 11 episodes to get adjusted to Season 3). Overall though, it was a solid episode that gets some points in my book, especially writer Drew Goddard who I think has brought a lot with him into the Alias world.
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Thanks for reading my review this week! I'm so sorry that it's out so late, but a combination of schoolwork and a snowstorm kept me busing doing other things. Unfortunately, Alias has to come after real life, and in this case, it did. Coming soon: my review of "Ice" that I could also not find time to finish.
Like what you read? Check out all the Tender Reviews of the first 3 seasons at my website HERE!
Also, make sure to read my ALIAS SPEC SCRIPTS! They're in real script form and I'm told they're quite good You can read them in PDF form HERE!
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Fan of the Week: This week's Fan of the Week goes to rileylovesalias, who literally broke down and analyzed my last review with some very flattering comments. Riley has also been a reader of my reviews in the past, and has always given nothing but positive feedback! Thanks, Riley! See Riley's profile by going HERE!
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Last Week on Alias: This week, to the tune of "Baby One More Time," for obvious reasons you will discover in the synopsis.
Oh Sydney, Sydney.
You see the man break when he falls.
You know something isn't riiiiiight.
Oh Sydney, Sydney.
You pose as a nurse in a hospital.
To find the Ice Fiiiiive.
Vaughn acts his best,
As they come to confess.
They save the day without getting frozen into a statue!
The frozeness, is creeping me. (And, I...)
I must confess, I don't belive... DON'T BELIEVE!
What I am seeing on my tv screen,
Did you all just seeeeeee?
That man broke into many!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We open to Shady Character A lurking near Shady Building A stealing Shady Device B. What happened to Shady Device A, you might ask? Why would you steal it, when you can just buy it at a store near you! Shady Device A can be found along with Essence of Elephant Mucus, Eggplant Zest, and Goo-Be-Gone in the complete line of Carrot Top's hair care products! Only $199.99 for all 327 pieces in 327 Lara Flyn Boyle ballerina designer bags! Finally, you can have the elegant stylings of Carrot Top with the fashion sense of Lara Flyn Boyle all at once! Oh, wait, where was I? No, not Switzerland. Ah, yes, Shady Device B is stolen by Shady Character A, and that's your intro right thur.
Cut to Sydney's log cabin high up in the mountains where Sydney chases some Yetis away after they teepeed her garage. "That's okay," says Weiss, "After eating your food, Sydney, I'm gonna be needing as much toilet paper as I can get my hands on!" Four parts of the Spy Gang settle down for some drinking and talking. Nadia doesn't understand that you don't do the two at the same time, and almost drowns from inhaling too much Sherry. Weiss then makes a proposition. "Hey guys, I saw these two deer get knocked over by a giant black bear on my snowshoe trek back to my house next door (side note: Weiss' house is hardly next door, though it is the closest domicile from Sydney's. It's located atop Mt. Kumquatasanaki, 17 miles away.), and it reminded me of bowling. I think we should go bowling!" Nadia is upset, "I can't miss the game on TV tonight, Eric." "You mean, Clemson at Duke?" "No, the world championship of cricket in Albequerque!" "Is that on tonight?!" Vaughn chimes in, "Darn it! Tonight is my shower night!" After a few minutes of persuasion and the bribe of a cookie, Weiss convinces Nadia to go with him. Sadly, Sydney also couldn't make the bowling party, as she needs to shoot some more squirrel for their next double date. Vaughn almost hurls. "Squirrel? You said those were chicken nachos!" Nadia and Weiss head off, but Syd and Vaughn get a call to duty.
In the APO, we find Sloane plotting the organization's next plan to rid the world of evil terrorist groups while he listens to Skye Sweetnam's newest single "Now I'm Kickin' the Pepsi Machine." He turns it off as Sydney and Vaughn enter. Sloane goes over their mission to the tune of "I'm a Slave 4U." Sloane is stopped by Vaughn one time after he breaks into the song's real lyrics, bends over, and starts carressing his own tush. (Outside, a very excited Jack watches the event on a security monitor in his office.) Syd and Vaughn get the gist: they have to pose as terrorists, find out the secret agenda of some other terrorists, and baby don't you wanna dance up on me.
We quickly cut to the streets of some foreign country (most likely Sweden) where Sydney and Vaughn walked toward a parked van (most likely Swedish). "What would you do with three cartons of extra-spicy tabasco sauce and a squeegee?" The man inside answers, "Give Arvin Sloane the hottest massage of his life." (Sloane watches this footage via satellite and giggles at his utmost cleverness.) Syd and Vaughn get into the van and soon learn they're on the craziest mission of their lives. The man inside shows them some footage of a picturesque suburbia. "This is where we are taking you. At first glance, it is a perfect, happy neighborhood filled with perfect, happy people. But behind the closed doors, there is crime, scandal, mystery, and danger happening at all times. One time, even--" Sydney interrupts, "Lemme guess. Eva longoria had to mow the grass in an evening gown while her husband was away to cover up her affair with a 16 year old boy." "Never!" the man shrieks, "Wisteria Lane is Pleasantville compared to where we're going." "That'd have to be hell or Little Rock," Vaughn adds, but quickly shuts up as the man continues his shpeel about their assignment.
S/V arrives at Wisteria Lane *ahem* sorry, Liberty Village, and they have some guests awaiting their arrival. Inside their new home are several Barbies and Kens who are actually a lot more like G.I. Joes. Among these criminals include David and Mary Piccolo, wanted terrorists who blew up two different embassies last year, Donald and Georgia Watkins, the infamous duo who ransacked a USA airplane and stole $100 million worth of supplies from it, and Jethrow and Delilah Heehaw who turned George Bush's family pig into hickory smoked bacon last month. Sydney accepts several housewarming gifts including a delicious looking casserole from Delilah. Mary later tells her not to eat it, since Delilah using her toenail clippings instead of salt.
After all the guests leave, Sydney and Vaughn have some bathroom talk time. "How will we get out of here?" Vaughn worries. "Don't worry," Sydney assures, "I have a short Mexican named Antonio waiting with his stubby mule out back just in case we need a quick escape to Guadelupe." Vaughn suddenly feels a lot safer. Vaughn quickly has to leave due to his long-withstanding fear of drains. Sydney goes for nighttime jog as Vaughn prepares for their first assignment: to put together a puzzle in under 3 minutes. Sydney arrives back home three hours later, feeling a lot more refreshed from her jog and bathroom break next to a fire hydrant she passed on her way home. She sees Vaughn still working on the puzzle. "Vaughn, it's been three hours and you're still not finished the puzzle?" Vaughn is angered. "Please, Sydney! I need to concentrate. Besides, it's only been three hours. The box says 4-6 years!" Sydney offers her help, but Vaughn declines. "C'mon, Vaughn! I never fail at anything!" "One word, Sydney: ELEKTRA." Sydney leaves him alone.
Back to the real world, Jack meets with a man named Alexsi for some business about Irina. Jack gives the man some of Irinas books to examine. Among them are "A Tale of Two Cities," "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," and "Everybody Poops." Alexsi promises to examine these books for some clues about Irina, but only if Jack lets him have his purple striped toe socks. Jack reluctantly agrees even though they were a measely $12.95 at Claire's.
Sydney and Vaughn go to the Liberty Village Car Dealership in hopes of claiming some hot new wheels. The dealer shows them one of their finest: The Mustang GT Cobra (batteries for interior smoothie maker and bobblehead Ted Kennedy, it burps out real liquor scent and hiccups, not included). But Sydney and Vaughn aren't swayed by bright colors, a flashy name, and pointless gadgets. They have numerous questions for the salesman. Sydney: "Is it safe?" Vaughn: "How fast does it go?" Sydney: "Will it hold my shopping bags?" Vaughn: "Does the horn go 'woot woot?' After the representative sooths all of their needs, they decide to buy. The salesman is ecstatic and then notices Sydney's gigantic rocks. He also sees about her impressive jewelry, and wanders about the couple's engagement.
Vaughn tells the fairy tale:
"I took her to Santa Barbera for a weekend getaway. We got on a plane, had some peanuts and some Cola. When we got there, I took her on a bamboo gondola into the town. No, the streets are not of water, by I still thought it was romantic. I took her to the zoo; she really likes giraffes. I think maybe she is one. I kneel down in front of the hippo exhibit and propose. She accepts with a kiss and an accidental kick of joy into the balls. Then I took her home to our seaside villa where we got undressed, rolled onto the bed, and I spanked her until the very next morning--"
Vaughn stops, realizing he may be going a little bit too far. The salesman wakes up. "Did you say something?" Suddenly, another couple comes up to Syd and Vaughn. It's Jethrow and Delilah! "We done see this here motor vehicle before y'all and that's why we are done gunna take it!" Delilah exclaims as she chews a piece of straw and tries to lasso the car. The salesman thinks of a way to solve this dilemma: The four are put into the car and whoever comes out of the car loses. Three minutes later, Jethrow and Delilah get out of the car and begin a hoe-down after Vaughn starts playing "Cotton Eyed-Joe" on the radio. However, not everyone is left untouched. While in the car, Jethrow reached for the radio and accidentally scratched Vaughn's cheeck with his five inch nails, leaving a pretty deep gash.
Back at S/V's new house, Sydney attempts to repair Vaughn's battle wound. "For the last time, Sydney. Leeches are very outdated!" Vaughn proclaims as he gets out some gauze and a bandage. The two then have some shower love and some good night's sleep (or so they hoped). At 5:23 AM on the dot, Rosie O'Donnel turns in her sleep causing a 6.0 earthquake in southern L.A. At 5:24 AM on the dot, Syd and Vaughn are rudely awakened by the man who took them to Liberty Village. He tells them they are moving to the USA. "Why?" Sydney questions. The man responds, "We found out we'll save 32% on Twinkies if we don't have to ship them oversees!"
Jack meets with Alexsi once more. Alexsi explains the scenario. "I was looking through the notes you wrote to Irina on the inside covers of the books, and sure enough, I found a hidden message in one of the notes on the cover of "Frog and Toad Go to Town." Jack is puzzled. "How can there by a secret message in something I wrote to her?" "There's a small dot next to "Demon" in you signature of "Jack 'The Black Demon' Bristow." (Jack had some pretty unordinary teenage years.) Inside that dot, I found a message from Irina to the KGB, coincidentally about Liberty Village. Jack takes the info back to the APO. He runs in on Sloane dancing suggestively in a red leather jacket to "Toxic," but the news is too important not to interrupt. Using the info they acquire, they somehow find out that the terrorists Sydney and Vaughn are posing as are back, and they have contacted Liberty Village.
Back to Wisteria Lane, we find Eva Longoria fixing the plumbing in a moo-moo, covering for her affair with an 118 year-old Australian sea turtle. Anway... Back to Liberty Village, David Piccolo discovers the true identity of Sydney and Vaughn and immediately takes action. Sydney plays a game of hide and seek then I'll shoot you and you'll die with Guard #1, but Vaughn has it a lot more tough. Once again, Vaughn gets stuck with Guard #2, the 7'6'' Hungarian who can bench press 300 with his thumbs. After being punched several times, thrown into a mirror, and forced to listen to Ashlee Simpson sing "Shadow" live, Vaughn is about to give up. Thankfully, Sydney takes care of the oversized European and the two hi-tail it out of there.
On the ride home, Sydney and Vaughn snuggle and rethink on their latest adventure. Vaughn gets really into it. "And then, remember when that hick's fingernail took out a hunk of my face! And then they had to leave so they could bootsmack and sing hillbilly tunes! And then we went back home and you took me in the shower and you did that thing that kind of tickles--" "Vaughn!" Sydney interrupts. "Did you forget to take your nightly sedative again?" Vaughn confesses and Sydney takes out a rather large needle and injects it into Vaughn's neck. He's out like a rock and the two spend the rest of the ride home napping and trying to forget that gruesome image of Sloane carressing his rear-end.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Next Week on Alias: Sydney goes all John McEnroe on the Spy Gang after Nadia eats the last of Sydney’s favorite poptarts. Will they have to use Vaughn’s sedatives to calm her nerves? Will Sydney end up killing one of her yeti neighbor Yetis? Will Sloane become a back up dancer for Britney Spears? You might (but probably not) find out on next week’s Alias!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Phew* Boy, that took forever! But just when you think it's over...
Best Part of the Episode: There were lots of different scenes throughout the episode that could be placed in this category, but I must say that the few moments between the bad guys finding out that Sydney and Vaughn are frauds and the helicopter crashing on the roof had me on the edge of my seat! Talk about great suspense!
Worst Part of the Episode: Jack meeting with Alexsi for the first time. Dude! I don't care! It really disrupted the ongoing action of Sydney and Vaughn in Liberty Village and I felt even more jipped when the twist with this subplot (that Irina put messages in the margins of books Jack gave her) was already done in Season 1.
Best Aspect of the Episode: I am convinced. Stand-alone episodes of Alias can work. I was pretty skeptical after "The Awful Truth" and grew very doubtful after "Ice," but this episode showed that it is in fact possible.
Worst Aspect of the Episode: I reiterate once again: so much for Sydney and Vaughn "taking it slow." Ai yai yai! It's episode five and they've already slept together more times than in Seasons 1, 2, and 3 combined!
The GREAT: The entire premise behind this storyline was absolutely terrific! I thought I was watching an episode of the Twilight Zone or something. Kudos to new Alias writer Drew Goddard who previously penned some fantastic episodes of Buffy, and from what I understand, did the same for Angel. Drew, your skills were much-needed as you are much-welcomed
The Good: Sydney (this includes Liberty Village Preppy Sydney), Vaughn, the Car Dealership fight, Wadia, Vaughn's Santa Barbera story
, Jack, Sloane, and Syd/Vaughn's escape (helicopter go boom).The Bad: Nuttin'.
Overall Rating: 7/10 (A good, solid hour of TV) - Woohoo! Boy was that episode just a really fun ride? It was exciting, it was funny, it was just overall a really good episode. However, it still was not Alias. It left no lasting impressions on me. It was on, it was fun, then it was done. I wasn't craving to find out anything more, and really, I'm not itching to see next week's episode. Alias far from the real "Alias" this season, even further away then Season 3, in my opinion. Now I know, I know. I need to stop whining, just enjoy the show for what it is, and let go of Alias of yesteryear. I may be able to one day, but not right now. It's still much to soon, and I haven't adjusted to the new season, just like I hadn't adjusted to Season 3 by this time (it took me about 11 episodes to get adjusted to Season 3). Overall though, it was a solid episode that gets some points in my book, especially writer Drew Goddard who I think has brought a lot with him into the Alias world.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thanks for reading my review this week! I'm so sorry that it's out so late, but a combination of schoolwork and a snowstorm kept me busing doing other things. Unfortunately, Alias has to come after real life, and in this case, it did. Coming soon: my review of "Ice" that I could also not find time to finish.
Like what you read? Check out all the Tender Reviews of the first 3 seasons at my website HERE!
Also, make sure to read my ALIAS SPEC SCRIPTS! They're in real script form and I'm told they're quite good
You can read them in PDF form HERE!+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fan of the Week: This week's Fan of the Week goes to rileylovesalias, who literally broke down and analyzed my last review with some very flattering comments. Riley has also been a reader of my reviews in the past, and has always given nothing but positive feedback! Thanks, Riley! See Riley's profile by going HERE!
Woohoo! Another wonderful Tender Review....*waits in anticipation*