Title: A Life...
Genre: Angst, big time angst.
'Ship: Why, S/V, of course!
Summary: Post Season 3, Sydney leaves her life behind for a new start in which 'Sydney' is no more. Vaughn, too, it seems has left that life behind, but has he really?
A/N: Here's something new! I have two more parts written, so leave a review, and I'll get them up soon. Enjoy!
A Life Examined
She wanted to be just like her mommy. And then she didn’t. Because after six years of playing a normal family with her, over twenty years of mourning her, longing for what should have been, two years that spiraled into four of overwhelming feelings of hurt, betrayal, and rage caused by her, she was finished following in her mommy’s footsteps.
She thought she could be happy. And then she knew she couldn’t… not then, anyway. Because she worked for SD-6, and because the man who was in charge of SD-6 decided that he could be God and control the life and death of anyone inside his little world, including anyone who had unsuspectingly stumbled into it, namely, Daniel Hecht. Retrospectively, she knew it could never have been with Danny. If she hadn’t told him, there would always have been a dark, lurking distrust that would have eaten away at the bonds between them, strong as she thought they were. If she had… well, she knew the outcome of that option. Either way, she wouldn’t have won.
She craved for the taste of vengeance. And then she found she had no appetite for it. Because after two years of working simultaneously for the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ guys, and after the destruction of the agency that had stolen her life, and after an unending, world-wide chase of the man behind that agency who was now working solely in the interests of his own agenda, she discovered that it was never going to stop. That man who had used her was through with using her, and she was through with throwing herself in his path to be used.
She learned to love again. And then she paid the price of having her heart shattered anew. Because God sent her a guardian angel, and she fell for him. Because she was allowed to be happy, and she had long ago learned that her ability to be happy was strictly temporary. Because she knew that she had found the one, and it really was too good to be true. Because a certain CIA handler had to handle more than he could carry… because he couldn’t carry it alone. Because she would have wanted him to be happy, and there had been no precedent that could have warned her how much it would hurt to live to see him happy with someone else. Because he, too, learned to love again.
She lost both of her best friends to the job. And then she admitted to herself that she had never had best friends in the first place. Because the trust was never there. Because she was never there for them when they needed her the most. Francie had gone missing before she could tell her the truth. And the… replacement used her for all she was worth, including the wrong kind of ice cream. She hadn’t been able to stop Will from meddling where he shouldn’t have. Her secrets had meant the death of his innocence, his naiveté. She had unwittingly lured him into taking a job that he could never quit. Her job killed him, and ‘Jonah’ arose from his remnants. So, as adamantly as she proclaimed the existence of friendship between him and her when she met the new him, she knew that all traces of this true, unwavering bond had unraveled the second she had dialed that number on the card the man in the suit handed to her.
She was dead. And then she awoke. Because someone had decided that she still had more suffering to endure. She had fought her friend’s replacement to the death, and the Covenant had seen its opportunity. She had been ruthlessly tortured and conditioned until she transformed into Julia Thorne, or as close to this alias as would fool her captors. She killed in cold blood to ensure her own safety. She compromised her principles, the stuff of her very existence only to prolong the life that she wanted more than anything to leave. She went home, and then she wished she hadn’t. Then she resigned herself to her work, and chased Rambaldi around the world, and let the Covenant take the seeds of her future redemption. She had neither the strength nor the weakness to take her own life, so she took her own memories instead. Because she was a fighter, and she had faith only in herself to get the job done.
She was reacquainting herself with her father. And then she wanted less than nothing to do with him. Because after six years of loving him as a devoted daughter, over twenty years of not understanding his cold, distant demeanor, two years of answers that only left the need for more questions, and a lifetime of betrayal deeper than she had ever before imagined, she couldn’t stand even the thought of him. She wished that she had never seen those papers… those papers in the vault that she was never supposed to have found… those papers that had meant the beginning of her miserable existence. She found the truth that she was searching for, and damn did it hurt. But she was a fighter, and she was supposed to fight through the pain. But God, did she want more than ever to stop fighting.
She was Sydney Bristow for thirty-one years. And then she wasn’t. Because she realized that Sydney Bristow was also Kate Jones, and Marie Robinson, and Joanna Kelly, and Julia Thorne… Sydney Bristow was hundreds of people who didn’t exist, except to those who didn’t know her. She knew herself, and she existed, therefore, logically, she had to be someone else. And now, she had all the time in the world to figure out just who that someone else was.
TBC
Genre: Angst, big time angst.
'Ship: Why, S/V, of course!
Summary: Post Season 3, Sydney leaves her life behind for a new start in which 'Sydney' is no more. Vaughn, too, it seems has left that life behind, but has he really?
A/N: Here's something new! I have two more parts written, so leave a review, and I'll get them up soon. Enjoy!
A Life Examined
She wanted to be just like her mommy. And then she didn’t. Because after six years of playing a normal family with her, over twenty years of mourning her, longing for what should have been, two years that spiraled into four of overwhelming feelings of hurt, betrayal, and rage caused by her, she was finished following in her mommy’s footsteps.
She thought she could be happy. And then she knew she couldn’t… not then, anyway. Because she worked for SD-6, and because the man who was in charge of SD-6 decided that he could be God and control the life and death of anyone inside his little world, including anyone who had unsuspectingly stumbled into it, namely, Daniel Hecht. Retrospectively, she knew it could never have been with Danny. If she hadn’t told him, there would always have been a dark, lurking distrust that would have eaten away at the bonds between them, strong as she thought they were. If she had… well, she knew the outcome of that option. Either way, she wouldn’t have won.
She craved for the taste of vengeance. And then she found she had no appetite for it. Because after two years of working simultaneously for the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ guys, and after the destruction of the agency that had stolen her life, and after an unending, world-wide chase of the man behind that agency who was now working solely in the interests of his own agenda, she discovered that it was never going to stop. That man who had used her was through with using her, and she was through with throwing herself in his path to be used.
She learned to love again. And then she paid the price of having her heart shattered anew. Because God sent her a guardian angel, and she fell for him. Because she was allowed to be happy, and she had long ago learned that her ability to be happy was strictly temporary. Because she knew that she had found the one, and it really was too good to be true. Because a certain CIA handler had to handle more than he could carry… because he couldn’t carry it alone. Because she would have wanted him to be happy, and there had been no precedent that could have warned her how much it would hurt to live to see him happy with someone else. Because he, too, learned to love again.
She lost both of her best friends to the job. And then she admitted to herself that she had never had best friends in the first place. Because the trust was never there. Because she was never there for them when they needed her the most. Francie had gone missing before she could tell her the truth. And the… replacement used her for all she was worth, including the wrong kind of ice cream. She hadn’t been able to stop Will from meddling where he shouldn’t have. Her secrets had meant the death of his innocence, his naiveté. She had unwittingly lured him into taking a job that he could never quit. Her job killed him, and ‘Jonah’ arose from his remnants. So, as adamantly as she proclaimed the existence of friendship between him and her when she met the new him, she knew that all traces of this true, unwavering bond had unraveled the second she had dialed that number on the card the man in the suit handed to her.
She was dead. And then she awoke. Because someone had decided that she still had more suffering to endure. She had fought her friend’s replacement to the death, and the Covenant had seen its opportunity. She had been ruthlessly tortured and conditioned until she transformed into Julia Thorne, or as close to this alias as would fool her captors. She killed in cold blood to ensure her own safety. She compromised her principles, the stuff of her very existence only to prolong the life that she wanted more than anything to leave. She went home, and then she wished she hadn’t. Then she resigned herself to her work, and chased Rambaldi around the world, and let the Covenant take the seeds of her future redemption. She had neither the strength nor the weakness to take her own life, so she took her own memories instead. Because she was a fighter, and she had faith only in herself to get the job done.
She was reacquainting herself with her father. And then she wanted less than nothing to do with him. Because after six years of loving him as a devoted daughter, over twenty years of not understanding his cold, distant demeanor, two years of answers that only left the need for more questions, and a lifetime of betrayal deeper than she had ever before imagined, she couldn’t stand even the thought of him. She wished that she had never seen those papers… those papers in the vault that she was never supposed to have found… those papers that had meant the beginning of her miserable existence. She found the truth that she was searching for, and damn did it hurt. But she was a fighter, and she was supposed to fight through the pain. But God, did she want more than ever to stop fighting.
She was Sydney Bristow for thirty-one years. And then she wasn’t. Because she realized that Sydney Bristow was also Kate Jones, and Marie Robinson, and Joanna Kelly, and Julia Thorne… Sydney Bristow was hundreds of people who didn’t exist, except to those who didn’t know her. She knew herself, and she existed, therefore, logically, she had to be someone else. And now, she had all the time in the world to figure out just who that someone else was.
TBC
And, shotput25ash, just hang on! We'll get to the part in the summary, I promise. You'll probably like this part; it's the next one that will have you worried. 