Break the Silence (formerly Lies in Silence)


The Bubbly
Oct 29, 2003
Alright beloved readers - This is a HUGE update - I thought about breaking it up, but that would leave the smut off - and you all have been very patient with me, so I'm including it... Hope that is okay because I mean, there is a big payoff at the end for reading all of this now *Real Non-Dream Smut* I hope you enjoy it because I agonized over it when I was in the process of writing it :LOL: Let me know what you think!!


With difficult questions, there are many truths. ~ Ed Ruggero, The Common Defense

“Sydney, I’m not who you think I am.”

“You mean you aren’t an arrogant murdering son of a b****? I have a hard time believing that…”

Sark noticed the hardened glare she gave him thinking there would be no way to convince her of the truth. Stop bloody dicking around and just say it. He took a deep breath. “Sydney, I am an agent of British Intelligence.”

A huge weight felt like it had been lifted from off of Sark’s shoulders. He sighed at the admission for he knew it wouldn’t be that easy for her to hear and accept.

He had been right. The expression on her face was a mixture of anger, shock, and disbelief. “You what?”

He took a deep breath and went to stand by the chair bracing himself against it. “I work for MI-5 Sydney. I always have.” He studied her trying to gauge any further reaction from her. It was still the same as her initial reaction except more heavy on the disbelief this time.

“You expect me to believe that?’

“No, I guess I don’t. However, it is the truth.” Shaking her head, she began to pace in front of him.

“How long?”

He bit his lip. “Sydney, I am not allowed to…”

Glancing up, she glared hard at him. “Spare me Sark. How long?”

“Eight years.” Momentarily, she stopped pacing to look at him. Eight years?

“This whole time….all along… you have been an agent?” She was still trying to comprehend it and what the implications meant.

He nodded. “Yes, Sydney. The whole time.”

Turning to look at him, he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. “You murdered Francie…” Seeing the direction the conversation was taking, he went over to her reaching for her.

She put up her arms pushing him away. “You murdered Francie, you almost killed Will….you almost killed Vaughn.” She was trying so desperately to keep the tears back.

Not wanting to show weakness in front of her enemy, but everything he was telling her meant so many different things. “You’re lying,” she spat. Turning to run from the room, she felt Sark grab hold of her. He held onto her for what seemed like forever as she tried to pull herself from him.

“Sydney, I would never have done anything to intentionally hurt you. Most of my orders involved many things that I wish I did not have to carry out” She was still trying to get away from him pulling at him and digging her nails into his wrists, but he refused to let her go.

“Or things that I was not even aware of – like Francie being the one doubled! I was informed it was going to be another agent, not someone so close to you…”

Sydney momentarily calm turned to look at Sark. “That doesn’t explain anything Sark. You are a murderer.” Sark’s gaze toughened at her and he felt himself releasing her.

Taking in a sharp breath, he moved to the other side of the kitchen to distance himself from her. “I never said I was proud of the things I have done.”

Wiping at her eyes, she looked up at him shocked by his statement. “Then why do them Sark?”

He shook his head in disbelief at her. “For the same reasons that you do Sydney. Love of country, sense of purpose, among others.”

“You murder innocent people for love of your country,” she scoffed.

Sark picked up the back of the chair slamming it angrily back down. “You think I enjoy being known as an assassin? A killer? You think that every time you refer to me as a murderer that I don’t have to fight this insane rage inside of me wanting to scream out my true purpose?” She stood stunned as he continued. “You think I have it so easy, don’t you Sydney? You get to have a normal life, get recognition from your work, be around your family, go home at the end of the day leaving it all behind and you know what I get to do at the end of the day? Think how if I cannot complete my mission, if I make one careless mistake – I will die an assassin. A murderer.”

Turning his back to her, he put one hand against the wall, bracing himself against it. “If you would have killed me before, wouldn’t that have been your last thought of me? A bad man got what he deserved. A killer gets his just desserts.”

She wasn’t sure what to say. It had been the truth. All along she would have felt no remorse had she killed him, but looking back on it now she realized all the times he had let her escape. Here it was, the answer to her dreams of what the truth was. All along, Sark had been in enemy when in reality, he was on her side the whole time.

Walking over to him, she could tell he was still silently fuming. Gently, she brought a hand up to his back and he turned to look at her. “Sark, I’m sorry. There are just so many questions…” He nodded as he slowly brought a hand to the bruise brought forth by his elbow earlier in the cell. Glancing to look in her eyes, he softly bit his lower lip. “You do realize that I would have never intentionally hurt you, don’t you?”

She nodded bring her hand up to his wrist gently guiding his hand down from her cheek. “Can I ask you a few things?”

Moving away from her over to the fridge, he opened it scanning its contents. No Petreuse 82 on hand, he settled on the bottle of tequila. Surely for this conversation, he was going to need it. Reaching up in to the cupboards, he grabbed two glasses in the off chance Sydney may have wanted some.

Pulling down the glass, he turned to face her. “Of course, only those things for which you have clearance…” She smirked turning towards the living room. Sark being a deep cover agent was going to take some getting used to. If there was anything she understood about her line of work, nothing was ever as it seemed. Now, even Sark was no exception.


Troublemaker tempting fate - Questioning the path I take - Showing me the twists and turns - The forks and points of no return. ~ Nada Surf

Sydney settled herself onto the living room couch as Sark set the two glasses on the coffee table. He poured a small amount in the bottom of the glass and glanced toward her. She nodded. Handing her a cup, she leaned back at the far end of the couch as he sat across from her in the armchair. Swigging back the contents of his glass, Sark scowled. Cheap tequila was not desirable liquor that was for sure. “So, what would you like to know first Sydney?”

She sat thoughtfully for a moment before asking. There was one question on her mind, but she did not want to lead with it. “Why?”

He nodded, a fair question. One he could answer with a fair amount of certainty. “I had a small run-in with authority when I was younger. There was no discipline in my life, nothing to live for, so I turned to crime.” Her eyes widened. “No, don’t think that. It was petty stuff, but it caught the curiosity of someone higher up. They had me take a few tests, showed me a few things, and that was it. A natural they called me. I assume they allowed me to go in on such a dangerous lengthy mission for the reason that if I were found out and killed, it wouldn’t matter much to anyone. I had no reason on this Earth for living except for the job that I’m doing.”

“So you have been doing intelligence since you were…” She trailed off allowing him to finish.

“Twenty-one.” Sydney gulped back her tequila. Sark was nearly thirty years old and all his life had been one big deception.

“Who else is aware of your cover?”

Sark paused to reach forward pouring himself another shot of tequila into his glass. “I’m not at liberty to say. I will tell you the only person I come into contact with on a semi-regular basis is my handler. The man who drove you here.”

Sydney marveled at the fact that he had called his handler to help him. She was realizing more and more the danger that Sark had put himself in by rescuing her. “How did it begin?”

He leaned forward to grab the tequila offering it to her; she shook her head declining the drink. Pouring himself another, he sat back in his chair mulling over the question. “They had me infiltrate into Kashnau’s organization. Word was spreading that he was making an enemy of The Alliance, and they were hoping to draw out Sloane. It worked.”

Sydney studied Sark realizing through everything, as much as she considered him a worthy adversary she had been underestimating him still. Living the double life had been emotionally and physically draining on her, but Sark had been right. She had her father and somewhat of a normal life. Sark had none of that. “That is when you met my mother.”

Sark looked up from the tequila sitting at the bottom of his glass to meet Sydney’s gaze. “Yes, it was. I think it was Irina’s faith in me that got me through those first years.” Sydney paused. “She was very accepting of me. Allowing me into their organization with no knowledge of who or what I was working for. I think she saw how truly lost I was as well.”

He smiled to himself as he downed the last bit of tequila in his cup. Sydney watched him as he leaned forward putting the glass on the table and looked up at her expectantly. “Go ahead, ask.”

She looked confused. “Ask what?”

He smirked at her. “The question you have been wanting to ask since I said I would tell you what you wanted to know.”

Sydney sighed and cast her glance away from Sark before bringing her eyes to meet his. “Did you know that Lauren Reed was Covenant?”

“I was beginning to suspect it, but I was not for sure yet. Tell me, does that give you relief that it’s probable Agent Vaughn was sought out by her?”

Sydney looked up at him disgusted. “Why would that give me relief? That he was deceived by the woman he…” She stopped not finishing the sentence. Moving on and accepting Vaughn’s death had been hard, but admitting to herself that he had loved another woman was unbearable.

“I thought it might comfort you that Agent Vaughn had been sought out and his weakness exploited. His weakness of course being his grief for you…” He peered at her gauging her reaction to his statement.

“It means nothing that he was vulnerable after my death. He feel in love with another woman.” She reached for the tequila bottle now finding herself needing liquor to provide solace.

Clumsily, she knocked it off the table. Sark bending down to pick it up moved to sit next to her. “I admired him in one regard.”

Sydney glanced over at Sark now sitting close enough for their knees to be touching as he leaned towards her filling the glass. “You saw past all of his faults and weaknesses, and still loved him.” She sat silently next to him unmoving. “I often wondered if in my life, I would ever be lucky enough to find the same thing.”

She turned studying him looking for trace amounts of sarcasm, mockery, disdain, anything that they former Sark would have conveyed. Then, it hit her. Before her eyes was the man hidden by the assassin, the man she heard laughing in the dressing room, the real Sark.

“I have come to realize that the Vaughn I loved died when I did.” She said solemnly as she lifted the glass to her lips.

Reaching it over to take it from her hands, he placed the glass on the table. “I’m sorry, Sydney.”

Turning towards him, the heavy tears pooled in her eyes threatening to spill. She saw his gaze soften as he brought his hand to her check softly caressing it. “I think you should get some rest. Allow me help you.” He stood up from the couch taking her hands in his leading her back to the bedroom.

Pulling down the comforter on the bed, he stepped to the side allowing her to brush by him. He smiled at her as he lifted the covers up to her chin. “I won’t be returning to the city tonight and will be out on the sofa if you should need me.” She smiled softly and nodded.

Turning to give her one last look, he paused seeing her still looking at him. “Good-night Sydney.” He smiled slightly before pulling the door behind him.

Close your eyes and take a look at your life - Do you like what you see - My eyes are open but I feel like I'm blind, it's all returning to me - I wanna know, does a frozen river flow - Things you said fill my head lying in a cold and empty bed - I'm only dreaming - Between the darkness and the light - I'm only dreaming - Dreaming, can't tell the daylight from the night ~ Kiss

Sydney opened her eyes to find herself back at Sloane’s building. Looking around, she realized she was in the cell. Only this time, she seemed to be chained by her wrists to the ceiling. Her arms burned as the muscles stretched worn and weak from being held above her head as well as her legs now tired from the weight of supporting herself.

Confused, she studied her surroundings wondering how she had gotten back there and why she was suddenly was in chains. She could feel her head pounding and her muscles screaming for release as the cell light flicked on above her head. Squinting under the harsh glare, three men entered the room.

The first man was Marcus, the man who had taken pleasure in her being such easy prey while in a drugged state. He smiled at her cracking his knuckles while she glared at him willing herself not to fear this miserable excuse of a man. He continued to smile at her as if seeing through her resolve.

Sloane was next to enter followed by Sark. Sydney felt a wave of relief wash over her at the sight of Sark standing there. Despite the circumstances of a large intimidating man glowering at her and a power-crazed old man giving her death glare, Sark’s presence was a comfort.

That all quickly changed. Without warning, Sloane turned to Sark a weapon now in his hand as Marcus moved towards Sydney. Paralyzed, Sydney watched as Marcus came behind her pulling her head back by her hair as Sloane forced Sark onto his knees the gun aimed at his face. Sark cast a worried glance at Sydney while she cried out in pain once again at the mercy Marcus. The fact that Sark was showing emotion about the frightening situation was now scaring her.

Sloane walked up to Sark, his hand on the trigger pressing the gun to his forehead. “All of this time – another traitor in my midst.”

Marcus took this opportunity to yank on Sydney’s hair again and bring forth a large blade to her neck as if to inform her that Sloane was speaking to her as well. The blade at her throat now such an ominous presence, she only watched helplessly waiting for Sark to make a move. She anticipated he had a plan. Sark always had a plan. This time it was not so. No inclination of any further emotion came from Sark. He merely kneeled before Sloane, accepting his fate.

Sloane circled in back of Sark still keeping the gun within an inch of his head. “I want to send a message to anyone that might think of double crossing me again.” Fear rose within Sydney at his words, nothing about his demeanor made her doubt his intent and his will to follow through on this promise.

As if in slow motion, she heard the hammer of the gun pull back as Sloane fired a shot into the back of Sark’s head. Turning her head from the sight, she felt the sharp blade slice at her neck as a warm sticky feeling began to settle down her neck. Suddenly, able to able to react she screamed as the blood choked down her throat. Death was imminent, and this time there was no one to save her.

Hearing what sounded like a small struggle coming from Sydney’s bedroom, Sark had reached for his gun laid beside him on the coffee table. Once he heard the unmistakable sound of her screams, he grabbed the gun and took off towards her room.

Flinging open the door, his gun trained prepared for any possible intruder that may have found the location, he was only met with the sight of Sydney thrashing around in her bed unable to wake from a nightmare.

Moving quickly to her, he sat on the edge of the bed grabbing her shoulders steadying her. “Sydney,” he said firmly. “Wake up.”

Gasping she opened her eyes and upon seeing Sark still alive, she sat up throwing her arms around his neck relieved. “Oh God. He shot you. You were dead and I…”

Sark stunned by her immediate reaction brought his hand up to the back of her head. Trying to quiet her, he murmured, “It was just a dream Sydney. You are all right.”

Slowly, she drew back from him looking into his eyes searching his face. He caught her glance at his lips and he squinted slightly at her wondering if she was considering doing what he thought of doing hours ago. As he went to bite his lip nervously at Sydney’s seeming indecision, he saw her lean forward bringing her lips to his. The soft brush of Sydney’s lips against his own shot a flickering wave of desire up his spine. The kiss had been tentative, almost a bit unsure, but she had not held back. There was about to be no more of that between them.

A brush of her lips would not do and Sark wanted to show her he wasn’t holding back either. Pulling her towards him one hand holding his gun as well as the back of her head, the other wrapping itself around her waist, he moved his lips to hers his tongue longing for entrance. She surrendered bringing her own tongue to meet with his as she brought her hand over the back of his neck.

Passionately they kissed running their hands over each other with the fury of their undeniable attraction. All this time, she had believed they were enemies and Sark could never refute. Now, she knew the truth and Sark was going to show her how good he could be. His mouth on hers, the warmth of her tongue brushing against his, the feel of her hands over his skin was doing nothing to quell the longing he felt for Sydney.

Breaking apart from her kiss, he brought his hands up to her shoulders gently pushing her back on the bed as he moved the covers aside and brought himself on top of her. He heard her draw in a breath as he pressed himself into her. He merely clad in silk boxers and her in a satin sleep set, there was not much separating them and he was in no mood to rush.

Taking a moment to drink in the sight of her, he looked down petting the sides of her head. The look of desire on her face was unmistakable as she looked back up at him. Slowly, his eyes never leaving hers he leaned down to kiss her neck. The soft scent of her perfume and lotion was invading his senses as he brought his teeth to nip at the delicate flesh.

Sydney had challenged him in every aspect of the game. For the time being, that was no longer between them. Every pretense sustained, at this moment they were merely two people with nothing standing in their way except their passion for each other.

Letting out a soft groan, she raked her nails over the back of his head moving down towards his back. He moaned into her neck feeling her nails drawing over his body as he pressed himself into her letting her feel his arousal.

Bringing his fingers up to the top of satin camisole, he pulled the strap to side kissing along her collarbone as he moved the other hand up the side of her torso pushing the material up against her skin. Smiling to himself, he slid the strap back up as he moved his mouth once again to Sydney’s.

Feeling her hands begin to tug at his boxers, he broke away from her kiss chuckling softly. “My, someone’s in a hurry…”

Casting a wicked glance at him, she asked, “Can you blame me?” How quickly things change, he marveled. Truth takes time, but oh, how it will set you free.

With that he leaned back pulling her up towards him as he brought his hands to the bottom of her satin camisole pulling it over her head.

Glancing down at her naked breasts and back up to her smiling eyes, he bit his lip. “And can you blame me for wanting to take my time?”

He leaned forward to kiss her and lay her back down on the bed as she reached forward moving her hand through the opening in his boxers to stroke at his hard c***. Pausing mid-kiss, he moaned softly moving his hips forward.

“You still want to take your time?” she breathed. Oh, absolutely f***ing not.

He swallowed thickly shaking his head moving a hand to tease her nipple. “No. Next time.”

She laughed quietly bringing her legs up and around so she was now kneeling as he was. “That’s what I thought.”

He groaned softly as her hand continued to move up and down his shaft drawing in a breath as she swiveled her palm over his head already slick with excitement.

“Sydney,” he growled slightly moving his hips forwards towards her.

She released her grasp on him as brought his hands to her waist pulling down her own pants to reveal a lacy black thong. He raised his eyebrows at her smirking softly bringing his hand over her bare ass. “For me?”

He moved forward to nibble at her neck as he fondled her breasts teasing her nipples with his fingertips.

She rolled her head back murmuring, “Maybe...”

Nibbling at her neck, he chuckled his warm breath settling on her neck. “You’re such a tease, you know that?”

The only answer from her was the soft moan that escaped her lips and the feel of her hands moving up his lean biceps to his head as he moved his tongue to her right nipple. Licking small circles, he gently bit down as she turned fingertips to fingernails against his scalp.

Leaning into Sydney as she rolled her fingers over his short hair, he continued the assault on her nipple with his tongue while he lowered his hand moving past the scrap of black lace to find her wet center. Moving his fingers in a small circular motion against her clit, he matched the rhythm in a flicking motion against her nipple. Arching her back pressing her breasts into him even more, he increased the speed at her clit as he bit at her nipple.

Hearing her breath catch, he continued to work his fingers faster as he felt her shudder against him. She sighed her breath shaking as she moved her hands down the side of his face bringing his mouth to hers. Breaking apart from the kiss, she moved her legs around completely pulling off her pants while Sark took off his boxers.

Moving himself on top of her, he slowly guided himself inside. Suddenly, she jerked her hips up taking in all of him as he grit his teeth moaning. He looked down at her as he pulled his hips back and again she drove her hips up at him. Feeling her muscles grow tight at him, she slowly drew her hips down as Sark slowly drew in his own breath. He was unsure at this pace how much more he was going to be able to take.

Willing himself to be controlled, he brought a hand down to her hip as slowly teased her with his c***. Bringing his head against her ear, he felt her warm breath on his neck as he caught a small whiff of her apple scented shampoo. Underneath him, he felt Sydney arch her back pressing her breasts into him as the first waves of her orgasm flowed over his c***. He moaned while he pressed harder into her. Hearing his name in his ear as Sydney reached her climax, he buried his face in her neck continuing to move inside of her until he felt his own release coming. Sydney sensing he was near tightened herself around him wrapping her arms around his muscular back as he came inside her.

Lifting his head up to look at her, Sark brushed a hand over her flushed collarbone smiling. Her brown eyes sparkling she laughed softly as she saw the glint behind the sapphire eyes looking down at her. “What were you saying about next time?”

He let out a small disbelieving laugh. “Good Lord Sydney, you are already thinking about next time? Can I have a moment to collect my thoughts?”

Laughing she brought her lips to his for a quick kiss. “I was just thinking it was a bit presumptuous, that’s all,” she said teasing him.

“Are you implying you don’t fancy the idea of a next time?” he asked feigning disbelief.

Raising an eyebrow at him, she replied “Oh no, I’m not implying that at all.”

Slowly pulling away from her, he bit his lip giving her body warm with rosy glow a once over. “Good, then we are in agreement.”

He grabbed his boxer shorts off of the floor as well as Sydney’s discarded pants and camisole. After handing them to her, he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his shorts up

Casting a glance back at her before rising up from the bed, he saw her slip her camisole back over her head. ‘Right. So I’ll come back and we’ll have another go then,” he asked nodding over to the bathroom door.

She smirked sleepily at him. “Sure.” Sark gave her an eager smile before turning to go into the bathroom. He hadn’t probably been in there more than a few minutes, but when he came out he was not surprised to see Sydney curled up on her side sleeping peacefully.

Sending out PM's now! Remember: If you review it, more will come! ;) Thank you for reading!

amy lynn

The Polish Pirate
Mar 23, 2004
I just finished catching up with the whole story! It's incredible! Lauren as Sloane and Emily's daughter...genius!! And the smut...soooooooo HOT!! That was some great Sarkney lovin'. Yay for non-dream smut!

*runs off to take a cold shower!*


Dec 29, 2003
Yay! Yay! Yay! It finally came! Woo hoo!

That was great!!!! I loved the part where Sydney scolded him about being presumptuous.

Sep 29, 2003
ok, let the compliments begin...

i LOVED when sark went to tuck syd in, that is just so caring and gentle and SO CUTE. i wish sark would do that in the show, ppl would just die!

the dream where sark and syd were in the cell was very well writen, i could picture it so clearly (as was the rest of the piece :D )

oh the ending was so cute..after he pulled on his shorts and then was like rite, after i come out we'll have another go. so CUTE

you MUST keep writing, don't even think of not continuing! I think that I would absolutely die if you did!!!

I am SO looking forward to seeing how their relationship goes when syd and sark go back to their sperate jobs! (WHEN/if you get that far :D )

Can't wait to read the next chapters (since you wrote so much, don't be in too much of a hurry, the wait is most definately worth it!!!!)


Jan 10, 2004
Livermore, CA...bay area
OMG, you are so fast! And here I was at school thinking I'd have to wait...

Great job on the chapter, I loved it!!

sigh...........Sark is so hot :woot: :woot: :woot:

And there's more?? I can't wait! You write really well, and I love reading it! Action and smut balanced very nicely. :shamefullyembarrased:

Great job (y)

Quiet Disaster

I heart Chris Carrabba
May 4, 2003
hotpot said:
How quickly things change, he marveled. Truth takes time, but oh, how it will set you free.

I loved it, Suzi! (y) Sark revealing to Sydney how he wanted love like Sydney gave to Vaughn... awww. :)

Oh, and NEXT TIME. Hahahaha. But she fell asleep on him!! :LOL:

I can't wait to see what happens the next morning...


The Bubbly
Oct 29, 2003
Since I love you all and you all leave me the world's best feedback!!!- :D

kidblink: Honestly, you were in the back of my mind saying post the smut! when I was contemplating whether I should leave it off til next time or not ^_^ So I am very happy at your Yay! Yay! Yay! reaction :D hehe

amy lynn: That means so much to me that you took the time to read through this whole thing!!! No way ever would I make Syd Sloane's daughter - that is just wrong! Thank you for your wonderful comments!! :) :)

Meg: Don't worry - believe it or not (ha!) I have quite a bit more to post... I know you all have to be thinking 'Of course you do!' seeing how this fic has become something of epic proportions. I have quite the surprise coming at the end though that leds nicely into a sequel ;) Fret not, there's plenty more to come! Oh - and so wish Sark would tuck Syd in during an ep too - but I can wait on that seeing how now it might end up being Lauren on the recieving end of that :wacky:

Tori13: Hehe, I'm not that fast! I have quite a bit pre-typed up already ;) Thank you for your comments - they mean so much to me!! :D Writing from Sark's POV is my fav. part! Glad you enjoy him hehehehe

Joyie: LOL - you went and got snacks!! I love it! I knew this was going to be a massive update - don't feel too bad though I put up about 16 pages in Word over at SD-1 :P hehehe. I've got the inevitable morning after scene all ready! I just gotta proofread it!

IluvSark: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)


These Words, From My Heart...
Oh my....I need a moment to collect my thoughts.............. :woot: .....WOW!

That was amazing...I would like to offically nominate you as the FanFic writer of the month, (we will expect a speech) your a great writer!

And between you and me...I was gong to use make Sark in my fic and agent for British intelligence too!! Guess now I can't use that, but it's nice to know that you and I are thinking along the same wave length.

Do I really have to say, I can't wait for the next chapter....?!? :LOL: :woot:


Sark's Girl
Mar 22, 2004
Loved the update.Non-dream smut was so good.Can't wait for the morning after!Thanks for the pm *runs off to have a cold shower*

Oct 12, 2003
whew i'm all caught up now.

That was fantastic and oh so hot hot hot. I am such a sarkney lover now. I'm not sure about the show but fanfics its all sarkney lol

Thanks for the PM! Can't wait to read the end!


The Bubbly
Oct 29, 2003
So I just realized - I have only a few more updates to the end of this story! :( Honestly, it's kind of scary because I have been working on it for a little more than a month and it has consumed me! Now, it's almost done with... and I'm still rolling possibilites and pieces of the sequel together in my mind.. Sorry - random ramblings ;) Posting this now, enjoy and thank you all soooooo much for your incredible feedback :flowers:

I must confess it can feel good to feel pain - Like breaking waves or getting caught in the rain - Playing those games cause we had nothing to do - I was oblivious I was losing to you ~Garbage

Both Sydney and Sark had fallen comfortably asleep after their lovemaking. Sark flat on his back dozing quietly while Sydney nestled on her side her back to him. There was no cuddling despite the intimacy of the situation. Even with the new familiarity between them, they still felt the need to challenge the other both sexually and mentally. Old habits did seem to die-hard, this had been no exception.

Momentarily, Sydney’s walls had been brought down at the sight of Sark alive and comforting her. Now, as she lie awake listening to the sound of Sark’s soft snores, she began to reconstruct the walls between them. Maybe sleeping with him was a mistake, she thought as her mind went back to tabulating the amount of tequila she had consumed. No excuse could be found there for she had been sober just as he had.

Sydney realized there was no fighting the actuality of the situation. Yet another dream had plagued her, one that showed Sark dying at the hands of the man they had both in their lifetimes betrayed. It had felt so real even now she still could remember the feel of the blade cutting at her throat.

Awakening to the sight of Sark reassuring her and holding her – the relief that had come over her was beyond words. For one moment in her life, she thought she might never have to be afraid again. She snorted at the naivety of imagining she would not have to fear anything again. Sydney had fallen asleep in peace by Sark’s side and had awaked in reality.

Rolling over, she glanced at Sark still sleeping. There was no denying that a part of her wished she could get dressed and sneak out pretending the whole thing had never happened, but she knew that wasn’t possible. The other part not wanting to deny what happened wouldn’t let her do that to him. Sark had not only saved her life risking his own, but he had broken protocol by revealing his cover to her. He trusted and opened himself to her and there was no way she could just walk away from him like it meant nothing. The only man she loathed more than Sark had been Sloane and all along they had been working towards the same goal. Sydney could appreciate what Sark had given up for this assignment and understood everything he would lose if it failed.

Looking over to Sark sleeping comfortably with the red sheet wrapped perfectly around his hips, she noticed his gun lying between them. How had they slept with it between them? How were they going to go back to their lives with this new truth bringing them together? The job, like the gun was the one thing that divided them. It had kept them apart through the night and it would be the one thing to keep them separate for the rest of their lives.

Sydney sighed softly as she quietly rolled out bed careful not to wake Sark. The small part of her that still wanted to sneak out and never look back quieted at the thought of a hot shower. It would do until she could figure out what in the hell she was going to do.


Stepping into the shower, Sydney reveled in the hot water rolling off of her skin loosening her tight muscles and clearing her mind. All the loss in her life – Danny, Francie, Vaughn, and even for the most part Will, her dream had showed her losing someone else. It was Sark she was terrified of losing now and she couldn’t bear the thought of it. They had both shared something with each other. More than secrets, they had shared their lives in similar ways. Is that why I wanted to run away this morning?

Bracing her hands on the shower wall, she let the water run over her face. There was no denying the attraction that had always been between them, but obviously she had pushed it aside. She couldn’t have feelings like that for an assassin. Now that wasn’t an issue, but she still couldn’t openly admit to her feelings.

Leaving Sark was inevitable – he would continue his work and she would continue hers. However, Sydney didn’t want it to end this way. To face the pain of another separation, she cursed herself for getting into this mess. Sark’s criminal behavior was nothing more than a lie, and though she knew the truth she could do nothing about it. They still had roles to play. He always the villain and she would forever be the righteous.

At first / I could say / I could say or do / just whatever I liked - You would / you would not / You would not answer / that's alright - Oh / I can't believe in the morning of your silence - You will never cut / you will never cut the threads of your reliance - You can / you can deny / you can deny that I was anything to you - But I know / I know in my mind / I can see the scars the scars I've left on you / I can't believe in the morning of your silence ~ Pulp

Sark awoke to the sound of the shower running and an empty bed. He found himself to be slightly irritated by the fact that Sydney had been so quick to jump in the shower first thing. So much for post-coital spooning, he mused.

Admittedly, he was still surprised, but not complaining about the previous evenings events. The Sydney he had awaked from the dream had been so vulnerable, but he was sensing this morning’s Sydney was something entirely different. Her behavior this morning was leading him to believe she had some conflicting emotions about everything that had transpired last night. I’m not having this, Sark thought as he got out of bed. There was no reason for her to feel upset about anything.

Walking over to the bathroom door, he paused at the sound of water still running. Visions of Sydney with beads of water dripping down her naked body made him bring his hand to the doorknob and push it open. This matter is going to be straightened out right now.

Stopping in the doorway, his eyes fixated on Sydney’s form in the frosted glass door of the shower. Sark drank in the sight of her hands moving over her own body. The smell of her soap mixing in with the steam from the shower came over him as he stepped towards her and slowly pulled open the door of the shower.

He willed his eyes to stay on her face. “Mind if join you?”

Her eyes widened at the sight of him. Sark had been right. Looks of varying emotion were clearly displayed on her face. “Actually I…”

“Excellent.” He said while quickly pulling down his shorts and stepping into the shower. “Hand me the soap?”

Sighing, she handed him the bar as she turned her back to him raising her arms up to wring her hair out. Seeing his opportunity, Sark moved behind her bringing the soapy bar over her flat stomach.

“Did you sleep well,” he asked moving his mouth by her ear.

She paused casting a glance at him from the corner of her eye. “Yes.”

Gently moving the bar up to her breasts, Sark moved his left arm around her waist. “As did I, thank you for asking.” He saw her smirk and he sincerely hoped it wasn’t because his growing erection was now pressed against her.

Suddenly, she whirled around causing the soap to fall from his hand. “What do you think you are doing Sark?” There was such an obstinate look on her face, he found himself unable to suppress a small chuckle. Sydney's façade of displeasure at the situation did not seem to be even convincing herself, let alone Sark.

“Nothing that you don’t want me to, Sydney.” Her eyes widened at his remark and a defiant look came over her. She reached past him to open the shower door, but he wouldn’t let her by.


He stood challenging in front of her blocking the way. “No.”

“I hate you,” she spat crossing her arms over chest the water still beating at her back.

Sark shook his head. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.” Again, she reached for the door and this time Sark grabbed her by the wrist.

“You think it would be safer to still hate me, but we know that’s not true.”

His words resonated in her mind. There was too much at stake with the truth now out in the open. It was safer when she hated him because it had all seemed clear cut. Sark was bad, if the opportunity presents itself – take him into custody, bleed him dry for information, or kill him if he tries to escape. Now what would happen when they came across each other in the field? What if something happened to him? She shook her mind free from the thought as she looked up at him still holding her by the wrist. Sydney willed herself to convey as much hatred in her stare as she possibly could muster, but it was no use. Small cracks already began to show in the wall she had brought back up around herself this morning.

“Sydney, right now there is no changing how the world sees us, but you and I have changed the way we see one another. That is all that matters to me.”

Her strong front lay in shambles at her feet with the sight of him leaning forward to kiss her softly on the lips. She brought her hands up to his hair as he moved her towards the wall. No longer was there any reason for her to deny the way she felt about him whether it was forbidden before or not. His lips on hers, his hands on her flesh, his body pressed against hers – she did not want to push any of it away. The water falling over their bodies made their hands glide over one another with such ease. Every touch, every caress, every movement made seemed to bring them closer together.

Bringing her leg up to wrap around his hip, she felt him enter her as the warm water continued to roll over them. He held onto her one leg helping her to maintain her balance while the other arm braced both of them against the shower wall. All of this time she had wondered what the truth from Sark pertained to. Here it was right before her, a man capable of everything that she had tried to deny.

Staring his blue eyes as they concentrated on her while steadying themselves against the wall, she realized she would never truly lose him. Their paths would continue to forever cross until they both achieved what they had sworn to accomplish. No words were spoken between them as she rolled her hips onto him while he continued to press himself into her. They had said everything they needed to for the time being. Tomorrow would take care of itself and they would go back to their lives with this memory in mind. The promise of what their future could be.

She reveled in Sark’s presence now – the man he truly was. Sydney could not take her eyes off of him as their wet bodies moved rhythmically together. She felt the excitement building within her as she furiously began to move her hips over him. Sark matched her pace sensing she was near. Suddenly, she cried out in pleasure as she arched her back against the shower wall. The waves of her orgasm flowing over Sark, he put his forehead to her shoulder while pressing his hand to the wall as the other one pulled at her hip begging for her to continue to buck harder against him. He felt his own release come through him as Sydney wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Sydney,” he whispered softly releasing her hip from his grasp. Now standing freely in the shower, she brought her head to his shoulder resting it there. The water still ran over their bodies washing them clean as Sark brought his hand to Sydney’s chin tilting it up to look at him.

“I don’t…” Sark was unable to finish his sentence as icy water droplets suddenly sprayed out the showerhead. Inhaling sharply at the frigid feeling on their warm skin, he quickly reached over to shut the water off as Sydney hurriedly opened the shower door.

Sark’s teeth were chattering as Sydney handed him a large fluffy white towel. He began to dry himself off briefly warming up his skin. Glancing at Sydney while she wrapped the towel around herself, he noted that she appeared more at ease. Granted, she had acted the same way last night, but something told Sark she wouldn’t be reverting to her previous behavior this time.

:D Sending out the PM's now (if frickin flood control doesn't stop me first!)

Quiet Disaster

I heart Chris Carrabba
May 4, 2003
:stupidcomputer: :banghead: MY COMPUTER HATES ME!!!


“Sydney, right now there is no changing how the world sees us, but you and I have changed the way we see one another. That is all that matters to me.”
:thud: :woot:

I'm so glad Sydney didn't walk out on him! It would have been horrible if she did... then we wouldn't have gotten the shower scene! (y) :LOL: Shower scenes are the greatest!!!

I can't believe it's almost the end already... :( But there's a possible sequel so yay!!! :D

amy lynn

The Polish Pirate
Mar 23, 2004
First of all, the shower scene:

:thud: :stretcher: that I've recovered from that:
You did a wonderful job portraying Sydney's conflicted emotions. I loved the fact that even though he is good, she still recognized some of the other obstacles they face. I also love the fact that Sark was most definitely not going to let her sneak away. Good boy!

Excellent update!! I sincerely hope there is a sequel!! :thumbup: :thumbup:
Oct 12, 2003
ahh god, sequel please please a sequel!
That was awesome and Sydney's realization of the gun.

Looking over to Sark sleeping comfortably with the red sheet wrapped perfectly around his hips, she noticed his gun lying between them. How had they slept with it between them? How were they going to go back to their lives with this new truth bringing them together? The job, like the gun was the one thing that divided them. It had kept them apart through the night and it would be the one thing to keep them separate for the rest of their lives.
I loved that paragraph!
Top Bottom