AmyLeerockergurl15
Cadet
Title: I Must Be Dreaming
Rating: PG
Spoilers: S3, including the finale.
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or anything associated with the show, and I don't own
Evanescence or anything associated with them, which is sad.
A/N: While I was watching the season finale of S3, I was glad that Sydney and Vaughn reunited, after all I had been wishing for it all season, but it seemed like they just rushed back together. This is a one parter of how I think that they should've reacted. This is my first fic, so feedback is greatly appreciated, even if it's not positive! I hope that it's alright, and the song used is "I Must Be Dreaming" by Evanescence.
(1/1)
Sydney collapsed into a chair in the waiting room of the hospital. She curled her legs underneath her and closed her eyes as she remembered the day she had just experienced. Images of death and destruction flashed before her eyes, as they always did since her entry into the spy business at her young age. But this time it was different. This time the death and destruction had hit too close to home. This time it involved Vaughn.
Sydney opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She could almost feel Lauren’s arm curled around her neck, the cool touch of the gun pressed to her temple. She could still clearly see Vaughn come to a stop before her, gasping for air to his damaged lungs. The mocking tone of Lauren’s words then followed by the loud chorus of gunfire, and then silence.
Sydney took in a shaky breath as she had done after Lauren had released her grip, falling backwards into a senseless heap.
*Flashback*
She had stepped backwards from the body, her mind reeling with what had just taken place. She heard footsteps approach her on the sandy earth, and looked up to see Vaughn approaching her, gun still clutched in his right hand. She knew that he wanted to take her up in his loving embrace. To whisper that finally the horror that had filled their lives for the past few months was gone. It was finally over. But all she could see was the image of Lauren. The feeling that someone had died literally over her shoulder.
She took a step back from Vaughn, words of warning echoing through her head.
How can I pretend that I don’t see what you hide so carelessly?
I saw her bleed
You heard me breathe
And I froze inside myself and turned away
*End Flashback*
The sounds, the shapes of that event had since been etched into her mind. Ever time that Sydney closed her eyes, every time she thought of Vaughn, every time she saw a blonde cross her path the event replayed once again in her mind. Sydney sat in the hospital chair and closed her eyes, trying to block out what she knew was inevitable. The images of the night before started to play once again in her mind, and try as hard as she could, she couldn’t seem to find a way to shut it off. So she was forced to relive the memories once more.
*Flashback*
Vaughn frowned, his deep green eyes suddenly troubled. He stopped a few feet from Sydney, his eyes questioning, searching her face for an answer to her reaction to Lauren’s death. Sydney avoided his eyes, her gaze slowly focusing on the gun still clutched in Vaughn’s hand. Vaughn followed her gaze and noticed the weapon that he still held at his side. Instantly he dropped the gun, and it fell to the ground with a sharp crash. Sydney winced at the noise, aware of how cruelly the weapon sounded. How such an object could be such a bearer of destruction, how it could end life so easily. Until that moment, she had only thought of how a gun could defend life, not how suddenly it could end it. It was truly something that could be a bearer of evil. Tonight was a night when it had fufilled that purpose.
Vaughn had once again locked eyes with Sydney, but still she took a step back when he moved towards her. He reached out a hand to her, and Sydney almost felt sick as she stared at his palm outstretched before her. How could she put her hand on something that had so readily delved out death just moments before? Could something be used to bring revenge one moment be used in love the next?
We all live
We all die
But that does not begin to justify you
*End Flashback*
Sydney shuddered at the memory. The darkness of the night had seemed to swallow up her happiness, her soul at that very moment. It had seemed that the world itself was holding its breath, seeing if she would give into the temptation. Sydney took another deep breath. Since that night she had gone over every detail time after time after time but still she was left with no answers as to her feelings that night. She had thought that perhaps upon the death of Lauren she would feel as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. That now finally she would be able to shout from atop the highest hill how she felt about Vaughn. But that moment, standing only yards from the woman who had helped to destroy both their lives- she had felt much differently.
*Flashback*
Vaughn continued to stand before her, his hand reaching to close the space between them. Inviting her to forgive and forget and to try and start once again where they had left off. But Sydney was sickened. A terrible taste was forming within her. The bitter taste of death. Of watching someone commit a murder right before her eyes. Sure it had been the enemy- someone who had helped to ruin both of their lives. But Vaughn had traveled all this way with one intention- to kill Lauren. It had been one that she had come to fufill as well, but as she entered the camp she resolved to let Lauren face trial. To see her smirk and smug face be erased by the declaration that she would be put to death, and then she would watch as Lauren Reed was removed from her life for good. But Vaughn had come for revenge. It had consumed him and in his blind fury he had taken a shot that, if Sydney had moved only inches to one side, would’ve killed the woman that he loved. How could he justify shooting her at point blank range? And six times? Vaughn hadn’t put down the gun after he knew that the bullets had killed her. He had continued to shoot more rounds into her body until he was just shooting a dead carcass about to fall to the ground.
She was repulsed by his hand that he had offered to her. A hand that to her eyes might of well been dipped in his own wife’s blood.
*End Flashback*
Sydney stared hard at the ground and sighed. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with these burdens for long. Sooner or later this stress would come down upon her and break her already fragile mind.
The hospital room was now completely devote of all life, save for the nurses that filed occasionally to their post at the front desk from the offices hidden back in the maze of hallways. Sydney frowned and shook her head as her conscience spoke the same words that she had heard when she had stared at Vaughn the night before.
Hope you know I’ve got to tell someone
Tell them what I know you’ve done
Lauren had gotten what she deserved in the end. If she hadn’t been killed by Vaughn’s gun, she would’ve been executed by the state by a less violent means. She had deserved to die, but not in that way. Killing Lauren was sure to only bring more hurt and misery to Vaughn and Sydney’s lives. How was a person supposed to get over something like killing your wife? She knew that Vaughn would be punished for his lack of control. For evading the CIA at the military hospital and completely disregarding protocol to stop Lauren. Sydney could simply just say that Lauren had been killed in a firefight- that she had provoked the encounter. Vaughn and Sydney had been the only witnesses to the events that happened at the dig site. But Sydney would not live with the guilt of telling such a lie. As much as it killed her, she knew that she would report Vaughn and tell the entire story of Lauren’s death. She feared the repercussions of his actions, but she knew that she would have to report him, to tell the truth. If someone found out much later that they had lied, then things could get a lot worse than the would if they reported the truth.
Sydney sighed. I just want what’s best for Vaughn. She needed him to help himself. Killing Lauren had just fueled his rage, and the fire that had shone in his eyes when he pulled the trigger was cause for her to feel something that she never had experienced around Vaughn- fear. The person that she had seen that night was not the man that she had fallen in love with, the one that she felt was her soulmate. That person was a dark and defeated man that had given into the evil inside of him. No, this was going to stop. Even if it meant that Vaughn would suffer from his actions.
Sydney’s stomach turned at her last thoughts. How could she betray Vaughn? Could she really do something that would result in his incarceration? Wasn’t it her turn to make a sacrifice for him? Shouldn’t she just trust that he would get over this in his own way without the help of the Agency? Should she just leave Lauren’s death as an “accident” and sweep that problem under the rug and forget about it?
Sydney shook her head and closed her eyes. What was she going to do? Her heart and mind felt like they were being torn in two. One side was devoted to forgetting the image of Lauren completely. Part of her just wanted to pretend that she never existed, and lying about her death would help that. But her other half screamed for justice. She would be betraying herself if she lied her way through life. But both sides were fully drawn to Vaughn’s side. Whatever she decided to do, she would have Vaughn’s interests in mind.
Suddenly the sharp sound of heels against the floor rang out in the empty room and Sydney opened her eyes to find a young woman dressed in a white doctor’s robe approaching her. Sydney stood up to face the woman and said breathlessly, “Is he alright?”
The doctor nodded, “It seems that the damage done to his lung was further agitated by his early release from the hospital, but we think that prolonged bed rest and monitor of his vitals for the next few days should help squash any complications that may arise.”
Sydney nodded and let out a sigh of relief. She remembered clearly how that fateful night had ended at the dig site.
*Flashback*
I fear you, but spoken fears can come true.
Sydney turned and walked down towards the all terrrain vehicle parked a few yards away. She couldn’t deal with what was going on right now. She couldn’t bear to look at the image that had so clearly been burned in her mind any longer, and most of all she couldn’t look at Vaughn and see the man she loved when so clearly he was not that man right now. She was scared to look at him for fear that that Vaughn had disappeared forever. She had turned her back on Vaughn, not bothering to glance at him. She had heard him following closely behind her, but as she placed her hand on the handle of the car door, she heard a muffled moan behind her. Sydney whirled around to find Vaughn collapsed on the gravel, his limbs sprawled out in either direction.
Sydney cried out his name and raced to his side. She gently rolled him over, and noticed how cold and clammy he felt to the touch. She quickly checked for a pulse and breathed a small sigh of relief after the she felt the slow beat of Vaughn’s heart. Slow, but still there. Sydney felt panic start to grip her heart as she realized the terrifying fact that she was on an unauthorized operation in the middle of nowhere, far from any human contact. Unless she thought of a solution, Vaughn was going to die.
*End Flashback*
The memory of that terrifying moment brought fresh tears to Sydney’s eyes and she felt herself losing control of her emotions once more. The doctor had long left her presence, sensing how far she was from the hospital room she sat in. It took a few moments for Sydney to calm down, and she took a deep breath to steady herself.
The doctor had said that Vaughn should be alright. Those moments were in the past now. They were ready to be compartmentalized back into the far reaches of her mind, never to be spoken again. But still she couldn’t shake the feeling of lost hope that she had felt in that moment. And for once, she realized that this was something that she wasn’t going to be able to store away in a place where no one would ever see it. That entire night wasn’t going to just fade away into the background.
Sydney wiped away her tears and sighed. And what was to become of Vaughn? Even if he were to fully recover, he was still going to have to face the consequences of his actions. For even if Sydney didn’t tell the CIA of the events that had taken place, there would be strong supicions that Vaughn had been the one to end his wife’s life.
Sydney put her head in her hands and fought the overwhelming urge to break down and sob in the waiting room. Vaughn was in the hospital after trying to save her and now she was going to turn him in for the murder of the woman whom he had been saving Sydney from. How twisted her life had become after her disappearance. It was almost as if Sydney was apart from the world, staring in disbelief at how terribly complicated and hard her life had so recently become. And through it all, Sydney felt that same feeling of hopelessness and fear take her that had when she was feeling Vaughn’s life slip from her grasp.
She had found a radio in the vehicle and radioed in for help, but as she called desperately for help and related their location to the person on the other end, one thought had echoed throughout her mind as it did now as she weeped openly into her hands in the hospital room.
I must be dreaming.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: S3, including the finale.
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias or anything associated with the show, and I don't own
Evanescence or anything associated with them, which is sad.
A/N: While I was watching the season finale of S3, I was glad that Sydney and Vaughn reunited, after all I had been wishing for it all season, but it seemed like they just rushed back together. This is a one parter of how I think that they should've reacted. This is my first fic, so feedback is greatly appreciated, even if it's not positive! I hope that it's alright, and the song used is "I Must Be Dreaming" by Evanescence.
(1/1)
Sydney collapsed into a chair in the waiting room of the hospital. She curled her legs underneath her and closed her eyes as she remembered the day she had just experienced. Images of death and destruction flashed before her eyes, as they always did since her entry into the spy business at her young age. But this time it was different. This time the death and destruction had hit too close to home. This time it involved Vaughn.
Sydney opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She could almost feel Lauren’s arm curled around her neck, the cool touch of the gun pressed to her temple. She could still clearly see Vaughn come to a stop before her, gasping for air to his damaged lungs. The mocking tone of Lauren’s words then followed by the loud chorus of gunfire, and then silence.
Sydney took in a shaky breath as she had done after Lauren had released her grip, falling backwards into a senseless heap.
*Flashback*
She had stepped backwards from the body, her mind reeling with what had just taken place. She heard footsteps approach her on the sandy earth, and looked up to see Vaughn approaching her, gun still clutched in his right hand. She knew that he wanted to take her up in his loving embrace. To whisper that finally the horror that had filled their lives for the past few months was gone. It was finally over. But all she could see was the image of Lauren. The feeling that someone had died literally over her shoulder.
She took a step back from Vaughn, words of warning echoing through her head.
How can I pretend that I don’t see what you hide so carelessly?
I saw her bleed
You heard me breathe
And I froze inside myself and turned away
*End Flashback*
The sounds, the shapes of that event had since been etched into her mind. Ever time that Sydney closed her eyes, every time she thought of Vaughn, every time she saw a blonde cross her path the event replayed once again in her mind. Sydney sat in the hospital chair and closed her eyes, trying to block out what she knew was inevitable. The images of the night before started to play once again in her mind, and try as hard as she could, she couldn’t seem to find a way to shut it off. So she was forced to relive the memories once more.
*Flashback*
Vaughn frowned, his deep green eyes suddenly troubled. He stopped a few feet from Sydney, his eyes questioning, searching her face for an answer to her reaction to Lauren’s death. Sydney avoided his eyes, her gaze slowly focusing on the gun still clutched in Vaughn’s hand. Vaughn followed her gaze and noticed the weapon that he still held at his side. Instantly he dropped the gun, and it fell to the ground with a sharp crash. Sydney winced at the noise, aware of how cruelly the weapon sounded. How such an object could be such a bearer of destruction, how it could end life so easily. Until that moment, she had only thought of how a gun could defend life, not how suddenly it could end it. It was truly something that could be a bearer of evil. Tonight was a night when it had fufilled that purpose.
Vaughn had once again locked eyes with Sydney, but still she took a step back when he moved towards her. He reached out a hand to her, and Sydney almost felt sick as she stared at his palm outstretched before her. How could she put her hand on something that had so readily delved out death just moments before? Could something be used to bring revenge one moment be used in love the next?
We all live
We all die
But that does not begin to justify you
*End Flashback*
Sydney shuddered at the memory. The darkness of the night had seemed to swallow up her happiness, her soul at that very moment. It had seemed that the world itself was holding its breath, seeing if she would give into the temptation. Sydney took another deep breath. Since that night she had gone over every detail time after time after time but still she was left with no answers as to her feelings that night. She had thought that perhaps upon the death of Lauren she would feel as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. That now finally she would be able to shout from atop the highest hill how she felt about Vaughn. But that moment, standing only yards from the woman who had helped to destroy both their lives- she had felt much differently.
*Flashback*
Vaughn continued to stand before her, his hand reaching to close the space between them. Inviting her to forgive and forget and to try and start once again where they had left off. But Sydney was sickened. A terrible taste was forming within her. The bitter taste of death. Of watching someone commit a murder right before her eyes. Sure it had been the enemy- someone who had helped to ruin both of their lives. But Vaughn had traveled all this way with one intention- to kill Lauren. It had been one that she had come to fufill as well, but as she entered the camp she resolved to let Lauren face trial. To see her smirk and smug face be erased by the declaration that she would be put to death, and then she would watch as Lauren Reed was removed from her life for good. But Vaughn had come for revenge. It had consumed him and in his blind fury he had taken a shot that, if Sydney had moved only inches to one side, would’ve killed the woman that he loved. How could he justify shooting her at point blank range? And six times? Vaughn hadn’t put down the gun after he knew that the bullets had killed her. He had continued to shoot more rounds into her body until he was just shooting a dead carcass about to fall to the ground.
She was repulsed by his hand that he had offered to her. A hand that to her eyes might of well been dipped in his own wife’s blood.
*End Flashback*
Sydney stared hard at the ground and sighed. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with these burdens for long. Sooner or later this stress would come down upon her and break her already fragile mind.
The hospital room was now completely devote of all life, save for the nurses that filed occasionally to their post at the front desk from the offices hidden back in the maze of hallways. Sydney frowned and shook her head as her conscience spoke the same words that she had heard when she had stared at Vaughn the night before.
Hope you know I’ve got to tell someone
Tell them what I know you’ve done
Lauren had gotten what she deserved in the end. If she hadn’t been killed by Vaughn’s gun, she would’ve been executed by the state by a less violent means. She had deserved to die, but not in that way. Killing Lauren was sure to only bring more hurt and misery to Vaughn and Sydney’s lives. How was a person supposed to get over something like killing your wife? She knew that Vaughn would be punished for his lack of control. For evading the CIA at the military hospital and completely disregarding protocol to stop Lauren. Sydney could simply just say that Lauren had been killed in a firefight- that she had provoked the encounter. Vaughn and Sydney had been the only witnesses to the events that happened at the dig site. But Sydney would not live with the guilt of telling such a lie. As much as it killed her, she knew that she would report Vaughn and tell the entire story of Lauren’s death. She feared the repercussions of his actions, but she knew that she would have to report him, to tell the truth. If someone found out much later that they had lied, then things could get a lot worse than the would if they reported the truth.
Sydney sighed. I just want what’s best for Vaughn. She needed him to help himself. Killing Lauren had just fueled his rage, and the fire that had shone in his eyes when he pulled the trigger was cause for her to feel something that she never had experienced around Vaughn- fear. The person that she had seen that night was not the man that she had fallen in love with, the one that she felt was her soulmate. That person was a dark and defeated man that had given into the evil inside of him. No, this was going to stop. Even if it meant that Vaughn would suffer from his actions.
Sydney’s stomach turned at her last thoughts. How could she betray Vaughn? Could she really do something that would result in his incarceration? Wasn’t it her turn to make a sacrifice for him? Shouldn’t she just trust that he would get over this in his own way without the help of the Agency? Should she just leave Lauren’s death as an “accident” and sweep that problem under the rug and forget about it?
Sydney shook her head and closed her eyes. What was she going to do? Her heart and mind felt like they were being torn in two. One side was devoted to forgetting the image of Lauren completely. Part of her just wanted to pretend that she never existed, and lying about her death would help that. But her other half screamed for justice. She would be betraying herself if she lied her way through life. But both sides were fully drawn to Vaughn’s side. Whatever she decided to do, she would have Vaughn’s interests in mind.
Suddenly the sharp sound of heels against the floor rang out in the empty room and Sydney opened her eyes to find a young woman dressed in a white doctor’s robe approaching her. Sydney stood up to face the woman and said breathlessly, “Is he alright?”
The doctor nodded, “It seems that the damage done to his lung was further agitated by his early release from the hospital, but we think that prolonged bed rest and monitor of his vitals for the next few days should help squash any complications that may arise.”
Sydney nodded and let out a sigh of relief. She remembered clearly how that fateful night had ended at the dig site.
*Flashback*
I fear you, but spoken fears can come true.
Sydney turned and walked down towards the all terrrain vehicle parked a few yards away. She couldn’t deal with what was going on right now. She couldn’t bear to look at the image that had so clearly been burned in her mind any longer, and most of all she couldn’t look at Vaughn and see the man she loved when so clearly he was not that man right now. She was scared to look at him for fear that that Vaughn had disappeared forever. She had turned her back on Vaughn, not bothering to glance at him. She had heard him following closely behind her, but as she placed her hand on the handle of the car door, she heard a muffled moan behind her. Sydney whirled around to find Vaughn collapsed on the gravel, his limbs sprawled out in either direction.
Sydney cried out his name and raced to his side. She gently rolled him over, and noticed how cold and clammy he felt to the touch. She quickly checked for a pulse and breathed a small sigh of relief after the she felt the slow beat of Vaughn’s heart. Slow, but still there. Sydney felt panic start to grip her heart as she realized the terrifying fact that she was on an unauthorized operation in the middle of nowhere, far from any human contact. Unless she thought of a solution, Vaughn was going to die.
*End Flashback*
The memory of that terrifying moment brought fresh tears to Sydney’s eyes and she felt herself losing control of her emotions once more. The doctor had long left her presence, sensing how far she was from the hospital room she sat in. It took a few moments for Sydney to calm down, and she took a deep breath to steady herself.
The doctor had said that Vaughn should be alright. Those moments were in the past now. They were ready to be compartmentalized back into the far reaches of her mind, never to be spoken again. But still she couldn’t shake the feeling of lost hope that she had felt in that moment. And for once, she realized that this was something that she wasn’t going to be able to store away in a place where no one would ever see it. That entire night wasn’t going to just fade away into the background.
Sydney wiped away her tears and sighed. And what was to become of Vaughn? Even if he were to fully recover, he was still going to have to face the consequences of his actions. For even if Sydney didn’t tell the CIA of the events that had taken place, there would be strong supicions that Vaughn had been the one to end his wife’s life.
Sydney put her head in her hands and fought the overwhelming urge to break down and sob in the waiting room. Vaughn was in the hospital after trying to save her and now she was going to turn him in for the murder of the woman whom he had been saving Sydney from. How twisted her life had become after her disappearance. It was almost as if Sydney was apart from the world, staring in disbelief at how terribly complicated and hard her life had so recently become. And through it all, Sydney felt that same feeling of hopelessness and fear take her that had when she was feeling Vaughn’s life slip from her grasp.
She had found a radio in the vehicle and radioed in for help, but as she called desperately for help and related their location to the person on the other end, one thought had echoed throughout her mind as it did now as she weeped openly into her hands in the hospital room.
I must be dreaming.
