The Things That Can Never Be
- Thread starter Existentialist
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AmyLeerockergurl15
Cadet
That was so sweet!! I wonder what Syd is gonna say... Great chapter, thanx for the pm and update soon!!
Em
Em
vaughnlover22
Cadet
great story pm when you update please. 
Existentialist
Entertainment Moderator
PART 8
The words come out in a tumble, and for a moment afterwards, there’s silence. Search her face with your eyes, trying to find some sort of reaction in her otherwise unmoved body. There. Her eyes spring with tears and she smiles a little. “I know, Vaughn,” she says. “I’ve always known. You didn’t have to say it.”
“Yeah, I did,” you reply earnestly. Smile and take her hand. Lead her a little further down the beach and sit on the dry, crunchy sand. There’s a silence between you. Not an uncomfortable one like there has been ever since Hong Kong. This silence is peaceful.
Just sit. Watch the waves break, the foam rushing up and falling back, without rest. Feel Sydney take your hand and weave her slender fingers through yours. Slowly, turn to look at her. Get lost in her eyes until her features blend together. Smile again. “Syd, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” you say.
She smiles back at you, her eyes crinkling. “I know,” she says, “but…” And then she stops. She looks off to the side, bites her lip. “But I saw you, with Lauren. Nine months after my funeral.”
The smile disappears from your face. Raise your eyebrows. Did you hear her correctly? “What?” you ask.
See her close her eyes briefly, as if it’s too difficult to recall. “I got the Covenant to believe that their conditioning worked and I was Julia Thorne. The first opportunity I got, I called Kendall. He met with me, and even after he warned me not to go back, that I would endanger my father… and you… I flew back to LA to see you. But before I could go up to you, I saw you and Lauren kiss,” she says slowly.
It’s your turn to close your eyes. Let it all sink in. You open your mouth to ask why she didn’t contact you at all, but nothing comes out. Take a deep breath and try again. This time it comes out.
She shakes her head a little and sighs. “After I saw you kiss her, I saw a car that was tracking you. Now I know that it was probably Lauren’s handler tracking her, but I didn’t know that then.” She’s quiet for a moment. Then she says, quietly, “And, I don’t know… I thought you had moved on.”
Her hand is still in yours and you squeeze it. “I thought I did too,” you say honestly. “But I couldn’t. Lauren was… there. And she was a good person.” As an afterthought, you say, “Or so I thought.” Because, obviously, a woman who would take advantage of you in your obvious vulnerability and deceive you in more ways than you can count is not a good person. “She was just my feeble attempt to fill a void.”
There are tears in the corners of her eyes again, and in the fading sun, they glimmer. She blinks and one tears slides out. Watch it fall, slowly. Before it slides past her cheekbone, take your hand and wipe it away gently. Let your hand linger in her face. She leans into your hand. Turn her face so she’s looking at you, and lean in. Kiss her, lingeringly, communicating all your love for her into that one kiss.
The words come out in a tumble, and for a moment afterwards, there’s silence. Search her face with your eyes, trying to find some sort of reaction in her otherwise unmoved body. There. Her eyes spring with tears and she smiles a little. “I know, Vaughn,” she says. “I’ve always known. You didn’t have to say it.”
“Yeah, I did,” you reply earnestly. Smile and take her hand. Lead her a little further down the beach and sit on the dry, crunchy sand. There’s a silence between you. Not an uncomfortable one like there has been ever since Hong Kong. This silence is peaceful.
Just sit. Watch the waves break, the foam rushing up and falling back, without rest. Feel Sydney take your hand and weave her slender fingers through yours. Slowly, turn to look at her. Get lost in her eyes until her features blend together. Smile again. “Syd, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” you say.
She smiles back at you, her eyes crinkling. “I know,” she says, “but…” And then she stops. She looks off to the side, bites her lip. “But I saw you, with Lauren. Nine months after my funeral.”
The smile disappears from your face. Raise your eyebrows. Did you hear her correctly? “What?” you ask.
See her close her eyes briefly, as if it’s too difficult to recall. “I got the Covenant to believe that their conditioning worked and I was Julia Thorne. The first opportunity I got, I called Kendall. He met with me, and even after he warned me not to go back, that I would endanger my father… and you… I flew back to LA to see you. But before I could go up to you, I saw you and Lauren kiss,” she says slowly.
It’s your turn to close your eyes. Let it all sink in. You open your mouth to ask why she didn’t contact you at all, but nothing comes out. Take a deep breath and try again. This time it comes out.
She shakes her head a little and sighs. “After I saw you kiss her, I saw a car that was tracking you. Now I know that it was probably Lauren’s handler tracking her, but I didn’t know that then.” She’s quiet for a moment. Then she says, quietly, “And, I don’t know… I thought you had moved on.”
Her hand is still in yours and you squeeze it. “I thought I did too,” you say honestly. “But I couldn’t. Lauren was… there. And she was a good person.” As an afterthought, you say, “Or so I thought.” Because, obviously, a woman who would take advantage of you in your obvious vulnerability and deceive you in more ways than you can count is not a good person. “She was just my feeble attempt to fill a void.”
There are tears in the corners of her eyes again, and in the fading sun, they glimmer. She blinks and one tears slides out. Watch it fall, slowly. Before it slides past her cheekbone, take your hand and wipe it away gently. Let your hand linger in her face. She leans into your hand. Turn her face so she’s looking at you, and lean in. Kiss her, lingeringly, communicating all your love for her into that one kiss.
Quiet Disaster
I heart Chris Carrabba
major *sigh.. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! so sad, yet so sweet. your writing is amazing! and i really, really love how it's vaughn's point of view. i absolutely can't wait for more!
your writing is amazing! and i really, really love how it's vaughn's point of view. i absolutely can't wait for more!Alias_addict
Cadet
that was very sweet!
Existentialist
Entertainment Moderator
PART 9
A bright light sears through your closed eyes. You flinch. Then carefully, you open your eyes. Confusion sets in. Where’s the beach? Where’s Sydney?
You look around and see that you are in your house. That horrible one that was the setting for so many lies. The sharp light is the sun that is blazing through a thin vertical slit in the blinds of a window. The glare makes you quickly move your eyes downwards, and your gaze settles on a liqueur bottle that is lying on its side near your feet. It’s empty.
Slowly, it comes back to you. Finding out that Lauren was deceiving you, ever since you first met her. Sitting at home with the bottle of… whatever it was. You must have finished the bottle and passed out in a drunken stupor. Wonder how driving to Sydney’s fits into all of it.
It doesn’t fit, and it takes a while for it to sink in. You didn’t go to her place. You’ve never even seen it. And that means you never told her that you love her. Lay back in your chair, defeated, wondering how a dream so vivid could be just that. A dream.
However, it is clear what the meaning of the dream is. You know what you have to do. Don’t think twice about it. Jump up, slip into sneakers, grab your car keys, and go.
As you approach her apartment, wonder at how easily you found the place, having never been there before. But don’t linger on that thought for too long, as you park next to her car. Before you open your door, sit with your hands on the steering wheel, finally thinking about what you’re about to do. Then realize that it requires no thinking. You love her. That’s all you need. You’ve always loved her. And you need to tell her that.
Make the short walk to her front door, running your hand through your tousled hair. You probably look horrible, but you don’t care. Sydney has seen you looking much worse. It won’t matter to her, anyways. Before you ring her doorbell, take a deep breath.
Ring the doorbell, and hear her call, in a muffled voice, “I’ll be right there!” Finally look at your watch, which is plastered to your wrist after a night of sleeping upright. It’s seven thirty in the morning. You probably woke her up. Smile at the thought of seeing her with still sleepy eyes, her hair mussed.
Wait in a long moment of anticipation, that smile still on your lips. Finally, the door opens. Glance down for a minute, then look up. The smile fades from your lips. At the door is a man. Frown a little as it registers that he is shirtless and looks like he just rolled out of bed.
“Can I help you?” this unknown man asks, as he looks you up and down. Realize what this means. As your heart plummets to your feet, fumble for an excuse. “Oh, sorry, I have the wrong door,” you say lamely, keeping your voice low, so she won’t hear you and know you’re here.
The other man smiles a little and closes the door. Stand there, unable to move. From the other side of the door, you hear her again, this time asking, “who was that?” The man says something in a muffled voice. The door doesn’t reopen.
Force your feet to move. Walk past your car, down the sidewalk that you walked hand in hand with her in your dream. Vaguely smell the salty breeze from the ocean, but you’re too numb for anything to really register. The ocean comes into view, and it’s sparkling in the sun.
In the early hour, the beach is deserted. Walk along the soft sand a bit, until the pain becomes too much. Sit in the sand, heavy, and close your eyes to stop the tears. Nearby, the ocean expands and recedes in slow shushing noises. The thoughts begin to flow.
She had said that she was moving on. She said so, in plain words. You got married, so you had no rights to her. In the moment that you said, “I do,” to the wrong woman, you lost any claim you may have had to her heart. Of course she didn’t wait for you. You didn’t wait for her.
Wish to go back three years and tell her you love her, no matter how many times she tries to stop you with a wistful smile and an “I know.” Then maybe everything would have turned out differently. But wishes are futile.
Think about all the times you could have said it. All the perfect moments you let slip right past you. Toss around the thought of going back to her apartment and telling her now. But you know it wouldn’t be fair to her. After all her heartache, she’s over you. And you know it would only be fair to let her go. Telling her how you feel now would only make things more complicated in her life. And no matter what she’s said in the past, the last thing you want to do is make things harder for her.
The tears recede permanently and you open your eyes. Blink a few times, adjusting to the morning light. Look at the ocean, so calm today. Remember the way she looked so serene, sleeping by your side in the mornings, her bare skin glowing in the morning light. The foam-tipped waves lap gently onto the sand, disappearing and returning in an even pattern. Remember the way her hand would caress your shoulder, her fingers drifting down gently to trace the outline of your tattoo. Further in the distance, the water twinkles, winking at you from a thousand directions. Just look at all of this and think of the things that can never be.
And I know it’s over- still I cling
I don’t know where else I can go
Over and over
I know it’s over and it never really began
But in my heart
It was so real.
THE END
A bright light sears through your closed eyes. You flinch. Then carefully, you open your eyes. Confusion sets in. Where’s the beach? Where’s Sydney?
You look around and see that you are in your house. That horrible one that was the setting for so many lies. The sharp light is the sun that is blazing through a thin vertical slit in the blinds of a window. The glare makes you quickly move your eyes downwards, and your gaze settles on a liqueur bottle that is lying on its side near your feet. It’s empty.
Slowly, it comes back to you. Finding out that Lauren was deceiving you, ever since you first met her. Sitting at home with the bottle of… whatever it was. You must have finished the bottle and passed out in a drunken stupor. Wonder how driving to Sydney’s fits into all of it.
It doesn’t fit, and it takes a while for it to sink in. You didn’t go to her place. You’ve never even seen it. And that means you never told her that you love her. Lay back in your chair, defeated, wondering how a dream so vivid could be just that. A dream.
However, it is clear what the meaning of the dream is. You know what you have to do. Don’t think twice about it. Jump up, slip into sneakers, grab your car keys, and go.
As you approach her apartment, wonder at how easily you found the place, having never been there before. But don’t linger on that thought for too long, as you park next to her car. Before you open your door, sit with your hands on the steering wheel, finally thinking about what you’re about to do. Then realize that it requires no thinking. You love her. That’s all you need. You’ve always loved her. And you need to tell her that.
Make the short walk to her front door, running your hand through your tousled hair. You probably look horrible, but you don’t care. Sydney has seen you looking much worse. It won’t matter to her, anyways. Before you ring her doorbell, take a deep breath.
Ring the doorbell, and hear her call, in a muffled voice, “I’ll be right there!” Finally look at your watch, which is plastered to your wrist after a night of sleeping upright. It’s seven thirty in the morning. You probably woke her up. Smile at the thought of seeing her with still sleepy eyes, her hair mussed.
Wait in a long moment of anticipation, that smile still on your lips. Finally, the door opens. Glance down for a minute, then look up. The smile fades from your lips. At the door is a man. Frown a little as it registers that he is shirtless and looks like he just rolled out of bed.
“Can I help you?” this unknown man asks, as he looks you up and down. Realize what this means. As your heart plummets to your feet, fumble for an excuse. “Oh, sorry, I have the wrong door,” you say lamely, keeping your voice low, so she won’t hear you and know you’re here.
The other man smiles a little and closes the door. Stand there, unable to move. From the other side of the door, you hear her again, this time asking, “who was that?” The man says something in a muffled voice. The door doesn’t reopen.
Force your feet to move. Walk past your car, down the sidewalk that you walked hand in hand with her in your dream. Vaguely smell the salty breeze from the ocean, but you’re too numb for anything to really register. The ocean comes into view, and it’s sparkling in the sun.
In the early hour, the beach is deserted. Walk along the soft sand a bit, until the pain becomes too much. Sit in the sand, heavy, and close your eyes to stop the tears. Nearby, the ocean expands and recedes in slow shushing noises. The thoughts begin to flow.
She had said that she was moving on. She said so, in plain words. You got married, so you had no rights to her. In the moment that you said, “I do,” to the wrong woman, you lost any claim you may have had to her heart. Of course she didn’t wait for you. You didn’t wait for her.
Wish to go back three years and tell her you love her, no matter how many times she tries to stop you with a wistful smile and an “I know.” Then maybe everything would have turned out differently. But wishes are futile.
Think about all the times you could have said it. All the perfect moments you let slip right past you. Toss around the thought of going back to her apartment and telling her now. But you know it wouldn’t be fair to her. After all her heartache, she’s over you. And you know it would only be fair to let her go. Telling her how you feel now would only make things more complicated in her life. And no matter what she’s said in the past, the last thing you want to do is make things harder for her.
The tears recede permanently and you open your eyes. Blink a few times, adjusting to the morning light. Look at the ocean, so calm today. Remember the way she looked so serene, sleeping by your side in the mornings, her bare skin glowing in the morning light. The foam-tipped waves lap gently onto the sand, disappearing and returning in an even pattern. Remember the way her hand would caress your shoulder, her fingers drifting down gently to trace the outline of your tattoo. Further in the distance, the water twinkles, winking at you from a thousand directions. Just look at all of this and think of the things that can never be.
And I know it’s over- still I cling
I don’t know where else I can go
Over and over
I know it’s over and it never really began
But in my heart
It was so real.
THE END
Quiet Disaster
I heart Chris Carrabba
can i just say... OH MY HOLY MANICOTTI GOD! i can't believe it was a dream.... poor vaughn. and to see that she had moved on when he was so ready to tell her he loved her... but it was a great ending, having him let her go. it was perfect. sad, of course. but perfect nonetheless. i'm going to cry over how sad that is now... *sniff sniff....
but it was a great ending, having him let her go. it was perfect. sad, of course. but perfect nonetheless. i'm going to cry over how sad that is now... *sniff sniff....vampirgirl
Cadet
*cry* it was just a dream... poor vaughn...
this was great!!! excellent, brilliant, awsome... I loved it!!! Thanks for all the PMs!!! and please PM me when there's another story up!!! thanks...
poor vaughn...this was great!!! excellent, brilliant, awsome... I loved it!!! Thanks for all the PMs!!! and please PM me when there's another story up!!! thanks...
Alias Fan Gillian
Cadet
That was a great ending to an awesome story. It was well written.
Thanks for all the pm's.
Thanks for all the pm's.
syd_kicks_serious_ass
Angel, you've got wings baby
Can i just say that I have read an awfully large number of fanfics in my time..not just for Alias, but for HEAPS of shows, and this is the first in a very long time that has not only brought me back hanging out for the next part, not only made me believe it is a real episode....but I have tears pouring down my cheeks. Literally. And I'm listening to Evanescence-'My Immortal'..oh it's just too much to handle!U r a truly talented writer, the way you've brought us into Vaughn's thoughts, and made them suit his personality, is just unbelievably awesome. I luved this fic and the reason it was so Alias-like was coz the ending had a nice twist, like the writers do, and u made everyone go..WAT?!?!?!
I can't believe it was just a dream, it was so cute and vivid...and then there was that guy at the door! Nooooooo.
Anywayz, I absolutley luved, if u eva wanna write a sequel, I'll happily read it!
Luv Rachie
Alias_24_7
Cadet
IT WAS GREAT IF U DO ANOTHER FAN FIC PLEASE PM ME
LARA
LARA
AmyLeerockergurl15
Cadet
*clap clap clap* That was excellent! I was starting to get all teary eyed at the end. You wrote that story so well and kept the story very realistic. Of all the fics I've read (which believe me is a TON) this is one of the best. I feel so bad for Vaughn! But that was much more truthful than Sydney just running after him. Great great story! If you write another fic, please pm me!!
Em
Em
*HaNnAhBaNaNa*
Cadet
*Hey*
Oh my goodness! That was so sad! Poor Vaughn. I love your story. Thanks for the PM.
*HaNnAhBaNaNa*
:angel2:
Oh my goodness! That was so sad! Poor Vaughn. I love your story. Thanks for the PM.*HaNnAhBaNaNa*
:angel2:
alias_luver
Cadet
Woah!!! Amazing ending!!! Your a very talented writer!! Thanks for all the PM's! Please PM me with any new stories you do!!
krzykty57789
Cadet
WHOA!!! what to say *tear* just wow!
that was wonderful
but it was so sad, im about to burst out in tears
i loved it
it was soso great
u are such an amazing writer
if u write another story please pm me?
that was wonderful
but it was so sad, im about to burst out in tears
i loved it
it was soso great
u are such an amazing writer
if u write another story please pm me?
Existentialist
Entertainment Moderator
Thanks for all your comments. ^_^
Just to let you know, I'm beginning work on a sequel.
Just to let you know, I'm beginning work on a sequel.