Part 3
Two weeks later, Sydney and the guys gathered at the rink for their typical practice on Sunday morning. As they were all sitting on the bleachers strapping on their ice skates and putting on their other gear, Tim brought up the subject being discussed a few weeks earlier; the subject Sydney was trying desperately not to think about.
“So, Michael, whatever happened with Alice? She moving her stuff into your apartment as we speak?”
Michael laughed softly. “Actually it’s interesting you brought that up. I’m taking her out to dinner tonight and I’m going to ask her to move in with me.” Immediately, Sydney felt her stomach jump all the way up into her throat. She fought to keep the bile down as she took a few large deep breaths, willing herself to focus on something else.
“Really?” Brad asked. “You caved?”
“Well yeah… I mean, I don’t really want to break up with Alice; we have fun together and you guys said this was the only other option so…whatever,” he added with a slight shrug.
“Gee, Vaughn, sound more excited about it, would ya?”
Michael laughed again. “It’s not that. I want to…yeah, I want to,” he said, sounding more confident that time.
“C’mon guys, can we freakin’ get out there already?” Sydney asked as she pushed herself up off the bleachers. If she just focused on skating her nausea would disappear, or so she tried to convince herself.
Instead of feeling better as she skated and worked out her frustration, Sydney only felt worse. Every time she caught a sight of Michael’s perfect smile her heart lurched all the way up into her throat and tears burned in her eyes. All she could think was that if Michael asked Alice to move in with him, soon they would be married and she would lose any chance she ever had with him. As it was, her chances of him actually reciprocating feelings were virtually non-existent, surely they would disappear entirely if he moved in with Alice.
As she skated, taking a few very weak shots at the puck, Sydney decided she needed to bring up her feelings with Michael then or she would never have the chance again. It was a big risk, especially if it meant she would lose him as her friend. Keeping this in mind, she almost abandoned her plan. She stuck by it though knowing if, by some miracle, Michael felt the same as she did, well then the benefits far outweighed the risks.
“Syd, what’s with you this afternoon? You’re like on a different planet. I passed you like five pucks and you just ignored them,” Michael said to her once their practice was over. His tone indicated annoyance, which Sydney could not really blame him for. Her performance on the ice rink had been dreadful, the worst she had ever done, in fact. And, as far as Michael could tell, there had been no reason for it.
“I know I’m sorry,” she sighed. Her hands were already trembling with nerves; that was not a good sign. “I just… I’m kinda distracted today, sorry.”
“’s okay,” he assured her. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”
“Yeah… I’m…not actually,” she sighed honestly, tossing her skates into her bag rather violently.
“What it is? Did the doctor tell you something bad at your appointment yesterday?” he asked with genuine concern.
“What?!” she asked with general surprise and confusion. She hardly recalled her doctor’s appointment and was rather shocked Michael had. “Um no… no I was at the gyno; it was fine…”
“Oh…then what is it?” he asked.
Instead of answering, Sydney merely exhaled as she looked down at her feet. Carefully, she glanced around the bleachers and noticed about half of their team was still there, pulling off gear and packing it haphazardly into their bags. If she was going to have the conversation she was dreading, it absolutely could not be with other ears within hearing range. Preferably, it could have been done in the middle of the desert, but she knew this was not a possibility; she would settle for not having any of their teammates around to hear her heartfelt confession.
Michael sensed her hesitation and noticed her cautiously looking around at their fellow hockey players. He gave her a firm nod, indicating that he would wait around until the other guys left and the two of them could have a conversation in private. He absolutely wanted to know what was on her mind and upsetting her so; after all, she was his best friend.
Ten minutes later, they were as alone in the busy rink as they would ever be. His bag fully packed, Michael sat down beside Sydney on the bleachers and posed his question once more. Glancing up at him nervously, Sydney crammed her hands in between her thighs and took a deep breath; it was now or never.
“Okay well it’s just… I didn’t want to tell you this because I was afraid… I was freaked out really because I didn’t even realize it and then when I did realize it I was like, ‘Oh my god!’ But I was so scared that I would lose our friendship and losing our friendship would just be the worst thing ever; it would suck so much I couldn’t stand it, but now I… I think I have to tell you or I’ll never get the chance and I would regret that. I just know that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t tell you.” Okay, so she was rambling – really rambling and speaking rapidly as well. In short, Michael was utterly lost.
“Sydney what are you talking about?!” Michael demanded, confused.
“I’m in love with you,” she blurted out a bit louder than she wanted to. So much for subtlety or tact. She really should have written out a speech to read before then, then she would have at least had a chance to defend her position before Michael inevitably turned her down.
Michael blinked. Sydney couldn’t even breathe as her eyes met his and he merely stared at her. “Oh,” he said after a solid minute of silence. He did not say one word more.
“Oh god, see I was afraid of this!” she said, panicking. “I just… When you asked me for advice with Alice I freaked! I never felt that way before I just… I wanted to kick her and then I realized that I loved you. I love you and… and you shouldn’t be with her… she hates hockey and she’s annoying! I mean, God that sounds awful – I’m an awful person, but it’s the truth!
“I know you’re going to ask her to move in with you tonight so I had to tell you now because… because I don’t know and I was just so stupid! God, why am I so stupid!? I should have known this would happen! I’m just one of the guys, right? I’m just like Tim and Brad… you just see me as a guy,” she concluded sadly.
For a minute, they just sat there, neither of them knowing what to say next. “Sydney,” Michael began, but Sydney shook her head, refusing to let him continue.
“No just forget it, Michael; this was stupid. Just go, have a nice dinner with Alice, invite her to move in with you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Yeah… I’ll just… see you next Sunday.” Then, she grabbed her bag, shouldered it, and walked quickly from the ice rink, never once looking over her shoulder. She could not stand to see whatever expression was on Michael’s face.
