Politics Depression

Livvy

Cadet
Joined
Dec 9, 2004
being sad is different then being depressed. im taking an anti-depressant right now and im feeling so much better, i mean i still get mad and sad about things but everyone has a right to be mad or sad about something sometimes and getting over it. Even if someone isnt "clinically" depressed, the anti-depressant will still take care of it or maybe they will end up pullin threw it themselves, theres nothing wrong with anti depressants
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
i wud take them its just cos mum was soooooo against... so like im her guardian and she is NOT having them... mmm. atm im kinda well s*** i supose. ill aswell as crying all the time mm dont wana go in to skool on monday but i dont think ill be allowed to stay at home ill. i really need a *** and need money to buy ***s.... have to wait till thursday! (n)
mmm xxxxx
 

AgentDesertRose

Tragic Romantic
Joined
Mar 10, 2003
Location
Northern California
Oy...depression. It is rather interesting to look at this thread. Last year at this time, I was in a complete spiraling hole. I did not think it was going to get any better. But now, after lots of therapy and some anti-depressants, I'm doing better. But I still get depressed sometimes. I also have a huge fear of abandonment and just hate myself sometimes. Even with treatment, it is hard to get better, but it does come. I am rather happy in my life right now. I mean I have a wonderful girlfriend (Nay :love:) and a loving family, but things have been hard this past year. I have my former best friend who has hated me this entire school year, evil memories of the past, as well as just wanting to get out of my school. And I might just do it. Hopefully things will get better from that.

Helen, hang in there. I'm there for you too. If you ever need to email someone or send an IM (I have MSN and Yahoo...my AIM is queeking out on me), I'm here.
 

AgentDesertRose

Tragic Romantic
Joined
Mar 10, 2003
Location
Northern California
I still feel lonely, even though I am a lot happier now. I go to school everyday, and I feel like such an outsider. I mean the one person who does not make me feel lonely is Nay, but I can only talk to her so often. But still, I am thinking of changing schools, I feel so lonely. I have some friends to talk to, but I just feel all alone.

And helen, that cutting is not a good thing. I had group therapy and the two other girls were doing it, and well yeah. Not good.
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
yer i know. well its been two days since the last time i did. that day was pretty bad, i was on messenger and i freaked out and managed to really scare my frend. it started wen i decided to have alcohol for the second day running and get depressed from it agen. it was like my head was talking to me and it was shouting stuff at me and i didnt know what to do and then what i was typing wasnt what i wanted to type and i freaked. i just sat there and i was picking the scabs on my arm and laughing and then i just started cutting and it was horrible... really scared myself that i could do all that.
well today i am stuck at home with a cold YEY i have to be well by wednesday cos i have a drama assesment, but ill be going into school tomorow i think. not really done much, just good to watch neighbours during the day and i wrapped up all my christams presents, that was fun.
if changing schools will help, then do. feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings, but maybe if you have a close cousin or somebody you could call it helps me. Last night my cousin called me and she just made me laugh so much and stuff it really helped me and i got an early night for the first time in as long as I can remember.

take care :throb: helen xxxxx
 

cinders

Cadet
Joined
Sep 22, 2004
Location
jolly old england :P
i'm glad you're dragging urself away from the cutting.

to everyobe, i know what it feels like to stay awake in you bed and dream that tomorrow will never come, I know what it feels like, to be sitting with a knife to your arm and 20 pills down your throat and I know the pain which never stops.

But i'm not ove rit yet, but if we make a pact to smile everyday , we will get through this and see the other side.

I figure life is like a yo-yo, if you wait long enough when its down, something will make it flick back up again.

You all have amazing futures, so i'm here for you, PM me if you need me.

cinders xxx
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
aww thats the sweetest thing in this thread in a while! thanks made me smile :)
same to you :hug:
okay a smile a day... sounds good.
i know that i should get through this eventually and it will take a while but in the end i know i will probably be better than when i started. all of this has made me realise a lot of things in life and i dont take much for granted anymore. it has made me more emotional and vulnerable to stupid jokey comments but it has also made me stronger. if anybody hurt a frend id be the first to go up to them and try and sort it out, before i would be terrified.
love you all :) xxx helen xxx
 

cinders

Cadet
Joined
Sep 22, 2004
Location
jolly old england :P
this is painful to write, but i want out. I cant live like this anymore, i cant keep doing this, i cant escape from it, i need a permanent way out, i dont want to keep being resurrected, i hate life, and I cant be me anymore,

I've been down consistently for the past 2 years but it's been there for the last 5, and i keep saying it must get better but everytime i try to go, i just keep coming back and its no better, i hate this, i feel so unloved. I dont feel like i deserve anyone, no-one understands me.

I need out...

sorry.
 

cinders

Cadet
Joined
Sep 22, 2004
Location
jolly old england :P
no worries, lol... I try to be optimistic, but it doesnt always work out.

I tend to feel that i am constantly solving everyone elses problems whilst my world is crumbling, but hey it takes my attention away.

love ya xxx
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
i know what you feel. my counciller is always saying... by helping other people and taking on all there problems is not helping you. i know she is right... but i find it very hard to help myself :(
:throb: xxhelenxx
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
please dont hurt yourself! we care about you lots!!
there is a lot of s*** in the world and nothing can make anything better especially when you feel so low... just try and concentrate on something else. talking to somebody really helps and just keeping busy... watch tv and do something interessting. i know it sounds stupid but it can help. im not really helping that much... but as you sed it will always get better! xxx helen xxx
 

cinders

Cadet
Joined
Sep 22, 2004
Location
jolly old england :P
hmmm thanks, but i'm a hypocrite, it works for other ppl. But it is not getting better, I cant carry on like this, it is killing me, i cant, i hate it. I cant talk to people. My mind wont come off it, I just feel like cr** 24/7 . I can't carry on living like this anymore

sorry helen
love you xxxx
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Location
England
mmm you can, dont give up on me seriously. you can continue... if u push yourself past the worst parts the rest will be okay. just keep thinking: 'life wants to beat me, it wants to win and pull me down and kill me, i am not going to let it do this! i will stay strong i will beat it, they will see that they cant ruin me.'
whoever they mite be. its kept me through a few times wen killing myself seriously became an option. i know i might not seem like a great friend and i have never met you, but if you die i dont know what i will do, seriously. you have helped me that much and i wana do the same in return. please just think about everything you will loose. xx :hug:
 

cinders

Cadet
Joined
Sep 22, 2004
Location
jolly old england :P
I do,l it keeps me goping, but the scales are seriously favouring to what I will gain. I'm almost at the worst I have ever been abd I cant keep picking myselpf up again, i just cant handle it. I get weaker. it gets worse.

thanku helen, i'll try
cinders xxx
 

garnergarnish

Its the end of the World as we know it!!
Joined
Mar 2, 2004
Location
London, England
Hey Cinders, you don't know me but hang in there ok? there are people, like Helen, who care about you, and i know things look bleak, but i promise there is always a shining star in a dark sky. :)

As for you Helen, having met you at the alias convention in July, i can quite confidently say that you are a brilliant person and i thought you were great, and that was on the basis of a couple of hours. I had a great time at the party with you and look forward to seeing you there next year so keep your chin up, face the world head on and stride proudly through it. ^_^

As for you, darling Kat, you know i am always here for you and always will be whereever you are. i will follow you to the end of eternity if thats where life takes us. you don't ever have to feel alone again because i love you always and forever and can't live without you, so keep being strong ok? :shamefullyembarrased:
 

AgentDesertRose

Tragic Romantic
Joined
Mar 10, 2003
Location
Northern California
garnergarnish said:
As for you, darling Kat, you know i am always here for you and always will be whereever you are. i will follow you to the end of eternity if thats where life takes us. you don't ever have to feel alone again because i love you always and forever and can't live without you, so keep being strong ok? :shamefullyembarrased:
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I know you are here for me, my lovely darling, Nay. I am always here for you too. I will follow you to the end of eternity, I know that is where life will take us. You mean so much to me. You bring happiness to my life. But I'll still so alone. You do make me feel not alone, since you do love me so much, and I love you always and forever and can't live without you. :shamefullyembarrased: I'll trying to stay strong.

And cinders, try to hang in there. There are times when it feels like death is the only answer, but it's not.
 
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